Did anyone else just have a really horrific labour?

[Fluffygreenslippers]

Apologies in advance for the absolute stream of consciousness but it’s late at night, I can’t sleep & I thought I was over the birth but I don’t think I am? I keep getting flashbacks and shuddering, it’s like remembering a nightmare. I’m 14 weeks pp.

I was pretty much bullied into an induction. Everyone kept telling me the baby was massive, huge, gargantuan even. They tested me twice for GE. One sonographer even gave a spiteful giggle saying fetus had a ‘chubby tummy’. Terrified, I asked for a c section. Was firmly declined. I was so worn out with pregnancy I had no fight in me. I agreed to an induction. They gave me a piece of paper that ‘explained everything’. It said I would have a pessary to induce labour. It sounded fine. I did some googling. Mumsnet said there was a drip? Well the booklet didn’t mention a drip, naive me reasoned, so I would ‘t have to worry.

Day of induction. Given pessary. Sat in labour ward anxious and bored. In the evening contractions started. I tried to watch the first episode of Kenobi i but they were so painful I couldn’t concentrate. Listened to music instead. Oh this was horribly, horribly painful. And constant…I thought contractions came in waves? I had all the pain relief offered, threw up from the pain, couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning they moved me to the labour ward.

Bed was too small. Pain still constant, starting to become unbearable. No sleep, tired now. Midwife jollily brings out a drip. A drip? What the fuck is this? I’m also hooked up to IV antibiotics because of positive strep b. I get through six fucking bags of the stuff. My hand hurts. The contractions become unbearable, I ask for epidural. Until, they lessen. I can sit up, breath again. I cancel the epidural. They keep turning the drip up. I am not progressing. My blood feels like it’s 50% iv fluid. As i’m not progressing, someone comes to break my waters, it’s agony. She can’t break them. Two other people try, one after another. I’m howling in agony like an animal, begging them to stop. They tell me to use gas and air which makes it feel like my brain is going to leak out my ears but does nothing, nothing at all for the pain. The third one concludes perhaps my waters have already broken. I start throwing up again. It’s the next day. Somehow it’s 10am.

No progress. Doctors in and out. A fourth woman comes to try and break my waters. Terrified, I start crying. I feel violated. She manages to break them. I feel a gush. Then the full force of the drip hits me. I start screaming. I beg for an epidural even though I’ve always been terrified of then. The anaesthetist comes, sticks a needle in my spine. I am trembling with fear, convinced I’ll end up paralysed. And then, blessed relief, and then, the pain is back. The epidural only worked on one half of my body. They top it up, again and again, every 30 minutes. Exhausted, I fall asleep for 20 minutes until the pain wakes me up again.

Finally, I am dilated enough to push. I push for an hour, nothing happens. More doctors. There is talk of a c section. Oh please. Please yes. Doctor says they will try a forceps delivery first. What? No. My heart sinks. Forceps are my worse nightmare but I just want this to end. I agree.

I am wheeled into theatre and given a spinal block. I am so relieved. I no longer feel any pain. They lay me down but the weight of my pregnant belly on my chest crushes me. I can’t breath. This is how I’m going to die I think. And it’s so ludicrous. I beg for them to sit me back up. They don’t listen for agonising minutes. I insist. They finally listen and find a wedge.

I can’t feel or see a thing but my husband witnessed the whole event. The doctor, standing with the forceps. The huge, HUGE heave she did, the flash of the scalpal as i’m sliced like meat through my vagina, and another huge heave, the doctor leaning back with her whole weight like she’s doing tug of war.

The baby is dragged out into the world. I see him, briefly, and then he is whisked away. He is injured from the forceps. Two doctors spend an age stitching me. The scar I can feel now is at least three inches long, possibly four. I have haemorrhaged and will need two transfusions. As they wheel me out the theatre I see puddles of blood all over the floor.

And the big huge baby? He is 8.6lbs. Long and slim.

I hear you absolutely, and what you're feeling is real. Birth Trauma is woefully under recognised but there is help out there for you.

There is the Birth Trauma Association as a first stop, they will one hundred percent not try to wave you off with "at least you have a healthy baby" and shut you up, distract you, or be uncomfortable with what you're saying, which is the reaction you will get from a lot of people. It can be lonely feeling surrounded by other women who have managed to give birth without sustaining PTSD, I felt terribly guilty, and a complete failure.

If you feel up to it, you can contact your hospital via PALS and ask for a maternity debrief session, in which they should go through your notes and explain what happened and answer any questions. There should be two members of staff to do this with you and you can take someone with you as support.

Try and get some counselling asap, depending on which area you are in you can self refer, but speak to the GP and don't be fobbed off. The sooner you can deal with this the better. Don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. You matter.

Yes it was shit. Was induced with the drip. That stuff is the devils work. I wasn’t allowed any pain relief whatsoever either because I dilated straight to ten on it and just contracted like crazy. Thought I was going to die. That was my second. Induced contractions are not like normal
contractions.

