Did anyone else just have a really horrific labour?

[Fluffygreenslippers]

Apologies in advance for the absolute stream of consciousness but it’s late at night, I can’t sleep & I thought I was over the birth but I don’t think I am? I keep getting flashbacks and shuddering, it’s like remembering a nightmare. I’m 14 weeks pp.

I was pretty much bullied into an induction. Everyone kept telling me the baby was massive, huge, gargantuan even. They tested me twice for GE. One sonographer even gave a spiteful giggle saying fetus had a ‘chubby tummy’. Terrified, I asked for a c section. Was firmly declined. I was so worn out with pregnancy I had no fight in me. I agreed to an induction. They gave me a piece of paper that ‘explained everything’. It said I would have a pessary to induce labour. It sounded fine. I did some googling. Mumsnet said there was a drip? Well the booklet didn’t mention a drip, naive me reasoned, so I would ‘t have to worry.

Day of induction. Given pessary. Sat in labour ward anxious and bored. In the evening contractions started. I tried to watch the first episode of Kenobi i but they were so painful I couldn’t concentrate. Listened to music instead. Oh this was horribly, horribly painful. And constant…I thought contractions came in waves? I had all the pain relief offered, threw up from the pain, couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning they moved me to the labour ward.

Bed was too small. Pain still constant, starting to become unbearable. No sleep, tired now. Midwife jollily brings out a drip. A drip? What the fuck is this? I’m also hooked up to IV antibiotics because of positive strep b. I get through six fucking bags of the stuff. My hand hurts. The contractions become unbearable, I ask for epidural. Until, they lessen. I can sit up, breath again. I cancel the epidural. They keep turning the drip up. I am not progressing. My blood feels like it’s 50% iv fluid. As i’m not progressing, someone comes to break my waters, it’s agony. She can’t break them. Two other people try, one after another. I’m howling in agony like an animal, begging them to stop. They tell me to use gas and air which makes it feel like my brain is going to leak out my ears but does nothing, nothing at all for the pain. The third one concludes perhaps my waters have already broken. I start throwing up again. It’s the next day. Somehow it’s 10am.

No progress. Doctors in and out. A fourth woman comes to try and break my waters. Terrified, I start crying. I feel violated. She manages to break them. I feel a gush. Then the full force of the drip hits me. I start screaming. I beg for an epidural even though I’ve always been terrified of then. The anaesthetist comes, sticks a needle in my spine. I am trembling with fear, convinced I’ll end up paralysed. And then, blessed relief, and then, the pain is back. The epidural only worked on one half of my body. They top it up, again and again, every 30 minutes. Exhausted, I fall asleep for 20 minutes until the pain wakes me up again.

Finally, I am dilated enough to push. I push for an hour, nothing happens. More doctors. There is talk of a c section. Oh please. Please yes. Doctor says they will try a forceps delivery first. What? No. My heart sinks. Forceps are my worse nightmare but I just want this to end. I agree.

I am wheeled into theatre and given a spinal block. I am so relieved. I no longer feel any pain. They lay me down but the weight of my pregnant belly on my chest crushes me. I can’t breath. This is how I’m going to die I think. And it’s so ludicrous. I beg for them to sit me back up. They don’t listen for agonising minutes. I insist. They finally listen and find a wedge.

I can’t feel or see a thing but my husband witnessed the whole event. The doctor, standing with the forceps. The huge, HUGE heave she did, the flash of the scalpal as i’m sliced like meat through my vagina, and another huge heave, the doctor leaning back with her whole weight like she’s doing tug of war.

The baby is dragged out into the world. I see him, briefly, and then he is whisked away. He is injured from the forceps. Two doctors spend an age stitching me. The scar I can feel now is at least three inches long, possibly four. I have haemorrhaged and will need two transfusions. As they wheel me out the theatre I see puddles of blood all over the floor.

And the big huge baby? He is 8.6lbs. Long and slim.

