Those of you who have given birth - how did you cope with the pain? Better or Worse than you thought and do you wish you'd had an epidural?

[BearMama]

Its my first pg and I know I cant prepare myself just through other's experiences, but I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
I have read the "Women Unprepared for Childbirth" article and it has scared me TBH. Will be 39 weeks tomorrow so the due date is very near.

Also would like to know which was worse - crowning pain or contractions?

Really I wish I were one of those "Rather not know" Mums-To-Be but I'd rather be prepared for agony and do my damndest to relax and breathe properly rather than have some fuzzy idea that I'll cope.

I don't think that women refuse pain relief because they want to experience the pain but - and this would be true of my approach - that the pain relief may be effective but it had other side effects: eg: epidural makes it harder to push and leads to greater chance of intervention. I was also terrified of losing ability to stand or walk during labour and being able to (irrationally, I know) run away from it all if it got too bad and that was another reason I didn't want an epidural. A straightforward birth without significant pain relief and intervention is the easiest to recover from and an incredible - albeit uncomfortable - experience.

Swedes - dont know if its possible to face a fear of childbirth rationally, so I wouldnt beat yourself up over it.
With my OP I was trying to get a realistic picture of childbirth form as many people as possible to help conquer my fear of the unknown. However childbirth is so primal that I honestly dont know how much control I will have over it, no matter how much thought I give it or how relaxed I try to make myself.
One thing a good friend told me is that feelings of control make a huge difference both to the experience at the time and yoru memory of it. What I've read seems to bear that out - some of you describe being in tremendous pain but didnt see your labour in a negative light afterwards because the surroundings and circumstances were positive - you had a good midwife, a good birth partner, you were able to get in a mindset where you could cope, etc.

Bearmama - at the risk of upsetting those who had a painful,distressing, birth.... I can say that I actually enjoyed my births (so sorry, really terribly sorry, hate to offend), especially my third and although a lot of that was down to luck (baby not to big for birth canal, not breech, didn't get stuck etc etc)I'm sure that some of it, for me, was down to feeling calm and in control. I was totally relaxed, in 3rd labour it was daytime and I was bright and breezy and excited, it hurt and I got scared for a moment and then it was horrid but my lovely doula calmed me with the words breathe this baby out and it was exactly the right thing to say. I'd had a silent labour, just breathing the pain out and I knew what she meant and just calmed right downa nd it was great.

All births are hugely different as are us and our babies and I have been put off posting about this a bit - but staying calm and breathing did really really help me. Yes luck came into it, but they would not have been enjoyable had I tensed up, panicked, got scared.

Thomcat - thanks for that. "Breathe your baby out" is a lovely phrase.
DP's daughter told me yesterday that she, her sister and brother all weighed just over 5lbs at birth AND were born in 18 minutes, 12 minutes and 6 hrs respectively!

No she wasnt trying to wind me up either, she's a sweetheart. I just hope I am that lucky. Am thinking that a smaller baby must equal easier birth if not nec. easier labour but realise that might sound a teensy bit naive but is of course wishful thinking.

Personally, the worst thing about labour (and the thing I wasn't expecting) was not the pain but the sheer exhaustion. I had a 48 hour labour (from first twinges to fully dilated), and managed absolutely fine with G&A. Yes, it was painful, but never out of control. But when the time came to push, I was already exhausted. I tried to push the baby out for two hours but I just felt that I literally didn't have the strength. By the end, they were saying 'push', and I just couldn't summon the strength to do anything at all. Also, if you don't get the 'overwhelming urge to push', as I didn't, then it's actually quite hard to know what the hell you're supposed to be doing (ie which muscles to use). So anyway, I'm not the best person to give advice, but all I'd say is rest as much as you possibly can during the early stages of labour, because it's knackering!! As for epidurals, I eventually went through a ventouse on just G&A (which was ok if not particularly pleasant), only for my placenta to fail to deliver, so I ended up having an epidural after I'd had the baby . On a happier note, even if you do have a tricky birth, it doesn't last that long and then it's over - and if you're like me, it's actually very easy to put it all behind you.

