Dignity during labour

[Ashchall95]

Hi everyone FTM here....

Due in the next 4 weeks,

I did a post a few days ago about not wanting to be naked during labour etc and everyone was saying how you don't need to be but also so many people saying that you loose all dignity and won't know anyway is that because the pain is so unbearable you forget where you are and you don't even realise what's going on? Or isit just through choice in the moment that you start stripping off and your fully aware of what your doing? I hope it makes sense but just trying to get an understanding of how bad it's going to be, I can't ever imagine me being in a position that I would be that out of control that I would be willing to strip naked in a situation like that, I'm definitely over thinking things as the times getting closer but would like to hear your opinions l, please be kind 😬

There is nothing undignified about being naked.

You’re going to have several people put their arm elbow deep into your vagina. You might shit yourself. You might scream at the top of your lungs. You might need a catheter fitting. All these things and more are why you honestly won’t give a toss if you end up naked or not. You’ll want your baby here safely by any means necessary and that’s it.

You'll be fine. Write in your birth plan that you prefer to be covered.

I have a water birth with my second so was in a tankini top for the birth.

Once born they helped me off with my top to do skin to skin but I was still in the water so although naked I was alone in a huge bath tub with the lights on very low.

As I got out of the pool they put a towel round us both so we didn't get cold. I put my nightie on shortly after.

With my son at one point I was lying totally naked on the bed with my feet in stirrups with the midwife and student between my legs doing my stitches. I was so high on gas and air I thought I was lying on the beach!

I'm sure if I'd asked (or if my husband had asked) they'd have put a sheet on me.

People love sharing their horror stories, and I think they are being unfair. Unless you are very very unlucky you won't be in so much pain that your cares about self respect and dignity go out of the window. We all have different birthing experience. I was petrified of having babies after working with a big group of women as a 16yo and listening to some of their stories. The toughest part of child birth was tiredness, they don't call it labour for nothing. You'll be fine, please try not to worry.

My last labour .. I had t shirt and leggings on
As soon as I felt the need to push the leggings came off! T shirt stayed on throughout

But half way through pushing I really needed a poo.. I couldn't walk, as I had a baby in my birth canal
So the midwife put a matt down and held out a pot under me until I'd finished and very carefully wiped my bum 🤣 my partner had been warned this might happen! I told him to look away 😬😬

You’re going to have several people put their arm elbow deep into your vagina. she's having a baby, not a calf.

I don't really think it's about losing any dignity to be honest. You just do what needs to be done!

If you’re keen to stay made up and clothed then insist on an epidural early on and you should be fine. Maybe you could ask for a screen as well, so your birth partner can sit at the top of the bed and not see the bottom half.

Most first time labours progress slowly enough for an epidural to be given but there are some things you can’t control. If you are rushed in and have your trousers cut off then your priority is staying calm and well. You may feel undignified but ask yourself if you would swap keeping yourself dressed for having a healthy baby.

I was naked for a couple of my births but I’m okay with that so it wasn’t out of character. I also shat myself in front of other people which is out of character but I did get my lovely babies in exchange!

I remember my mum saying that when you have a baby you leave your dignity at the door then pick it up on the way back out. Now that I've done it twice, I know what she means! I certainly didn't feel undignified, but everything becomes pragmatic. You talk about your private areas and have them examined in a way you would never do in any other scenario. I wasn't naked either time, but I can see why some would be. It's a very individual experience and would always say to keep an open mind. You'll know what's right for you at the time, and the staff will do everything they can to help you. So, don't overthink it at this stage.

I'm a very shy person and didn't care less what was on show during my first labour- and when I look back on it I don't think any part of the birth was undignified.

It was after with my legs akimbo being inspected and stitched up by half the world that was hard.

The hardest bit though was when I was bedbound due to complications from epidural going wrong (I was that 1 in 100 person who had an anaesthetist completely mess up!). Couldn't get out of bed at all for 5 days but was covered in blood, poo and all sorts so two lovely midwives had to help me clean up in bed. They were lovely but I was literally sobbing from the shame. That's unusual though- the actual labour was fine!

I did much pushing. A poo came out. No dignity lost whatsoever.

Women in labour are incredible. Silent, screaming, stripped, fully clothed.. it matters not. They are performing their own miracle and that's all that matters.

You're overthinking this massively OP. You might be a very private person in normal times, but during labour you'll likely not give a single fuck about clothing or bearing your body - the only way I managed it was by getting 100% in the zone to labour and push the baby out. That didn't leave any mental room at all to be worrying about whether my boobs were out or people could see me.

Without making you anxious. This really will be the last thing on your mind and the least of the "dignity" stuff to worry about. A lot of other stuff happens during labour and the aftermath of labour that is far less dignified!

Nobody had their arm up my vagina!!

OP, labour does not equal lack of dignity.
For my first labour I was naked, I was wearing leggings and a t-shirt. Took off the leggings when I got to the delivery room. Then when I got into the shower I didn't want my clothes back on. They were getting in the way.

