Dignity during labour

[Ashchall95]

Hi everyone FTM here....

Due in the next 4 weeks,

I did a post a few days ago about not wanting to be naked during labour etc and everyone was saying how you don't need to be but also so many people saying that you loose all dignity and won't know anyway is that because the pain is so unbearable you forget where you are and you don't even realise what's going on? Or isit just through choice in the moment that you start stripping off and your fully aware of what your doing? I hope it makes sense but just trying to get an understanding of how bad it's going to be, I can't ever imagine me being in a position that I would be that out of control that I would be willing to strip naked in a situation like that, I'm definitely over thinking things as the times getting closer but would like to hear your opinions l, please be kind 😬

I did not lose my dignity. I had terrible labors resulting in emergency c sections when I was fully dilated, and not once did I not give a shit who was in the room or what I was wearing.

My husband was run over by some farm equipment when he forgot to put the brake on. He was badly hurt, many ribs broken, squashed kidney etc but he refused to let them cut his underwear off in the field. My son told me that he was telling them that he wanted to retain his dignity. Haha I'm proud of the old boy for some reason for doing that - not proud he forget to put the parking brake on the tractor though....on a hill!

@Ashchall95 you sound like me in that I was obsessed with wanting to know how I would feel in labour, but honestly until it happens it's hard to know.

I also couldn't imagine being comfortable naked but i can understand why some women do. I just wore pj bottoms and one of my DHs tshirts, pj bottoms came off and tshirt stayed on throughout.

I think people like to strip off because clothes can feel like an extra restriction when you're already uncomfortable (kinda like how some people - myself included - don't like wearing a bra when they don't have to).

My midwives just encouraged me to do whatever helped me feel more comfortable throughout (walk around, get on the bed, keep clothes on, take them off, sit on an exercise ball). Don't worry about changing your mind mid way through, noone will judge you whatever you decide. The amount of times I said "no this isn't working for me" and changed position was a lot. If you're anxious like I was, my biggest tip is to really drive it home to my birthing partner that I really needed him to advocate for me if I couldn't stand up for myself, my normally placid and socially awkward DH was not afraid to tell the midwives I needed to try something different if I shot him a look. Knowing you've got someone entirely on your side is really helpful to calm the nerves in my experience.

Prior to going into labour I thought I wanted a water birth, but in the early stages of labour I got in the bath at home and realised it just wasn't for me. There's no right or wrong way to labour

you absolutely have to remove your pants.
anything else is- choice.
if you say thankyou at the end.to the staff.you have dignity.

I just got really hot when having contractions, so took my clothes off. I was well aware I did it and for me it wasn't something that took over me like a wild animal, I thought I'm really bloody hot.

My second I had a gown on, didn't feel the need to take it off. I did poo that time though which I did care about and apologised for...

@Phrowzunn

Oh OP I really feel for you, I remember vividly the fear of the unknown I had when I was waiting for the birth of my first child. Women who have had babies talk about it in this blasé way like ‘oh you won’t care’ and I remember thinking ‘maybe you didn’t but I definitely will!!’ I bought this little maternity skirt so that I wouldn’t have to be naked from the waist down and was determined that I wouldn’t ‘leave my dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out’ like my mum said. It’s really difficult to explain but being in labour is sort of like a parallel universe where things like being embarrassed just don’t really apply to you anymore because what you are dealing with is so much more than that. It’s so difficult to explain, it’s not like you suddenly become this mad exhibitionist. (I never got naked to be fair but didn’t get to wear my wee skirt as I was induced so had to wear hospital gown). It’s like if you’re normally a really clean, tidy person and say, totally anal about your lovely cream sofa and you would never let anyone eat or drink on it. Then one day someone you love (let’s say your husband or parent) is on your sofa and has a very serious accident and they are bleeding all over your sofa. In that moment, all you’re going to be thinking about is what to do next, how to help them, keep them calm, any first aid you know… the state of your sofa would be the furthest thing from your mind. You haven’t suddenly turned into someone who would let a toddler bounce up and down on your sofa with a cup of Ribena, but in that specific moment it just wouldn’t occur to you to worry about, it just wouldn’t be on your radar. Try not to worry. Everyone’s experience is so different but just remember that it is finite and you will get through it. Just go in with an open mind and whatever needs to happen to get baby there safely will happen and you will almost certainly laugh about some of it one day. Best of luck - you’ve got this!