I found the pain so all-encompassing though, that there was no decision to face the pain, meet the pain, reject the pain, embrace the pain.

But I did understand (the second time 'round) that it wasn't going to kill me. I could be in that much pain and not die! Being in that level of pain frightened me the first time. The second time, the pain just overwhelmed me.

And you're right camillathechicken, I do find it absolutely incomprehensible that so many people want to experience that pain when they have the chance to NOT experience the pain. The end result is still, hopefully, a healthy baby.

Is it really that hard to understand that people don't want serious spinal anaesthesia? I really like alfiesbabe's analogy of the marathon runner and think it's far more accurate than comparing it to having a tooth out. That's not a natural process; giving birth naturally is!

Plus of course the concern that epidurals etc can lead to the whole "cascade of intervention". That's a factor too, particularly in first time births.

I've run a marathon, I've had a tooth out and I've had two kids. I'd pick the marathon again if I had to.

I suppose some people are more afraid of an epidural than they are of the pain. And I do respect that. We all have different fears.

It was about what I expected it to be. After all evryone says it is painful. I only had gas and air and idn't want an epidural. I don't wish I had one either as I don't want someone sticking a needle in my spine and also think it interferes. My friend had an epidural and then she didn't know when to push so it slowed everything down, then she had to have a drip to speed things up. I am pg again and although not looking forward to it, am quite prepared and definitely don't want an epidural.

The level of pain is frightening, and a lot of my friends have said to me that they felt during their first labour that they would die because they didnt think it was possible to feel that intensity of pain and survive, so I don't think it's an uncommon emotion. The first time round is definitely worst in that respect - at least with subsequent births, you know that you've done it before and lived to tell the tale! I think slinkiemalinki sums up why a lot of women (most women I believe the stats show) choose not to have spinal anaesthetic- the fact that it is more likely to lead to interventions really does put a lot of women off. If there was a simple way of blocking the pain but keeping labour unmedicalised, then I expect many women would choose it, but there isnt. An epidural turns the birth straight away into a medical event - you have to be in a hospital, you have to be monitored closely, you cannot be in water, you cannot move freely, you are more likely to end up with an instrumental delivery - those are facts. I guess a few women may be more afraid of the epidural than of labour pain, though IME that hasn't been a factor in friends choosing to go without the epidural - it's been for the reasons described above. I had an epidural second time around for a CS, and though it's not a pleasant experience, I didnt find it at all painful in itself, as your back is numbed with a local anaesthetic before the needle goes in. it's just a rather weird sensation as it spreads down your legs and leaves you numbed up. I found it great for an operation when all I needed to do was lie there, but wouldnt have chosen it for giving birth where I needed to play an active role.

Personally think it is all about your mindset.

First labour was 7 hours and I had pethidine which did nothing for the pain but made me feel tired and drowsy. As soon as I could push I felt like the pain was a lot less as I could concentrate on that iyswim.

Second labour was 1 hour from water breaking with no contractions to holding ds1 in my arms. Most painful birth ever and no pain relief as too quick. But again the pushing took my mind off the pain.

Third labour I was scared stiff from conception to the birth. The MW told me to "snap out of it and get a grip as I was giving birth whether I liked it or not". I screamed my way through 4 hours of labour without pain relief as it was too quick.

My biggest regret was not getting my head around my impending birth with ds2.

Yes it will hurt. But it is not all consuming and you do get to rest in between contractions. As soon as the birth is over the pain goes away. There are afterpains but they are manageable with pain relief and a beautiful baby in your arms .

The worst is the contraction pain before you get to hospital. Mind you I dont remember the trip to the hospital I was so lost in breathing and trying not to focus on potholes.

Gas and air, it's the business. I had no other relief. Mind you, I did have an eclamptic seizure in the third stage and everything went pear shaped. But was really 'enjoying' it all up to then. Now in saying that, I'd been looking forward to seeing what labour was like for 9 years since reading Everywoman!

