Did anyone else just have a really horrific labour?

[Fluffygreenslippers]

Apologies in advance for the absolute stream of consciousness but it’s late at night, I can’t sleep & I thought I was over the birth but I don’t think I am? I keep getting flashbacks and shuddering, it’s like remembering a nightmare. I’m 14 weeks pp.

I was pretty much bullied into an induction. Everyone kept telling me the baby was massive, huge, gargantuan even. They tested me twice for GE. One sonographer even gave a spiteful giggle saying fetus had a ‘chubby tummy’. Terrified, I asked for a c section. Was firmly declined. I was so worn out with pregnancy I had no fight in me. I agreed to an induction. They gave me a piece of paper that ‘explained everything’. It said I would have a pessary to induce labour. It sounded fine. I did some googling. Mumsnet said there was a drip? Well the booklet didn’t mention a drip, naive me reasoned, so I would ‘t have to worry.

Day of induction. Given pessary. Sat in labour ward anxious and bored. In the evening contractions started. I tried to watch the first episode of Kenobi i but they were so painful I couldn’t concentrate. Listened to music instead. Oh this was horribly, horribly painful. And constant…I thought contractions came in waves? I had all the pain relief offered, threw up from the pain, couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning they moved me to the labour ward.

Bed was too small. Pain still constant, starting to become unbearable. No sleep, tired now. Midwife jollily brings out a drip. A drip? What the fuck is this? I’m also hooked up to IV antibiotics because of positive strep b. I get through six fucking bags of the stuff. My hand hurts. The contractions become unbearable, I ask for epidural. Until, they lessen. I can sit up, breath again. I cancel the epidural. They keep turning the drip up. I am not progressing. My blood feels like it’s 50% iv fluid. As i’m not progressing, someone comes to break my waters, it’s agony. She can’t break them. Two other people try, one after another. I’m howling in agony like an animal, begging them to stop. They tell me to use gas and air which makes it feel like my brain is going to leak out my ears but does nothing, nothing at all for the pain. The third one concludes perhaps my waters have already broken. I start throwing up again. It’s the next day. Somehow it’s 10am.

No progress. Doctors in and out. A fourth woman comes to try and break my waters. Terrified, I start crying. I feel violated. She manages to break them. I feel a gush. Then the full force of the drip hits me. I start screaming. I beg for an epidural even though I’ve always been terrified of then. The anaesthetist comes, sticks a needle in my spine. I am trembling with fear, convinced I’ll end up paralysed. And then, blessed relief, and then, the pain is back. The epidural only worked on one half of my body. They top it up, again and again, every 30 minutes. Exhausted, I fall asleep for 20 minutes until the pain wakes me up again.

Finally, I am dilated enough to push. I push for an hour, nothing happens. More doctors. There is talk of a c section. Oh please. Please yes. Doctor says they will try a forceps delivery first. What? No. My heart sinks. Forceps are my worse nightmare but I just want this to end. I agree.

I am wheeled into theatre and given a spinal block. I am so relieved. I no longer feel any pain. They lay me down but the weight of my pregnant belly on my chest crushes me. I can’t breath. This is how I’m going to die I think. And it’s so ludicrous. I beg for them to sit me back up. They don’t listen for agonising minutes. I insist. They finally listen and find a wedge.

I can’t feel or see a thing but my husband witnessed the whole event. The doctor, standing with the forceps. The huge, HUGE heave she did, the flash of the scalpal as i’m sliced like meat through my vagina, and another huge heave, the doctor leaning back with her whole weight like she’s doing tug of war.

The baby is dragged out into the world. I see him, briefly, and then he is whisked away. He is injured from the forceps. Two doctors spend an age stitching me. The scar I can feel now is at least three inches long, possibly four. I have haemorrhaged and will need two transfusions. As they wheel me out the theatre I see puddles of blood all over the floor.

And the big huge baby? He is 8.6lbs. Long and slim.

OP I feel for you, my experience was similar but punctuated with examples of good care which weirdly made it harder to challenge them. For the first time in my life I felt like a piece of meat and I was in so much pain I was unable to articulate my wishes or preferences. During antenatal classes so much fuss was made about informed consent and everything being a choice, and once in labour everything like that went out of the window. I was on a ‘care’ conveyor belt pathway BS and that’s what determined what happened to me. My thoughts and wishes didn’t even come into it. Being unable to stand up for yourself almost made it worse for me, like I had failed myself. I had a debrief which did help but they were also able to refer me on for counselling. Take care.

I'm sorry you went through this awful experience, OP. I have four children and I honestly feel I survived despite, not because of, the care I received. My last birth was an undetected placenta praevia (despite having no less than seven scans and having had two previous c-sections). I shouldn't even be alive right now. Maternity "care" in this country is utterly shit.