Awwww this is so nice! Thankyou so much for being so understanding and explaining it that way it really does make sense! Xxx

I had a long pyjama vest top that hit mid thigh, only hiked it up when the pushing started.

Huff enough gas and air and you won’t notice or care what you’re wearing 😂

I had both of mine completely naked in the pool, it felt like the most natural thing in the world and I didn't feel like I lost any dignity whatsoever. The opposite in fact, I felt powerful and strong (although yes of course its very painful lol) and I needed to do what I needed to do to birth the baby which in my case meant clothes had to come off so I cld get in the zone.

The midwives are just there to facilitate the birth and make sure you and baby are well but ultimately its you doing it and it's how you feel comfortable. Theyre not judging and don't care either way, it's all In a days work for them.

Don't overthink it

I had both my children while wearing a top & a skirt & just pulled the skirt up.

If you are wearing trousers then you are going to be naked on your bottom half because they will have to come off.

You might want to consider a slightly longer top or a dressing gown or something (depends how long you are in labour. Mine only lasted minutes so had my son before they actually finished putting their gloves on, but some people take many hours.)

I was naked for my first. It was horrible, I kept throwing up without having eaten anything for 2 days I felt so uncomfortable that I wanted my clothes off!!!

My very religious hijabi friend had to walk down the corridor of the hospital in just a gown not very well tidied up she says she doesn't know who saw who but she doesn't care!!

As someone who worked in a hospital, those nurses and doctors have seen it all and really don't care..... it's not a sexy environment or situation

I wore a hospital gown for both of mine, obviously the midwife needed to see but they had a drape for modesty

Haven't read the full thread but I am a student midwife. Firstly, let me reassure you that your dignity will be kept. The door is closed, a curtain placed over the door and you will remain covered with a sheet for any examinations and for birth. We tend to keep a sheet over between contractions and lift it when pushing.

From all the women I have seen, you do lose the ability to care and that is usually when you go into the zone of pushing. you are so focused on delivering that baby, nothing else matters.

If you have an epidural, you may not get the overwhelming birthing urge so may be more shy. Again, we keep you covered and there is usually only a midwife and maybe a student if you allow it and then a second midwife may come in for delivery to write the notes.

Lots of women get really hot and choose to strip and it is your birth and your choice.

We have seen it all and don't look at women as a naked body. You are there to birth and feed your baby and we will do everything we can to ensure you do it in the most dignified and comfortable way you can.

Also not everyone is in that much pain, I certainly wasn't and I had no pain relief. Try not to worry

I was so late getting to the hospital after being sent home twice in the same day that the nurse was pulling off my nice jumper saying oh well we don't want to get that all messy do we. I only had the nice jumper on because it wasn't due day and I was told to stay away because I'd been in twice and wasn't giving birth 😂 by the time I was seen again dd was coming out and by that time I didn't give a care in the world if I was stark naked in the corridor because I was in so much pain.

As it happened I gave birth with my jumper half off ie one sleeve off one sleeve on because everything went so fast, the nurse then had to help me at the other end! I wouldn't worry at all OP, as PP have said you just care that your baby is there, you're either delirious in pain or on drugs and so nakedness is most likely going to be very low down on your worries on the day

@deleteasappropriate

Can you link to a post about being naked *@Ashchall95* so we can get a better idea of what you're worried about? I've been here a long time and have never seen any posts like that, so would be interested to see the context.

You only have to read through this thread to see the amount of ladies that where naked or took there clothes off, I understood from the beginning that it is through choice, it's just the idea of feeling like I would want to do that scares me because it's so far from who I am so it's just nice to hear peoples own stories and opinions on it, hope this makes sense ☺️

I think the vast majority of people are very scared before they give birth and sometimes it gets concentrated in one area. ‘Losing your dignity’ to me suggests something against your will and I didn’t feel like that because I honestly didn’t care at the end although I did have a nightie on and never thought to remove it.
I would make a plan- get a nightie with buttons on the front for when baby arrives. Take a decent length large dressing gown to cover up easily. Maybe a light blanket (they do give you a sheet to be under anyway). Wear a crop top and appropriate nightwear as you may not want to get changed or may not have time if things happen in the night. Basically make a plan to ensure you don’t have to be uncovered. Do you have a birth partner? Make it their job to ensure they over you things to cover up in labour. Write it in your birth plan

I've heard people laughingly comment on losing all dignity and not caring. I don't recognise this.

