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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Feeling a bit sad I never got to experience a natural birth

104 replies

Mariellama · 21/10/2022 14:41

Just that really. I have two gorgeous, healthy children that I'm incredibly grateful for. My friend just gave birth, she had a tricky labour after an induction but had a natural delivery. I'm so happy for her and excited that she's a new mum, at the same time I feel a hint of jealousy that I never had that experience.

With my first I had an induction due to baby's estimated size, really long and painful labour and finally an emcs because her head was in the wrong position.

Second labour, we had a planned c section booked due to previous birth and sorting out childcare for DD but I ended up going into labour naturally. I was super excited to try for a normal birth and labour progressed well but when I was trying to push baby just didn't budge. In my notes it said malpresentation, but I was also in horrendous pain at the time and when I was given the choice of c section or waiting to try pushing again I just couldn't bare the pain so chose the section.

We always said 2 dc and I bled a lot in my second emcs so we don't want more children. Just feeling a little bit sad atm that I've missed out on a vaginal delivery in spite of going through full labour pains. I'll get over it, but anyone else ever felt the same way?

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 21/10/2022 17:02

My so called natural births caused me an enormous amount of scarring and issues. My C sections were so much better
for me it certainly wasn’t natural.
having a child is not about how they were born. The fact is you grew that little bundle for 9 months that is the miracle.

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 21/10/2022 17:08

You didn't miss out on anything. My natural birth was horrific - a world of pain, tearing requiring extensive surgery under GA and a pph to top it off. The bit where ds1 actually crowned and was pushed out was the most incredibly painful, difficult and horrible sensation of my life. It felt like being turned inside out while being ripped in half. I had c sections with dc2 and dc3 and they were much better. But really, it's irrelevant. You grew and birthed a baby - you've done amazingly and regardless of how much or how little intervention you required, nothing can take that away from you!

glassfully · 21/10/2022 17:09

I wish I hadn't had a natural birth. It was awful and traumatic. Oh and after all the pain and fear of giving birth... I ended up being rushed into surgery for a hysterectomy anyway. My DD was 30 hours old before I saw her and even then I don't remember it.

Useyourname · 21/10/2022 17:10

Oh OP. I understand. I might have felt the same, kind of curious, but you're really not missing out. I had two "ideal" natural labours deliveries, one water birth, one home birth, no pain relief. Both horrendous. The second birth was terrifying as it was unattended and I spent 0 minutes pushing on my own (baby was back to back) The first caused a serious prolapse that I can't face getting fixed yet due to trauma from the second birth.

If men gave birth, I really don't think there would be this emphasis on it being normal to endure so much pain and life long damage.

RandomMusings7 · 21/10/2022 17:16

If men gave birth, I really don't think there would be this emphasis on it being normal to endure so much pain and life long damage.

NameChangeLifeChange · 21/10/2022 17:17

OP your feelings are valid and a close friend had 2 sections for various reasons and feels the same.

I had two natural deliveries and one was the (on paper) dream births- 4 hours start to finish, no analgesia, water birth dimmed lights lovely music. It was...fine? Hurt like hell, water was a mix of good and annoying. Getting out dripping wet and walking down the steps with a cut off cord hanging out my hoohah has got to be up there with the least dignified moments of my life.

I know the feeling as I felt the same about breastfeeding which I struggled with both times. time has taught me we romanticise what we didn’t have and the whole natural birth movement and social media exacerbates that hugely (or did for me).

I know it sounds cliche but now they’re in school you couldn’t tell who was breast or bottle fed and how people were born. And honestly the further away it gets the less you care. Sending love though.

RandomMusings7 · 21/10/2022 17:18

Oops posted to soon.

Wanted to say absolutely this!!!

If men could get pregnant the abortion pill would be sold in vending machines at every street corner and childbirth would be done under general anesthetic

Topseyt123 · 21/10/2022 17:18

I had two vaginal deliveries and one emergency caesarean. The caesarean was the better of the three by a country mile.

I had an episiotomy with my first vaginal delivery and still tore massively, needing loads of stitches. I couldn't sit down comfortably for 6 months. The second one was better, but I still hated it. Believe me, you didn't miss much and I would certainly agree that vaginal delivery is overrated. Nothing to get all dewy eyed over. Birth injuries are a real thing.

Hadalifeonce · 21/10/2022 17:23

I wanted a VBAC for number 2. Ended up with extended episiotomy with ventuse delivery and retained placenta. If I had known before, I would have gone for a second section.

MotherOfFireBreathers · 21/10/2022 18:38

I have tokophobia and therefore chose 2 ELCS and tbh I am just very very grateful for my phobia! I'm very glad I had c-sections, had excellent recoveries and agree with PP's that the amazing thing is the resulting DC- not how they arrive.

I am very very glad to have had calm deliveries that weren't traumatising and no horrific birth injuries. It's disgraceful that so many women suffer so badly because of this pressure to have a 'natural' delivery at all costs.

mollymole999 · 21/10/2022 18:39

I'd be grateful!! I had 2 sections and no regrets

caz198917 · 21/10/2022 18:55

trailrunner85 · 21/10/2022 14:53

As someone who suffered horrendous birth injuries, can we swap please?!

Vaginal births generally aren't much fun.

Nor is a c section. I've had both births and I would prefer a natural birth any day of the week! I only had gas and air with my natural (not by choice! Lol, Woulda had an epidural but was not enough time) and I had 2nd degree tear, honestly OP I completely get where you are coming from. But the main thing is your babies got here safely xx

Kakinkankakoo · 21/10/2022 19:03

Oh OP, I get it.

my first child was a 24 hour labour followed by a c section. I was traumatised by the whole experience and felt such a complete sense of emotional numbness towards my baby. I didn’t develop PND but I had a lot of bonding issues and some PTSD type symptoms.

