Disappointed to Need a C-Section - Any Advice Welcomed

[HelplesslyHoping24]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here so apologies if this isn’t the right way of using this but I’m desperate for any advice / encouragement / words of comfort.

I’m 38+5 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a girl) who is due on 14th June.

I had been planning and excited for a vaginal birth, but she has been stuck in breech / transverse position for most of the pregnancy and as the due date has got closer it has become clear I’m going to need a c-section.

I’ve tried everything to get her to turn head-down - Spinning Babies, moxibustion and a very painful ECV - none of which have been successful sadly.

I recently had an appointment with the consultant who advised an elective c-section for safety, which I have provisionally agreed to, but I’m devastated and really don’t want to go through with the surgery.

Has anyone else had the experience of their birth plan changing massively and how did you come to terms with it?

These past days I haven’t been able to stop crying as I feel like a huge part of the pregnancy and birth experience has suddenly been taken away, and I’ve lost all my excitement and happiness about meeting the baby.

I’m not wanting to say anything negative about c-sections but for me it was something I really desperately didn’t want, partly because I’m incredibly needle/surgery-phobic and also because I really wanted to try and give birth and have that part of the experience.

I’m really scared about the procedure and the recovery and I’m not sure it’s something I’m going to be able to handle.

Does anyone have any words of comfort or advice around the c-section experience? I’m really dreading it and I also feel like I’m not going to connect with the experience or my baby because I’m so sad and scared.

Has anyone ever had a breech baby turn this late, or am I just clutching at straws?

Should I ask for another ECV?

Has anyone decided against an advised c-section and continued to have a successful vaginal breech birth, or is it too dangerous?

I haven’t expressed myself very well here, and I really mean no negativity towards anyone who has had a c-section, but I’m so disappointed at how this has gone and I’m feeling so miserable so I guess I’m just looking for any words of comfort and encouragement at this point, because I feel like all my options have run out and what was meant to be a happy time has turned into a bad dream.

Thank you.

I didn’t want a c section but ended up with an unplanned c section after a long labour which only got to 5cm and worries about her heart rate. I would do it again in a heartbeat to make sure she got here safely.

I know it’s hard but don’t romanticise the ideal birth- this is what leads to disappointment.

My mother had a vaginal breech birth. It had a "good" outcome in that everyone was alive at the end and the baby didnt ended up with cerebal palsy or fetal hypoxia.

The baby did have injuries and did require surgery and my mother had life changing birth injuries.

I myself had 2 elcs and had a good experience with both babies in surgery. It was calm and we played music and i was out of hospital in 24hrs. It was the maternity ward that was a shitshow / scarred me for life and i cant think of anything worse than having to spend days in there in labour.

I know how you give birth feels like a big deal NOW but it such a small part of your life story. You should focus on acceptance at this point as medically its your best option for a live baby and mother.

Edit: 100% agree in the romanticised natural birth. A few if my friends "breathed well" and had 6lbs babies and a vaginal birth with a small tear and it was all good. The rest had very unpleasant shocks from ventouse, to inductions to emcs which is verrry different to elcs. Child birth can be a pretty brutal process however you dress it up.

I felt the same with my footling breech baby, I just kept having to remind myself that the most important thing was that she was delivered safely and honestly once she was here it didn't bother me.

I really didn't want a section with my first, but it needed to happen. And then again with my second.

As gently as possible, the end goal here is not your pregnancy and birth experience; it's a healthy baby. Try and think about your baby and how great it will be to meet her rather than how it's done.

Personally, I didn't find the procedure and recovery too bad. And you're not disconnected from it - you're awake and there - you can ask to watch if you want but I'm squeamish so no way did I want to.

If you have feelings of failure (I did a bit, after my first) then remember that you've grown a human being, and you've made a decision that was difficult for you to keep her safe. That's something you can be proud of.

Hi OP. I think you really need to try and adjust your mindset so that you're coming at it from the perspective that it's what's best for you and baby.

I understand the disappointment. I had a low lying placenta at 20 weeks and was told a CS was a possibility and I was gutted. I was terrified of surgery and it's just not how I wanted it to go. As it happened that was resolved and I didn't need one for that reason.

