Stillbirth how can this happen

[Flowerpot26]

I can't even believe this has happened, I keep praying that I will wake up, 2 weeks ago I was 34 weeks healthy, all checks were fine, I was seen the week before, good strong heart beat and then a week a later she came in the night in the car on the way to hosp, she had already gone. Its a living nightmare it's a daze, the shock is starting to wear off and the pain is unbearable I feel like I can't breathe or even lift my head with the heavyness of my broken heart. I have a toddler who and a amazing dh, but my life is broken, my toddler is so confused I'm upsetting him by crying all the time. She was wanted and loved more than anything, why is my life so shit, my first pregnancy ended at 18 weeks that was hell of earth, but this, this is to big to deal with, how do I cope?

Penny is a beautiful name.

Life will never be the same again but it will go on and you will even be able to get up and wash and put make up on and laugh and eat and enjoy time with your toddler again.
This will take time but it will creep up with you.

There are threads on here where everyone will understand and you are never alone.
You are in the centre of a nightmare right now but it does end.
You will never forget Penny.

Do you need practical advice about the next steps?

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. There are no words.... What it's your daughter's name? Praying for you and sending you nothing but love...

Penny sounds beautiful
I am so sorry for your loss
I can’t imagine the pain you are in right now

Sorry, I didn't see your update. Sleep tight, beautiful little Penny. Please keep talking OP.

So sorry for your loss. Penny is such a beautiful name. ❤️

I couldn't not post. I'm so very sorry. There's some good advice on here. But most of all be kind to yourself. It's raw and horrible and new. Sending lots of love and I'm sorry

I joined the sand fb page as that's all anyone is saying to talk to sands, but it was awful, was full of pictures of poor babies, that had all passed, it was so upsetting, I had to get my husband to sign my out the group, and I've since just deleted fb. I don't want to be going to those types of groups I want to be going to baby sensory and baby yoga not sands, not now! Life was starting to settle down and the future looked happy

So sorry for your loss

I’m very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Penny. I hope the investigation gives you some answers at least. X

Penny is a beautiful name ❤

So sorry that you lost your beautiful Penny

Do you have someone you can rely on other than your oh. My friend had a stillbirth 8 years ago. She wouldn't get out of bed. I used to go to her house in the mornings and open her blinds and make her a cup of tea. We sat and watched morning TV. It took her 2 months to get up out of bed and listen. You will get there it will take time. Your beautiful daughter will never be forgotten but you need to be there for your son. Sending virtual hugs.

Oh darling I'm so very very sorry you lost your Penny. Xxx

I'm so sorry to hear Penny died OP. Look after yourself. That may mean talking to SANDS or long walks and bubble baths. I hope you find yourself enveloped in peace in not to long. Never forgotten. X

So very wrong. So very sorry.
Much love (((xxx)))

Am absolutely heartbroken for you...I don’t know you but am still trying to comprehend how you are feeling and your family. Somehow you will recover eventually and the old cliche... time heals will make sense. Just look after yourself and so much love for Penny...beautiful name 💕

So sorry for your loss, Penny is a lovely name xxx

I just wanted to say how sorry I am OP 💐

OP. No one in the world can make you feel better right now. But there are mums who have been where you are and you can support each other through this. They will understand your pain where as those that haven't you may struggle to receive support from. You will need counselling to help you come to terms with it. Right now hug your precious boy. Explain why mummy is sad and that you won't always be sad but right now you need lots of cuddles. In time and when you're ready Find something to focus on. Whether that be a memorial, a diary, something to focus your grief and then use that time to completely devote your thoughts to beautiful Penny... and then place it somewhere safe when you need to access it. X you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

It is a long journey , but taking small steps will help. Keep talking , remember it is ok to fall apart. Dont bottle everything in.
Sorry that sands wasn't for you , im sure some others will recommend somewhere else helpful.
Lighting a candle for you , your family and Penny ❤ xxx

I'm dreading it being Sept tomorrow, it's all I've been waiting for all year, and now there will be a funeral this month instead, I've been mostly getting up and going through the motions for my boy but as soon as hes not looking I break down, hubby has to start working again 2moro he has his own business so needs to get back. But I'm now a sahm it made sense with having 2, but I won't do now, everything is broken

I'm so sorry for your loss @Flowerpot26. You sound like you have lost a lot of important people in your life and I can't imagine the pain you're going through.

I saw a poem recently by a bereavement midwife and one of the lines was about the babies only knowing warmth and love, I thought that was beautiful and poignant.

There's no right and wrong thing to do or feel at the moment, but be kind to yourself

It is an horrendous thing to lose a baby. DS2 would have been 23 this summer. Not stillborn but with us for just a few short hours.

You will always hold Penny in your heart and see her in your eye. Alexander would have been my darker haired boy, more sensitive and less alpha than his big brother.

The pain is indescribable and I have blanks during the first year but I promise you eventually the pain fades and you will gradually come to terms with it. Your life will move on and you will move with it. Your ds will grow and chat and likely won't remember this time but will be your anchor as only a dependent unconditionally loved can.

The only way I can rationalise it is because dd was born 51 weeks later, perfect in every way. She is 22 now and I still catch my breath if I try to imagine life without her.

It is unspeakably painful and confusing but I promise you it will come back together again and the pain will fade. Be kind and take it one step at a time. It is good there are fora like this now so come and talk here whenever you need to.

I am so sorry you have had to go through this and wish it were different.

Aching Arms is another organisation that might be of some help

achingarms.co.uk/

I'm so sorry for your loss.