Did anyone else just have a really horrific labour?

[Fluffygreenslippers]

Apologies in advance for the absolute stream of consciousness but it’s late at night, I can’t sleep & I thought I was over the birth but I don’t think I am? I keep getting flashbacks and shuddering, it’s like remembering a nightmare. I’m 14 weeks pp.

I was pretty much bullied into an induction. Everyone kept telling me the baby was massive, huge, gargantuan even. They tested me twice for GE. One sonographer even gave a spiteful giggle saying fetus had a ‘chubby tummy’. Terrified, I asked for a c section. Was firmly declined. I was so worn out with pregnancy I had no fight in me. I agreed to an induction. They gave me a piece of paper that ‘explained everything’. It said I would have a pessary to induce labour. It sounded fine. I did some googling. Mumsnet said there was a drip? Well the booklet didn’t mention a drip, naive me reasoned, so I would ‘t have to worry.

Day of induction. Given pessary. Sat in labour ward anxious and bored. In the evening contractions started. I tried to watch the first episode of Kenobi i but they were so painful I couldn’t concentrate. Listened to music instead. Oh this was horribly, horribly painful. And constant…I thought contractions came in waves? I had all the pain relief offered, threw up from the pain, couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning they moved me to the labour ward.

Bed was too small. Pain still constant, starting to become unbearable. No sleep, tired now. Midwife jollily brings out a drip. A drip? What the fuck is this? I’m also hooked up to IV antibiotics because of positive strep b. I get through six fucking bags of the stuff. My hand hurts. The contractions become unbearable, I ask for epidural. Until, they lessen. I can sit up, breath again. I cancel the epidural. They keep turning the drip up. I am not progressing. My blood feels like it’s 50% iv fluid. As i’m not progressing, someone comes to break my waters, it’s agony. She can’t break them. Two other people try, one after another. I’m howling in agony like an animal, begging them to stop. They tell me to use gas and air which makes it feel like my brain is going to leak out my ears but does nothing, nothing at all for the pain. The third one concludes perhaps my waters have already broken. I start throwing up again. It’s the next day. Somehow it’s 10am.

No progress. Doctors in and out. A fourth woman comes to try and break my waters. Terrified, I start crying. I feel violated. She manages to break them. I feel a gush. Then the full force of the drip hits me. I start screaming. I beg for an epidural even though I’ve always been terrified of then. The anaesthetist comes, sticks a needle in my spine. I am trembling with fear, convinced I’ll end up paralysed. And then, blessed relief, and then, the pain is back. The epidural only worked on one half of my body. They top it up, again and again, every 30 minutes. Exhausted, I fall asleep for 20 minutes until the pain wakes me up again.

Finally, I am dilated enough to push. I push for an hour, nothing happens. More doctors. There is talk of a c section. Oh please. Please yes. Doctor says they will try a forceps delivery first. What? No. My heart sinks. Forceps are my worse nightmare but I just want this to end. I agree.

I am wheeled into theatre and given a spinal block. I am so relieved. I no longer feel any pain. They lay me down but the weight of my pregnant belly on my chest crushes me. I can’t breath. This is how I’m going to die I think. And it’s so ludicrous. I beg for them to sit me back up. They don’t listen for agonising minutes. I insist. They finally listen and find a wedge.

I can’t feel or see a thing but my husband witnessed the whole event. The doctor, standing with the forceps. The huge, HUGE heave she did, the flash of the scalpal as i’m sliced like meat through my vagina, and another huge heave, the doctor leaning back with her whole weight like she’s doing tug of war.

The baby is dragged out into the world. I see him, briefly, and then he is whisked away. He is injured from the forceps. Two doctors spend an age stitching me. The scar I can feel now is at least three inches long, possibly four. I have haemorrhaged and will need two transfusions. As they wheel me out the theatre I see puddles of blood all over the floor.

And the big huge baby? He is 8.6lbs. Long and slim.

How awful. You should have been granted a c section when you asked for one, they can't really say no, although you do get pushback.

I was induced at 38 weeks as my baby's growth had slowed. I said I did not under any circumstances want an assisted birth and of it was going that way I wanted a c section.

I remember the first part of the induction being similar to how you described. So much pain, no progress. The first night I requested pain relief and was told that if I could get out of bed to request it then I couldn't be in that much pain. The following day was awful. Still no progress and the pain was intense, weird shooting pains in my back. I'm good with pain generally but couldn't hack it.

Midwife examined me and said baby is back to back and has his arm up in an awkward position. Still no dilation! So I said, I want a c section. Midwife said no, you will be putting your baby at risk for no reason. I was confused, did she know something I didn't? I had a little cry - she went away for 5 minutes then returned and said "have you calmed down now?" Managed to regain composure and asked to speak to the consultant (who happened to be the one I had seen previously and had agreed to my plan of a section if the induction wasn't going well). She came in and said "you want c-section?" and booked me in for the following day.

That same midwife later tried to give me ibuprofen whilst I was still pregnant. She spent most of her shift loudly bemoaning how tired she was and how many shifts she had been put down for. I get it, it's shite for midwives but she was very uncaring and made me feel like shit. If I didn't know my right to a section I would have gone along with what she said, and probably would have had a much worse labour than I did.