You poor poor thing. Others will come with better advice but I'm pretty sure you can have a labour debrief with the hospital and some therapy would probably let be a good thing too.

My first labour was similar in some ways, long and excruciating and frustrating. Prepped for theatre but had ventouse and forceps. My exH described afterwords the doctor with her arms up to her elbows looking like she was working on a car. Blood splashing on the floor. Then an unexpectedly large, chubby baby, finally (I am very short with narrow pelvis). Nobody saw that coming apparently!!

Oh and my episiotomy was badly stitched and had to be redone at 6 weeks...

I hope you can enjoy your lovely baby despite what happened ❤️

I relate. I nearly lost DS in labour, which started in induction at term (necessary owing to high risk pregnancy) and ending in EMCS. What you have been through is awful and you need to acknowledge this, be kind to yourself and accept all the help that is available.

It's actually good news that you're recognising the flashbacks for what they are. Traumatic labour is a common cause of PTSD. The good news is that once identified, this condition is eminently treatable. Please tell your GP, who can refer you for further help. IME, EMDR is a highly affective form of therapy and nothing short of a miracle cure (mine was cPTSD, rooted in a good many more complex causes going far further back in life than my awful labour, and I'm now feeling fine and very mentally healthy).

Sorry you're going though this. With the right help, though, I'm sure you will be fine.

I think you need to book a de brief. Going over your notes with someone will at the very very least give you the informed knowledge of if you ever want a VB again. Weirdly as a second timer people do listen to you. As a FTM it seems people do not listen to you. Which of corse is terrible.

As someone who's had number 3 and 4, when I wanted something in my birth plan it happened. One because I was listened to but also I absolutely was not giving birth either time without my epidural. Did I want to sit up? Change position? Go for a walk? Nope. I will die nothing to progress my labour until my epidural comes.

The second one wasn't as complete like yours but they can relight them. Did they offer to do that? I was offered but in my case I was OK with how it turned out.

It's very unjust.

You never have to do it again if you don't want to. Elective c section, only child etc are all valid choices. But do look into the debrief. I had a scary first birth but luckily my midwife who delivered came to ward afterwards knowing why did make me feel better about it

I'm so sorry! That is absolutely barbaric what you've described, no woman should have to go through with that, it makes me angry on your behalf that you weren't listened to and unfortunately you're not alone, my SIL had a similar experience and then ended up with an EMCS and her and the baby then had sepsis.

My induction didn't progress and I'm so grateful that they listened to me when I said I wanted a ELCS. A very very kind senior midwife told me that I was very likely to end up needing a EMCS if I continued with the induction, and in her experience if the balloon failed then it usually ended up that way. When the consultant found out what she'd told me she was fuming but I'm inclined to believe the induction wards senior midwife acedotes over the consultant.

Things need to change for woman having babies. We're not in the dark ages. You need to be heard when you're in your most vulnerable state, I'm so sorry that you weren't.

You need to talk it through with the hospital, at least feel that you have had your say. Understand what happened. Also drugs can do odd things to your memory.

My labour started Sat 10am at 40+4. Twinged all that day, built up slowly, went to the maternity unit 2pm Sunday, by which time contractions 5 mins apart but I could still talk through them. My waters broke at 7pm, strong contractions but not dilated after three hours. Gas & air and a tens machine only.

Midwife concluded I had a second membrane which she ruptured, more contractions, more painful, no more dilated after three hours, then discovered I had a third membrane, ruptured that. More hours of contractions, start to dilate by which time I was exhausted, falling asleep between contractions. Midwife shift change at 7am Monday. Now have overnight midwife + new shift midwife + student midwife.

7.45 Student midwife can't find heartbeat, all hell breaks loose. People running, crash trolleys, needle in the back of the hand. Oblivion. DS born pink & healthy 7.48 with forceps. Apparently maternity theatre didn't open until 8 and the general theatre was a 7 minute trolley run across campus so there was no time for a csection.