What I would suggest is writing down the following and giving to your birth partner to tell you during labour or putting it on a big cardboad where you can see it.

1. Every contraction is bringing you closer to meeting your baby.
2. Think about somewhere sunny and warm or just some place that makes you happy and safe. Write the name of this place on the board.
3. This will all be over soon and you wont be able to remember the pain

My husband forgot all this in the heat of the moment which is understandable,hence writing it down.

I'm a redhead and we are supposed to feel more pain, but really it wasn't that bad. It wasnt great, but the more you stress about it, the worse it will be.

Good luck I hope it all goes well for you and you have a lovely healthy bundle of 'mostly' joy in the next few days if this post isn't already too late.

x

We're all so different. I feel the need to chuck in some more ying into the yang mix! For me, personally, I never, ever considered pain relief of any kind and luckily was able to stick to that in all 3 births. This is about what worked for me and me only, - I went in with a very positive attitude, I wanted to experience the whole process of giving birth, I never felt scared and prepared myself in my own way with doing active birth classes, with all 3. I just feel it's important to share, in the middle of all the talk of fear, that it never ever occured to me at any point in any birth to ask for pain releif. I never felt out of control, scared only for the briefest of moments but was calmed easily. By the time it really, really hurt I was pushing them out and luckily the pushing bit didn't last too long at all. Then it was over and the pain already long forgotten.

I had gas and air for the 1st time after I'd had DD3 when the midwife wanted to examine me after the birth. It was great, lovely stuff, but I'm not sure where it would have worked for me during the labours, I felt out of it, properly stoned, couldn't have dealt with that in labour.

I find it odd when people say they don't understand wanting to do it without pain relief lol. With DS, I was happy just to let labour take it's course and take pain relief etc. I did know though that an epidural was harder to come by in the MW led unit (had to transfer) so had it in my head that I wasn't having one before I started.

With DD I knew I'd survive labour. And hell, I wanted to enjoy every single moment of it. I wanted to feel that intense pain of my body working to birth a baby. I got a huge rush every time a contraction ended. I really did embrace it all. I had my moments (was a long labour) of panic and losing the plot a little but I had ways in my head of keeping in control and just had to get back on track. I lost it a bit in transition, but my mw said that she thought I was close and when I realised it was probably transition I then thought "ah, that's why I'm going nuts" and that got me through that bit.

My reasons to have a homebirth with DD were namely to stay in control, to have a 'good' experience and to avoid intervention. I would have loathed to have had a CS as I would have worried about the op, recovery, coping with a toddler etc. When DD was breech at about 34 wks I was investigating natural breech delivery. Assisted delivery also frightened me a lot. So that puts epidural out of the picture. Opiates sent me loopy with DS and I didn't like the effect they had on him. Also made me sick. At home I had the G&A and never started it. Main reason was I was feeling a little nauseous anyway and didn't want that to make me worse. It's very hard to concentrate on contractions when you're also throwing up!

I guess the negatives of pain relief didn't agree with me. I also knew it wouldn't kill me and that I'd survive. I knew others could do it and I trusted that my body knew what to do. I did what I could to support all of that. Low lighting, quiet, peaceful, moving around, stamping and grunting like a bull (yep, that's what my body 'said' to do lol).

Sorry, another epic one. I didn't do it for the glory, I don't think I'm special and I don't think I had easy labours or a high pain threshold. But I do think there are, in many cases, a lot of things you can to do influence your labour positively and help you through it, however you plan to get through it.

Sorry, meant to say that after DD the MW washed me down with icy water to see if there were any tears and I was screaming in agony! I had used all my 'coping' on the labour and just couldn't handle that . I was also terrified going for a pee afterwards and that first poo took a lot of courage. I kept thinking to myself "I've just given birth without pain relief so how come I'm panicking and screaming at the thought of going for a pee?".