Second labour (two weeks ago) I have no idea if I was wearing anything or not when the baby arrived, I can't remember.
But everyone was extremely respectful of me and the midwives tried/ made sure to cover me up even though I didn't care at all.

I haven't read the full thread but it seems that some posters felt their dignity was not respected. I never felt like that

If it helps, think of being in a bikini at the beach. It's not undignified, it's the accepted "dress code" . Nobody bats an eyelid. Same as wearing little/nothing in labour. Everyone is doing it so nobody is bothered.

You can of course, as mentioned up-thread, note that you want to remain covered up

I was actually naked from the waist down as I had to take my trousers off to be examined, and couldn't be bothered to put them back on. I had a bed sheet! But it didn't feel weird or undignified which sounds impossible I know, but the midwife was very respectful and matter of fact and I did not feel self conscious at all. I wasn't doing anything weird or embarrassing, it was just labour and birth. It was painful but I didn't completely loose my mind or anything.

@ANameChangeAgain

You’re going to have several people put their arm elbow deep into your vagina. she's having a baby, not a calf.

I had a baby 6 weeks ago. They have a good rummage around in there to see how dilated you are, position of babies head etc. No need for the snarc. It’s just the truth. They need to get pretty far in there.

I was naked either time and don't plan to be this time either. You do tend to let go of the things that you thought would bother you as you are too busy focusing on what's happening.

That should say wasn't not was.

Presumably this is your first baby so you should have more than plenty of time to get into the clothing of your choice for the labour/birth.

I wasn't naked for any of my babies' births.

Some women lose their inhibitions in Labour - especially during translation. I hope we treat everyone with dignity.

I’ve always had something on my top half. Your you have an epidural then you will wear a gown.
You’ll want a nightie that can be pulled down at the neck because they will want to put baby in your chest and you’ll need to be able to feed after birth.

@SummerHouse

I did much pushing. A poo came out. No dignity lost whatsoever.

Women in labour are incredible. Silent, screaming, stripped, fully clothed.. it matters not. They are performing their own miracle and that's all that matters.

This. They are goddesses & should definitely be treated as such.

Oh OP I really feel for you, I remember vividly the fear of the unknown I had when I was waiting for the birth of my first child. Women who have had babies talk about it in this blasé way like ‘oh you won’t care’ and I remember thinking ‘maybe you didn’t but I definitely will!!’ I bought this little maternity skirt so that I wouldn’t have to be naked from the waist down and was determined that I wouldn’t ‘leave my dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out’ like my mum said. It’s really difficult to explain but being in labour is sort of like a parallel universe where things like being embarrassed just don’t really apply to you anymore because what you are dealing with is so much more than that. It’s so difficult to explain, it’s not like you suddenly become this mad exhibitionist. (I never got naked to be fair but didn’t get to wear my wee skirt as I was induced so had to wear hospital gown). It’s like if you’re normally a really clean, tidy person and say, totally anal about your lovely cream sofa and you would never let anyone eat or drink on it. Then one day someone you love (let’s say your husband or parent) is on your sofa and has a very serious accident and they are bleeding all over your sofa. In that moment, all you’re going to be thinking about is what to do next, how to help them, keep them calm, any first aid you know… the state of your sofa would be the furthest thing from your mind. You haven’t suddenly turned into someone who would let a toddler bounce up and down on your sofa with a cup of Ribena, but in that specific moment it just wouldn’t occur to you to worry about, it just wouldn’t be on your radar. Try not to worry. Everyone’s experience is so different but just remember that it is finite and you will get through it. Just go in with an open mind and whatever needs to happen to get baby there safely will happen and you will almost certainly laugh about some of it one day. Best of luck - you’ve got this!

Jesus Christ people, I get it! Not everyone had to be examined vaginally several times. I was in labour for 40 hours. They had to take a look!

I’m sure people can appreciate the general spirit of my original response to OP that being naked is the least of the “undignified” things that can happen during labour.

I didn’t shit myself btw but I didn’t make a point of saying well I didn’t shit myself.

I think you're massively stressing yourself out about this when you don't need to. I am due today and wouldn't get naked in front of anyone but I am totally chilled about what will be will be. I've found the perfect oversize nightie with buttons I plan to wear for the labour but also expect to be in and out of the bath (planned homebirth) so not sure how it's gonna go. Either way people are gonna see parts of me. I think the pain will be rather distracting at the time so there's no point stressing.

I didn't really care. First one I had a water birth and transitioned to a gown in bed. Second I had a gown. The people around me were more concerned, pulling up thee gown etc. It just stopped being a concern for me! After all exposing your vagina is kind of a key part of the process

Right at the transition point with my eldest I wanted to be naked and just fully stripped off. I’m led to believe it happens a lot. In day to day life I’m definitely not “a naked person” and don’t even like wearing a bikini on holiday but something about that stage of the Labour made me NEED to be naked. And I couldn’t have cared less. It was actually weirdly freeing and felt very natural and nice. DD2 was a different kettle of fish (came quickly, lucky I had my tights off) so we didn’t get to that point but I wouldn’t think about it now. If the urge overcomes you, strip off. If it doesn’t, that’s also fine.