I came round briefly to have a doctor ask my permission to stitch me up. (As if refusing was an option). I remember her saying 'it's not symmetrical, I'll have to do it again', another needle in my hand and then nothing until 2pm. Didn't even know whether boy or girl. So drugged I'd forgotten I'd had a baby.

I felt like a fraud for months afterwards because I don't remember actually giving birth, was never asked to push, no clue what it felt like. I remember waking up, feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, caked in dried meconium and having to be helped into a bath. So much for birth plans. But we both came home alive and for that I am grateful. DS was a 50 percentile baby (8lb) with a 98 percentile head. I have a narrow pelvis. He got stuck

OP, I know it's very difficult at the moment but your baby is safe, you are safe, that is the most important thing. Hang on to that. You need to talk but also check your DH is ok. He had to stand and watch, feel totally helpless and distressed too. He may also need some support. xx

You can book a debrief with the hospital and I would also ask for a referral for birth trauma counselling. I have requested the debrief after my labour which was 5 weeks ago today, will be asking for the counselling when I see my GP.

Your labour sounds really traumatic and scary, I just wanted to say that I know the feeling and stand with you. I don't feel like people talk enough about birth trauma and the impacts it has. I feel anxious and worried, think about what happened to me everyday. I haemorrhaged as the placenta didn't come away, lost over 2 litres of blood and had to have a general anaesthetic with 3 transfusions. I thought I was going to die just before they gave me the GA - it was horrific.

Sending love and strength to you x

I understand OP

My mismanaged birth ended in me with chorioamnionitis (a uterus full of puss) and a baby with meningitis from swimming in it.

It's taken me 5 years to be ready for number 2, I'm currently pregnant and lord help any doctor or midwife who tries to refuse me a ELCS.

I would recommend debrief/counselling early, I tried to bury my trauma and it came back in all sorts of weird ways in the following years.

Really wishing you the best and sorry this happened to you x

I’m so sorry OP. That sounds so scary and painful and traumatic. Agree with getting a debrief when you are up to it. It does help.

Why was your husband allowing all that to happen?!

Sorry to read this..bless you
I passed out during some monitoring of the baby’s heartbeat at 35 weeks…when I came round the room was full of nurses and doctors (the nurse monitoring had rang the emergency call button). There was a sense of urgency as they explained the baby’s heartbeat had gone down to 23bpm and they were undressing me, firing questions at my husband and waving a consent form in front of my face.

I had an emergency C section and when I came round my daughter was in SCBU with heart problems. Thankfully, she survived - she’s almost 17 now but she does have a life long heart condition treated with medication.

I suffered what I think was a panic attack a few days after the birth and the midwives explained that it was perhaps shock and the realisation of what could have been…

I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience. I would definitely recommend a birth debrief. I also had a traumatic birth with my first and vowed to never give birth again. It took me over 2 years to get over it and not be thinking about it regularly, it also I believe led to my post natal depression and anxiety.

I really think a debrief would have helped me to mentally heal much faster but i was too anxious to ask.

I will say though that now even if I think of the birth I don't have any anxious or negative feelings and am completely over it so it does get better I promise. I even went on to have a second child and was lucky to have a great birth experience second time around so don't let it put you off.

Your birth sounds difficult , as was mine I went through 49 hours of labour eventually an emergency CS. Dr at hospital said first the baby will die and then you will if you say no lBut as my GP - lovely woman - said your one job is to get baby out as best you can if needed take all the intervention you can ( for context this was 26 years ago ) DH has a scar on his head from forceps when born.