I had an emergency c section after weeks of telling them I was in agony

turns out I was in multi organ failure. I spent a year in hospital after the birth and didn’t live with my own child nor take care of them. I had blood clots all over my body. Strokes. And a bleed on the brain leaving me with permanent damage forever

was great fun!

The NHS system breaks women. I would never trust them to have my best interests at heart. Never.

^

Agreed. Sections are more expensive. So women I. E. The other 50% of the population, have to suffer.

The only way to improve this is a total overhaul of women's healthcare in the UK.

I had a little cry - she went away for 5 minutes then returned and said "have you calmed down now?

^^

Would she have said this to a man?? Would SHE? NO WAY

It's horrible to read some of these stories. I had forceps round first time round and they're horrible. My stitches are agony.

After the births I was left with a lovely fistula.

You should've been granted a section going by NICE guidelines.

Sorry you went through all that OP.

I'm autistic @MintJulia - I would have really liked to have known what to expect.

So sorry this happened to you. Wasn’t as bad as yours but I had a horrific time too.

I was lucky though that I had a very very useful debrief by the head midwife at the hospital it turned out (it was different to you in that I had complications but cannot fault the care given). I then went back to see her when I was unexpectedly pg with dc2. I was absolutely terrified of going through the same again. Pleased to say arrival of dc2 was enormously better despite him being a 10lb huge baby.

please do insist on that debrief by all means possible.

I think hypnobirthing is being taught appallingly if it is genuinely coming across to people like labour will be totally easy and painless, a lovely experience and you can just breathe through it.

Labour is hard, powerful, overwhelming, intense, painful, exhausting - it's work, hence the name.

Techniques like hypnobirthing and similar can help you cope, but they don't make any of that go away. I never did a hypnobirthing course but I was really lucky to get a great NCT teacher who went off book, I think, going through all the physiological stages of labour and then all possible interventions, how and when and why, and what to expect if it happened. I remember she had a little playmobil operating theatre set up, because she said if you have an emergency section, one of the terrifying things can be the sheer amount of people in the room, so she named everybody and explained what they were there for. She was a brilliant teacher. The other thing she emphasised was the process for asking questions, and the fact that we could, and should, do so.

Healthcare professionals in the region of birth ought to understand all of this as a basic first principle - it's shit and it's hard enough without being denied totally reasonable and sensible things you're asking for or having things just done, rather than explained.

OP, I sympathise. Much of what you went through sounds similar to my own experience and it's the reason my son is, and will remain, an only child.

At some point therapy will be a good idea, to help you come to terms with what you endured. In the meantime certainly a debrief with maternity staff, if you can face it.

Take care.

What a beautiful message. You can really get some top notch advice on here ❤️

That sounds utterly dreadful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that OP.
I had a similar traumatic birth but not quite as horrendous as yours sounds.
One thing I've learnt from it is that (if there is ever) a next time then forewarned is forearmed. I know exactly what I want and what women are entitled to, so if they think they can try and push me into procedures and additional checks like they did first time round, they can fuck right off.
I would suggest you request a debrief from the consultant, often an acknowledgment from them that things could have gone better and a reassurance that your options and opinions will be clearer to you should you find yourself there again. You can also highlight concerns and should receive a written letter confirmation afterwards.
Wish you well OP, I've found that these things have diminished with time passing but be clear with health visitors and GP if you need some extra help.
People forget how traumatic birth can be in general even when it goes well, never mind when there are difficulties.
Enjoy your baby ❤️

OP, you are so lucid about what happened to you and you write really powerfully about it.
can you get someone like a close friend to help you follow up with the hospital who didn’t reply? I have a pact with a friend where we help each other do admin that is painful to do for whatever reason. Really recommend.
unfortunately such a typical mother response. I can hear my own saying that. So glad that our generation will stop saying this shit to our daughters, minimising and dismissing and whatabouting.

OP I had a very similar experience with a similar reaction, but mine was nearly 35 years ago.

It probably took a couple of years for me to be able to think of his birth without being upset, and to stop thinking about it during the small hours over and over.

Maybe 5 years later I had processed it enough to live with it.

Now all these years later it's faded in to a bad dream, and I've forgotten the details, but I don't forget how upset I was.

I think what I'm trying to say is time will help you recover, both physically and emotionally. In the meantime a debrief may be a good plan.. it wasn't available to me, but I think I would have appreciated it.

I had a horrendous labour, 3 days followed by emcs where my uterus tore as my baby was stuck in my pelvis. I understand the physical violent renching to get the baby out. Lots of pain, vomiting, surrounded by medics, thinking we would die and then baby whisked off for a long time. 12 months later I finally did birth reflections and through that ended up with EMDR as pp mentioned. I don't know how it worked, but it did help enormously. Take care, you have been though so much and it can feel alienating from others who don't understand

I used to think about the birth a lot and cry too, but now I dont- 7 years on. You will get there

That sounds horrific. Being fobbed off by your mum, midwives, HV is absolutely not what you need. You’ve gone through a trauma at your most vulnerable. Likely your husband too. You will be prioritised for counselling, cbt etc as you have a baby. Please try to do this. You won’t have to wait long as you will be prioritised.