Acting professionally, following NICE guidelines, explaining options in clear, concise terms, listening to what action the patient prefers and treating the patient with respect. I think that covers it?

I could have written this. Please ask for a debrief. I didn’t have one until I was pregnant with my second nearly three years after. I opted for an elcs this time and it was magical. I’m so sorry you went through this 💐

Agree but the OPs complaint include giving her a necessary drip (which she says made her feel like a plague infested rat !).... pronouncing her name wrong... putting her in a standard sized NHS bed.....all I'm saying is emotions are clearly running very high!!

The bed was tiny, not a standard sized bed at all. I don’t know what the fuck was going on with that bed, neither did the midwife. I like how you’ve cherry picked my replies though, well done. And thanks for minimizing my emotions. I’m not ‘frenzied’ by any means. I’m quite calm, but even if I wasn’t I am allowed to feel emotional about an event that felt quite traumatic. I have come here to vent and hear other peoples experiences.

@Fluffygreenslippers you write beautifully - you should write a book!

The experience of my last birth (baby no. 2) was so similar to yours. Horrific induction ending in forceps and NO ONE explained to me beforehand everything that induction would involve. I really sympathize with you. It took me a long time to get over the trauma. My marriage took a hit for a while too because I felt angry at my husband for watching me being tortured and not doing anything to stand up for me.

I’m pregnant again with baby no. 3 (39 weeks) and there is no way in hell I’ll agree to an induction this time. I’m having a homebirth this time and it’ll be a homebirth VBAC as well because my first child was a c-section.

The sonographer at my last scan said I was “brave” for planning a homebirth - I’d be brave to go back to the hospital!

My Mum spent her entire career working as a nurse in the NHS and she advised me to have a homebirth this time. She has always said that while she enjoyed working in hospitals, she would hate to be a patient because you should never assume that hospital is the safest place to be (so many mistakes are made and staff can be so stretched that the standard of care can be really shocking). And in maternity care there’s currently an obsession with induction because it’s oh so important to rush baby into the world and then you get there and they are short-staffed and short on beds and rooms and leave you hanging about it pain sometimes for days and then rush in to “save” your baby with bungled interventions when the doctors become available.

@Fluffygreenslippers i don’t think Weevil is minimising your emotions. I think she’s just making the point that sometimes a bit of perspective and calm helps you to process things. They should’ve considered a c-section (although no guarantee that would’ve gone swimmingly either), and they should’ve talked you through the induction. But the rest of it - and I’ve had the induction/forceps experience! - unfortunately sounds pretty normal. Childbirth is horrific and being in agony is par for the course to be honest. I don’t think they were treating you like a ‘plague infested rat’ by giving you an antibiotic drip - if they hadn’t, and you or your baby had contracted an infection, your OP would make for even worse reading. I had 3 drips in during labour, of course I didn’t like them, but they weren’t personal slights - just an unfortunate necessity. I do think you need to reframe parts of this in your mind as is reads like you really feel they had it in for you, when I doubt that was the case.

it would have made me feel better to have had ‘no forceps’ in my birth notes. At least I could have told the doctor it was against my wishes.

But; what then? The baby is stuck, they’re too low down for a c-section, what would you expect the doctors to do to bring you through it with a healthy child?

Ah @Wouldloveanother everyone seems fixated in my plague infested rat description. I’m just using a metaphor for dramatic effect. Perhaps my writing style is too silly and theatrical for Mumsnet? It’s very much tongue in cheek.

If thats what happens then so be it. He wasn’t too low for a c section though. The doctor told me it was hospital policy to try forceps first.

I'm 11 years pp and I still think about what happened when I was in labour. I don't think I'll ever get over it.

I'm really sorry but I didn't read all of your post. But I had a natural birth with my first amd an induction with my second, due to being told small, however baby was huge! 9.7.5lb to be exact. I too felt traumatised, it was chaos, and no let up with contractions, I couldn't even look at my baby, I honestly thought I was going to die, no lie! I felt traumatised for a long time afterwards. I'm done having children but if I were to have another I would demand a c section, I could never put myself through that again. A natural birth compared to an induced birth was easy, the induction was like torture.

I’m actually chuffed you’ve said that @KetchupKetchup I’ve written three 🤣 I think some users are getting very hung up on my writing style. I’ve been trying to minimise it but my silly metaphors and the like are creeping in. What can I say, I just like writing!

Funny my initial community midwife offered me a home birth, and suggested a water birth, but then she left and no more was said about it. As a nervous ftm I thought it was more prudent to be in a hospital with loads of medical staff. Wish I’d given birth alone in the wardrobe like a cat now, quite frankly.

