What kind of birth did you have, what kind of birth did you want and how did it/they make you feel?

[TWIGgerhappy]

I had c-sections.

I always wanted a home-water birth with candles and music. On the flip side I also wanted a hospital birth with every drug available.

In the end I was told at 32 weeks that I would be having a section to preserve my eyesight .. so after a couple of weeks got used to the thought.

I have never had a contraction, nor a braxton hick. I wonder sometimes how I would have coped.

But the births I have had have been wonderful because they have all been about meeting my children. I regret nothing, both of them latched on within the hour .. both of them were given to DH to hold as soon as possible. Both of them are healthy and I can see them both.

I feel empowered at having created 2 discrete human beings. I did that. Nobody else. Without my body they wouldn't be alive. It is amazing.

And you know what, so are you .. whatever kind of birth you had.

So share....

I had: epidural and gas and air

I wanted: water birth and a TENS machine (felt a bit stupid when the midwife told me I couldn't use a TENS machine in water!)

I feel: that I had the birth I wanted and like I wanted to do it all over again as soon as possible. Still do.

HDWP - you mustn't blame yourself for what happened - you could never have controlled that or altered it. I'm so sorry you suffered such a trauma and hope the joy of your baby lightens it for you.

In answer to the OP

I wanted no pain relief, to hold baby first without being cleaned and to discover the sex ourselves.

Reality:
Number 1- emergency section. DH heled him first after the medics had made him come back to life. DH told me we had a bpy, split second before MW did.

Number 2- VBAC with RP. DH held her first as I was too shaky too. I discovered she was a girl just as I was about to say we had a boy. It is easy to mistake the cord for a willy.

Number 3- VBAC. I had G&A, held him first and we knew he was a boy from a scan.

I wanted a gentle home water birth, breastfeeding instantly etc.

I had a 48 hour, violent labour. Transferred into hospital after 30 hours of contractions bringing me to my knees. Had an epidural, an episotomy which extended, a third degree tear, a post partum haem and a blood transfusion.

Cried for 6 weeks - totally traumatised. Dh and I can laugh about it now. Luckily loved ds instantly.

I felt desperate to have a normal birth with no intervention for my first baby. I tried not to mind what happened but it has always been really important to me to experience a natural birth. I had a midwife led unit water birth first time round and second time round a home water birth. Both experiences were absolutely fantastic and I feel truly blessed not only to have two lovely children but that I was lucky enough to have really enjoyed their births.

With DS I imagined a water birth with a bit of gas and air and a lot of moaning but dignified and calm. But actually, labour was kind of long and I was so exahusted. I was hyper in hospital with nerves and excitement. Got in birth pool, got gas and air, did moaning.

THEN, waters went at 9cm, meconium in them. Sent down the corner to the obstetric unit to stark lights and monitoring while on my back. Labour slowed, morphine was given, sent me daft and made me sick. Pushed for 2 hours. Met DS knackered but none the worse for it all.

DD, I wanted a waterbirth at home with minimal fuss and some G&A. Was too late on to use the birth pool so got a standard birth at home, minimal fuss, no G&A. Almost perfect. (perfection would have been me scooping her up in my arms and breastfeeding rather than looking dazed and suggesting someone else lift her as I was wiped out!) Enormously empowering, a high I can't recreate and would love to achieve again. The best experience of my life without a doubt.

I wanted a homebirth, in the pool, no intervention, minimal examinations, no drugs. This is pretty much what happened (5 weeks ago) except that I delivered on dry land after spending a couple of hours in the pool when things appeared to slow down. Had to push hard for 3.5 hours to get her out as her hand was by her head, and I was getting very tired, but she was born on the living room floor and we discovered she was a girl for ourselves (a priority for us). DH was supporting me as I gave birth and I cannot describe the euphoria!

Had to transfer to hospital for a few hours to deal with a retained placenta... but this does not detract from the experience at all.