Well, I'm still here and still reading and DD is still wriggling away inside me!
Getting really selective with what I choose to take in now, filing it away in something like "Ah, so THAT's possible, that's good"

Suzi2 sums it up for me with this:

"With DD I knew I'd survive labour. And hell, I wanted to enjoy every single moment of it. I wanted to feel that intense pain of my body working to birth a baby. I got a huge rush every time a contraction ended. I really did embrace it all."

That about sums up my birth plan. Feeling confident that I can do this and being prepared for pain through knowing exactly what it was for and what my body was doing.

I dont know when DD will arrive, do know that I will opt for an epidural if she has to be induced because IMO the process has become unnatural anyway by that point and I have heard too many tales of speeded up labours. I think I will feel too out of control to manage the pain IYSWIM.

However if she comes of her own accord my birth plan basically equals a water birth and lots of screaming.
I was due Sunday so there is time yet before intervention. In the meantime continuing thanks to everyone for posting their experiences. X

The thought of the labour pain always scared the s*t out of me and i was detmermined that i would have an epiduaral at the first oppurtunity. I made sure my midwife knew it and my partner knew it.
When i went into labour it was bearable and really trhought i could do it without an epidural. I was in a pool for 5 hours and was going great guns, or so I thought! Then LO turned and went back to back - oh my goodness me. I tried to keep going but it was unbearable. I decided after 6hrs and 2cm that i needed the epidural. It was the biggest relief.
I ended up with a ventouse delivery because LO became distressed 10 hrs later
It hasn't put me off having another baby and I honestly cant remeer what the pain was like other than it hurt like hell

Haven't read all the way through this, so sorry if repeating what others have said.

Contractions got very painful after being very manageable and I thought I couldn't cope. But I just needed reminding of how to breath through them. TENS machine was great (had taken it off to get in bath when pain increased), then had a bit of G&A and finally got in birthing pool for the pushing. Had pethidine lined up in case I couldn't cope but was 7 cm when mw arrived (planned hb) so too late and dd arrived 2 hrs later. Crowning stings alot, and I felt like my insides were falling out, but I also felt like I was at last getting somewhere.

Needed paracetamol afterwards when delivering the placenta though .

Was really glad I didn't have to have an epidural.

Good luck Bearmama. Hope you manage to get the water birth you want - the water really helps with the pain (or it did me - more than I thought it would).

The pain of the contractions for me was about what I was expecting to be honest - I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park so wasn't surprised when they made me start mooing like a cow!

I had a rather protracted labour, 39 hours, failure to dilate and progress, episiotomy and forceps so am sort of grateful that the midwife suggested an epidural when she realised that I was dilating slower than the norm.

However, in hindsight having an epidural is something that I now regret as it meant I was totally unable to move throughout my long labour and I felt 'detached' from the whole process. Mobile epidurals weren't available in the hospital I had my DS.

I just think you will do whats right for you at the time and I have heard stories from loads of friends who thought epidurals were the best thing ever. Maybe if I had had to go through all of my labour without one I may be saying something totally different!

Totally agree with one of the posters above who said it must be your informed decision. I tried to refuse my epidural but everybody though it best?? I wish I had stuck to my guns but hey ho - next time I am hoping for a water birth with gas and air but wouldn't rule out another epidural. Good Luck

No pain relief, no pain, did hypnobirthing and yoga. It was an effort breathing and standing up for 6 hours but no more than an effort. I couldn't sleep after as was on a natural high and found that coping with tiredness was much worse than pain.

With my first i was only 19 and had no knowledge of what to expect so it was terrifying and exhausting but i took no pain relief.

With my others i had the experience and the thing which makes me feel more relaxed is having a birth plan with all things considered of what I want and what I would like if things go off plan.

Then walk about and with each contraction that comes squat...it will help bring the harder contractions on. Breath through them, the more breath you take in and release it will ease the pain ever so slighty.

I think the contractions are a lot worser than the actual crowning. Its more a feeling of relief and then its all over thank God!

I had my waters broken this time and I didnt expect the pain to come along so rapidly and intense, but they were only broken because i nearly fainted with exaustion.

