Stillbirth how can this happen

[Flowerpot26]

I can't even believe this has happened, I keep praying that I will wake up, 2 weeks ago I was 34 weeks healthy, all checks were fine, I was seen the week before, good strong heart beat and then a week a later she came in the night in the car on the way to hosp, she had already gone. Its a living nightmare it's a daze, the shock is starting to wear off and the pain is unbearable I feel like I can't breathe or even lift my head with the heavyness of my broken heart. I have a toddler who and a amazing dh, but my life is broken, my toddler is so confused I'm upsetting him by crying all the time. She was wanted and loved more than anything, why is my life so shit, my first pregnancy ended at 18 weeks that was hell of earth, but this, this is to big to deal with, how do I cope?

I’m so sorry. Xxx

@Flowerpot26 my heart is breaking for you. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Do you have people that can support you, help out with your son while dh goes to work?
You need time to grieve without having to put on a brave face.
Xx

Op I'm so sorry you've lost your beautiful Penny xxxx

@Flowerpot26 I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Penny.
Do you have family and friends nearby who can support you?

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry for you.
There may be an explanation, there may not be.
What you're feeling now is natural. You are grieving for a very much wanted baby.
There will be a way forward, and a new life, still remembering your very precious little girl Penny, although you might not feel like that now.
Please don't feel guilty for how you feel.

I don't have any other family that I can call upon, his are all formal and stilted, I have good friends but however much they want to help, they all have there own kids and lives and jobs, I don't really want to be without my boy either as even though it's hard faking I don't want to be on my own with all this either, or just with friends talking about it, I need him and his love of trains and tractors. This shouldnt of happened there seems no reason this didn't need to happen I'm here, all her stuff is here ready

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl, Penny. There are no words but I hope talking on here to people who care will help even if only a little

May I gently suggest that you make an appointment with your GP tomorrow and seek some professional support, especially if you have been signed off by your midwives. I'd have thought your hv should be in touch too at this difficult time. Would it help to speak to your local church perhaps. I am sure they would be very understanding.

I just want to wrap my arms around you and hug you and try and ease the pain. Eventually the pain will eventually get better.I agree that you need your little boy with you . He will help you heal the loss of Penny. Sending you so many thoughts and love from one Mummy to another.Xx

The hosp midwife rings me, she's really nice, and my community midwife has poped in a few times and will be next week, I don't go to church use to when I was little it's not something I want now, if anything it's made me go the other way, how can my baby be taken from me. I need to just breathe and get through the day and play with my toddler, but this pain is awful, it doesn't stop, my mind is going crazy with all the what ifs, once your past a few weeks this shudnt be able to happen, my stupid body why has this done this

No, please don't blame yourself, you will have been faultless. I am glad the midwives are in touch still, it is very early days and you are still healing physically as well as emotionally.

How old is your toddler? Is he the bestest ever little chap? You sound like you have a long day tomorrow and I can feel your distress. Even if you don't feel like sleeping I think a warm Drink may be soothing and try to sleep - even if all you do is cling onto your DH.

Oh Flowerpot. There are no words I can say to take away the pain, but I am so very, very sorry for you. It’s such an incomprehensible thing, so hard to believe it can happen. It shouldn’t happen.

Penny is such a beautiful name.

Thinking of you all. X

So so sorry for your loss, please keep talking to us on here.

I’m so very, very sorry.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Penny xx

I am so sorry for your loss OP. Xx

I’m so sorry for the loss of Penny. The shock ad pain are beyond belief. People will tell you that you are lucky to have your son but they don’t realise the pain of watching your child cope with the loss and the change in mummy.
I found CBUK (child bereavement Uk) amazingly helpful. It was more 1:1 counselling. It sounds like that may be more appropriate for you.
The love always remains but slowly slowly you become accustomed to your new life. I’m 5.5 years on from the loss of my baby DD and I still think of her daily, still have my moments when I am floored, but on the whole I live a normal life.
Keep breathing op, if that is all you can do for the moment it is good enough.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, but I do know that time is a healer.
Slowly slowly you will get through this horrific time. I don't know what to say.

I'm so sorry to hear about Penny. It's still very early days. We lost my youngest daughter when my eldest was 4. It was her who helped me carry on. I had to.

You and your husband will grieve differently and at different paces. This can be tricky, so please also allow your friends to help you.

OP I wanted to add to my post that the 'detached going through the motions' feeling does eventually ease. One day you'll realise 'wow I just smiled then' or 'oh I just laughed'

I found the detached feeling very upsetting as I love being a mum to my toddler but I couldn't find genuine joy in anything.

Have you made a decision about having a post mortem?

It must be so hard for you, jyst when you need your mum so much the pain of her not being there for you is intensified with the terrible loss of your own daughter.

It’s not fair, you can’t make sense of it when you didn’t smoke or drink and eat well.

I hope somehow you can find some calm for yourself. I’m sure your son will be fine so don’t worry about him, let him give you cuddles

Penny is indeed a very beautiful name

I'm so so sorry for your loss, can't begin to imagine the pain you are feeling

@Flowerpot26 how have you been today? I have been thinking of you.

It is completely shit OP. It is not fair and thereis probably no reason. It is not your fault...time is the only thing that will enable you to eventually live with this......you will never forget,she will be alongside you but unfortunately it is a horrible process you have to go through..you cannot speed it up..you will probably blame yourself and run through many scenarios and drive yourself crazy. This is all a normal reaction.you may feel 'mentally' hunched waiting for the next awful thing.this is also normal...do not let anyone tell you how you should feel or be. You will get through. I am so sorry.

@ohtheroses thanks for checking on me, and everyone for all the messages, I do appreciate it. Today had just been another groundhog day of sadness to be honest, it's exhausting and Im desprate for this not to be true, it was hard today as it now Sept, I've waited for this month all year, and now it's year its all wrong.
I went to see my friend at her house today and took my boy to play with her kids, he hasn't been out in ages so I had to for him, he has been really sweet with me today which made me smile, but I just break down as soon as hes down for a nap or out of sight.
I'm sorry for all those that have been through this, I keep thinking life couldn't get any worse and then I'm to scared to say it incase anything happens to my boy or husband, life seems to keep rasing the level of crap and trauma. I just can't bear the thought of what has happened.