I consider the whole experience very positive and will definitely aim for a homebirth next time. I know that in hospital they would not have let my second stage go on as long and I'm grateful to the two fabulous midwives who just sat back and let me get on with it, giving suggestions of positions to push her out (we tried every position believe me).

I wanted a drug free, intervention free birth (but in the safety net of a hospital).

In reality I had to be induced 3 weeks early, this continued for 72 hours, ARM, drip, lots of fake painful contractions ending in emergency c-sec in the middle of night. No skin to skin, couldn't bf, dd went to SCBU for a couple of hours.

So, totally not what I wanted but it saved dd's life and possibly (to a lesser extent) mine and I have dd so who cares !!

Next time, if it ever happens, I would still try and go for as natural as possible although realise having had a c-sec it will be harder to obtain but if a c-sec happens it happens. By then I REALLY will just be grateful for what I get....

Ds: wanted home birth, got one, no stitches, 7.5 hours, all very good, he was 7lb

dd: wanted home birth, got one but it was brutal and shocking as she was an unexpected 9lb 8oz midwives agreed I'd have probably had a lot of intervention in hospital

very glad I'm not having any more as I really couldn't do childbirth like that second time again.

dd1 - wanted vag birth, got elective c-section cos she was breech. Felt bullied

dd2 - wanted vag birth, was told I would have to have section if it went overdue because of scar rupture risks of induction. "This is our policy no exceptions etc etc"

spoke to lovely consultant, who listened to my fears that I wouldn't be able to cope without lifting disabled dd1 if I had a section, and he allowed me a gentle induction which worked.

I was in tears for months about how lovely he was I bored everyone with it

First and only son...

Wanted: Birthing centre at the hospital, hopefully achieving a good balance between a natural experience and having medical backup around if it was required.

Got: Almost daily visits to the hospital for the last few months of my pregnancy, admitted for the last 3 weeks. A planned section 2 months early due to preeclampsia. A 3 second (literally) look at him and didn't see him again for over 24 hours as he was whisked away for resuscitation and then taken to ICU. My DH went with him to ICU and took lots of pictures though. No skin to skin contact for a few days. Not able to attempt breast feeding for about 10 days. Re-admitted to hospital for 10 days to feed him once he was out of intensive and special care.

Feel: Delighted. He is doing really well now. It was tough in many ways and the photos still bring tears to my eyes, but it was a few months of nightmare for a lifetime of joy. I think you have to keep things in perspective after all.

wanted: a wonderful natural birth (knew a home or water birth was out of the question due to problematic pg) but minimal intervention and nice music

got: 4d induction (pre-eclampsia), midwives telling me to get on with it, the footie scores on the radio (dh forgot cd) and crash cs

tbh, i feel better about it now. i was in shock for a long long time. i felt lonely and dead for a long time. people would make "too posh to push" jokes and i'd feel awful.

but this was the way my son was born, i cant change it and i would do it again tomorrow if i could

Wanted: to get babies out!!!

First time pg and had triplets. Very nervous,first thing I was told at the hospital was that they might be sending me to wales(Very far away)as scubu was full(sobbing starts).
Then I couldn't be awake during the c-sect as my platlets were low and it could paralyse me(sobbing turns into wailing).
Woke up to find one of my babies in I.T. and I wouldn't be able to see them for two days as I couldn't be moved(sobbing now turns into wailing)
Thought I was over the worst of it when i had to be booked back into theatre as my b.p.was so high it might cause me to have a heart attack or stroke!!(Full on hysteria)

Ho hum!! Just another normal day

Wanted waterbirth
but due to pre aclampsia I had a normal birth with an epidural

Wickedwaterwitch sorry to hear you had a rough time 2nd time round, quite unusual for it to be worse than the first isn't it?
So if you ever had a third would you have it in hospital instead? Am considering what to do with subsequent children, although dd is still tiny!

Susie 100, found your comments re control and elective section and homebirth very interesting. these were my feelings too, that only either home birth or elective section could offer me the control that I wanted.

