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Choosing NOT to breastfeed. Any similar experiences?
136

MaggieVla · 15/05/2022 12:30

Hi. For those who have chosen not to breastfeed- did you feel guilty? Also, do you need to take some medicine to stop milk or does it simply not come if you do not start ?
Feeling guilty and judgmental- because everyone saying how important it is. However how are your formula fed babies grown? Are they healthy or do they have healh problems because of your choice? Thank you

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Chelsea26 · 15/05/2022 12:49

I didn’t breast feed, didn’t want and didn’t feel guilty about it at all.

Happy mother = happy baby in my experience.

they are now 11 and 9, strapping, healthy and we have a fantastic bond.

I didn’t take any medication, just didn’t start feeding and the milk went away (had sore boobs for a few days IIRC)

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Tamzo85 · 15/05/2022 13:14

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

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VioletHills · 15/05/2022 13:17

I chose not to breastfeed didn't feel judged by anyone and my 3 are now 10, 9 & 6 all perfectly healthy. Do you what suits you the best and ignore any people who try to force breastfeeding down your neck on here or in real life.

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VioletHills · 15/05/2022 13:18

Cabbage leaves in your bra were great for me when my milk kicked in and took the swelling down.

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Tibtab · 15/05/2022 13:20

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Because she doesn’t want to and women are allowed autonomy over their own bodies. I breastfed for a year with mine but I wouldn’t judge someone who didn’t.

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donchafeellikecrying · 15/05/2022 13:21

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Have to agree. I'm not one of those mammary mafia types but to deliberately make that decision before you've even given birth and tried it?

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Lasana · 15/05/2022 13:21

I did not feel guilty giving up breastfeeding (I know that's not the same thing) but some people sure as hell tried to make me feel guilty about it! No matter what you choose, someone will try to make you feel bad about it if it's different to what they did. This tends to be because people doing the same as us makes us feel better about our choices - people choosing differently threatens our choices. SO just do whatever you want and ignore anyone who makes you feel bad.

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sauvignonblancplz · 15/05/2022 13:23

We have very low breastfeeding rates here. You will be with the vast majority choosing to formula feed.
Why would you care? It’s far far easier than breast feeding, you can get a full nights sleep, you can have time away without the baby , get baby into a routine.
Breast feeding is demanding , mums sacrifice their body for a further period of time, often become a bit isolated, there is a huge lack of support for breastfeeding women, they are judged far more for their choices than bottle feeding mums and also come under a lot of flack for daring to suggest they’ve made this choice for the well-being of their baby as it triggers emotional responses from those who chose not to.

sooooo, honestly , I wouldn’t worry . Do you. Breast feeding is not for the faint hearted.

This thread will descend into a fight …

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Mischance · 15/05/2022 13:24

Your body; your choice. Not one I would have made voluntarily, but that is irrelevant.

I was unable to feed my first; but fed both the others till age one and loved it.

How about trying to express a smidge of colostrum for the first couple of days? - that way you might assuage any guilt you are feeling as you will have provided those important goodies via a bottle. It is hard for people not to say that is important - because it is; like grass is green. I am sorry that is making you feel guilty.

My formula fed baby got a bit over-chubby when she was about 5 months, which neither of the others did. But that might have been my fault. However I do not see it has done her any harm - it was just a bloody nuisance and a real faff.

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fairytwinkletastic · 15/05/2022 13:25

I moved from breast to bottle fairly quickly. The decision is all about making sure you are comfortable, happy and able to function and baby is well fed, hydrated and cared for. If you need to use formula milk to achieve this don't feel guilty. Try breast feeding if you can, give it a go and if it's not working out move to formula. 3 babies, one exclusively breast, two bottle and breast.

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Queenoftheashes · 15/05/2022 13:25

donchafeellikecrying

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Have to agree. I'm not one of those mammary mafia types but to deliberately make that decision before you've even given birth and tried it?

Not what she asked and is there a reason you need to “get it” ?

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Fundays12 · 15/05/2022 13:25

I tried breastfeeding with ds1 it didn't go great at all and I found it painful. I then tried with ds2 but scbu recommend giving him a bottle as he was struggling so much with it. With ds3 i made a decision not to breastfeed or even try it. I had to go back to work one day a week when he was a few weeks old as he a surprise baby so financially unplanned and could not risk DH being unable to feed him. They are 10,5 and nearly 3 now and it's made no difference. I did occasionally feel judged but ignored it as it's my body, my choice and my child. I did what was best for our family. If someone chooses to judge you over something like how you feed your child they are not worth your time or energy.

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Babyvenusplant · 15/05/2022 13:25

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Because she doesn't want to and that's absolutely fine

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20viona · 15/05/2022 13:25

@Tamzo85 what a narrow minded post.

OP I didn't breastfeed and I certainly won't be breastfeeding thing time either, just has absolutely no appeal to me. My nearly 3 year old is thriving and doing extremely well for her age and she was a 5lb tiddler.

