Those of you who have given birth - how did you cope with the pain? Better or Worse than you thought and do you wish you'd had an epidural?

[BearMama]

Its my first pg and I know I cant prepare myself just through other's experiences, but I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
I have read the "Women Unprepared for Childbirth" article and it has scared me TBH. Will be 39 weeks tomorrow so the due date is very near.

Also would like to know which was worse - crowning pain or contractions?

Really I wish I were one of those "Rather not know" Mums-To-Be but I'd rather be prepared for agony and do my damndest to relax and breathe properly rather than have some fuzzy idea that I'll cope.

And, remember it's only one day in your life and even if it's bloody awful we've all had awful days before. In fact days spent rowing with boyfrends or being anxious or worried have been far worse days for me than days spent in pain!

No you are not alone hotcheese and expatinscotland. If I could have talked a doctor into just waking me with a cup of tea to say, "your baby is over there with the goo removed" then I'd have been delighted.

Not mad earthmummy. With my DS I was terrified beforehand. But someone told me a lovely positive story of how they 'embraced' the pain and everything labour had to hold. I decided that it had to be copeable or no-one would ever do it twice. I also decided that I was VERY lucky to be in the position to be having a child and that I should try and appreciate the experience a bit. Ended up I had a very long 'false' labour and real labour wasn't much worse. I coped better than I thought I might but still had G&A and morphine for the pain.

18 months later I had DD at home without pain relief. I embraced it completely. I went into myself and did breathing exercises and visualisation techniques to cope with the pain and stay calm. I actually got something brilliant out of that (nope, not an orgasm ) in that I got an endorphine rush at the end of each contraction. And it was huge, very powerful and VERY addictive.

Take it as it comes. Don't rule anything out. But also do everything you can to stay relaxed, focused and positive.

Forgot the last part lol. Crowning pain and contraction pain are so different it's hard to know what's worse. I never really remembered the contraction pain from DS though remembered the crowning vividly! But the crowning is quite shortlived and you know that you're really really really close to meeting your baby so that sees you through. Not sure I'll ever forget the feeling of a head being out and waiting on the next contraction to deliver the shoulders! Also, nothing prepares you for the sensation of delivering the placenta!

Wow, just caught up with this and really sad to see that I upset a couple of people with my 'positive'post. I was just trying to help the OP. Didn't mean to upset anyone, was just typing it from a very personal pov and hoping to calm some fears and give one little example of how it can sometimes be for some people. The 'advice' I gave was what helped me, I was just trying to share that out that's all. Someone said to me 'breathe the baby out' and it really helped me to calm down and do just that, I was just passing it on, sorry to have upset a couple of people.

Hope you can take some good away with you from this thread Bearmama and best of luck, xx

right - i know this isn't going to make me any friends and is liable to really make other mas really hopping mad but I really enjoyed the first 13 hours of my labour - it was the most amazing experience of my life and I didn't have any pain relief except the birth pool. I was EXTREMELY lucky to have brilliant NHS community midwives, be at home (for my 1st)and, most importantly, not be induced. In terms of pain - when the contractions got to 3 in 10 I thought there was no way I could go through with it; I was fighting the pain with every fibre of my being and I thought I was going to give myself a brain haemorrhage. Fear of hospital made me change tack - I got down on the floor, started controlling my breathing, made myself relax and ACCEPTED the pain rather than fighting it - everything changed - the contractions became amazingly powerful and positive rather than overwhelming and scary and the next 10 or so hours were otherworldy and unreal. I felt like a goddess. I spent a couple of hours on dry land with the contractions and then 8 or 9 hours in the pool, which really helped me to relax.
Unfortunately at transition stage I lost the plot, engaged my brain, got scared and snapped out of it - consequently the last 50 minutes hurt like hell - but I'd love to give it another go and try and keep it together til the end.
From what I gather from friends - if at all possible avoid induction - your hormones are designed to get you through your labour in one piece, but a massive dose of synthetic hormones all in one go are a horrendous shock to the system. So many hospitals induce for administrative rather than strictly medical reasons.
Good luck!! I hope you have a beautiful experience and whatever happens, the birth is only the start of it.

