Unable to see my baby in NICU due to covid restrictions

[francesca26]

I feel so alone I needed to post this to see if anyone else has been or is in a similar situation.

I have been in hospital since 30/12 for a scheduled induction. The process didn't start until 31/12 due to how busy they were and I was on a ward with several other women. One of these women tested positive for covid on 31/12 just as my contractions started and I was informed that I had been 'exposed'. I didn't think too much of it at this point and was just focusing on birthing my baby.

At 17.57pm on 01/01/22 my son was born at 38+4 . He had breathing difficulties and was 'grunty' so was taken straight to NICU, I had a brief cuddle but hardly any skin to skin.

The NICU doctor then informed me that because I had been 'exposed' that I would not be able to visit my son in NICU at all, even though I was testing negative. 💔

It has now been over 24hrs since I gave birth and I have had no contact with my baby. I have been put in a segregated room on the post natal ward. I'm not allowed to leave and can't have any visitors.

My heart is honestly breaking. I also have a 2 year old at home who I haven't seen for 4 days now.

Baby is improving and although he is still on oxygen, the levels are much better than they were. However I've not got any time frame on when they think he will be able to be moved up to post natal and be with me.

I feel like this is really affecting my mental health. I know my baby is in the best place but I am being treated like I have covid, even though I am negative and double jabbed.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in this room, without either of my children and I can't leave unless I discharge myself which they have advised me not to do incase baby is able to move up at some point.

😢💔

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It's more harmful for baby to be separated from you than the potential exposure to covid given you're testing negative!!

This 💯!!

@Neurodiversitydoctor

I did get angry when people started talking about suing the trust tbf. We all make mistakes but "kicking off" and getting litiginous(sp) rarely solves anything IME and I think unhelpful to OP.

In this case I agree that although morally its absolutely deplorable its unlikely to result in a successful case. However absolutely there are instances where suing the trust is proportionate, and I wish more people who have suffered long term effects due to negligence would do it rather than feel bad because oh its our beloved NHS.

I hope you get offered support after this OP and it isn't just the case that you're expected to get over it, lots of research has outlined the potential negative of being away from your newborn, and without being dramatic it can be really traumatic. Hopefully they offer you access to mental health services should you feel you need them, I mean I doubt they will as they're on their arse but please do reach out if you need to.

*Without a ward of en-suites, the only way to manage covid transmission is to admit to a 'hot' area for testing before moving to a 'cold' area. OP was probably in a hot bay.

Due to incubation a person could test negative on day 1 and infect others on day 2. It's tricky to manage any infection in hospital, but covid is a nightmare. Unfortunately given that hospitals haven't been torn down and re-built having two years experience hasn't helped a great deal.
*
The OP could have been isolating at home right up to her induction. That would be a reasonable way to manage the risk, but would require planning. It is easier for the hospital to have the women stored ready to induce, but it exposes them to Covid risk. At this point this hospital is casual about the risks.

Then suddenly once the baby is born, the hospital is hyper-cautious and holds the baby away from its mother.

If neonatal care doctors really believed that mothers are important to newborns, they would assess the risks and manage the processes differently.

But fundamentally they still do not think that separating mothers from their newborns for a few days or a week or two matters.

08:57falalalalalalablahblah

I will pm about the research on attachment as I have others on this thread. Not useful to discuss it here.

*@Neurodiversitydoctor

I’m so glad you’re an ex nicu doctor, you sounds soulless

No they don't, they sound factual & informed, not melodramatic & advising actions that puts lots at risk, including OP & her baby. FFS reading the replies on this thread, it's no surprise we're in the state we are in infection wise🙄

@francesca26 I'm so sorry you are going through this, it really is heartbreaking, but unfortunately necessary to keep your baby, other babies & staff safe. My baby was in NICU way pre covid & I remember how diligent they were with infection control, they have to be when even a common cold can cause potentially life threatening symptoms in a baby, (happened to mine) so I can only imagine how strict their protocols need to be now for covid.

I know this doesn't help you right now & hormones on top of the natural upset will be making you feel crazy with grief, but your baby already has breathing difficulties & they & you are in the safest place & were they need to be right now & so are you. Asking if there's any chance to be with baby in the side ward by all means, but no "kicking up a stink" as advised on here & accepting that if they say no, it really is with good reason for everyone's safety.

Hard as it is, it's sadly just a potential aspect of giving birth in a covid climate, that won't lessen the grief you feel right now, but try & keep your eye on the bigger picture & realise these days will pass & a whole lot easier if they can keep you both covid safe. This is not for no reason, it's not deliberately cruel, it is sadly a necessity of our times 💐💐💐

I hope you get offered support after this OP and it isn't just the case that you're expected to get over it, lots of research has outlined the potential negative of being away from your newborn, and without being dramatic it can be really traumatic. Hopefully they offer you access to mental health services should you feel you need them, I mean I doubt they will as they're on their arse but please do reach out if you need to.
Completely agree with this.

Ask for someone to bring you the sheets from your baby’s cot/incubator or baby’s worn vests/hat etc so you can have the smell of your baby. Very important especially if you are trying to pump. (I remember sitting at home sniffing worn baby vests (!!) while my daughter was in NICU. I can laugh about it now but at the time it was incredibly comforting)

@Nameswaptime

Ask for someone to bring you the sheets from your baby’s cot/incubator or baby’s worn vests/hat etc so you can have the smell of your baby. Very important especially if you are trying to pump. (I remember sitting at home sniffing worn baby vests (!!) while my daughter was in NICU. I can laugh about it now but at the time it was incredibly comforting)

I did the same x

I would assume they are waiting for the incubation period to be over before you can see your baby especially if the baby was having breathing difficulties

I know it must be awful for you but your baby is being looked after and it won't be long before you have them in your arms

I'm so sorry you are going through this but I do understand why. There are lots of very vulnerable babies in NICU and the risk to making them iller must be reduced where possible. Not to mention their parents and staff.