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ineedafairygodmother · 15/05/2022 13:28

I chose not to breastfeed, didn't feel judged and have a happy healthy 3mo DD. I didn't need any medicine or anything as I didn't even try to breastfeed, DD was straight on a bottle from birth. Boobs were a little sore especially in the shower but that's it, only lasted a few days until my milk dried up. I put it on my birth plan and also told the midwife that I didn't want to breastfeed (absolutely no judgement) so she knew when DD was born and needed a feed not to try to get me to breastfeed.

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Mammyloveswine · 15/05/2022 13:29

We are lucky that we have formula as a safe alternative to breast milk. It has literally saved babies lives.

I breastfed each of mine until they were 18 months and am relieved because it was so much less faffy than bottles with all the sterilising etc!

No judgement from me at all..if you are absolutely sure be firm with your midwife and pack the littlr bottles of ready made formula.

They will try and push breastfeeding because rates are so low hence me saying to stand firm,

It's also ok to change your mind and give the first feed as a breastfeed then give bottles after. Or mix feed.

Do whatever is right for you!!

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LabradorFiasco · 15/05/2022 13:31

Hi OP, I’m also a breastfeeder but respect women’s capacity to make choices based on their own review of the evidence.

No formula-feeding mums will be able to tell you of any positive or negative health effects on their individual baby, because a single person can’t be a robust scientific sample. What you will get is plenty of anecdotal stories of mums saying ‘well I FF and my baby is fine/you can’t tell which were BF or FF by the time they’re 12’ etc. In fact, studies now show that you can tell the difference, but only if mothers have breastfed to at least 2 years and various other factors come into play.

If you want a basic overview of breast vs formula in terms of health benefits, a quick Google will bring up public health information from the NHS and the like, and then there are studies like this one which give a more in depth insight: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2812877/

Ultimately, breastfeeding is the optimum nutritional choice for your child, since it’s tailored to your baby. Formula is typically based on cow’s milk, which babies are not biologically designed to consume in their first year, but can and do adapt to, such that it can provide adequate nutrition.

If you really want to FF from birth, you could consider latching baby (or expressing into syringes) when first born so that they can get the amazing immunological benefits of colostrum. This will prime the gut and may make the transition to formula easier for them. If you don’t stimulate your breasts (ask for milk), they won’t produce it. If your milk comes in on day 3-5 without any stimulation, you can just hand express to relieve any discomfort (and save any drops milk to give to baby?), gradually reducing the stimulation until your body realises that you don’t want it to make milk any more.

I hope you can find a feeding solution that works for you and baby. Good luck!

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IDontDrinkTea · 15/05/2022 13:31

I’m a midwife and I promise we honestly don’t care how you feed your baby, we just want you to feel supported and happy. Please ignore unhelpful comments like the one up the page 🙄

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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 15/05/2022 13:31

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Because that’s her choice.

I had one ff and bf baby neither is the easy option. They both have the positives and negatives.

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PatientlyWaiting21 · 15/05/2022 13:31

i was going to attempt it but put no pressure if it didn’t happen, I also wanted my partner involved in night feeds so if I did breastfeed we would of done combi - I didn’t entertain the idea of pumping!

in the end I breastfed for one day and then my meds wore off and I could barely sit so as it turns out my partner did most of the feeding for the first two weeks.

no I did not feel guilty that I didn’t breast feed, we have a very healthy baby.

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Franca123 · 15/05/2022 13:34

Ask for cabergoline. Two tiny tablets. Easy. I did not feel guilty at all but people clearly judge. It was undoubtedly the best decision for us. Do what you feel is best.

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JustHereWithPopcorn · 15/05/2022 13:39

I tried to breast feed with my first, really really tried but it was awful for us both and just didn't seem to work. I had problem after problem and it just broke me in the end. I switched to formula feeding and felt so guilty in the beginning but then baby was satisfied, my dh was able to help with night feeds and I could leave the baby with grandparents easier. ds is now nearly 4 and really healthy and thriving. Hardly ever gets sick, maybe once or twice a year even with attending nursery and pre-school. This time I'll be opting for formula and no regrets! Do what's best for you!

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Inthesameboatatmo · 15/05/2022 13:40

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

@Tamoz85. Because some women me included just really don't want to for whatever personal reasons that may be. I personally didn't want to do it because the thought of it made me feel weird. I didn't want anything near my nipples at all. That doesn't make me a bad mother or that I don't have a strong bond with my children. I tried to breastfeed with my first born after much unneeded pressure from midwives. It felt disgusting and that's the truth and the fact professionals kept banging on about it puts added pressure. It's as personal a choice as choosing to breastfeed. No one waynif feeding a baby is better than the other.

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Inthesameboatatmo · 15/05/2022 13:40

@Tamzo*

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custardbear · 15/05/2022 13:41

Tamzo85

I don’t get it? Why would you choose not to unless for medical reasons?
There’s a good reason we are able to breastfeed and babies instinctively want it.

Very unhelpful and passive aggressive 🙄

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