I was induced due to pre eclampsia with gel then had my waters broken 24 hours later, contractions went from 0-100 in seconds. Begged for an epidural, the anaesthetist took 4 hours to get to me, was put on the drip & through the night the midwife kept on increasing & increasing the dose, was only 4cm dilated by morning, checked again after lunch & was 8cm, came to check at 5pm had gone back to 6cm. Got told induction had failed & I would be having emcs, no asking me, just got a consent form shoved in front of me, taken down, ds delivered & then all hell breaks loose, massive haemorrhage, doctor panicking says if they can't stop it then will have to be a hysterectomy, eventually stops bleeding. Moved on to bed to be taken to HDU, theatre looks like a slaughterhouse. Parents visit & them & dh leave, nurse fetches doctor who tells me my organs are failing, put on more iv drugs, I'm begging for a drink as haven't eaten or drunk for nearly 48 hours, refused as kidneys are failing, by then even though I'm drugged up I'm hysterical & begging for them to get my husband & parents back, midwife tells me to shut up & stop attention seeking. Next morning my mum arrives & sees that I'm sat in a puddle of blood, no maternity pad, still in theatre gown & hits the roof, sets to herself to wash me & help me get changed, put maternity pad & pans on. Ds still hasn't been fed as I am too drugged up & with drips in both hands & is screaming, my mum demands a bottle for him & is refused. 48 hours later out of HDU, dumped in a room on post natal, never see a doctor or nurse again except for drug runs, discharged myself 3 days later. Ended up with severe pnd & PTSD.

Hi @Fluffygreenslippers I'm so sorry about your birth and shocked how surprisingly similar mine was. I did birth reflections/ birth stories after my birth and really struggling to process it and it saved me. It allowed me peace with the birth. Could you try for something like that?

Also just keep talking about it to friends who are happy to listen.

It does get easier, I'm currently pregnant with my second. I know this time I do not want forceps and if big baby is mentioned im having a c section no doubt! My first was 10lbs so it's highly likely.

To all who are scared of a difficult birth - I had one and now Ds is 20odd and healthy, Ended up CS , I never think of it now. I had induction various things which caused concern - but Ds came out OK. ( well clearly I do think as reminded by this thread ) But would say - if you are in a hospital with an aesthetist who can get quickly to labour ward for an epidural & take advice things can work out Ok & I am a bit of a never let the good get in the way of the perfect sort of person

My post is to encourage people that if a little bit or something goes wrong - do not panic. I t will probably work out OK ( hence my post about 25 yr old son being OK despite horrid labour and ECS But OK now .

I laugh when I think about pre natal classes where people wanted lavender water etc - I just said I want this baby out in the best way possible,

I am so sorry for your experience. Unfortunately, as you will see, it is not uncommon for women giving birth to be sidelined and ignored and as a first-time mum you're often not able to advocate effectively for yourself. I too had a birth for DC1 where I didn't feel listened to or cared for (though it was nowhere near as traumatic as yours). I am giving birth to DC2 in a few weeks time and have started steeling myself to turn into the most difficult patient ever if the staff sideline me again. I am a patient and a human being, not an annoying lump of meat.

I don't believe in all that 'healthy baby, happy mum' crap, so won't tell you just to do your best to enjoy your baby, because that implies that you should just shut up, stop being difficult and get over it since, now you're a mummy, baby is all that matters. This attitude makes me want do explode with anger 😡 . You matter too and it was not acceptable how you were treated, even if your baby was OK in the end. Please do ask for a debrief, make your views clear and push as hard at you are able to for help to deal with the physical and psychological issues caused by your traumatic experience.

Why do they keep using forceps in the UK? Isn’t ventouse safer?

OP this sounds absolutely unacceptable and awful, I’m so sorry.
No i wouldn’t say this is a normal way of giving birth, it sounds like your birth was badly managed.

I was bullied and coerced into an induction for the same reasons as you OP and it gave me birth trauma too.

5 years later and I was pregnant and I refused to listen to the crap the hospital was peddling. I went with home water birth in my own time and had the most wonderful, calm and beautiful experience.

They said my baby would die unless I had an induction!

You know what I think? I think they lie about the reasons for induction so they can control the number of women giving birth each day to suit their staffing levels. That's it. I think it's that simple.

They're willing to put women through hell, babies lives at risk, just so they can plan a rota.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my third and I've read a book called "in your own time" by sara wickham and it is all about induction. Very eye-opening.

Also another great book called "reclaiming childbirth as a rite of passage" absolutely incredible.

