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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

dh watching baby being born - yes or no?

72 replies

Stargazing · 26/11/2007 23:27

I know that a lot will depend on how things go at the time, but a few friends have told me to encourage dh to watch the birth from 'down there'. The idea doesn't bother me, exactly, but I do wonder how he might react to it. Anyone got any experience of this? what did your dh think, would you recommend it?

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micegg · 27/11/2007 15:08

I didnt want DH to watch and he said he wouldnt but he ended up looking. He has gone on about it quite alot since. It must be on his mind because the other day he announced to two of our firends he wont be looking next time. (i am preg again). In fcat he is saying he doesnt need to be at the birth as he's 'done' it before . I dont care either way its up to him.

skidaddle · 27/11/2007 15:21

at micegg - well you've 'done it before' too - does that mean you don't need to bother turning up this time either?!

Love all these stories of seeing the baby's head crown being the most amazing experience of their lives. Don't think DH really had time to look as DD was delivere by ventouse. He wants to look and cut the cord this time, and he definitely has an added respect for my vagina since seeing what it can do (yes i'm still talking about birth!)

skidaddle · 27/11/2007 15:23

at micegg's DH, not at micegg

JenT · 27/11/2007 15:24

DS's were both born in water, so although DH was there and could see it wasn't perhaps as graphic as if I had been on dryland IYKWIM
It hasn't put him off but has given him a real appreciation of what I actually went through to get the boys here. (and that was with uncomplicated safe deliveries)

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/11/2007 15:27

DP was a bit traumatised by the all the scalp blood tests on baby and the ventouse delivery first time and stayed at the head end to support me, but he did see the head appear, I think he sort of stretched his arm and craned his neck!

DS2 was ecsect. He had his little seat at my shoulder and I made him face me. I told him he was absolutely NOT to look at anything going on the other side of the screen till they said they had the baby out, for the reason that I just never ever wanted him to describe people cutting me open and rummaging in my tummy.
In the end they announced 'we are just lifting the baby out now' so he stood up to look at the appropriate moment!
TBH before we knew that ds was breech (the day before my due date!) I had been hoping that I'd go into labour in the middle of the night and have to leave DP at home with ds1. I think it would have been less hassle just me and the midwives.

MrsTittleMouse · 27/11/2007 15:50

I'm a bit at the MWs who tell the DP/DH to take a look. There is no way that DH or I would have been happy with him seeing what was going on at the business end. I would have hated for him to have felt obliged to look, because a stranger (the MW) felt he would enjoy it.

spugs · 27/11/2007 17:00

my hubby hasnt watched with our 2, he said he didnt want to see, my little sis was one of ny birth partners with dd2 and when the mw told her the baby was crowning ive never seen anyone move so fast. (she was about to start her mw training and it was the first birth she had been to)she loves the fact that she saw her niece being born and that she was the first baby she saw being born

inthegutter · 27/11/2007 19:17

My DP watched and said afterwards it was awesome and he couldn't believe how amazing I was! So all good!

Princesspowersparkle · 27/11/2007 21:29

I always told my DH that he would have to stay at the head end. When it got to it I didn't want my hand held or anything- I just wanted to concentrate and he was so curious he ended up down the business end. He said it was the most amazing and beautiful thing he has ever seen, and it has definitely not affected our relationship

dizietsma · 28/11/2007 15:03

DH caught DD as she was born. He was an amazing birth partner. It was funny though, he'd been helping me with breathing through contractions by breathing through them with me and as DD was about to be born he was actually just hyperventilating

I think it depends on the bloke, but watching the whole gory experience hasn't fazed DH's relationship with my fanjo for an instant.

choosyfloosy · 28/11/2007 15:06

i expected dh to stay with me, but didn't talk about it - just thought that was his job! As it goes i laboured in water then gave birth standing up, and i NEEDED him standing with me at the last bit.

I was very carefully not paying attention to the stitching, and risked a glance downwards to find dh studying the work of the midwife with rapt attention. Outrage! To be expected tho as he has some medical training behind him. Doesn't seem to have affected anything

choosyfloosy · 28/11/2007 15:06

sorry when i say 'with me' i mean face to face, pretty much

Lizzer · 28/11/2007 15:11

Oh thanks you lot, this thread is making me want to cry with admiration (and the fact i'm 38w pg not helping emotions)

I've got to get it together to get dd from school now...

oh I can't wait to do it all again, this time with a lovely and supportive partner (exP not at dd's birth) I hope he's as lovely as all your men who watched you birth your children, it must be magical

Sufi · 28/11/2007 17:06

dh watched the whole thing from the floor (I was kneeling for most of it and gave birth standing up rather than him being out cold on the floor!!) and he even held my trembling legs while I delivered, touched the baby's head as it came out and cut the cord. He was a complete star and said it was one of the most amazing experiences of his life - and he's also been adamant that it won't put him off when we eventually get round to, you know... - though there's time for that yet as I only gave birth 16 days ago!

choosyfloosy · 29/11/2007 13:00

top tip lizzer - if in the pool, in transition and looking at cool calm dh sitting on comfy stool NOT in labour and holding your hand, it's mildly satisfying to do a massive whoosh with your arm and soak him from head to foot.

why should he be so darn comfortable eh?

gigglewitch · 30/11/2007 01:02

nice tip.
and make sure you have long and beautifully manicured (i.e. sharp) fingernails so that when you hold his hand oh oh so tightly, he knows a millionth of what pain really is

Lizzer · 30/11/2007 17:11

LOL choosy just seen your tip!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 30/11/2007 17:21

i told dh to stay at my head area during birth as i thought i could save my dignity that way[yes i was that nieve}but he ran down to the gory end shouting at my vagina to push as he would at a football match

cazboldy · 30/11/2007 17:24

he kept to the head end the first time.
watched number 2 be born
delivered number 3
watched number 4
and missed number 5

cazboldy · 01/12/2007 18:19

did i kill this thread
i was enjoying reading all the stories!

smartiejake · 01/12/2007 18:45

My DH actually fainted while I was having the epidural put in with dd1 so didn't think a ring side seat up the gory end was a good idea!

cazboldy · 01/12/2007 20:46

the thought of an epidural makes me feel a bit queasy!

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