With my second I had a Vbac. It was an induced labour with forceps and a terrible tear. I needed a blood transfusion and had a prolapse. I was very anaemia from the blood loss for months and I still feel the injuries I sustained over 5 years later, though they don’t affect my life. It was the most cathartic, positive, healing experience. I completely get how you feel. Completely.

for my third child I had an a elective section as by that stage I had no emotional ties to how the baby came out. I think

I think that telling the Op to get over it is incredibly simplistic, and akin to telling a mother who had a traumatic birth to look on the bright side. Unresolved feelings about birth can raise their ugly headshot years later, no matter much you try to count your blessings. I spoke to someone about my feelings about my c section and their response that I should just forget about it drove the emotions deeper down so they were so my sense of isolation was ever more deeply ingrained.

I hear you OP. From someone who knows from experience that vaginal birth can be absolutely brutal, I think it’s natural to feel a stab of regret that you didn’t get to experience it. For me it felt primal. Maybe some counselling would help to thrash it out and work through your feelings.

SpinningFloppa · 21/10/2022 19:05

caz198917 · 21/10/2022 18:55

Nor is a c section. I've had both births and I would prefer a natural birth any day of the week! I only had gas and air with my natural (not by choice! Lol, Woulda had an epidural but was not enough time) and I had 2nd degree tear, honestly OP I completely get where you are coming from. But the main thing is your babies got here safely xx

Show quote history

I agree it’s funny how on other threads people say csections are major surgery, not to be taken lightly yet on this thread again csections are seen as the “easy way out” my csections was way more traumatic everyone’s experience is different

wibblewobbleball · 21/10/2022 19:06

I think there's always something when it comes to your births that you feel wasn't quite enough. I had a friend who had a crash section, she wasn't traumatised by it at all but got very fixated on not having seen her placenta and it really upset her for a long time. Birth is a very hormonal and emotional time and I think it's worth considering that however your babies come out there's usually something you would change, and it's pretty natural to want to have experienced a vaginal delivery when you haven't had one.

frazzled101 · 21/10/2022 19:41

If I had of read this a couple of years ago I would have been in the "get over it" camp.

However I had a planned section with my first and then went into labour naturally a week and a half early with my second. Labour started on a Sunday night and by Wednesday morning I was stuck at 6cm, and was so exhausted that when I was offered a section I took it.

It still upsets me a lot and I can't even explain why.

I won't be having any more children either so I do understand how you feel.

MummyJ36 · 21/10/2022 19:59

I’ve had both. I can truly truly say that both were special in their own way and both were hard in their own way. One was not better than the other and I’d never say to anyone that the birth of my DD was better than my DS because she was a vaginal delivery as opposed to c-section (or vice versa). It was magical meeting both of them and it was the end result that was the most special part, not how I got there.

Whizzi24 · 21/10/2022 20:00

I had both. The natural birth was deeply unpleasant.

Sparklythings1 · 21/10/2022 20:07

I think what you’re feeling it normal (as weird as it is) 🙈 I think women are ‘supposed’ to be born with that instinct where we want to experience it but I just wasn’t so I’m the opposite from you. I had a c-section and didn’t feel a single bit of anything other than sheer delight that I made it through the whole thing without experiencing labour before it etc. I don’t ever feel like I got anything less from the experience, still got handed the same baby I would have, just haven’t been left in the same mess down there 😂 I think I’m the weird one though and what you’re feeling is what most people feel

Medoca · 21/10/2022 20:08

An induction isn’t ‘natural’?! Not many women have natural births. I know one that did - at home, unplanned! She said it was terrible! I had a c-section and it was amazing, best experience I have ever had. By NCT group who had vaginal deliveries all had some intervention (drugs, forceps, etc.). They were plagued with issues after, one still hasn’t properly recovered 18m later. You have a healthy baby, that’s all that’s important.

Medoca · 21/10/2022 20:10

i do understand a bit though, I had a planned c-section, and was hoping I could feel what Labour felt like. I went into Labour a week early (still had the section as had to have it for medical reasons), and totally regretted that wish when the contractions started 😂

Covidwoes · 21/10/2022 20:12

Don't be, I honestly found both natural births awful! Not an enjoyable experience! I've been left with a prolapse from birth two as well. Confused

TheOrigRights · 21/10/2022 20:14

Medoca · 21/10/2022 20:08

An induction isn’t ‘natural’?! Not many women have natural births. I know one that did - at home, unplanned! She said it was terrible! I had a c-section and it was amazing, best experience I have ever had. By NCT group who had vaginal deliveries all had some intervention (drugs, forceps, etc.). They were plagued with issues after, one still hasn’t properly recovered 18m later. You have a healthy baby, that’s all that’s important.

Wow, I'm really surprised you know only one person who had a natural birth.

Divorcequestion · 21/10/2022 20:16

I've had a VB and a CS. I don't feel any differently about them except I wish I didn't have a birth injury from the VB. CS is definitely giving birth - babies can only get out by being born!

RoobarbandCustud · 21/10/2022 20:21

I had my kids years ago. The things that seem important at the time - type of birth, whether breast fed pale into insignificance over the years. How we birth is the luck of the draw, a vaginal birth is no less or more than a ceserean. You end up with a new person whose meaning is more profound than how they arrived.