Dignity during labour

[Ashchall95]

Hi everyone FTM here....

Due in the next 4 weeks,

I did a post a few days ago about not wanting to be naked during labour etc and everyone was saying how you don't need to be but also so many people saying that you loose all dignity and won't know anyway is that because the pain is so unbearable you forget where you are and you don't even realise what's going on? Or isit just through choice in the moment that you start stripping off and your fully aware of what your doing? I hope it makes sense but just trying to get an understanding of how bad it's going to be, I can't ever imagine me being in a position that I would be that out of control that I would be willing to strip naked in a situation like that, I'm definitely over thinking things as the times getting closer but would like to hear your opinions l, please be kind 😬

I didn't want to be naked during Labour so I wasn't 🤷‍♀️ you can do what you want. Some people choose to be and others don't.
Don't worry x

Hi OP my birth was quite different to most. I had a Homebirth with a pool.

I was naked because I wanted to be. I’m pretty chill about nakedness in general.

That aside at no point did I feel like I lost my dignity. I had no vaginal examinations before the baby was born. The birthing part was quite private. The pool helped with this, it was very much my space.

The midwives were very polite and all round quite lovely. They clearly explained everything they needed to do and asked for consent if they needed to do anything, for example when I had some stitches afterwards.

I’ve read on hear about medical staff handling women roughly or midwives grabbing boobs to put in the baby’a month. Thankfully this wasn’t my experience at all. It was all very calm and respectful.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I gave birth on my kitchen floor, stripped down with my mother in law standing in the corner staring. I didn’t care at the time because I was totally focused on my labour. Afterwards, and still now, I’m absolutely furious she didn’t allow me my dignity and leave the room despite my husband asking her to leave us alone multiple times. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her. Oh my blood is boiling again thinking about it! Haha

Good grief @AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I am not surprised! I gave birth at home and still fume that my MIL and SIL were in the house cuddling my baby while he was still wrapped in a towel and I hadn't even managed to put clothes on him or wrap him in a blanket, but your story is something else!

I had a nightie in my hospital bag to change into but my labour accelerated very fast as soon as I got into hospital so I ended up giving birth just in a vest top - no time to change. I had to be transferred from the hospital MLU to CDU and it's entirely possible I was still wearing only the vest as the midwife sprinted with me in a wheelchair through the corridors but my recollection of that is pretty patchy so I've no real idea. I like to think we were moving too fast for anyone to notice what I was wearing it's something that would absolutely bother me normally, but I feel totally detached from it.

I think the whole "loosing your dignity" thing is really not the right way to explain it. Giving birth is not undignified and shouldn't be looked at in that way. You really can't predict how your labour and delivery will go. I've had three c sections and every one of them was different. You don't know how you will feel until you are in that situation.

You don't have to be naked! But I found with my first two at least that I was in this weird sort of trance for the active part where my brain only processed the useful information. Like I couldn't have told you what the midwives looked like. The loss of dignity is kind of inevitable... lots of women to a poo while in labour but don't notice, it's kind of hard to keep it in! I think the best anyone can do is know their options and I referenced, and go in with the "this is my show" attitude. Everyone is there to help you and the baby. You get to decide.

@scaredsadandstuck
Well, I went into labour and tried to phone the in laws to come over and look after my older children so I could go to the hospital. My husband was working an hour away.
After an hour of them not answering, my husband left work and drove straight to their house to get them in person. They had switched their phones to silent, despite knowing I was overdue and my husband was working an hour away.
Anyway, by the time they all got to my house, I was pushing.
I gave birth while my mother in law stood and watched. I haemorrhaged. She took the baby to cuddle.

Now I’m not allowed to mention the birth at all because of how embarrassing it is for her.

Ohhhh I’m all worked up again. It was only three months ago. I really hope I get less angry about it over time.

You're massively overthinking it.

If you find that you actually do care in labour about nakedness and/or your dignity unlikely, you can stay covered. If you don't, well, no problem. But don't be surprised if you find your midwife trying to cover you while you moo and frantically try and throw the covering off.

"Dignity" is just really not a relevant concept during childbirth. It's not like anything you've ever experienced before. You'll understand once you've been through it.

I planned a water birth with Dd2. I bought a lovely bikini which cost me £65 it had a matching hairband 😂😂
My waters broke in the car park of my mum's care home. I arrived at the hospital with soaking wet jeans. The midwife took me to an examination room I kicked off my trainers, DH was told to pull my fucking jeans off NOW. When the midwife came back into the room, dd was making her entrance.
Honestly, you won't care.