I think, as many others have said, it's important to keep an open mind.
I did not have an epidural when DS was born.
I regret this. I wish, I wish, I'd had
one. I refused because, quite honestly, I thought that made me a failure.

Everyone's labour pain is different. I had a quick labour and found the pain totally overwhelming. When the MW said 'It's a boy' I said 'I don't care'. I didn't want to hold him. It took me months to bond with him.

I hope this will not be your experience, but please do keep an open mind about epidurals. I found birth traumatic and it affected my relationship with my son. If I'd had an epidural I'd like to think I'd actually have been pleased to see him!

(Note - there were several unusual aspects to my labour. I'm sure you won't feel like this.)

I just had my first baby last week (Thursday). I was very apprehensive about the pain of labour, and didn't know if I could cope with it.

I ended up having entonox and pethidine, the latter on the suggestion of the midwife. My pains started Monday night and i had the baby Thursday morning, so I was worn out. For me, i didn't reach the level of pain i had imagined/expected. It felt like my worst period pains multiplied by...30. But that is just me.

Don't feel that you need to get through it without any pain relief. No one will fault you if you feel you need pethidine or an epidural etc. Frankly it's your choice and no body else's. Everyone has different pain thresholds. Find a position that works for you - be it standing, bending, squatting.

HELLO EVERYONE!
Am shouting because I started the thread and am finally getting to add my own birth experience - v. exciting!

My labour started at 3am on April 5th. The contractions were like mild period pains and I was very excited when I began to time them and realised they were coming about 7-8 minutes apart.

When my show appeared a couple of hours later I wasnt sure if it was my waters breaking or not (I would now!) and labour progressed quite easily (with me having a bath and puting laundry on) as I waited.

By 9am the contraction were 2.5 minutes apart and lasting 40-55 minutes each, so DP and I set off for hospital. By this point the peaks were still not too bad and I managed the 15min car journey to the hospital ok. Once there I had to wait to be seen, which was uncomfortable but not unbearable, before I saw the lovely Danni who checked how dilated I was (4-5cm) and whether the head was engaged yet. (it wasnt)

Shortly afterwards we were shown to a room where I found I just had to keep moving, and pain relief options were discussed. I opted for analgesia pills initially then progressed to gas and air.

This was fantastic. maybe because I have no stimulants in my life, not coffee, cigs, alcohol or drugs, I found it worked really well and gave me back my sense of humour when it seemed to be slipping.

DP meanwhile was brilliant, having the right demeanor, tone of voice, everything, so I didnt feel I had to be concerned about him and could just concentrate on my breathing. Trips to the loo had to be fitted in between contractions, as did the exam when it came a few hours later.

The consultant explained that it may be necessary to have to break my waters, but because the head was still not engaged it would have to be done in theatre, in case of cord prolapse. As I was now nearing the edge of my pain threshold on the gas and air and was considering an epidural, the choice was to allow my waters to be broken first in case of problems, so I could be put under general, or have a full spinal which would mean I wouldnt feel much.I opted for the former and was wheeled to theatre.

Various things were being stuck in me at this point, but I didnt care as the gas and air was still doing its job. Then my waters were broken, and a tremendous amount of liquid gushed out. DP said it was as if someone had emptied a bucket of water on the floor!
Then everything went pear-shaped. A face leaned over me and said they were going to have to give me an epidural. I immediately burst into tears and said "I dont know why I did that!" I wasnt scared. DP was ushered out at that point and said "See you later" and gave me a kiss.

I was given something sweet to swallow and then the general and knew nothing more until I woke up five hours later, catheterised, groggy from anaesthetic and the morphine drip I was on.

As was later explained, Ellis' heart rate had plummeted when my waters were broken and I was given an emergency c-section.

Ellis Rachel Dorothy was born on 5th April 2008 at 5.27pm weighing 9lb 12oz.

So I'm still processing things and my little girl is twelve days old and doing really well. That the labour was such a good experience was due largely to the input of all the Mumsnetters who replied to this thread. Thank You. X