Then I went in to labour early. Baby wasn't in position. It was incredibly painful and we continued with the labour as sometimes babies can turn as labour progresses. Baby didn't turn, wouldn't move down the birth canal as a result and with every contraction he was getting distressed. It ended in an emergency CS and he wasn't breathing when born. The few minutes they were working on him until I heard that cry were the longest of my life.

The CS itself was honestly so calm. The medics were amazing, talking away to me to keep me calm. You don't see or hear a thing then before you know it they tell you baby is here. Once it's over you won't care how your baby got here, you'll just be glad that she did. It may not be what you planned but it's still a birthing experience and one you won't forget. It may be worth talking to your midwife about your concerns. Mine was amazing at talking me through the labour process. It really calmed me down and helped me enjoy the early stages before things took a turn.

Hey OP, I get you, I desperately wanted a VBAC for our last child but she was breech (one leg through cervix and other up by her head 🤦‍♀️) so I needed another csection delivery.

I had feared that this would be a possibility during my pregnancy and so I had prepared myself mentally for a csection too, looked up how to have a positive experience this time and made a list of preferences for the experience. I ended up having a beautiful birth with my daughter.

May that work for you? Look up ideas how to have a positive csection experience and plan yours. Yours will be Elective too so your team should be able to accommodate more than my emergency.

Things I found I liked;

• hand massage and aromatherapy during the spinal
• constant communication to me about what was happening, clear descriptions
• head massage during the stitch up
• waiting for the cord to turn white before cutting (yes they can do this for a csection too!)
• husband to announce the sex
• quiet talking once baby was born, lights dimmed

Have you had a birth options meeting to discuss your options? I also had a breech baby with DD2. I dont think they will do another ECV after 38w because baby starts to run out of room. But if the baby is bum first rather than feet first (footling) then you can consider a vaginal breech delivery. It is usually supported by specially trained midwives - my consultant told me you basically have 7minutes from delivery of the bum to getting the head out before baby could start to become distressed / oxygen deprived, which is why its really important to understand all the risks and why it should be discussed with a specialist first.

Having said that, dont lose hope! My breech baby naturally turned herself at 39+2 and was born by vaginal delivery at 39+3! Apparently its not very common for it to happen that late and they think for me it was possible because DD was quite small when she was born so she had some room left. I only found out when i rushed to triage after my waters had broken and they did a scan to check her exact breech position.

I had a planned c section with my first. No medical reason but it was my request.

i had an amazing experience, calm, in control, my husband announced the sex. The hard bit was the postnatal ward (over stretched midwives and noisy environment) but I was only there for 24 hours.

recovery was fine, I made sure I kept on top of my pain meds for the first few days (setting alarms for them round the clock) and I was back going for long walks/ driving by 2 weeks post birth.

currently pregnant with my second and will be opting for the same again.

I understand your disappointment, but you need to understand that birth is not something you can plan. It happens, your body takes over, and I strongly believe there is very little we can do to influence the outcome, despite what hypnobirthing and NCT tells you. Birth is dangerous, it's not a lovely romantic life experience you're missing out on. The best option is whatever gets the baby out alive and well, and keeps you alive too.

If you're being advised to have a c section, that's what you need to do. Breech births are more dangerous, and many professionals aren't experienced in them nowadays because surgery is always offered.

I had an elective c section by maternal retreat due to anxiety and panic disorder. I was absolutely fucking terrified, but it was a lovely calm experience. You don't see any needles, and while it is very surreal you really have no idea what's going on. They will look after you. (An emergency section is not calm, based on friends' experiences.) The post-birth care wasn't great as they were so busy, but you're not there long. Recovery was ok, keep on top of your pain relief and don't push yourself to do too much. I was going for local short walks after a week and back to normal by 6 weeks. My scar is barely visible and causes me no problems.

Bear in mind natural birth often causes women injuries. I have two close friends who have needed surgery since having their babies, to correct birth injuries affecting their ability to have sex and go to the toilet. I also have friends who had minimal tears and no intervention - it's a complete lottery. Personally I felt a section gave me more control over a very uncontrollable situation.