@Ashchall95 Honestly OP, you’ll be fine 😊 I’m super self conscious when it comes to being naked or exposed near anyone. I had my first DC in 2020 and was really nervous about feeling exposed. I wore a big comfy t-shirt and I do remember the midwives always keeping a light sheet draped over my lower half. Staff always knocked before coming into the room too. Didn’t feel the need to strip off at all but to be honest - once the midwife had had her hands in my bits for multiple internals I considered us friends and had no issue shouting her into the bathroom when I was having my post-birth shower because I thought I was dying 🤣 (I wasn’t - I just didn’t expect the shower to quickly look like the scene of a horror film 🩸🙈🤣). She literally never even batted an eyelid!

I had a friend who was terrified of going into labour and the midwives seeing the cellulite on her legs 🙄🤣 honestly to the point that I joked about buying her crotch-less trousers to give birth in 🙈 and when the day finally came, she started stripping off in the Maternity Unit foyer as she couldn’t bear having clothes on by the time she arrived in hospital 🤣 the midwife ran and got her a gown to wrap round her while they took her to a room but she’d have paraded down the corridor starkers if left to her own devices 🤣

Try not to worry about it. I know it’s all new but you never know how you’ll react when you’re in the situation 😊 same goes with birth preferences etc - I have another friend who has not long given birth and was adamant that she absolutely did NOT want a birthing pool etc and she wanted an epidural ASAP. Wrote it all over her birth plan. Once she was in labour she said all she could think about was being in the bath so she asked the midwife if they had a pool and she ended up with a water birth with no pain relief 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, think of it from another point of view. If you saw a woman walking down the street in just a top and knickers you’d be shocked, and worried about why she wasn’t wearing a skirt. If you saw a woman in the street who’d fallen and broken her leg having her jeans cut off by paramedics, you’d be worried about her because she broke her leg and was in pain. The nakedness would become an irrelevance. Even more so if you were the paramedic. You would be worried about circulation and bleeding and compound fractures and pain relief and splints. The body becomes a machine and not a social or sexual object.
Childbirth is not the same as breaking a leg. But it is a physiological event that requires you to be naked from the waist down, possibly with a cover over the top. Everyone will be worrying about you and your baby. They will be thinking about heart rates and positioning and managing pain and preventing tearing and measuring blood loss. The number of people who might see you semi-naked is actually very limited and they are all (other than your birth partner if you want one) medical professionals who are occupied with your baby and with your safety. You will be occupied with pain and pushing and adrenaline and oxytocin. I didn’t have gas and air or pethidine (I did have an epidural) and I wasn’t sleep deprived, but I said some pretty weird and not very dignified things out loud during labour and immediately afterwards. The midwives didn’t bat an eyelid.

Oh it’s probably relevant actually, as I said above I was naked in the pool. But this was at home, so two midwives and DH, and obviously somewhere I’m comfortable anyway. No one was going to walk in unexpectedly etc.

[quote AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]@scaredsadandstuck
Well, I went into labour and tried to phone the in laws to come over and look after my older children so I could go to the hospital. My husband was working an hour away.
After an hour of them not answering, my husband left work and drove straight to their house to get them in person. They had switched their phones to silent, despite knowing I was overdue and my husband was working an hour away.
Anyway, by the time they all got to my house, I was pushing.
I gave birth while my mother in law stood and watched. I haemorrhaged. She took the baby to cuddle.

Now I’m not allowed to mention the birth at all because of how embarrassing it is for her.

Ohhhh I’m all worked up again. It was only three months ago. I really hope I get less angry about it over time.[/quote]
Well if I tell you that the baby in my story is 13 years old now and it still gives me the rage....?

Sorry about the haemorrhage though, that sounds scary, but congrats on your new addition.

@Ashchall95 sorry for the hijack!

@ParkheadParadise

I planned a water birth with Dd2. I bought a lovely bikini which cost me £65 it had a matching hairband 😂😂 My waters broke in the car park of my mum's care home. I arrived at the hospital with soaking wet jeans. The midwife took me to an examination room I kicked off my trainers, DH was told to pull my fucking jeans off NOW. When the midwife came back into the room, dd was making her entrance. Honestly, you won't care.

