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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

dh watching baby being born - yes or no?

72 replies

Stargazing · 26/11/2007 23:27

I know that a lot will depend on how things go at the time, but a few friends have told me to encourage dh to watch the birth from 'down there'. The idea doesn't bother me, exactly, but I do wonder how he might react to it. Anyone got any experience of this? what did your dh think, would you recommend it?

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NormaStanleyFletcher · 26/11/2007 23:29

DH saw - ahem - all of that (for both of our last two).

He had nothing but admiration.

And sympathy

sarahtwobratz · 26/11/2007 23:31

My DH watched both our DDs being born, mind you that is all he did, watched I have often thought it would be better to have another Mum there who can really empathise and offer practical support.

seeker · 26/11/2007 23:31

I think it should be up to him! It's important that he doesn'tfeel eany pressure either way. Mine wanted to watch, others don't. So long as he is giving you all the support you need, it doesn't really matter where he stands!

purpleflower · 26/11/2007 23:32

DP said all through the pregnancy that he would be head end and that there was no way on this earth that he would watch. On the day he watched every little bit and even held my legs open (I kept scrunching them up when I pushed) he said it was the most wonderfull experience of his life. I gave him the option to do what he wanted, he even cut the cord which he had been totally against. If he had stayed up at the head end I would still love him the same but I left the decision for him

prettymum · 26/11/2007 23:32

dp saw everything!! including few droplets of poo when giving birth to dc2 which he mentioned the next day!! i was completely out of it with gas and air to care!

gigglewitch · 26/11/2007 23:32

yes my DH isn't really the sort i would have expected to even cast a look 'down there' either - but from standing right next to me holding my hand - no make that me digging nails into him and drawing blood he has given me updates on the great event "i can see its hair / head / arm etc" with all three
he quite rightly drew the line at cutting cord and gory stuff like that tho

jamila169 · 26/11/2007 23:33

let him do what he wants, whether it's watching from the business end or sitting in his shed at home - you need to consult him on that, not your mates, the only thing i'd draw the line at is him pushing the midwife out of the way

Olihan · 26/11/2007 23:35

My dh was really squeamish about the idea of it beforehand and I wasn't sure if I wanted him down there . TBH, when it's all happening you honestly don't know, or care, who is looking where!

Dh thought it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen - he still talks about how incredible it was, seeing our dcs being born (we have 3).

I would just wait and see what happens at the time, tbh. That way there's no pressure on either of you.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 26/11/2007 23:35

Dh watched Ds1 being born whichhe said was 'The most amazing thing he has ever seen in his entire life' but for DS2 I needed him at my end as I was screeching to all and sundry that I was dying....

expatinscotland · 26/11/2007 23:37

DH saw both.

Nothing but admiration and sympathy all around!!

mamazon · 26/11/2007 23:37

what ould be the point of him watching from anywhere else?

Xp pretty much had his head in there with both of mine lol.

i know he found it a pretty amazing thing to see and i am glad he was able to witness it.

dd666 · 26/11/2007 23:39

dp watched took photos too thought it was amazing!
my mom was there too she said giving birth to your own child is amazing watching your child(im not by the way im 21) give birth is more amazing!

policywonk · 26/11/2007 23:41

My DP said that the sight of DS1 being born(he got a bit stuck and just sort of sat there for a while, face half-in and half-out, blinking, like someone emerging from a manhole cover) was the most truly bizarre thing he had ever seen. However, it only seemed to add to his admiration - there wasn't a trace of disgust or fear.

Have to say, though, that it was a different matter with DS2, who was born very suddenly in a shower of sh*t, amniotic fluid and baby. DP took a while to get over that one - I think the force of it unnerved him!

S1ur · 26/11/2007 23:56

um just a thought, but you might want him near your head end so to speak, y'know just so he can mop your brow, whisper words of encouragement

ok bit tongue in cheek but the basic idea is sound, my dp says his main focus was me and supporting me however he could, in fact with dd couldn't have really done without him at the my head end since it was him that hauled me up from a squat to a supported squat so I didn't sit on my daughter

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 27/11/2007 00:03

My dh was around for both births.

