Stillbirth how can this happen

[Flowerpot26]

I can't even believe this has happened, I keep praying that I will wake up, 2 weeks ago I was 34 weeks healthy, all checks were fine, I was seen the week before, good strong heart beat and then a week a later she came in the night in the car on the way to hosp, she had already gone. Its a living nightmare it's a daze, the shock is starting to wear off and the pain is unbearable I feel like I can't breathe or even lift my head with the heavyness of my broken heart. I have a toddler who and a amazing dh, but my life is broken, my toddler is so confused I'm upsetting him by crying all the time. She was wanted and loved more than anything, why is my life so shit, my first pregnancy ended at 18 weeks that was hell of earth, but this, this is to big to deal with, how do I cope?

Thinking of you OP. Be gentle with yourself. That rollercoaster of feelings will come and go for some time yet.

My day to day life is normal now, but when I give myself permission to think about my baby girl, my heart breaks again and I weep. She lives in me and I will never let her go x

Sending you love. I can't imagine how brokenhearted, angry, hopeless and scared you must be. I'm so sorry you lost your mother and now your daughter. It's just not fair.

Keep talking - here, to SANDS, to anyone you feel safe with and understood by. You will survive this and come back from it. Your grief will always be there. After I lost my mum someone described it to me as like being in a room with your grief in it, and right now the room is tiny, you can't get away from it. But as time goes on, the room will get bigger; the grief will not change or shrink, but you'll bump into it less and less often, as you make your way around the room. But every time you do, it will still hurt just as much. And that is normal.

Be kind to yourself. Don't judge yourself. Cry when you need to cry. You and your whole family are in my thoughts.

I'm grateful for all the nice messages and advice, yesterday was hard saw the vicar and went to choose some flowers, I really don't want this life I'm so distraught with it all, and want her in my tummy for another 2 weeks, how can she be gone when she shouldn't even be Born yet,

Her things are still out I can't bare to look at them but can't put them away either.
I got up and took my little boy to the park early by myself, he is so smiley and happy I love him more than he will ever know, I'm so sad this is my life, I feel like it's all going to false apart from him.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Penny. I can’t even imagine the pain

Oh my love, I am so, so sorry for your loss of little Penny.
I don't have any sage wise words but please just try to take each minute, hour, day at a time.
My heart breaks for you and your family

@Flowerpot26

I'm grateful for all the nice messages and advice, yesterday was hard saw the vicar and went to choose some flowers, I really don't want this life I'm so distraught with it all, and want her in my tummy for another 2 weeks, how can she be gone when she shouldn't even be Born yet,

Her things are still out I can't bare to look at them but can't put them away either.
I got up and took my little boy to the park early by myself, he is so smiley and happy I love him more than he will ever know, I'm so sad this is my life, I feel like it's all going to false apart from him.

You are still in shock. Nothing is normal and without being able to describe it, I know exactly how you feel.

Just keep breathing. The rest will come in time. Your little boy sounds beautiful. Hug him as much as you can x

I'm so sorry for your loss. sending lots of love to you ❤

Just wanted to say hi and wondered how you've been doing OP?

Just either in a daze or sad, need to get this week over, I still can't believe it, our lives are ruined.

Oh @Flowerpot26 my love, your lives are changed forever, and you will have a scar always but they are not ruined, are if they are then you have ruins you can rebuild a life from, albeit one different to the one you imagined. You are in appalling pain at the moment, but maybe as time goes by you can live and heal and all of you can honour your daughter's memory, and your son can honour his sister's memory.

I can't say anything to make it not shit, and it would be disingenuous to try, but I can say that you can survive and go on loving Penny at the same time, and that continuing life (whenever you're ready) is not a betrayal of her.

So sorry for your loss

I am so sorry.

OP I am so so sorry. This has only just happened to you, please be gentle with yourself, you won’t feel like you can cope so soon after you have gone through this. Life won’t ever be the same but the pain will become easier to deal with in time, even if it doesn’t seem like it now. You are amazing and your wonderful Penny will always be with you and your boy is lucky to have such a strong woman as his mother. Lots of love to you and your beautiful Penny xxx

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, life can be so cruel.
Please contact Sands, reach out to other people who have been through this.
I’m sure you’re an amazing mum to your little boy xx

I just read your whole thread and I didn't want to leave without saying anything,I'm so so sorry my heart is absolutely breaking for you.I couldn't ever imagine life without my DC.Squeeze your little boy and know that he will be so proud of his mummy for being so brave and strong

How are you doing OP?

Just don't want this be my life all this sadness

So sorry you are going through this, it's so hard. My baby was stillborn in April and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. The only thing I can say is that time does heal. Slowly, but it does get easier. The sadness and hurt will always be there but you learn to live around it. I miss my baby every day, but I can laugh and smile again now. You will too.
Ever since it happened I have been so desperate to be pregnant again as the emptiness was so raw, I am still on this mission and doing IVF to try and make it happen asap.
The other thing that really helped me was answers. We found out that our baby had an underlying genetic condition (nothing detectable on an ultrasound) and this helped me come to terms with the inevitable loss. I hope you can get answers too.
Sometimes we don't realise how strong we are until we pull through something like this, it's an unimaginable pain. But we can honour their lives by living ours x

I've started counselling and I didn't think it would help but it has in some way. Obviously it doesn't change anything really but it helps understand some of my emotions.

I don't think it would've helped too soon afterwards but ten months on I'm finding it useful, maybe something to consider.

Had the review,

Nothing found no reason could be seen, everything they tested came back normal.

Thank you for all the messages and advice, along sad road ahead of us. I'm sorry for everyone who is part of this horrible club its just awful.

I'm so sorry you haven't found the answer. I'm in the same position and I find it very hard to know that there would've been a reason but we'll never know it.

How are you managing day to day?

I found reading about miscarriage reasons helpful as I could rule some out for my own circumstances. I also wanted to start trying to conceive again quickly but I know that's not for everyone and some people prefer time and space to begin recovery.

Counselling has helped a lot even though I didn't think it would.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and for losing your lovely mum too. Please keep posting here - don’t try to cope with so much pain by yourself.

So sorry. Know that there was nothing you did wrong to cause this. Nothing. You did everything right. Nobody could have done more or done better than you did. Penny knew how much you loved and wanted her and would have stayed if she could.

Lean on your DH and try to comfort each other as best you can. Don't shut each other out. Be very gentle with yourself. Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to be thinking or feeling (even us). You are out there in a rough sea, and I hope you have people close at hand to reach out to.