Stillbirth how can this happen

[Flowerpot26]

I can't even believe this has happened, I keep praying that I will wake up, 2 weeks ago I was 34 weeks healthy, all checks were fine, I was seen the week before, good strong heart beat and then a week a later she came in the night in the car on the way to hosp, she had already gone. Its a living nightmare it's a daze, the shock is starting to wear off and the pain is unbearable I feel like I can't breathe or even lift my head with the heavyness of my broken heart. I have a toddler who and a amazing dh, but my life is broken, my toddler is so confused I'm upsetting him by crying all the time. She was wanted and loved more than anything, why is my life so shit, my first pregnancy ended at 18 weeks that was hell of earth, but this, this is to big to deal with, how do I cope?

Bloody well done for getting out today for your boy. That's an amazing achievement. I hope you get some sleep tonight lovely.

I think if you can hold it together for small periods of time and have allocated 'break down times' away from your son then you are doing incredibly well.

One day at a time is all that can be managed right now. Do you have a plan for tomorrow?

Today has been awful, I had to go out in the car and just cried the whole time, and I went into the village pet shop I should of ordered stuff on line but ran out, and she came running over, Where's the baby? Do you have your baby? I didn't know what to say , I said no I don't have one. She cudnt speak I felt like I'd smacked her in the face, I quickly left I couldn't explain
Tomorrow is my 2year olds first day at preschool, he's only doing 3 hours 2x week , I'd been looking forward to these 3 hour sessions all year so I could nap or fold and re fold her clothes and look at how small and cute all her things are, now I'm dreading coming home to a empty house.

I'm sorry to hear about your day...do you have any supportive friends or relatives who would come have a coffee or something tomorrow with you whilst your ds is at pre school?

Sending you every bit of love prayer and light that I can. May your beautiful baby rest well. X x

Oh flowerpot. You poor thing. It is just awful. That moment when people ask you about your child and you have to say the words. It is absolutely horrific.
You are so brave.
It took me weeks to venture out after my son died. I just couldn't face it.
You are so brave.

I am so sorry for your loss.

This book might be helpful to talk to your son about the loss and help him understand and process it. www.emmapoore.co.uk/where-are-you-lydie

My heart goes out to you and your family. My second child was stillborn when my first was 2. So many of your feelings are similar to mine. I know found the sands Facebook page too much and I've not been on it but they do have a support helpline which is good. Aching arms as mentioned by pp gave us some bears, one for us and one for my first child to comfort and help us talk. I was given a sibling support pack by my bereavement midwife centered around a story called little star which helps my first child understand. It's more useful now she's a bit older but worth baring in mind.

Penny is a lovely name and I'm sure she is beautiful.

I'm so sorry OP

Gosh - what a lovely name. So sorry for your loss.

OP Would it help to connect with a thread on here for others who have experienced stillbirth loss?

Oh what a beautiful name you gave your daughter Penny.

I am so incredibly sorry, over 13 years ago we went through the same pain and it was unbearable. There are no words to describe how just bone chillingly awful it was.

I too had a toddler, rest assured he now remember literally nothing of that time so do not worry about that and just focus on getting through each day, or even each minute.

Wishing you so much peace and strength.

I am so sorry Flowerpots, just heartbreaking

Penny is a beautiful name and I wish there was something I could say to make things better, but I know I can't

Fill your aching arms with your ds and take each day at a time

I’m so sorry. Do explore what sands has to offer. Look at the website rather than the Facebook page, they have lots of different ways of supporting you.

I’m so so sorry about the loss of Penny. You’re still in such early days and the fog will take time to lift, but it does slowly I promise. My daughter was stillborn in jan 2017 at 36 weeks. The first 2 months were a blur but Sands helped loads and I met other women who had also lost and it helped to speak to them. Protect yourself and your heart. Feel free to DM me any time xxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Please take a look at Petals, a charity that provides counselling for parents who have lost their babies. They helped me and many others through a very dark time

petalscharity.org/

my heart is broken reading this... so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.. 💔

Shower your little one with love x

Thinking of you. So sad for you.

Flowerpot I think about you every day ...I cannot imagine the sadness for you and your family 💐

My husband left for work really early and my toddler is having a random lie in and still snoozing,
I normally would of loved a morning like this but now it's just me with my thoughts and it's so painful. The funeral is the week after next, I can't even think about it, it takes my breath away.

Of course it's going to be an incredibly painful day and it's not the magic closure solution that happens after the funeral of an older person. Will you have plenty of support there?

Have you had any answers about why this has happened?

Please don't expect too much from yourself as it's such early days of the worst thing you have ever experienced.

It's so horrible and unfair and without reason. It's stories like yours which make me disagree with those who say 'everything happens for a reason.'

There can be no reason for something this horrible, but hopefully you will get an explanation. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and her and your family.

It happened to my sister and she says she can't remember the period straight after it happened. She has deleted those weeks somehow, without realising.

I hope you can grieve and slowly come back to the world and out of this almost animal level of pain.

What was your DDS name? I am sure she was beautiful and perfect.

I'm sorry, I just saw she is called Penny. Lovely name x

Oh darling, I'm so sorry for all you're going through

It's ok to be in a dark place just now. Lean on people as much as you can. I'm so, so sorry xx