babymutha - I think it's other people's problem if they get hopping mad at your post. What you have described is a really positive birth experience, and you've proved that 'mind over matter' is a hugely important factor in the birth. Now, before I'm shouted down, yes, I KNOW there are circumstances where intervention is necessary (I'm the first to admit that - my dd2 was saved by a CSection at 35 weeks) but MOST preganancies and labours ARE straightforward. What you say about the 'pain scale' is so true. One thing we were taught at NCT classes was to try to visualise the pain on a scale, so that as you say, when it reached, eg 3 out of 10, we tried various techniques, massage, walking around, water etc to get ourselves up the next notch on the pain scale. And it can really really work, especially when you've had good antenatal preparation, you have a supportive midwife and a positive birth partner. With dc1, I remember like you, getting to what I thought was about 3 or 4 on the pain scale and thinking, this is awful, I cannot cope if it gets any worse. I honestly felt my body couldnt do it. This is the point at which if I'd been in a hospital, I might have screamed for an epidural. However, by trying the above techniques, and most importantly with my midwife encouraging me, I found I could get into a kind of 'zone', where I was going with the flow rather than tensing up and fighing the pain. I realise that may not make sense to someone who hasnt done it, but thats the only way I can describe it. Your head kind of gets into another place, and you discover this amazing inner strength.
I'm interested by what you say babymutha, about transition and second stage, because it was exactly the same for me! Afterwards, I realised this was probably because the transition and second stage are so different in what you, as the mother, has to do. I was coping ok with getting through the contractions, but once it came to having to be proactive and work hard to push that baby out (and I cannot emphasise how hard it is - as people say, it's not called labour for nothing!!)I lost my focus on 'zoning out' and the difference was unbelievable. I was suddenly in enormous pain. The fear made me tense up, and resist the pain rather than 'go with it' - consequently the second stage took about 2 or 3 hours and left me very battered and bruised physically and emotionally. I hope you do get to have another 'go' at it babymutha, and sort out the second stage! I never managed it - i had a csection with dc2, and then had to have dc3 in a hospital due to the previous cs. There wasn't any continuity of care, the midwives were coming and going and I felt out of control. I got through on gas and air, but when I got to transition, I was SO determined to just push like crazy because of my previous very long second stage, that I pushed (a very big!) ds out in two fast pushes and tore badly. I was very unhappy afterwards that this was so badly managed - a good midwife would have talked me through and controlled the delivery.
Anyway, going a bit off track here, but the main point is that as babymutha describes beautifully, the mind is an amazing thing, and for most people, it should be possible to get through labour without all sorts of interventions. I think we've become far too obsessed with blocking the pain as soon as we think we're reaching our pain threshold, rather than believing that we can get through that barrier.

Oh yes the ring of fire. My youngest is two, and until recently, I would wince when I remembered it.......
I think I am letting it go now.

have a read of ds2's recent birth experience - home birth, no epi.

beat the induction and epi experience of ds1 into the ground. truly, truly didn't hurt that much with what i chose to do/prep. x

I think everyone has a different threshold of pain, and everyone has a labour that pains differently. That said, its very hard to predict what you are going to get when your baby is ready to arrive.

I would think the best bet is to know the medical options you have, and as your threshold nears, you try them out one by one - starting with the mildest form.

My labour was a superfast 5 hours (unbelieveably short, given than i was happily painting when my waters broke, and within 5 hours had a baby in my arms). Even then, the pain tore me apart, and 2 hours into labour i was begging for an epidural. (And i DO have a high threshold of pain!!)I think the moment the epidural took effect was the moment i felt i was back from the dead. The good thing was that my doc did not 'top up' the epidural the second time due to which i was able to feel the contractions (painlessly) and push. However i do have to admit that i could not push as effectively as i would have, without the epidural. But am glad i saved my energy for pushing (rather than for bearing the contractions pain - run out of energy to push - and god-forbid end up as a c-section). I also had some severe headache for 3-4 days due to the epidural (doc said my system was 'irritated' by the chemicals in the epidural).