You have done nothing wrong or your husband. In a birth like yours you are exhausted, in pain, and of course trust the doctors whilst not being in a physical or mental state to understand what is happening, least of all be able to advocate for yourself.

Look after yourself now. Self refer to your community mental health team or speak to your GP if you can’t self refer. Give yourself the easiest time you possibly can now and only talk to people who can respond in the way you need.

It will get easier.

I had an awful induced labour too.At delivery a gush of blood came out and the Dr shat himself like it was the first birth he'd seen maybe it was? It made me panic though I didn't feel like I was in capable hands.
Still get emotional talking about it 8 years later and never had any more children as I couldn't bear going through it again.

It sounds like a horrible birth but what do you think should have been done differently? Presumably you don't think they were acting sadisticallly?

😞 so sorry you went through all of that. That sounds horrific in every possible way. I had an elective c-section for ‘maternal request’ and had so many snidey comments, particularly from my MIL but I have lived my whole life in fear of this exact situation you have described. It’s tragic that you were refused a c-section when it was bound to have been a way better recovery and birth than that! I hear this same story on repeat, different events but horrific birth and usually ends in hemorrhaging. Yet when I requested my c-section (for the 50th time) and finally got to speak to the consultant I was bombarded with all the awful things that were going to happen to me and the baby during it. They were saying anything to put me off and reading out the risks of an emergency c-section rather than an elective. I have so many friends who are now having their second baby’s and are now ‘allowed’ to have a c-section because of their awful story. Funnily enough I haven’t heard one bad story of anyone having an elective, I’m sure there are some unlucky souls out there but it’s clearly nowhere near as common as the trauma you and many others are forced to go through! It should be a choice from start to finish

OP some of this sounds like insensitive care, other parts bad luck, and other parts just normal childbirth. Unfortunately it is, by its nature, painful and pretty shocking, particularly the first time. It sounds like they should’ve been less resistant to your request for a c-section, and explained the process of induction better, but I’m not sure about the rest. There’s nothing they can really do about needing antibiotics (the correct course of action given the strep), the epidural not working properly, the need for forceps. Sometimes the baby needs to be urgently delivered but is too low down for a c-section, so there’s no other choice really. I hope in time you can come to terms with it 💐

Fucking hell @Fluffygreenslippers, that's awful, I'm sorry you went through it 😔

That kind of trauma is not something you're going to move on from in 14 weeks (especially when you've spent those 14 weeks caring for a newborn). You might find the Birth Trauma Association UK Facebook group supportive.

Good luck, the emotional and physical recovery from birth trauma is a journey and you're only at the start 💚

@weevil5 Well for a start it would have been nice not to be made to feel like some sort of freak growing a hulk sized baby.

I had one sonographer repeat over and over that obese mothers were more likely to have down syndrome babies. He also mispronounced my name to sound especially foreign (I am Jewish). I would have liked someone to reassure me that sonographs are not completely accurate, and a natural birth would be fine instead of acting like my baby was a medical anomaly and putting the fear of God in me.

Once I was well and truly petrified it would have been nice if the consultant had taken into consideration why I was requesting a c section instead of point blank refusing.

When an induction was agreed it would have been nice if a doctor or midwife would have sat me down and talked me through exactly what would happen, including the drip, rather than just giving me a piece of paper saying I would get a pessary.

It would have also been nice if someone had told me how painful the drip was beforehand. A doctor did come in and tell me it was ten times more painful than normal contractions-once I was already hooked up.

It would also be nice if I hadn’t been treated as some sort of plague infested rat as I had tested strep b positive, and been hooked up to iv for hours and hours, even after I asked if the cannula could swap hands as my entire hand and wrist were swollen, bruised and bleeding.

It would also be nice if my midwife had put I had SPD in my notes as I was continually asked to put my legs up and turn this way and that.

Oh and it would also be nice if I hadn’t had four peoples hands forcibly shoved up my vagina trying to break my waters while I screamed in agony. After the first person failed she should have waited for the consultant. I literally was screaming at them to stop and saying no over and over. It felt like I was being raped.

I am a human being and was treated like a walking uterus.

Oh and I just want to add that I had no illusions about childbirth being horrible, difficult and painful. I purposefully didn’t google stories as I didn’t want to scare myself.

I feel like my body was forced into labour when it wasn’t ready and now the baby and I are permanently damaged by my decision, which I made listening to the advice of half a dozen medical professionals.

I wish i had just let my body go into labour naturally, even if it had the same outcome.

@Wouldloveanother post gets to the point better - you're obviously feeling very emotional and sensitive (that's not wrong), but some of this is just childbirth and brusque care. But I would try and ratchet down your emotions rather than whipping yourself into a frenzy that you think sonographer insinuated your baby is 'gargantuan' or no one told you the drip will hurt! Or at least before you have a debrief really focus on what constitutes bad care rather than high post partum emotions.

And I have a lot of sympathy for you for the haemorrhage/ transfusion - that's really rough going and wipes you out.