I'm having another home birth. I've already been bullied by midwives and I've dug my heels in. "Big baby" at 12 week scan ffs! "Not allowed home birth" due to being +40.

And guess what? They reported me to social services for saying no to them. Nothing came of it of course. But how fucking dare they bully me.

I got an independent midwife who knows everything I've been through and what did she say to me? "Make sure you have snacks and drinks available for your home birth!"

Like you, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink when I was in labour at the hospital.

In my home, I am free to relax, eat and drink, get into optimal birthing positions and have a baby with no complications.

The NHS system breaks women. I would never trust them to have my best interests at heart. Never.

My friend went through something similar. I found my birth traumatic too. I think you should see someone about it and talk things through, both within the nhs and counselling. My friend and I could not go through another birth as a result of our trauma. I have a 9yo and finally people have stopped telling me you get over the pain.
It wasn't the pain, it was the utter disgrace at which I was treated that I couldn't go back and face again.
I wish you a swift recovery OP

I'm so sorry Fluffygreenslippers, that sounds like a very traumatic birth. Definitely ask for a birth debrief and make sure you get one (I was supposed to get one but it never happened, and I just couldn't get the energy to follow up on it).

Even when its not a first time mum they don't seem to listen. My second birth was traumatic, my first had its own trauma (not the labour or birth itself, but just afterwards when they whisked DD away to SCBU and left me completely alone not knowing what was happening) so I made sure to book an appointment to discuss it with the hospital first and I was assured that I would be listened to and everything explained clearly but when I went into labour with DS (went into labour spontaneously but didn't progress so they put me on the drip too, horrid thing) it certainly didn't feel like they were listening to me or communication properly with me. DS's heart rate kept dropping, he was clearly in distress and I begged for a CS as I wasn't progressing enough but they just kept saying no, you don't need a CS. When he was eventually half pushed half pulled out he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice, a CS really should have been done, it could have ended in tragedy. I then haemorrhaged, my bladder was too full so my uterus wouldn't contract and they kept using single use catheters to try and empty it, instead of putting in a proper catheter that would only need to go in once, I had to experience that horrible pain of insertion multiple times, while they pressed hard on my belly and put me back on the drip. It was more painful than the labour or the birth and I'm still not over it 4 years later. The only positive thing was that they left the gas and air with me during this so I had some pain relief.

ODFOD. That is your helpful response?

I'm so sorry OP. You weren't listened to. Such a simple thing that makes all the difference in labour and yet they failed you again and again and again. Communication and compassion costs nothing.

They should have listened to you.

Yes I did and I wish I had been aware that trauma counselling was a thing. It absolutely affected me for a long time. 18 years later I still can't see a dentist as I sit in the chair and then freak out when they turn the overhead light on

I had to have an operation a year after the birth to repair the damage they had done . My second child was delivered by an elective Caesarian.

Yep, got a 2 month old. The care I received was shocking. Was over 41 weeks, went in for induction at 2.30pm. Spent all day sat there doing nothing, got a ctg at 11pm at night then a 24 hour pessary. After 10 minutes I reacted with it and got strong contractions and his heartrate dropped. They eventually took it out and for the next 5 hours I was in agony having contractions every 1-2 minutes and was only given paracetamol and told to have a bath. They wouldn't check how much I was dilated, said they were waiting for the doctor to come out of theatre. I was pushing and still nothing. It got to 7.30 am and my partner had to shout at them to come and check how dilated I was as I was in pure agony with just paracetamol in my system. They reluctantly agreed to see how far gone I was as they said I wouldn't be that dilated. I was nearly 9cm. They rushed me off to the birthing suite with gas and air and I was pushing but his head was too high up. They put me on ctg then broke my waters to find that he had a poo inside and heartrate was at 60. I got rushed into theatre where my partner was left hanging outside the room not knowing if we were going to make it. I was put under general anaesthetic and thankfully they got him out in time. Now I am butchered and still scarred from my experience in July. I am still bleeding and it was horrendous. Never again