You have to be aware of your choices and make them depending on what you can bear.

Good luck.

My (otherwise completely useless) midwife told me that labour would be "painful and undignified". Once I accepted that - and it was - I could cope with it. I didn't get in to hospital until I was fully dilated (long story) and the pain, although bad, was manageable, and I just had a bit of gas and air. With my second child, a home birth, the midwife didn't show up so I only had birthing pool to ease pain. Again, it was manageable but that may just be the way I am.

Unless you are very unlucky, it will only last a few hours so try not to dwell on what it will be like too much. Don't over-prepare with complicated birth plan for every eventuality and, if you do get through it without an epidural, you do get the most phenomenal endorphin/adrenalin rush at the end which is almost worth the effort .

G&A - didn't work
Diamorphine - made me feel out of control, wore off and wasn't topped up
epidural - wasn't I supposed to feel NOTHING???
bath - heaven, but slowed down labour
TENS - what a load of cr*p
birthing ball - okay for early stages
paracetamol - they might as well have given me smarties

So overall, nothing really worked for me, ended up having a spinal block (which worked YAY) and being taken to theatre for a ventouse delivery and episotomy (sp?)

Kizzib - sorry you had a bad time, but I think your post exemplifies the pitfalls of relying over much on pain relief. If you build yourself up to expect to feel awful pain that will have to be stopped, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment if it doesnt work that way. I've always found it interesting that women who have epidurals which don't 'take' properly feel usually feel far worse than a woman who labours without an epidural. After all, in theory, they are experiencing equal pain, but the expectation is the key difference. I would never describe myself as having a particularly high pain threshold, but I gave birth on gas and air and most importantly by getting 'into the zone' mentally.

epidural is great, you wouldnt go dentist without pain relief. If you want it ask sooner rather than later otherwise you will miss out

"After all, in theory, they are experiencing equal pain"

Completely disagree with this. It's clear to me, from reading these threads, that the pain is very different for different women/births.

If a woman can say that she found labour "uncomfortable" rather than "painful" she obviously hasn't experienced what I have.

Ok, agreed that no one can know exactly what anyone else is experiencing can they? But I was simply making the point that when a woman is expecting total or significant pain relief and then it doesnt work out like that, it's likely that she will be more distressed than a woman who thinks 'yes, this is going to hurt.
I also can't emphasise enough how much the mental preparation and what I described in my earlier post about different coping strategies and a good midwife getting you through those 'notches' on the pain scale, really helps. All I can say is, when I got to about 4/5 cm dilated with my first dc, I honestly felt in so much pain that I thought I would die if it got worse. I would probably have screamed for an epidural if I'd been in hospital. But the breathing, moving about and wonderful midwife helped me see I could get through this - she helped me visualise the pain scale and when I thought level 3 was as high as I could go, she got me onto level 4 and so on. It's hard to explain but that's the only way to describe it. I've certainly never expereinced pain like it; my subsequent vb was easier and shorter (though still hurt like mad!). The whole experience made me realise how hugely important it is that this country values midwives. A good supportive midwife who is trusted to get on with her role without meddling from doctors is imo the most important factor in a good birth.

That's very true about the dentist, you wouldn't even think of having a tooth removed without pain relief.

Why is it seen as some sort of badge of serentity/honour to have endured labour with no pain relief?? Where's the glory in embracing agony, accepting the pain?

My midwife told me that this pain relief free labour idea is a new one, relatively speaking. She told me that cavewomen used to chew on something that was made and prepared in time for the birth. It was made from the resin of tree bark or something similar. Victorian women would have lidium (??).