Hope dad has been allowed in and he can do skin on skin and do face time with you.

Hope you get to see your baby soon.

OP, whilst understanding the horror of not being with your baby, your baby is on high flow oxygen and you could possibly be incubating Covid.

Having had Covid 3 weeks ago, trust me when I say that they are protecting your baby here. I really hope that you continue to test negative...... I tested positive 3 days after exposure (during a mass vaccination clinic...... I was in the room with someone who had Covid for 15 minutes).

Congratulations

You poor poor thing. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said but I really hope something changes quickly for you. It probably won't do anything but maybe email your MP just so they know that women and newborns are being treated like this. There has to be a better way than this. I would probably be going crazy and screaming and shouting which definitely wouldn't help but your hormones will be making you feel all sorts, irrational/ rational. It's best I don't rant about how some doctors/ NHS management are robotic/ without feeling but you'd think after almost 2 years of this we'd be treating women and babies better than this.
I really hope you get a happy solution soon xx

Haven’t they got a single room for babies with infectious disease? Because your baby was exposed too. So you could visit with infection control?

[quote Summerfun54321]@Neurodiversitydoctor drs are always so heartless and medical when it comes to childbirth and the treatment of mothers. I’m so glad we have midwives running the show in the U.K. Read the OP’s update, she’s been told 10 days now not 7 so your comment is false.[/quote]
What a horrible thing to say about doctors, who are literally saving our lives. It's their job to apply the science to protect us. Maybe listen to the explanations and respond respectfully, whether you disagree or not

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It's more harmful for baby to be separated from you than the potential exposure to covid given you're testing negative!!

100% this.

The fact there isn't being an alternative plan arranged to protect your mental health speaks volumes.

Kick up a fuss. Its not ok.

This is totally barbaric. I was separated from my DS1 for 3 days but that was because we were both very unwell, the resulting mental health issues blighted my first years as a mother. The hospital have had 2 years to plan for this situation, it is simply not acceptable to keep a mother away from thier newborn unless there is absolutely no other option.

The squeaky wheel gets the oil OP, every person who comes to take obs etc, tell them you need to see your baby. When PALs are open again complain to them. I also think you should contact your local press and inform them about what has happened and tell the hospital that you have. Other local mothers should know about this hospital's procedures so they can make informed choices for thier deliveries.

I'm so sorry op this is barbaric. Covid or not this is surely kidnap as they are deliver keeping a newborn baby away from it's mother and not allowing contact. This could have very real long term complications but weirdly as soon as you say covid, loads of posters instantly agree the NHS can do whatever they want to you and your child. Contact pals op this isn't ok.

I’m really sorry about this. I suggest focusing on the positives of the situation - you have given birth to gorgeous baby safely, they are improving in NICU, you will see baby soon. Try to rest and look after yourself now so you feel good when baby comes to you :-) x x

I’d ask if I can be fit tested for ffp3 mask so you can safely see your baby even if you can’t hold them.

That said, hopefully to reassure you, I couldn’t see one of my twins initially after birth and I was worried about my bond - she’s my little cuddly, mummy-loving 10 year old now. Similarly, my friend had a csection years ago and the baby needed nicu so had to be transferred miles away and she didn’t see him for a week. It was tough at the time but they have a lovely bond.

Has nicu set up a video for you to see your baby? Do they have a photo sharing app so you have lots of photos? If not, that’s the bit to kick off about as that’s the bit they can do. They may be short staffed but these things matter! Xx

The suggestion of contacting PALS is a good one.

I understand exactly how you feel, was in a similar situation when my son was born 12 years ago, so not Covid related. He was transferred to NICU in a hospital in a hospital 30 miles away, but I was too unstable to be transferred. We were apart for 4 days and it was a very difficult time, especially being left on the maternity ward without a baby listening to all the other babies crying. I hope you get to be with each other as soon as possible.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It's more harmful for baby to be separated from you than the potential exposure to covid given you're testing negative!!

What about all the other sick babies in NICU? 🙄

@Notagardener

Just checked and as per 31-12-21 household contact of hospital staff still need to stay at home unless "exception".

"the exposure was in the hospital, where was the duty of care then?" Well, it happens on our ward where every patient is PCR tested before admission maybe this shows how even PCR testing can give false neg

Believe me the exception is made for every member of staff due to staffing levels.

)In this case I agree that although morally its absolutely deplorable its unlikely to result in a successful case. However absolutely there are instances where suing the trust is proportionatde
Of course in cases of gross medical negligence no one is disputing that. The most that has happened here is that someone has misinterpreted infection control procedures and erred too far on the side of caution, over a bank holiday weekend when the nation recorded it's highest ever number of Covid cases. Of course the HCPs should be showing OP compassion , but I don't think being aggressive and combatative is helpful here.

Fellow medic here. I agree with neurodiversitydoctor. Infection control has to be done at a hospital not individual level to ensure staff and patient safety. Whilst it would be fantastic to adapt for individual circumstances with current staffing levels and the constant evolution of the pandemic, rules need to be simple and easy to follow for everyone.

Having recently been a visitor for a family member, I found the rules upsetting but I understand why they are in place. I know paediatrics is exempt but it is my understanding that general hospital visiting for all was suspended on Saturday by public health England (with some exceptions). It certainly was in trusts near me.

The rules on staff working following a close contact/positive family also change constantly. I believe the most recent change has been done to ensure staff can work, otherwise there would be a massive staffing crisis (like in other industries). This is a pragmatic response to rising infection levels and is not ideal in terms of infection control.

I hope you and baby improve quickly OP. Congratulations on your new baby x