I think the way @TemuSpecialBuy put it is lovely “it’s a small part of your story”.

I have two DC. Very similar births on paper but felt completely different. Even if things go exactly to plan it may not be as you imagined. I had vaginal births, one with and one without an epidural (it failed but I’d hope to labour without one anyway). I was put on the drip for both but one was a spontaneous start and the other they “suspected” my waters broken (I called bullshit at the time but I had antenatal depression with my second and had already been offered an induction for my mental health so went for it). Similarly with my recovery: sounded similar on paper, second degree tears with both, retained urine with both, heavy blood loss with my first but the first I hardly noticed after I was discharged (was walking 3 miles 3 days after birth) and with my second I felt like I’d been hit in the groin with a cricket bat (thanks to a friend for that frustratingly accurate description).

A planned section is supposed to be really zen and if it’s anything like my first labour (with a successful epidural) it’ll be lovely and relaxed and you’ll get to hold your beautiful baby in no time.

ETA: FYI with a natural birth your body takes over, you lose total control. I had zero control over pushing, but my youngest was coming out when I was only 8cm anyway. 14 minutes of “pushing” (no attempt on my part it just happened to me if that makes sense) he was out. He was large and if it had been clocked beforehand I’d never have been allowed to go to term.

Overwhelming replies all stating “safest option “ here op.

I completely agree with the poster who talks about it being less about your birth experience and more about a healthy baby & a healthy you without long lasting and potentially life altering injuries to both you and your daughter.

So in this instance, it’s going to be deep breaths and crack on.
Honestly, some 11 years on for me, I don’t even give it a second thought about how I birthed my child. I did what had to be done and now my child delights me every day.

Bigger.. much much bigger picture to take into account.

Hi there.

I've had 3 c-sections. 2 emergency and one elective.

The first 2 were traumatic ... please don't underestimate how life changing a birth trauma can be. My eldest nearly died because after 72 hours I hadn't dilated more than 2cm and my poor baby couldn't take it. I was exhausted and kept on blacking out... he was delivered via section safely but was in neonatal for a while.

My second got stuck after a trial of labour so again, emergency c-section where I haemorrhaged... I was so ill I again didn't see my son for hours after.

My 3rd was elective and so calm and stress free. The midwife's, anaesthetist, doctors etc were wonderful. It was just a completely different experience. My son was born in a lovely chilled environment.

The main object is to deliver your baby safely....forget about the guilt from not being able to have a vaginal birth... I had this, and it ate me up...but I now realise that my boys being here and healthy outweighs that totally.

Sending you love and good thoughts for your baby and delivery x x

I had a section that I didn’t want following an induction that I really hadn’t wanted. I had to have the induction because my placenta was failing and my baby stopped growing at 35 weeks. I had to have the section because I wasn’t progressing and he was getting distressed from the intervention.

The actual section experience was fine, the only thing I felt that was remotely uncomfortable was having the cannula inserted (but lots of women have to have this even without a C-section birth) and I did feel the local anaesthetic they give you before the spinal but honestly it wasn’t even as painful as a blood test.

I had a lot of feelings to unpack after the whole experience around disappointment and guilt/shame that I had the csection, (although she stopped growing at 35 weeks it was missed on a lot of growth scans and I still went to 39 weeks before I had a 3rd scan and was admitted for induction that day). It felt like everyone I knew had gone into labour naturally and pushed a baby out in a few breaths with no pain relief or problems. I struggled to bond with my baby because of this. In hindsight I wish I hadn’t let this overshadow those early days with my baby but that’s easy to say now. I really recommend trying to get support from a midwife or health visitor to chat through these feelings, I had a lot of conversations with both and they helped me understand it wasn’t a choice I had made and put things in perspective.

Hopefully you won’t feel this way after delivery but just putting it out there that you might still care even once she’s born but those feelings have really faded for me with time and hopefully they will for you too.

Hi OP, I had a footling breech baby and a bicornuate uterus that prevented him from naturally spinning.

I'm not exactly in the same boat as you as I was actually terrified of a vaginal birth and labouring for hours, and then the sleepless nights that would follow.

I had an ELCS through necessity and it was really calm.

The procedure took about half an hour but it only felt like 5 minutes.