I think it's an interesting question Madame. I remember posting on a similar thread a while ago, that I guess the best parallel is to liken it to a marathon runner or similar. When you see someone running that final kilometre, there face is usually agonised and you think 'Why would anyone in their right mind do that?' Their response is that it's about pushing the body to see what it's capable of, experiencing that extreme feeling of achievement. I think childbirth isn't disimilar. I know the high I was on after achieving a natural birth was like nothing on earth. I didnt feel the same about my second birth by csection. And that's not to belittle anyone else's feelings; other people may feel differently, but I felt that my csection was done to me, rather than by me. It was totally necessary to save my baby's life, so I totally accepted it, but it was a medical procedure, and as far removed from my first birth as I can imagine.
The point about having a tooth out kind of sums that up. If you are happy to experience childbirth as a medical procedure, then fine, you probably will want to try to make it pain free, but a lot of women don't want that. For many reasons. For me, a drug free birth as far as possible was partly because I didnt like the idea of drugs affecting the baby, or making interventions more likely. And also because I just felt a very strong urge,as do many women, that childbirth is a natural experience (painful but natural) and therefore I wanted to keep it as unmedicalised as possible. I don't think it's about 'glory' and I've certainly never come across a woman who's described it as that. However, i do think women who achieve a natural birth often feel a huge sense of empowerment afterwards, which again, is perfectly natural, and they should be allowed to express that.

but i don;t think anyone is arguing that allwomen should want or aim for or have a drug free labour or pain relief free labour

but with the best will in the world, once you go down the route of an epidural your labour is taking a medicalised route.

massage, TENS, water, opiates, aromatherapy, vocalising, being active , feeling supported, your own natural endorphins all help deal with the pain.

the very fact that the majority of women give birth in hospital, which has connotations of illness and something needing to be managed by medics can often give us the mindset that we need all these things that medical science can offer us.

i think that being prepared, educated and aware of the pros and cons of all or no pain relief is an important step.

also an induced or augmented labour is different for many women, than a spontaneous labour

the presence of someone with you who makes you feel safe can make the perception of pain and the time passing a lot more bearable.

yes, in ancient times and in places where medical science does not get involved women will use all sorts of potions and herbs etc to minimise the pain.. but not to eradicate it totally or induce sedation and immobility AFAIK.

none of the women i know who have had a pain relief free labour did so to gain glory or praise from others.. they did it becasue it fitted with their ethos of birth.

I was a rather not know, oh I'll cope, but tiredness made the pain much worse to cope with. Thankful of the epidural in the end, but I guess when she was born was a shock because I couldn't feel it. But I'm glad I had the drugs and would definitely recommend if you need them. (my birth plan was gas & air only, water birth...hmm opposite of real birth, induced, G&A, pethadine, epi, well you get the picture!) Good Luck on your birth.

Yes, but why would a person birth ethos be to tolerate the pain and do nothing to prevent it.

Do they have a similar ethos for having a tooth removed?

I am just trying to make people question why they want to put themselves through pain. I'm not trying to be nasty or condescending. I am truly baffled by it.

I have experienced the pain of childbirth. It was horrendous. I was absolutely exhilarated moments later when my son was born. I was not traumatised by the pain, but I do certainly remember it....

They say you forget the pain of childbirth. I believe most people do actually. Perhaps there was some malfuncion in my hardwiring that makes me remember it more clearly than most women.

no they don;t as they don;t compare having a tooth out with giving birth , there is nothing positive about having a tooth out, whereas giving birth gives you a baby at the end of it

they felt that the pain would not be unbearable, that they just wanted to get through it, that they would use other methods to cope, and wanted to be clearminded when they met their babies.

those are their reasons.

not for everyone, and have probably missed some reasons out.

why should women not want to be allowed to tolerate the pain? or enjoy it or find it exhilariting or positive?

it is a different type of pain to any other

you might not be able to understand it, but they might not be able to understand being aneasthatised ,immobile and catheterised in labour

it is what is right for each woman

I have 4 children and I'm not convinced I ever faced my fear of childbirth rationally. Which is probably why I had one emergency c-secton, a failed ventouse mid-cavity forceps delivery then 2 elective c-sections. It's odd as I'm a really brave person with a high pain threshold. I was psychologically defeated rather than physiologically. It's a big big regret of mine.