Thanks so much everyone for replying and sharing your stories and agreeing that yes it was awful and I’m not making a fuss over nothing. That alone makes me feel better.

I did speak to a my community ( tbh useless) midwife & a HV about it. The midwife said I could get a debrief. I requested one but didn’t hear anything back. The HV said I could have talking therapy and offered to do it. But then she didn’t turn up for our appointment. Apparently she went back into retirement. I didn’t want to talk about it all over again so I didn’t chase it up with the office.

@mrssunshinexxx I’m not sure what to say to that. Should he have punched the nurses? We both trusted in the medical expertise of the doctors & midwives, a trust I know now never to repeat.

When I told my mother about this experience (who i don’t get on with & am now NC for many reasons) she said oh well i gave birth three times & I had forceps and basically disregarded how I felt and I felt like I was making a fuss over nothing.

I also blame my shit community midwife. Not only was she no help at all with my spd but she never did a birth plan with me or any advice about induction. I know birth plans rarely go to plan but it would have made me feel better to have had ‘no forceps’ in my birth notes. At least I could have told the doctor it was against my wishes.

I wish I had advocated harder for myself, but I foolishly thought the doctors were doing the ‘right’ thing and it’s hard to be firm when you haven’t slept or eaten in days and can’t think from pain. It’s really shit that so many other women have been disregarded during their most vulnerable time.

You are at your most vulnerable in labour, absolutely, please don't blame yourself, you did your best for your baby. To disagree with the doctors and midwives is is really counterintuitive when your drive is to keep you and your baby safe. Compliance feels much safer.

I'm so sorry you didn't get the care that you needed, please don't give up with the debrief if it's something you want to do. Email the hospital directly and chase it up, and push for some counselling with a qualified therapist who is able to help you with birth trauma specifically, not a chat with your local HV.

Even if you have to go on a waiting list for free therapy, the time will pass and it will roll around. If you can afford to pay, do it.

My induced labour began like yours. The constant pain, no break in between. I had placenta previa and bled a lot too. I ended up not having the drip and my waters broke naturally, with what seemed like gallons of blood.

I remember being terrified, thinking I was dying and it was a very hot night with windows open. For days after I couldn't sleep as when I shut my eyes all I could hear was screaming (mine and other women.) This screaming was flashbacks. I could also see my blood and feel the pain of being stitched (2nd degree tear) as the anaesthetic didn't work properly.

I had a midwife listen to me talk about all of this, I will never forget her she was so kind. After that the flashbacks stopped. I never had them again.

This was my second and final labour, so that helped too I think as my first one was fine and I was very calm the whole way through.

I’m so sorry you went through this.

This is pretty much what happened to me, including gas not working etc, I thought I was an exception, though you ended up worse, plus the baby injured.

they induced me for different reasons, baby was small and didn’t grow for the last 4 weeks.

apart from that it took 31h and I ended up with forceps too

bc of the trauma, I think, I didn’t feel any love towards my baby for a couple of months, only a sense of duty, and I felt traumatised and in a fog for 2months. I lied to the midwife and said I felt fine as I didn’t want to relive it.

my DD had bruises on her head that took some time to heal, a few months, but otherwise she was fine. They cut me too, but I don’t think it was big.

Now I’m pregnant again and terrified of giving birth. I told them I don’t want another induction. I’m not sure I want a c-section either, as I want to be on my feet after birth.

the consultant said they won’t let me get past 39 weeks and they will try a sweep then, but what if labour doesn’t start? I’m very afraid I”lol go through it again.

until reading your story, I thought I was very unlucky, but now I think it’s possible it happens, though I read a lot of how with an induction it’s a greater risk of forceps and other complications. It makes me mad that doctors know this and still push inductions.

sorry I’m ranting about myself.

I don’t know what to say apart that I feel for you And it gets better, give yourself time and see if you can get someone to talk about it.

My first birth pretty much was the same , a complete f up from everyone involved. Epidural same as well, then again rushed into theatre for forceps. Almost everything you described was like mine. It was horrendous and took me almost 5 years to fully get over it. I always wanted two children, and im currently 20 weeks preg again and this time im demanding a c section. I am not going through that circus again of 'professionals' not having a clue what to do, or even listen to me. Only person that listened to me was my partner and the student midwife who was an absolute blessing to have by my side. Other midwives were all generally older and 'knew better' . I was told i should have sued the NHS for the trauma but i went to therapy instead. Paid for by the nhs .... ironic.

They offered me a debrief like two months ago and not heard anything since. I know how i felt and how i was treated, no one should tell you to feel differently.

I as well had no birth plan, it all got a mess in the end as i became so ill no one really cared to involve me in the plans about my birth. It was like 'this is what we are doing' no discussion about options etc.

Also same, most people compare there experiences, like older people in general who have had several children and are hardened from it and dismiss your feelings.

