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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Dignity during labour

281 replies

Ashchall95 · 27/01/2022 12:28

Hi everyone FTM here....

Due in the next 4 weeks,

I did a post a few days ago about not wanting to be naked during labour etc and everyone was saying how you don't need to be but also so many people saying that you loose all dignity and won't know anyway is that because the pain is so unbearable you forget where you are and you don't even realise what's going on? Or isit just through choice in the moment that you start stripping off and your fully aware of what your doing? I hope it makes sense but just trying to get an understanding of how bad it's going to be, I can't ever imagine me being in a position that I would be that out of control that I would be willing to strip naked in a situation like that, I'm definitely over thinking things as the times getting closer but would like to hear your opinions l, please be kind 😬

OP posts:
KevinTheKoala · 27/01/2022 16:24

The loss of dignity is more from the fact that Labour is not a very dignified activity in itself - it is painful, it is hot, it is hard work, there is mess and there is a loss of control because once that baby is coming there is no stopping them. There are also alot of checks (although you can opt out of them) which are very invasive and undignified. Worrying about how you look or what everyone else thinks of you in labour is only going to make it harder and more stressful for yourself, I wasn't naked in my labour - I had a loose oversized t-shirt on that was cool enough to be comfortable but still covered what needed to be covered. By the end of my labour the room was filled with so many people who had all just seen a baby come out of my vagina but I genuinley did not care by that point! (Obviously in a normal labour that should be limited to your midwife and birthing partner!) but the point is once you are in labour your main focus is having a healthy mum and baby that's the end result everyone wants and anything else is secondary.

sunshinesupermum · 27/01/2022 16:28

The last thing you will be worried about when in labour is your dignity. Your dignity is second to bringing a wonderful new person into the world as healthily as possible with the help of everyone else who is in the room. Best of luck.

Lunde · 27/01/2022 16:28

I was not naked for either of my deliveries, Both times I gave birth I gave birth in standard issue Swedish hospital gowns that are nightshirts made from really soft cotton that button down the front. It meant that I could "button up" if I wanted to be out in the corridor walking or "unbutton" if I felt like it. When I got hot, sweaty or wet - I simply asked the midwife's assistant for a new one.

I would suggest that as this fear seems to be causing you anxiety then perhaps it would be worth taking several options to wear during birth so you and go with what you feel like on the day and change if you wish

Atla · 27/01/2022 16:31

I wasn't naked during labour, but there definitely comes a point where there could be a marching band trooping through the room and you wouldn't care. Focus is v much lasered in on getting the baby out!

ExConstance · 27/01/2022 16:36

I stripped off, I had a hot difficult job to do giving birth and felt it was faintly ridiculous to attempt it wearing anything at all. I would have felt less dignified wearing anything when it was so clearly inconvenient and uncomfortable. You can wear whatever you like, or nothing at all, it is entirely up to you.

PiesNotGuys · 27/01/2022 16:36

I agree with you OP.

I refuse to consider giving birth as losing my dignity in any way and I would seriously consider whether any midwife that mentioned losing dignity was competent to do a job supporting women.

Before I gave birth I said I wanted to be alone, as alone as humanly possible to give birth. I would keep all my clothes on and nobody would be touching me without express consent and even then only in an emergency.

In the event, I was as alone as possible (just midwife/two midwife) I kept all my clothes on and had no desire to take them off. I stopped pushing one baby out because I needed to change to a position that I didn’t want anyone to see me in, so I stopped pushing, got up and found a blanket to cover me the way I needed before resuming.

Nobody touched me except the baby. I tidied up my own mess after birth because that was important to me.

And I DID care about who saw me and what happened EVERY time, before, during and after.

It’s not helpful to tell the OP she won’t care when she may care hugely in the moment.

thebabessavedme · 27/01/2022 16:39

Ahh, dignity in labour Smile 30 years ago for some reason I bought a floor length nightie for hospital, by the time dd was born, it was covered in blood and assorted 'fluids' ugh, I had tried to take it off, it got all tangled round my back and down one arm so that I was basically trapped in it, so boobs swinging in the wind, all sweaty and red faced and my new born finished this look off by pooing straight away and it landing and squishing into the midwifes shoe.

I always bellow with laughter when i see some celeb on the telly saying she is getting hair and make up done ready for the photos straight after birth.

CandyMan89 · 27/01/2022 16:43

I wasn't naked but I tried to get naked and a midwife chucked a sheet over me Grin

Its true, you really don't care. You might be high on gas & air and say silly things. I know I did.

Good luck and don't over think it.

Yogity · 27/01/2022 16:50

I had a nightie on that was hiked up around my waist and the midwife put a sheet over my bottom half. I whipped the nightie off as soon as she was born to do skin to skin and as the midwife was helping me with the first feed. Somehow when she has seen your bits the top half doesn't feel like a big deal. I think the sheet went back over my bottom half but I honestly can't remember

sweetbellyhigh · 27/01/2022 16:53

@Steelesauce

If you get hot, you will strip off and not give a monkies. I wasn't naked with any of mine though, had a nightie on but if I got hot, I'd of happily been naked. You will do whatever your instincts tell you, that includes shouting, swearing, snapping at people. You go almost primal in labour. And you can poo yourself, and you won't care either.
I didn't do any of those things or strip off. Always amazed by these posts.
grey12 · 27/01/2022 17:05

@sweetbellyhigh it totally depends on the labour. Who knows how your next one goes Wink

TulipsNdaffs · 27/01/2022 17:11

@CrazyCatLover

As long as you leave hospital with a nice healthy baby, who cares what happens 🤣 the midwives have seen it all before and honestly won’t care .
I think if we stopped peddling the line that 'as long as you leave hospital with a healthy baby all is fine', women might actually start having better experiences when giving birth because it is clear from the many many threads on here where women are suffering as the result of a traumatic birth, with often 'care' that borders on neglect, that all is not fine. Obviously a healthy baby is the aim. The health, wellbeing and good mental health of mothers should be equally important.

