C-section due to tokophobia - tell people reason or not?

[sarah13xx]

I’ve had the biggest phobia of birth my whole life. Had decided I wasn’t having children and only changed my mind when I was absolutely sure I could have a c-section. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but to me it’s the option I can cope with. My c-section was approved and is now very soon, only my mum and a few close friends know it’s a section (and have always known my reasons). I haven’t told anyone who I think will be judgemental or enter into any debate about it (MIL for example). Just can’t be bothered with it before I’ve had the baby and think it would be easier to brush over after they’re here.

What do I say after the baby is born about why it was a c-section? Say the baby was breech and hide behind a lie I shouldn’t need to hide behind or be brave and say the real reason? I just can’t face the judgemental comments about it. It’s so bizarre when it’s literally a human coming out of your vagina or not but people think they have the right to know every intimate detail of what happened and why 🤦🏼‍♀️ How do I shut them down in one sentence without creating any further conversation on it? 🙈

Tbh I don’t know that anyone ever asked me why I had a c section. I’m not even sure myself!

Do you really think people will ask why you had a Caesarian rather than coo over the baby?

I had two and no one ever asked.

I know many people who have had csections. Nobody cares why. Some people say they chose it, others had an emergency section, some say they had medical advice. Tell people as much or as little as you wish. No one needs to know why.

My friend told me the reason she had a c section was, indeed, tokophobia
Having never heard of it I did some research and it opened my eyes about it
Of course it’s up to you but the more understand about these things the better in my opinion so I would be open
For what’s it’s worth, I’ll be having a c section in December due to my history of late pregnancy loss. If anyone asks me why, I’ll just tell them

@MyCatDribbles I think that’s the thing, the reason this is still a taboo subject in 2021 is because people aren’t honest about it due to everyone else’s opinions but it’s just a vicious circle. I feel like I’ve already lied to some people almost kidding on I think it’s a vaginal birth I’m having but only because they’ve asked questions that are none of their business and I’ve been vague in my answer. Sorry to hear your reason, hope yours goes well

@Warmduscher my MIL will not only ask, she’ll go round the city we live in with a loud speaker out the top of the car announcing the reason to everyone she sees 🤦🏼‍♀️ She’s obsessed with oversharing people’s medical information! If/when she asks I might just say ‘lots of reasons’ or something

The only people who asked me why I had one were people who wanted one themselves and were keen to know how I ended up having them - I've had two. It's true, no one asks and no one cares.

I would just tell MIL baby is breech and it's been decided an elective c section is best. This 'white lie' will also set you up nicely if you decide to have more.

Honestly, I'd just say they realised the baby was breech at your last appointment. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of but it's not the time to be girding yourself for judgement or difficult conversations.

I don't think it's taboo, I've had both elective (transverse) & intervention free VB so some ask me about the differences but aren't fussed on the reason.

@soapylaces anyone I’ve ever spoken to about one that’s why I’ve been asking, especially since being pregnant knowing I was having one! I can always tell her one reason and everyone else something else if they ask (depending who it is)!

I was questioned on by I had a csection. It was because I have horrendous keloid scars. My baby was over 10lb and I didn't want those type of scars potentially from one end of me to the other.

When people ask, I tell them. It soon shuts them up. I'd never question anyone on why, it's personal and csection's aren't easy, so they shouldn't judge

@properg at first I was planning to just tell people (as I had done already with my close friends) but the first time the topic came up was with a woman at work and she was telling me I’d regret it and wish I’d had a vaginal birth etc. I don’t really care about those comments after it’s already happened and I can say I’m happy with my choice but just didn’t want to have to keep justifying myself to people who were trying to change my mind when I wasn’t asking for their advice on it 🙈 I don’t think il be bothered after baby is here if anyone asks

Just say the doctors thought it best. Which is true, in a Roundabout way.

Just say the doctor advised it. They don't need to know why.

@wjg65ka exactly! It’s just another way of giving birth. Don’t really think itl be so much of an issue if I was having a second baby because people just presume if you’ve had one once you’ll probably have another. I think I’ve read your comments before about the keloid scars, I must read every c-section post on here 😂

@Viviennemary @KnightandDay this is a good way of wording it! Then allows me to actually say ‘none of your business’ if they ask any further information 😂

“I can’t be bothered to push” (if the person is being judgmental!)
“My consultant recommended it”
“Placenta is too low”
“Breech”
“I just want a c-section”

I’ve had 2 (an EMCS and an elective) and I sometimes lie about why. I don’t get why people ask though.

Maybe say something general and defective like “oh yes it’s always such an individual journey for everyone isn’t? How did you have Araminta?”

'Planned c section for medical reasons'.
Done.

Exactly. Doctor advised it.

Less is more. No need to tell anyone anything.

Good luck OP, hope it goes well and very soon you'll be having newborn cuddles x

It’s no one else’s business, just say you are following medical advice. As long as baby arrives safely and you are happy with having a c section, it’s not for anyone else to comment. But people do, especially once baby arrives and the “advice” starts. You know what’s best for you. Good luck OP.

You better get used to unsolicited advice & unwanted opinions when you have a child though OP, it's relentless 😆

If you’re lying it’s best not to go into too much detail, just say the midwife/consultant thought it was best in the circumstances and change the subject.

@gluteustothemaximus thank you 😊 will be my last thought after I’ve met my baby I’m sure!

@Twattergy think il go with this!

@Radio4ordie yeah I will start off with ‘medical reasons’ and if the discussion continues fob it off with a line like that 😃

@ComDummings I would never ask anyone why! Anyone I’ve spoken to about theirs has only been since knowing I’d be having one and I couldn’t care less why they had theirs. I did actually have a low placenta, has moved slightly but is still low(ish) so it would be an easy go to

@Roselilly36 @properg thanks! oh yes, once we’re over this hurdle itl be another load of advice I haven’t asked for I’m sure 😂

@TheRebelle this is true, maybe should start off with medical reasons and if they push anymore than that go with the low placenta reason since I do have one (it’s just past the borderline for giving birth)