The first was directed by Tarrantino, and he was in shock for a few days after, having seen me nearly bleed to death, and the registrar standing with his foot on my bed trying to pull baby out by a ventouse, falling with a loud crash onto the wall behind him, twice, before baby was born foreceps delivery.

The second time the baby decided to come while I was laying on my side, facing the wall, one leg in the air (hey, not my choice of birth position, but one have to experiement, right?) Actually I was getting a Pethidine shot, when baby decided to make his appearance, and I was told to just lift my leg and let him out! As the second midwife was on a lunch break, dh had to assist, and was all choked up by cutting the cord.

It was good to have him there. It was good for him to be there. Men are resilient beings, too. And it is good for them to see their kids being born, and to see giving birth is not just a walk on a beach.

What do you want?

RGPargy · 27/11/2007 09:23

I'm a bit nervous about DP being at the business end coz i really dont want him to be "put off" of me after seeing it, or looking at my fanjo in a different light and not fancying me as much.

Completely stupid, i know, but there you go!

SazzaK · 27/11/2007 09:30

My husband was strictly confined to the head end. I hadn't wanted him there (my mum was there too and he is pretty squeamish) but I was glad he was there in the end, bless him, as it felt right for us to welcome our baby into the world together. I don't think it will put him off (any more than a vast swollen belly, preggy waddle and enormous rock hard leaky boobs once your milk comes in!) but it is not for every man. I would leave it up to him.

MrsTittleMouse · 27/11/2007 09:33

Neither DH or I wanted DH to see the business end. After all, I wanted him to focus on me, not on my bits! To be honest, he was traumatised enough (still is TBH, he refuses to talk about it), it could only have been worse if he's seen the blood and gore close up!
I didn't have any illusions about dignity, by the way. DH held the kidney bowls for my vomit during the whole thing, and in the second stage I was in supported squat and pushed so hard I had diarrhea down his legs.

goingfor3christmaspuddings · 27/11/2007 09:33

Don't force him if he doesn't want to look down there. DP didn't for DD1 but did for DD2 as I wanted to know if she had any hair, he only looked for the breifest time possible!

Lazarou · 27/11/2007 09:37

My dh went out to be sick as soon as he saw all the blood. He pretended to go out and get a coffee. Then he came back in stood in the corner all wide eyed cos it was all going a bit pearshaped.

He missed ds2 being born by about 10 mins cos he was driving home from work.

FlossALump · 27/11/2007 09:39

DP watched DS being born more than DD being born (I think). My mum was there with DS and not with DD so I 'needed' him more with DD IYSWIM. He attempted to cut the cord with DS (failed) and succeeded with DD. IMO you have to go with the flow on the day - I think second time around he felt he had to be more of a support to me, but frankly he may as well have not been there in that mist of gas and air and pain...

Flamesparrow · 27/11/2007 09:42

DH wanted to stay head end He was happiest there, didn't bother me where he was

Meeely2 · 27/11/2007 09:46

dh was all for it from the start of my preg til the birth - we have twins so the plan was he would get one mucky baby thrown on his bare chest while i would have the other and he was going to cut the cords - but they ended up being very prem and were whisked away before either of us could see them. He still watched it all, but it was such a short sharp experience and a bit traumatic for him (twin 2 was breech and got stuck half way out and he felt helpless when i simply refused to push - admitted later he wanted to punch me to get me started again!).

It hasn't put him off me btw in anyway.

MuffinMclay · 27/11/2007 09:55

Dh was adamant that that he'd stay at the head end, but when it came to it that wasn't an option because of the layout of the delivery room.
He was horrified at the amount of blood and gore, but it wasn't half as bad as the idea of it all.

GreenGlassGoblin · 27/11/2007 09:57

our experience was a bit like policywonk's first. DS 'resting' for a moment with his head out and everything else still in, looking around and blinking at his first ever view of the world. DH still thinks it is the most magical thing he has ever seen. We had previously decided he would stay at the head end (he faints when giving blood, never mind seeing the stuff), but the midwife was having none of it ('come here, you'll want to see this!'). Circumstances can take over, I'd take it as it comes on the day.

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