At first I was bricking it, but that anaesthetist was a saint. As soon as he noticed my heart rate and blood pressure changed he pressed his magic button and I had a lovely relaxed time.

I managed to bring the baby straight to the breast.

After recovery when I was up on the ward the midwives encouraged me to be active but within my limits and I do think that helped.

Pain wise, it was about as bad as an intense abdominal workout, and I was on a prophylactic pain management medication scheme with paracetamol, with some codeine for "just in case" but I didn't really even need it. The pain was extremely manageable.

What I will say as a word of caution is that if your pain is manageable don't think it's OK to resume normal activities because that was my mistake and I ended up back in inpatients for a very small infection that could have been avoided.

But the pain was fine. The procedure was fine. I was very strongly against visitors before the procedure and then when it was done and I realised I actually didn't feel terrible I invited people over to the hospital last minute for a first view.

Its also OK to grieve that you're not getting the birth you were expecting. Give yourself the room to process this. It can be a hard thing to accept.

At the same time, you can be as excited as you want about the imminent arrival of your new baby.

Remember you can feel more than one thing at once.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you OP, all the best.

You're currently grieving a dream, and that's ok.

I reacted the same way when I was told to have an elective C-section because I might not be allowed to have an ECV. And I'm not the least bit needle or surgery phobic. Hell, my day (and night!) job is to assist with C-sections (and forceps, and repairs, and manual removal of placentas), so I've literally seen hundreds of them.

But I think it's time to accept that this is how it needs to be. It sucks, but it's such a small part of the whole having children experience. While it seems a huge thing now, this time next year it won't be. You ask if anyone's baby has turned this late. Yes, it can and does happen, but with yours having been breech/transverse your entire pregnancy, I think that likelihood is vanishingly small, and I would not pin my hopes on it. You could absolutely ask for another ECV, but as you're very nearly 39 weeks, and the first one didn't work it's unlikely the consultant would be willing to make a second attempt. Baby has only gotten bigger since then after all. You haven't mentioned the actual position of baby (footling/frank/complete breech, transverse, oblique), but many of these malpositions can be dangerous to you and baby if not outright undeliverable. Talk to your midwife about the possibility of vaginal breech birth, but if it hasn't come up yet, I assume baby is not in an ideal position for that either, and I would 100% proceed with the C-section.

If you've learned any coping mechanisms you were going to use in labour, they're equally applicable in a C-section. Breathing to remain calm will help you. Read about and/or watch some videos of C-sections and what happens in the lead up, during and post procedure. Knowledge is power, and if you know what is going to happen and why it might not be as scary.

As for my own experience with a C-section, I was a fortunate in that my frank breech baby turned of his own accord. However, he was my second, and it was also pre 37 weeks still. Unfortunately due to complications during labour, it was necessary to proceed to C-section. It was very weird. A week earlier when it had been proposed I have a C-section I burst into tears. But at that time, despite everything I had tried, everything I had done, he was not going to come vaginally, and all I felt was an odd sense of acceptance, inevitability, and relief. My husband bless him tried to advocate, but I told him that this is how it needs to be, it's ok.

And it was. The C-section itself was wonderful. I got to have the drapes dropped to see him and announce his sex. We had delayed cord clamping (one minute). Usually skin to skin is offered, and some women attempt breastfeeding too. You can have your own music. If you want some aromatherapy, you can have a few drops on a piece of gauze or cotton wool taped to your gown. A little part of me did worry that I wouldn't bond, as I didn't with my first immediately. But when I first saw him I loved him. And when I held him I loved him even more. But don't worry if you don't straight away, it doesn't always happen immediately. It definitely took a few days with my first.

Recovery was far easier than anticipated. I got up and out of bed as soon as I could, and took short walks (like to the toilet and back) regularly. It's important to keep on top of your pain killers, as it's more difficult to decrease pain than it is to keep it dulled. I'm dreadful at remembering to take medication in time, so set myself alarms (day and night) to remind me.

Be kind to yourself. I know it's not what you want, but it's still going to be one of the most special and amazing moments of your life nonetheless.