I would have gone for elective section (agreed by consultant) had I not ended up with the em section at 32 weeks because of pre-eclampsia. Think I would go for a section again as I would feel less confident about a homebirth VBAC and despite probs with my scar I found a section recovery fine, only painful for 48hours or so.

wanted - natural birth in birthing center with my midwife. as natural as possible. even paid for weekend hypnobirthing classes.

got - elective section at 37 weeks due to medical reasons. was meant to head to hospital at 7am, had to head in at midnight as my waters broke...so have experienced that part.

the section was fantastic and dont feel sad that the delivery i wanted didnt happen. i am simply over the moon that ds was finally with us.

Beautiful daughter (first baby) was born underwater at home - very peaceful, no damage and not at all painful. Why doesn't anyone ever hear about the good birth stories?

Wanted: hypnobirth, cord only cut after it stopped pulsing, active natural birth, no restrictive monitoring.

Reality: a week in hospital with pre-eclampsia, 5 hour labour, continuously monitored, spent most of my time lying on the bed, 2nd degree tears, cord cut straight away and daughter taken to paediatrician waiting outside of the delivery room.

Outcome: happy, healthy little girl who is now 2.5 weeks old (born three weeks early at 5lbs 6ozs). Tear healing beautifully, speedy recovery.

We were at the Royal Surrey where the midwives were just exemplary so we felt very well looked after. The midwives respected our wishes but made it very clear that the baby's health and my own would impact some choices we had made. A wonderful experience.

First baby - I wasn't bothered, very open-minded and ended up with induction, pethidine, G&A, epidural and avoided a ventouse by the skin of my teeth. Felt very traumatised afterwards as the whole process was so undiginified, painful (despite epidural) and ds was very poorly when he was finally born and I had a lot of guilt that it was my fault. The real problem I had was the loss of control - I felt I had no real say in anything and birth was something that was 'done to me' rather than experienced. He was 8lb 9oz

Second baby - briefly considered home birth but I was living with my parents and they weren't keen. Tried to get my cmw to do a domino and she kept brushing me off with different excuses. In the end I went postdates again and requested an elective section as I was terrified of giving birth again. It was fine, a good experience and he was 9lb 12oz

Third baby - I knew all the way through that I wanted an elective section and had one at 39 weeks. dd was 9lb 12oz again.

Fourth baby - I knew from the start of this pregnancy that I didn't want an elective caesarean and after opposition from a bolshy registrar I decided that a hospital VBAC would be very difficult. The worst for me would have been an emergency caesrean and so I decided on a home birth as I believed this would be safer for both of us. Finally went into labour at 40+12, had a straightforward labour and ds was born in two pushes. It was an amazing, healing, beautiful experience. He was 10lb 13oz despite being predicted as about 7lb!

The difference between the first and last birth was unbelievable. If only I'd known how wonderful birth could be at the start I'd never have agreed to induction with ds1 and the subsequent caesareans. But hey, that's life!

Wanted: To keep active and use bath for pain relief in early labour then see how i got on. To get baby out as quickly as possible!

Reality: Waters went before contractions so they wouldnt let me use bath in case of infection. Paced up and down continuously through labour, used tens machine and 2 paracetamol for pain relief. Gave birth in squatting/standing position. Total labour 7 hours

How I feel: Slightly traumatised by pooing everywhere and by how much it hurt to get the baby out. I thought the "melon out of a lemon" thing was a scare story and that surely the opening to my vagina would stretch without too much pain but nope, thats what it felt like. But pleased i stayed active and didn't need pain relief. Not so happy that i bled for 10 weeks afterwards and that the swelling to my perinium (was the size of an egg after the birth although didnt tear)took over a month to go down.

LaDiDaDi good to know I am not the only one! Most people think I am nuts and see homebirth and elective as opposite ends of the spectrum, which of course they are but the reasons for choosing either I believe are very similar! From anecdotal experience from friends who have had a traumatic first birth, the choice for their 2nd baby seems to fit into these 2 categories also. Glad you had a good experience!

humptydumpty please look at thread in this section entitlted 'birth trauma', there are some useful links on there for people you can talk to about your experience. x