Sorry I know that's a bit of a tangent but all you 'you won't care' and 'as long as you have a healthy baby' comments get irritating tbh. There is so much more to it than that.

Marleymoo42 · 27/01/2022 17:21

I was unintentionally naked! I laboured privately in a bath in the hospital with just my husband with me but then things moved quickly and next thing I knew I was n my dressing gown and then in the birthing pool. I had a bikini in my bag but i didn't care and it wasn't the moment to be trying to redress! The birth was dignified. In the birthing suite the lights are low and my hospital had small but very deep pools you squatting in so not much was on show. Had a gown on for the birth before but feet in styrups! Definitely would say they naked one was more dignified!

lightisnotwhite · 27/01/2022 17:24

Why add dignity or modesty to the list of things to worry about though? It’s already becoming increasingly medicalised.
How much less stressful to not worry. You can be messy, unshaven, naked whatever.
Tidy up for the Insta photos afterwards of you are that way inclined but pushing a baby your vag and a bloody placenta afterwards doesn’t need to be “ acceptable “

Embracelife · 27/01/2022 17:29

Having a baby in nicu or "not healthy" ...does not mean you have failed
Or are a less than parent

beautifullymad · 27/01/2022 17:31

@scaredsadandstuck

It's very hard to explain OP, but there is something about being in labour that is very primal. You honestly don't care - it might also be because typically the people around you really don't care either.

But you don't have to be naked (although you will need to uncover the vital bits!!), I was only naked when I got in the water and then I felt sort of covered up by the water.

But honestly - you won't care, I promise.

This is what I was about to say.

You are analysing the birthing process without being in labour. The birthing process is primal. Your instincts take over.
Wearing a short nightie with no knickers and getting your breasts out to feed will seem perfectly normal I promise.
It will feel so shockingly normal, you can't comprehend it right now because you are not in labour and your cerebrum hasn't taken over!

girafferafferaffe · 27/01/2022 17:44

Op after the birth, however it happens, you feel like a total fucking warrior. It is SO badass. You will not be able to BELIEVE you did something so amazing.

The high really is something.

Okki · 27/01/2022 18:07

I had a huge baggy t/shirt on the whole time with DC1. Though tbh, when you've got someone poking around and checking how far you're dilated etc, you're basically only covering your breasts. Which come out shortly after the birth to feed baby. Though I do get what you mean and I felt better for having something on. Don't forget warm socks as your feet may get cold. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

KevinTheKoala · 27/01/2022 18:11

@Embracelife no of course not, but in an ideal world we all want our babies to be born healthy and the goal in most peoples mind during labour is to finally meet their baby.

TulipsNdaffs · 27/01/2022 18:16

@Embracelife

Having a baby in nicu or "not healthy" ...does not mean you have failed Or are a less than parent
@Embracelife of course- I'm sorry if my post suggested anything otherwise btw. I was focusing more on the idea that as long as baby is healthy it doesn't matter what physical/mental state the mother is in. I agree completely with you- of course it is not a failure.
Flutterby8 · 27/01/2022 18:23

I didnt want to be naked for birth because im not comfortable with my body.
I can tell you one thing, there is absolutely zero dignity when giving birth.
Everyone sees everything and in all honesty, you dont care.
My birth became an emergency situation, i had an episiotomy and baby came out very easily in a 1hour 49min labour.
DH stayed at my head and didnt look which made me feel better.
But when I had a haemorrhage and was unconscious i was being examined, poked and prodded internally and externally by a wide selection of the 9 people in the room.
But at this point, i couldny have cared less who saw me basically naked.
What was mortifying was when the midwife who was stitching me up told my husband to look at the stitches so he knew what it looked like down there should there be any complications. That was the worst bit in my eyes.

I guess what im saying is, you can wear whatever you want to give birth in but realistically, if you need medical intervention you will have to strip off to some extent. If you want skin to skin your top half will be naked, even with a top unbuttoned youre still exposed.
The hospital staff have seen it all before and you wont be judged.
Raise your worries with your midwife and they will try to be discrete.

Mommabear20 · 27/01/2022 18:30

Had 2 completely unmedicated natural births (in the middle of summer) and it never once crossed my mind to strip naked!
There's always going to be some dignity lost during labour just due to the nature of it, but it's certainly possible to minimise it if it bothers you.

Chillyseadippin · 27/01/2022 18:30

Amazing how many women who have given birth cannot consider that their experience is not the experience of all.. good or bad.

And as for the line of ‘as long as you leave with a health baby’ well.. that has got a lot to answer for. A Mothers experience matters too. Very very much

YoBeaches · 27/01/2022 18:33

I think my desk birth was quite dignified. I hadn't eaten a lot during labour so there wasn't much bowel stress and I was still had my knickers and pad on from a slow water break.

And I was wearing a t shirt dress which was perfect and mostly has covers around if I needed them.

But it was very quick and straightforward I was 9cm when I got to hospital and spent a total of 6 hours there and went home.

When your in the throws of it it's very 'all encompassing' and you do what you feel you need to do.

Honestly you'll be fine.

YoBeaches · 27/01/2022 18:33

Oh man 'dd' birth. I did not give birth at my desk......