That was never my experience. I always felt like the staff respected my dignity. I was never naked or asked to be.

I'm not denying anyones experience. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't like the attitude that it automatically will be and you won't care.

In the kindest possible way, I think that such a focus on loosing your dignity could result in issues/trauma for you after the birth. In my experience, childbirth was probably the most undignified thing I’ve ever done - four strangers stood around me, one with his arm elbow deep up my vagina (twisted cord), another pushing down on my stomach, copious amount of vomit and maybe poo. Plus an episiotomy and lots of blood. I think if I’d been focused on dignity I’d have suffered from PTSD afterwards. I think you maybe need to try and lose the focus on dignity for your own post-birth sanity.

Surely you have to be naked at the bottom half?! 😂

As for the top half you can wear an old t shirt or nightie or similar.

I wouldn’t overthink it (although I did first time round).

I didn’t strip off. I have a very deformed and scarred chest and had similar worries about forgetting myself as I knew I’d be absolutely mortified afterwards if anyone did see me. I wore a knee length nightie and it was absolutely fine. The worst bit was the midwife hadn’t read my notes and tried to open my nightie after I’d given birth to put my son on my chest. I was sobbing but was too drugged to be able to get my words out properly. Dh was quite stern with her though and told her to stop.

You are a mammal giving birth
It s not dignified
It s brutal
You can ask that you are kept covered as far as possible
You can wear loose t shirt top half
Like on call the midwife

I was naked but didn't want to be. DH couldn't find the top I'd brought for the water birth so I got in in the t-shirt I was wearing but had to go to the delivery suite and they made me take it off because I was getting cold but they couldn't find me a gown. It massively affected my concentration on the job in hand if I'm honest. I felt so exposed and vulnerable. It was awful.

You do not have to lose your dignity.. I really dislike the rhetoric of dignity being left at the door.

Wanting to be naked, needing to have internal checks, perhaps pooing during birth: all the things that happen before during and after childbirth should not be conflated with a loss of dignity.

You can birth naked with half the world in the room and still FEEL dignified & so many other positive things. or you could birth in your nighty, with just the midwife and feel completely humiliated by something someone says or does. So much depending on how those in the room manage the situation- how you manage to share your preferences (if you are lucky enough for them to be listened to and to be lived).

OP your birth will be your birth. It can be beautiful and calm or traumatic and messy or anything in between. listen to how you feel and try to speak up about anything you are unhappy with, your feelings matter big style. It’s not all about baby and mum second. if might linger with you for a long time if you don’t.

Good luck to you

It’s not the case for everyone but it is for most women. Your whole brain is consumed with getting the baby out. It’s hard to describe but it’s like a primitive thing takes over. Try not to be scared about pain. It’s a positive pain rather than something is wrong. But it’s more than just pain. Every cell in your body and brain is working to get that baby out. You might do a poo whilst pushing or bite the midwifes arm or have a slight tear and you won’t even notice (I did all 3 and barely remembered afterwards)
Being naked is really really the least you will be worrying about. You are thinking about it sitting there now not in advanced labour. Totally different state of mind. It all changes for most women because there is so much else going on.

OK so it sounds like you are afraid of losing your usual sense of self - is that right?

As in, you wouldn't be the 'sort' to go topless/go skinny dipping/be less than in control in public, and are worried that being in labour will make you behave in a way that goes against your natural personality?

I think that's what you are saying.

It won't.

I had a water birth the first time - was in from early contractions to delivery so was naked from waist down but had a sort of bandeau top on my boobs because I wanted to. At no point did I suddenly decide I wanted to whip it off (until DD arrived and was hungry!)

Second birth was in a bed and again, I was in a long t-shirt and stayed that way.

I DID make noises I didn't expect to make - I didn't have any pain relief first time and found that along with the natural high from all the adrenalin and whatnot, the noises helped me breathe and deliver. Second time round I had an epidural and it was a much quieter labour.

Both times felt like me doing my thing though if that makes sense.

I was naked with my 2nd, my choice. At no point did I lose my dignity. I birthed a human in the way I was most comfortable.

In the nicest possible way you need to worry less about being naked. It's totally normal and I promise no one in the room will care. Male or female.