But then that makes ‘no forceps’ a pointless thing to write doesn’t it?

They usually try forceps if the baby is low in the pelvis. Obviously if the baby is truly stuck and forceps don’t work they have to do a CS but this can involve pulling the baby back up through the birth canal ( 😣) which can damage them.

Also, I should add, my partner at the time even had a go at me because I didn't want to hold or even look at my baby for a long time after bring born, but I just felt like I was in a traumatised state, and I'd had no drugs, so it really was just trauma! I'm 6 years on now and I still remember that fear of dying. I remember the gas nozzle coming off amd nobody noticing but i couldn't even speak to say "put the fucking gas back in". Your not on your own feeling this was.

He was and is damaged from the forceps. Why can’t I have no forceps in my notes if it makes me feel better? Why are you arguing with me lol. Are you the hospitals solicitor?

how awful @MissMaple82 I am sorry.

Why have it if you know it’s unenforceable? It wouldn’t make me feel better writing something that I know wouldn’t have any effect.

I’m not arguing, you started a thread looking for responses and that’s what I’m doing.

Yep I can relate to this. I was laughed at every time I requested an epidural, outright told 'no' or told 'yeah, suuuure' with a big wink at my birthing partner. I was told I was a 'silly girl' for some reason :/
Glutton for punishment me still had two more babies, though. With the last one, he was back to back and weighed 10lbs. I couldn't get him out. When I kept repeating that I had done this before twice over but this time I needed some help, I couldn't get him out, I was told their equipment was being used for other women and I had to just keep pushing. I don't know how I did it but I'm sure the outcome could've been horrific.
I had NO IDEA that every woman has a right to a c-section until after I was done having kids.

@SwordToFlamethrower l have a very similar theory about inductions; they use inductions to control the through put. For a number of reasons l will be point blank declining to have one.

@Fluffygreenslippers I’m not surprised at all that you’ve written 3 books. I love your writing style - you communicate the hilarity and tragedy of the situation so well. I’d love to read your books if you PM me the titles (I understand if you don’t want to share your identity with me though).

I’ve found that a lot of the stuff I’ve listened to in preparing for this birth have helped me heal a bit (Midwives’s Cauldron podcast, MidwifeThinking blog, Dr. Sarah Wickham’s books on induction, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth) as they really helped me understand how the medicalised model of childbirth works and how when you mess with physiological birth by overintervening it often ends in bad outcomes for mothers and babies.

What happened to you was wrong and completely goes against the tenet of informed consent. You are understandably very angry about it.

Yes, like a cat in a wardrobe, quite! That’s how I’m hoping this birth will go.

There needs to be more discussion about the dangers of forceps and assisted birth. There may be some cases where a C-section isn't possible due the baby's position, but it should absolutely be offered as an alternative in all other cases where there is a strong likelihood that an assisted birth will be required. The rates of injuries to mother and baby from assisted deliveries and the devastating nature of the types of injuries sustained are absolutely horrific. This is especially the case since many obstetricians nowadays don't have the experience to carry out forceps births safely and don't take proper account of the risks of injury to the mother and baby. To have 'hospital policy' being to try forceps first before a c-section, without proper clinical justification based on the individual case, is completely unacceptable. There are too reported cases of women denied c-sections who subsequently lose their babies in horrific forceps deliveries where the hospital admits that the baby would have survived had the mother been given a c-section.

Try not to focus on the replies that tell youto "calm down dear" and suggest that you're being dramatic and could have somehow thought your way out of the trauma. Unfortunately that's a really common reaction. It makes people feel uncomfortable in one way or another.

Unless you have PTSD from a traumatic birth you or work with women that have, you have no insight. Lots of replies lacking empathy or any knowledge whatsoever here. Skim past.

Also, I'd suggest that time will bury it rather than actually deal with it, so although you may not remember the details so vividly in ten years time, there may be momens that bring it all back. Don't try to tough your way through it, the help that you need is out there with a little digging.

Things are changing in this area, albeit slowly, and the recognition is coming, hopefully the awareness will trickle down to the general public sooner rather than later.

I feel for you OP. I have experience as a student HCP on labour wards and the belittling, humiliation and neglect of labouring women is routine. I was horrified by how women were routinely treated. A lot of the older staff are completely desensitised and cynical, some even enjoy being nasty to their patients. Of course they're all overworked blablabla, but that's no excuse for nastiness.
I had a first birth that was shit on paper, but I was cared for by a lovely young midwife. She was the reason I was fine afterwards. The way you are treated as a labouring woman makes a massive difference.
I hope you can make peace with your terrible experience OP.