Thank you so much everybody for sharing your experiences and your advice with me. I truly am so grateful and thankful that you all took the time to help me. I’ve been feeling so low but your words have helped me beyond anything I could have hoped. I really appreciate the kindness and empathy, but also the honesty and tough love. I really needed this.

Still feeling very emotional but somehow hopeful now too. I’m going to keep and come back to all your messages over the coming days. I’ve just been told I’ll have the procedure on Monday so at least I have a few days to get my head into a better place. And everything you’ve each written here will play a massive part in that.

I know I’m being emotional but I feel like each of you was an angel I needed today, and I’m so grateful. Wishing you all a wonderful day, and thank you with all my heart xx

I was really hoping for a midwife led vaginal birth but needed an induction on the labour ward, very little choices/birth plan so I was feeling a lot of disappointment and upset too
And kept being told I'd likely end up in theatre so c section was offered throughout but I kept declining
Had an unassisted vaginal birth in the end so although I can't relate in the c section side I went into it feeling down but all was well in the end and baby will arrive safely. Best of luck

I've got 3 children first was a spontaneous natural delivery and the thought of it makes me shudder to this day (he's 9) all to mean don't romanticise natural delivery because I did and when it started 😳😳 Yikes is all I'll say.

second was a failed induction, took 5 days and eventually ended is 10 hours of pitocin labour and an emergency c-section. Again horrific.

3rd was a planned c-section because of previous emergency and her breech position. Got to hospital on the day at 7:15 calm as a cucumber, got taken down at 8:40 all very calm, 10 seconds of discomfort for the spinal and she was in my arms at 9:40

the recovery is hard I won't lie but as long as you're prepared and have support you'll be fine.

the day of your c-section you'll feel not to bad, but take it easy because it's a false sense of security, the pain comes on day 2 and 3 post surgery. But it gradually gets better every day after than (IMO) and after 3 weeks I felt back to myself, albeit slower

My DD was elective (ish) after having a vaginal birth with my DS. Recovery from my c-section was so much better than my vaginal birth. I’m hugely needle phobic but honestly I barely noticed it - you can’t see any needles and they having cold spray as well to numb the area.

It’s ok to grieve the birth you imagined but rarely do births go to plan and they are not all zen and calming like many people would lead you to believe.

I hope it all goes well xx

you are a mother and part of being a one of the main parts of being a mother is you do what is best for your child so it's the right thing to do

Speaking as someone who has had two vaginal births, one emergency and one planned c section. I assure you once the needle is done in your back which is literally a bee sting (nothing like any labour pain) all is brilliant in a pilsner c section.

Pain afterwards isn't that bad just get moving as soon as you can

One thing I want to add, make sure you have a routine for your pain medication and set alarms to take it. I did.. every 4 hours

8am paracetamol x2

12pm ibroprofen x2

4pm paracetamol x2

8pm ibroprofen x2

Being late to take it or not taking it at all can really make those first few days unbearable. I never realised what a god send pain medication was untill u gave birth, stock up!

I had elective c section for breech baby, like you I really wanted to try vaginally. Had vbac for second baby. Now that I am dealing with prolapse I wish I had c section with my second as well. Much less chance of prolapse. Also you are not guaranteed to not need needles etc with vaginal. I needed a canula which I didn't need for the c section.

Parenthood (and certainly the first 3 months postpartum) is an exercise in getting over preconceived notions, accepting things you can't control, and generally going with the flow.

Maybe consider this to the start of that journey. The most important thing is that your baby arrives safely and you vet through it in one piece.

Few women get the birth they "plan". The days are long but the months fly by. Enjoy the bits you can enjoy.

Agreed! I didn't set alarms, but I did have the schedule written on my medication packets so I knew where I was. When you're a week in and wake up at 2am to a screaming baby with no idea which was is up, you need a reminder.

OP - when you order a deliveroo do you carry what brand of motorbike brings it to you? Do you care what van brings the online shop ?

once the baby is here all the birth stuff will fade into the background.

plus have a google of ‘third degree tears’ and thank your lucky stars for a C section ! You’ll be able to trampoline to your heart’s content in the future with your fully intact pelvic floor.

The baby will be safe and you will be safe. Xxxx