@ParkheadParadise I love that it was your DD2 and you still had the optimism to plan a matching hairband 🤣🤣👏🏼 Hope you’ve had the chance to wear the bikini and hairband in a more glam environment now 🤣

@ParkheadParadise

I planned a water birth with Dd2. I bought a lovely bikini which cost me £65 it had a matching hairband 😂😂 My waters broke in the car park of my mum's care home. I arrived at the hospital with soaking wet jeans. The midwife took me to an examination room I kicked off my trainers, DH was told to pull my fucking jeans off NOW. When the midwife came back into the room, dd was making her entrance. Honestly, you won't care.

Love this!

I was only naked in a birthing pool, I just did it without thinking as I was desperate to get in there, although second time I kept the bra on as I was in a hurry! The water is deep. Can’t say I lost any dignity… MWs are medical professionals who see body parts every day.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I gave birth on my kitchen floor, stripped down with my mother in law standing in the corner staring. I didn’t care at the time because I was totally focused on my labour. Afterwards, and still now, I’m absolutely furious she didn’t allow me my dignity and leave the room despite my husband asking her to leave us alone multiple times. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her. Oh my blood is boiling again thinking about it! Haha

Thats horrible!! you would have though she would have had the sense to give you your space without being asked!

I wasn't naked, I wore a dress that had easy access to breastfeeding. When your pushing, It's primal but you kind of get this out of brain/body experience where you don't really take in what is around you, your body just does it and your just focused on pushing the baby out. The best thing you can do is focus on your breathing

Yes sorry for the derail OP!
I had two previous labours in hospital, with a midwife and my husband, and didn’t feel any loss of dignity. It felt natural and safe.

I'm a very private person. Gave birth 3 weeks ago. Was determined to happily stay in nightie/knickers with a maternity pad for my leaking waters (I was walking around as much as possible).
It got to the point where I just went underwear free due to my waters keep going and bleeding. I do think I was naked for quite a bit too before being put in a gown (ended up with EMCS after long labour). I did at one point say I didn't want to be exposing myself to everyone but if I'm honest I got past the point of caring. I didn't strip off but was less bothered about staff/husband seeing me not covered up. Think it was a mixture of too much pain, far too warm, plus about 10 plus staff in hospital had seen everything by this stage and examined me internally.

Plus any remaining dignity I had went out the window when I had to be showered by a midwife after my section..I bled really bad, all over room/corridor, needed my catheter out etc. Was adamant I could do all this myself; I couldn't 😂 that poor midwife had everything to deal with in that shower! 😂

I don’t think this “losing all dignity” in labour is quite fair.
Yes you can and do end up in all manner os positions and there’s bodily fluids and lord knows what - but it’s not a stadium of observers. It’s a private room environment with usually 2 midwives or a midwife and consultant etc.
it is generally only undignified or embarrassing if you tell yourself it is.
Of course there are women who do encounter horrible midwives or do feel let down by their experience but I think with your level of anxiety it is not wise to go down that thought process.

There’s no need to be naked, there’s no need to be examined every 5 minutes, you don’t need to have half the hospital in the room looking up your foof.
Plus regarding pain - everyone is different, mine both hurt so I had pain relief. I spent half the time just laid on the bed, eyes closed in a lovely drugged up stupor. I wasn’t writhing naked in pain wailing like a banshee.

Please try to stop overthinking it - your body is an amazing thing and you will get through it and look back and realise just how brilliant you were.

You don't have to and midwifes should help you feel comfortable. It's true once you get to pushing you won't care waists down what is happening. I gave birth in a loose long t shirt. While in the contraction stage I had a sheet over my bottom half.

For me - my idea of dignity wasn't to use a bed pan. Both labours I was hooked to a monitor but I asked for a break to use the toilet.

I’ve given birth four times and the only time I can tell you what I was wearing was my last delivery which was via emergency c-section so I presume I was wearing a surgical gown. The other three I honestly couldn’t tell you if I was dressed, wearing a bra, a gosh or in a shrek costume. Honestly I don’t think dignity is defined by being dressed during labour, you’re bringing another human into the world that’s an amazing thing to do! I’m probably not making much sense but what I’m trying to say is it doesn’t matter if you’re as naked as the baby you’re birthing or in a ball gown or somewhere in-between, no one in that room will think for a second that you look undignified.

I was given a gown after I moved from the labour triage to an actual labour room. In triage I was wearing my clothes that I arrived in. At no point was I naked.

*a gown not a gosh!