I had depression for months, possibly a year and struggled with my baby like i didnt know who this stranger was. It was like three days of labour and messing around to, spinal block everything was calm and relaxing and then they just plonk a baby on you and thats that like nothing before it even happened. Im laid there half naked, one boob out shell shocked from the last three days events and then they expect you to just crack on being a mum even though you have just lived through a horror film of emotions and abuse from every angle. I have to live with that feelings for the rest of my life were as every single person involved just goes home as its just another day for them at work.

As you can tell im still pretty much miffed of about the whole thing and will demand a c section this time round.

Omg this is shocking I’m so sorry for you

were you in the uk? Have you thought of making a formal complaint or sue them?

In my case they couldn’t use the ventouse, they told me, I think, that the baby was too far down the canal. I think they use the ventouse if the baby is closer to coming out.

The problem seems to be induction. The problems start with that. How many women get to go into labour naturally these days?

This is unbelievable, I didn’t know care was so poor. So sorry for you

i also reacted quickly to the pessary and they didn’t believe me, they said it’s not possible the contractions to start so fast.

thought maybe I was a freak, as the other 5 women in the salon, that were also induced, were still there 2 days later when I went home, still not in labour.

He would most likely been bewildered and deferring to doctors. Mine was going to toilet to cry from time to time, so I wouldn’t see him, but it was clear when he came back.

So sorry OP. This story resonated with me. I had a similar experience, except my "gigantic" baby with a "massive" tummy was only... 7lb 1oz. His stomach was normal sized. I feel like there should be actual support groups for shitty antenatal care and birth experiences, I would definitely go. HCPs go on and on about how your voice matters, use the BRAIN acronym, blah blah blah but at the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter. The baby is all that matters, and fuck your feelings. Who cares if you end up with crippling pnd, baby's fine! 🥳

My husband also cried. I have never seen him that way, and never since, and part of the reason I'll never make peace with the experience. NHS maternity services in this country aren't fit for purpose.

@Kindofcrunchy I am truly sorry for your experience but I am not sure "NHS maternity services in this country are not fit for purpose" is entirely accurate. My experience was they delivered my son healthy and well with circumstances which could have been so different.

I do not mean do dismiss other's experiences.

Ghastly. I knew this type of thing would happen (it did) as I'm a nurse so I was having none of it. I demanded an epidural from the beginning. This got me labelled as the awkward squad but I didn't care. I'm not interested in hours of pain thanks.

Oh, it's accurate. You only have to read the accounts on mumsnet to see how desperately awful they are. Perhaps the provision is exemplary where you are, but mostly, they're shit. Desperately shit. And this dismissive attitude that you have, and doubtless many others share, is why so many women continue to suffer.

There are hospitals where the Friends and Family report on the maternity wards is 22%. Even in my trust last time I looked it was around 60%. Any other ward heads would roll if it fell under 90%.

It has to be possible for maternity services in this country to improve. I don't think campaigners against the brutal overmedicalisation of childbirth, which was a real thing, meant 'cut provision to the point that they provide the most rudimentary and emergency-led 'care' possible and stop listening to mothers because it's too difficult to hear them'.

Perhaps the Birth Trauma Association would be helpful?

To be honest, I found birth a really shocking, intense experience all by itself - you need to process it and work through it, even if nothing goes wrong. And the one I found traumatic (even though nothing compared to the stories on this thread) was the one where I wasn't believed and listened to. It's huge. It makes the world of difference.

I don't think campaigners against the brutal overmedicalisation of childbirth, which was a real thing, meant 'cut provision to the point that they provide the most rudimentary and emergency-led 'care' possible and stop listening to mothers because it's too difficult to hear them'.

Of course they didn't! Anyone campaigning for less medicalisation of birth is generally also campaigning for more listening to mothers, clearer pathway of information, better ways for labouring mums to be given chance to ask questions or just tell caregivers things that matter.

I genuinely blame NCT and hypnobirthing for my birth trauma, as I was led to believe this beautiful fantasy that I would breathe my baby out, they would crawl up my chest, latch and that was job done.

I feel so bad for everyone reading these stories. It’s awful. I put my trust in trained people and was just ignored. Sometime during the labour I remember crying that I just couldn’t do it anymore, and begging the midwife practically on my knees to turn the drip off. I asked again and again if I could just have a c section. I could tell my body was no way going to push the baby out naturally, it was in shock. In fairness to her, she did turn it off for a bit. I honestly wanted to run away from the hospital. I almost wish I had, but I was pretty crippled with spd so running wasn’t an option lol.

I haven’t even mentioned the appalling ‘care’ I received on the post natal ward, this seems to be a running theme with almost everyone I know who has had a baby. Woe betide you if you end up staying overnight and get the night staff. Maybe I should start another thread about it?

I didn't believe the whole hypnobirthing story from NCT but I do think their main purpose is to keep the anxiety of mums-to-be under control.

By the time we realise that hypnobirthing doesn't work, it's too late to worry and an epidural is on hand.

I really feel hospitals ( and NCT and pregnancy yoga people and all the rest of them) need to stop being so c - section averse. I had two and they are such a bloody easy way to give birth and the recovery was no problem either.

So sorry for your awful experience OP.