C-section due to tokophobia - tell people reason or not?

[sarah13xx]

I’ve had the biggest phobia of birth my whole life. Had decided I wasn’t having children and only changed my mind when I was absolutely sure I could have a c-section. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but to me it’s the option I can cope with. My c-section was approved and is now very soon, only my mum and a few close friends know it’s a section (and have always known my reasons). I haven’t told anyone who I think will be judgemental or enter into any debate about it (MIL for example). Just can’t be bothered with it before I’ve had the baby and think it would be easier to brush over after they’re here.

What do I say after the baby is born about why it was a c-section? Say the baby was breech and hide behind a lie I shouldn’t need to hide behind or be brave and say the real reason? I just can’t face the judgemental comments about it. It’s so bizarre when it’s literally a human coming out of your vagina or not but people think they have the right to know every intimate detail of what happened and why 🤦🏼‍♀️ How do I shut them down in one sentence without creating any further conversation on it? 🙈

If they push after the medical reasons or consultant advised it answer, I think I'd reply something along the lines of "I cant really remember, lots of reasons, I think, but it's all a bit of a blur"

@PeonyTime yip 😊 ‘oh just glad they’re here in one piece’ 🤣

I would just say tokophobia. Theres nothing to be judged on. No one judges anyone for fear of heights or fear of spiders.

You've been very brave to carry a baby this long with this phobia. Good luck with your c section.

I had a lot of people asking why I needed a C-section! possibly because I had 3 kids already the usual way.

say footling breech and if anyone asks if you had an ECV just say no. those details will help sell the lie!🤣

best of luck

@properg

You better get used to unsolicited advice & unwanted opinions when you have a child though OP, it's relentless 😆

🤣 I second, third & fourth this!

@Umberellatheweatha Aw thank you! What a lovely comment ☺️ It is true, I think that’s why I kind of don’t want to tell a lie now because for me this is the biggest achievement of my life to even get to this point never mind have the baby 🙈

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba no ones business! Thank you, will use your details if required 🤣

The thing is though,op should not have to lie.

'I didn't want something ripping it's way out of my foof' is a perfectly reasonable life choice.

Its her body and she has the right to whatever kind of birth she wants.

And if any judgy fuckers feel they can say otherwise- tell them to right royally go and fuck themselves!

Tell mil your Dh insisted you keep your vagina in tact as he wanted to be able to ravish you as as soon as you got home and if you'd had forceps or stitches he'd have had to wait longer - so for his sake you had no choice but to have a csection.

People have C-sections for all sorts of reasons, sometimes as an emergency because the baby's heart rate goes down, other things. I don't see why you have to tell anyone or why they would ask; if it does come up just say it was complicated and at the time, that seemed the best thing to do. End of.

Good luck.

[quote sarah13xx]**@Roselilly36* @properg* thanks! oh yes, once we’re over this hurdle itl be another load of advice I haven’t asked for I’m sure 😂

@TheRebelle this is true, maybe should start off with medical reasons and if they push anymore than that go with the low placenta reason since I do have one (it’s just past the borderline for giving birth)[/quote]
Low placenta is a perfectly acceptable medical reason, and since it is true you won’t be tempted to embellish it as a reason, which is where many stories come unstuck .

“Low placenta, just one of those things.”

Good luck,

I also think that you are incredibly brave to get pg despite your fear. I take all my hats off to you.
So I think telling the truth and be proud of what you've achieved is certainly something you should do.

but youdefinitely must pick the right people to confide in. don't throw your pearls in front of swine and all that.
lie to the rest. it's a reasonable combo

@Notaroadrunner

🤣
ah, the "honeymoon fresh" argument

@Umberellatheweatha didn’t want cut from front to back, didnt want emergency buzzers going, didn’t want an emergency c-section, didn’t want my baby to get stuck and die (like I’ve imagined my whole life it will), didn’t want massive forceps rammed inside me to haul my baby out while I feel every second of it, didn’t want to spend months traumatised by what happened or wetting myself for the rest of my life.. the list goes on.. 🙈 The worst is people who have done it and think because they did 30 odd years ago you want to feel it too, no thanks!

@Notaroadrunner that would certainly shut her up 😂😂

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba this is true, I can feel brave while still fending off the nosey MIL 😂 thank you!

@Maggiesfarm thank you!

@viques thanks, probably the easiest way since I’ve had loads of extra scans etc for it but just haven’t told anyone at the time

@sarah13xx

all perfectly valid arguments!

but if I may, a correction: they give a local anaesthetic with foreceps delivery (partially because of episiotomy needed also) so those few minutes of helping baby out are actually pain free.
in fact the actually delivery part of baby with a C-section (DS4) was a pretty similar feel to the foreceps birth (DS1)!

the ELSC was undoubtedly a nicer, calmer experience.

Are people actually judgmental about how a baby exited your body ☹️ that is shit.

Not like any part of either way is ‘easy’.

In my experience people are far more interested in the reasons for an emergency than a planned section.

Failure to progress is a good line.

I'm absolutely with you op. I have tokophobia (well, if being appalled by the idea of it is a phobia) too. Luckily I've never wanted kids.

But i find it very disturbing how women are basically being brainwashed by society from a young age into thinking having babies is something they're supposed to do. And yet, never really taught the dangers of childbirth. Theres a culture of 'oh you'll forget all about it once the baby arrives' bullshit.

Feminism happened. We should just be able to say no and not be told we are 'wrong' fir choices we make regarding our own body. And our own kids for that matter.

I think I'd be tempted to tell everyone who asked the truth. And if they get judgy then say 'I appreciate you might have done differently if you were me. But you are not' (optional add on: So shut your judgy pie hole).

For what it’s worth (not that my opinion matters), I wish I’d made this decision the first time around! Had ELC second time around and was a happy, good, safe birth for both me and baby. So wishing all the best to you and your baby.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba most of these reasons are unlikely to happen but in my head the entire thing would be awful and panicked and I just couldn’t sign up for one bit of it 🙈 glad the forceps bit didn’t hurt though, I’ve always presumed it did! Nice and calm is exactly what I’m looking for 😂

@Radio4ordie I have so many friends who have said they same and been promised one next time round! I might have been one of those lucky people who have a nice birth but I just don’t want to ever find out 🙈 thank you 😊

Or to paraphrase my dear old dad, “I didn’t fancy being split from arsehole to breakfast time”

What do I say after the baby is born about why it was a c-section?

"I'd rather not discuss that thanks. I'm just glad we're both here safety"