Choosing NOT to breastfeed. Any similar experiences?

[MaggieVla]

Hi. For those who have chosen not to breastfeed- did you feel guilty? Also, do you need to take some medicine to stop milk or does it simply not come if you do not start ?
Feeling guilty and judgmental- because everyone saying how important it is. However how are your formula fed babies grown? Are they healthy or do they have healh problems because of your choice? Thank you

Strange people like the ones on this thread, act like if you don’t breastfeed then you’re doing something like cutting off one of the babies hands. It really is not that serious AT ALL.

I had a traumatic birth last year and tried to breastfeed my first. I had three surgeries and because of the lack of support from the midwives on the ward, I had no help trying to breastfeed and my DD basically went the first five days getting hardly any colostrum/milk and ended up loosing a lot of weight. I kept on expressing once I went home and did mixed feeding but it just wasn’t feasible for me. I stopped expressing after about 3/4 weeks and baby has been FF since. She was 1 two weeks ago and has been walking since 11 months. You couldn’t tell she was formula fed.

I just gave birth nearly 4 weeks ago and I decided I wasn’t even going to try breastfeeding. I had no interest at all. I never felt any guilt with my first. I was just disappointed that it didn’t go the way that I wanted. I’ve only felt guilty with my second because he’s been in intensive care since I’ve had him. He started off on Aptamil but that was too heavy and he was constantly throwing up. He’s now on SMA but still throws up sometimes. It makes me feel guilty because I think ‘if I just expressed then maybe he wouldn’t struggle digesting breastmilk as it’s more watery and more light.’ But no one really knows how he would react to breastmilk anyway.

I say do what works for you. If you don’t want to breastfeed then don’t breastfeed. Make sure you wear a supportive bra though! Your breasts will most likely get quite heavy and uncomfortable in the first few days when the milk comes in. All the best:)

Ignore that poster, it was a very thinly veiled bash at mothers who choose not to/can’t breastfeed.

Nipples don’t need to be sterile. You need to sterilise when ff due to the risk of bacteria in powdered milk. BM ‘eats up destroys bacteria’ which is why many countries say if you are bottle feeding with bm you only need to wash with hot soapy water but they say to sterilise when using fm.

Not read the full thread but.... @MaggieVla

Your body, your choice. I'm very pro Breastfeeding and believe mothers don't get enough support initially and many who want to BF are let down due to lack of support. NO one should ever feel guilty for choosing what to do with their body regardless of if this decision is different or the same to the general population. No one should feel guilty for not being able to BF due to lack of support. The services should be there so people can make a supported decision to BF or Not for all host of different reasons.

If you are sure you don't want to BF this should be respected by others. Never worry about what others think or second guess that decision. If you, are unsure then there is no harm in trying 1/2/3/4 etc BF if you wanted to. In relation to Milk coming in this will happen regardless of if you nurse once, a few times or not at all. My cousin opted not to BF first but with second the hospital didn't provide formula so she ended up BF while she waited for someone to go buy formula and she found it so much better than she ever thought and ended up sticking with BF.

I would strongly advise against any medications to dry up milk as the milk will dry up regardless and the medication isnt very good for our bodies.

Good luck. do what is right for you

The arguments in favour of breast feeding were much stronger when it was not possible to thoroughly sterilise the bottles and teats and babies went down with infections. Now that this can be done the safety of ff is far greater than it was.

Also the contents in ff has been improved to make it as close to breast milk as possible.

This was the basis of the objections to advertising ff in third world countries where mothers were seduced by pictures of bonny plump babies but the absence of sterile conditions for ff meant that bf was massively safer.

Having done both I am absolutely clear in my mind that bf was the thing for me and my babies: cheaper, easier, convenient, fun. But for those who have some aversion to it, ff is now a safe option.

@pedropony76

Sorry you had so little support with first.

with your second at 4 weeks post birth it would be possible to relactate if you wanted to do this. You can also request donor breast milk for your child. this is an option if you wanted to see if the child manages Breast milk better than formula. The hospital should support this if it was something you wanted to try. they have lactation support and powerful expressing machines in the hospital that you could use.

Obv, your decision and will depend on many factors but just wanted to let you know it was an option.

Either way do not feel guilty.... As someone who's child has been in hospitals and in the NICU I know this is a stressful and difficult time xx hope your child is home soon

Don't feel guilty or judged. It's totally your choice.

Is it breastfeeding it's self you don't want to do? Would you be happy to express the colostrum for the baby? I did this from 36 weeks (I think) collected it in little sterile syringes that my midwife gave me. Frozen. Defrosted. Then I syringed into baby's mouth. I read something that fascinating on Instagram recently about the stem cells/immune cells transferred in colostrum and breast milk.

