C-section due to tokophobia - tell people reason or not?

[sarah13xx]

I’ve had the biggest phobia of birth my whole life. Had decided I wasn’t having children and only changed my mind when I was absolutely sure I could have a c-section. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but to me it’s the option I can cope with. My c-section was approved and is now very soon, only my mum and a few close friends know it’s a section (and have always known my reasons). I haven’t told anyone who I think will be judgemental or enter into any debate about it (MIL for example). Just can’t be bothered with it before I’ve had the baby and think it would be easier to brush over after they’re here.

What do I say after the baby is born about why it was a c-section? Say the baby was breech and hide behind a lie I shouldn’t need to hide behind or be brave and say the real reason? I just can’t face the judgemental comments about it. It’s so bizarre when it’s literally a human coming out of your vagina or not but people think they have the right to know every intimate detail of what happened and why 🤦🏼‍♀️ How do I shut them down in one sentence without creating any further conversation on it? 🙈

@sarah13xx

Exactly. I just think ‘tokophobia’ is another way of branding women ‘hysterical’ when actually it’s a pretty rational way to feel. I can’t think of anything else that carries all the risks of childbirth where we’d tell people they’re irrational for being scared of it.

I chose a vaginal birth for my first, despite being very afraid of vaginal birth. That was because I weighed up the risks of each option carefully and the risk I found most unacceptable of all of them was potentially negative effects on my future fertility.

It didn’t go brilliantly to be honest - although I’m fine now - and I may opt for a c-section with my second. I’m less concerned about the effect on my future fertility now, obviously.

My point is that, as you say, it’s a very individual risk assessment based on the woman’s circumstances, which risks she finds acceptable and which she doesn’t. And I think the vast majority of women would be capable of making that assessment if they were presented with factual and unbiased information.

@MissChanandlerBong22 yeah it’s true! Then people use phrases to reassure you it’s manageable by saying things like ‘it’s only a day’. There are a lot of horrific things that could happen to you in the space of a day 😂 you could be repeatedly run over by a car and it would be one very long day!
I think that is one of the scariest risks. I only want two children I think but just hope the next pregnancy goes as straightforward as this one after a c-section. I’ve had friends though who have been losing so much blood after a vaginal birth that a hysterectomy was almost a possibility. There’s just no guarantees with anything but as you say women should be able to make the choice based on the actual risks rather than just a list of worst case scenarios designed to put them off a section. For me there is just no choice. I feel like they could have said there’s a 50/50 survival rate and it’s too late since the baby is already in there so I’d have to go with it 🙈

I had 3 vaginal births including 2 home water births and I would not judge someone negatively at all for having an elective C-section for any reason. Your body, your choice, and totally valid. Unlike breast/bottle or smoking while pregnant and other choices deemed the mother's choice, the way you birth does not impact on the baby so noone has any right to try and guilt you. The main reason
I chose home birth was because I dislike hospitals. And a lot of people choose vaginal birth because they have a fear of operations.

Whilst I don't think it is something you should have to hide, you already know your MIL will give you a hard time about it so in this instance I think it's best to go with exaggerating the low lying placenta. It will just save a lot of ill feeling all round.

I had an emergency section, and nobody asked why. Nobody even asked if it was a c section or vaginal, thinking about it. Most people aren't interested!