This is the post on Instagram. Some really interesting facts. your body, your choice.

I tried with both and ended up formula feeding and feeling miserable.I wish I’d just formula fed from day one and stop stressing myself out.

both dds healthy and robust. Formula feeding doesn’t cause any health issues.

Godd luck op

Always knew I was going to FF. FF suited my expectation of parenthood. I believe it helped my children sleep through very early on. They were both big babies 10lbs + and both thrived.

As I could share feeding from day one with their father we always got a nights sleep - just not at the same time. I feel it helped me feel more like me again. I was able to get out and about without baby for a coffee or walk, and not be worried that I was the only source of food. I understand other women feel differently they cant understand a mother wanting 20 - 30 minutes a day on their own outside but I knew that these steps were important to my well being.

To be honest friends who chose to bf didn't have an easy time of it so their experiences probably did reaffirm my choice to FF again on my second child.

I think the key factor is choice - a woman's body is her own and she and only she has the right to make that decision. I think access to support for mothers who want to bf should be readily available to balance the choices.

Lol. You should always sterilize with younger or vulnerable babies. Any bacteria in formula can be sterilized with hot water. Perfect prep or use equivalent method.

@Shtfday thank you for your response!

Oh yeah definitely. Because I was never wearing supportive bras (I’d just throw on a sports bra instead of a normal one with underwire), I often leak milk. So I know I can increase my supply whilst it’s still here however I just don’t want too. They do seem to have a really good breastfeeding support team here so I can always get in touch with them if I ever change my mind.

Also thank you! I’ll hopefully be home soon

Most unhelpful. The last 6 days since my baby has been born have been the most upsetting I've felt in a long time. The stress,anxiety,worry and judgement are horrible. She just wont take it,and even expressing only produces a little. The midwives said my positioning is fine,and I and her have no medical isues to prevent her from breastfeeding. Its just not happening. l'll never get this 1st week with her again and Ive spent it worrying about attitudes like yours instead of just giving her a bottle and enjoying her and not being miserable and crying. Even the midwife said at the end of the day she is being fed and that is all that matters.

@Tamzo85 but everyone has a different idea of what the best thing for a child is. I like my child sleeping in her own bed and I like going out to work to ensure she has holidays and the opportunities she wants. Some parents are happy to co-sleep with primary age children and stay at home. Neither is wrong as long as the child is doing well. Same with feeding. As long as the child is growing and developing, there's no 'wrong way' to feed.

Didn't want to breastfeed - the idea of a baby latching on to my nipple has always terrified me.
Been breastfeeding my DD from day one, she's been thriving on formula. Experienced sore and achy breasts for the first week after birth - the pain was so intense that on some days I couldn't life my arms. Ice packs and cabbage leave helped deal with the engorgement.
If you're not planning on breastfeeding, some hospitals may offer you Cabergoline to stop milk production but it comes with lots of side effects and is often prescribed in extreme cases, ie stillbirth, so doctors may be reluctant to give it to those choosing not to breastfeed...

I chose not to, had a lot of earache & emotional blackmail while in hospital, but I just ignored them. Stick to your guns & take a couple of packs of readymade bottles with you.

My milk never turned up, no tingling or heaviness. I was drugged up to the eyeballs for 48 hours as I was seriously ill & the midwives kept on trying to force ds to bf, but he refused. They actually wouldn't allow anyone but me to ask for formula, but I was only semi conscious for that time.

Had my first baby three months ago. Decided not to breasfeed from day one - the very thought of it made me uneasy and I decided not to try as a didn't want to stimulate supply.
The milk still came in (around day 2-3) but I followed the midwife's advice and did the following which really helped:

1. Not expose breasts to hot water when showering as that stimulates milk supply
2. Use cold compresses to reduce swelling
3. Use cabbage leaves (put them in your bra against breasts) to reduce swelling
4. Do not express - again, in order not to stimulate supply
5. Pain relief
6. Well-fitting supportive bra

There is medication that can stop the milk from coming in - it's usually prescribed to those who have suffered stillbirth and has to be taken as soon as possible after delivery. My midwife missed the window and I never got it, and later on someone said to me that it's a pretty hardcore drug which can mess with your hormones, so do your research...

Re-guilt, there was a lot of it, especially during the first month after having my DC but she's been thriving on formula and DH can also feed her so I have more autonomy (and it's also great for bonding). Now I feel like I've made the right decision - being a new mum is difficult as is and you don't want to turn every feed into a super stressful experience.