With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?

[CharlotteACavatica]

Do you ever feel you think that way even if you dont mean to??

charlotte; I don't think its the c-section itself that is a problem- I thought it was an incredible experience- but I do think the lack of proper aftercare, even in hospital, is a massive problem. I am still so angry about how I was made to do so much when I felt terrible. Next time I am going to be a right diva, take control and insist on more help, in and out of hospital.

CountessDracula - how the hell is "With the best intentions, and no disrespect, do you feel woman that have c-sections havent 'properley given birth'?" confrontational and aggressive!!??????

Charlotte, my first birth sounds a bit like yours except it was a failed induction, so went on forever but no labour, ending in an emergency csection and all after a traumatic pregnancy with several weeks in hospital. I never felt that I had missed out on the 'normal' birth because in the end I was so relieved that ds1 was ok that I didn't really think of anything else. Having said that, I did suffer from a mild form of depression afterwards, but that was mainly due to the pregnancy I think and didn't really hit me until ds1 was a year old and we started to think about ttc again which completely freaked me out. ds2 was born vbac which was absolutely awful for a number of reasons and I do not feel any more complete having gone through that experience.
I think, as I said before I was was just so relieved in both cases that babies were ok after such traumatic pregnancies and births.
When I first read your question i thought you were stirring it but I understand totally now and hasn't it got everyone talking!!!!

No worries I know you might laugh when you read this but don't take it personally....learn from it....but don't leave mumsnet.

It IS a great place to discuss all this child related...honest! Just sometimes it can go a bit wrong and things can be misinterpreted, we've all been there I'm sure

Charlotte if you value mn at all, and I think you do, could you not perhaps take a slightly less combative stand. An apology might just go a long way towards ameliorating the situation or just an acknowledgment that you might have upset people unnecessarily.
I don't think you deserved the abuse btw.

You're right nimon Charlotte sure has got us all talking

sorry ......nimnom!!!!!!

Ok, in answer to your original post. I had a c-section (ds was breech) and YES i do not feel I have properly given birth but does that bother me? NO. I have to admit I wasn't even disappointed, obviously I was concerned about the medical risks but when I researched the risks I found that having a natural birth with a large breech baby was far riskier than having a c-section so I just accepted my fate.

I have however been asked the question that you posed countless times and been given lots of sympathy and "poor you" comments which I find really strange although the comments don't offend me I just find it amusing as I did not exactly have a traumatic birth.

well

if you can't see it then I don't expect I can explain it to you!

Just look at the reactions

are you trying to start a fight?
Fantastic, supportive OP.
And the point of this question is...????

Clearly your question was poorly phrased and provoked these responses.

You just keep your head in the sand though, if that's what makes you happy

It was a question pure and simple, no evil motives, no freakish underlying meanings, just a simple desire to understand if alot of people feel like some people i have encountered. Anyway i have had enough now, im done here. Im sure there might be some other little freak starting a thread somewhere who is just asking to incurr all your wrath also, they may be discussing breastfeeding and people who dont tut tut tut!

Charlotte
i think you are being a little disingenuous.
It is not difficult to anticipate a negative reaction when you phrase your post so.
You have said that you were interested in other peoples feelings of inadequacy etc ( paraphrasing but not off the mark i hope ) so you recognise that this is an emotional issue. So why phrase it so negatively.
My DS is autistic. Do you think it would be sensible for me, understanding my own very complicated emotions about my son to start an op with
" I know this is difficult but do you feel a failure because your child isn't 'normal"

How ridiculous.

I have read what you have written but i find it hard to counter your 'niavity' about your phrasing with your highly articulate observations subsequently. If you tried to be contravertial to get a fullsome response it certainly worked

the words sandwich, short and picnic spring to mind tbh

i don't, but i know that some of my friends who have had c-sections do feel this way.

FGS Charlotte you are doing yourself no favours here. Quite a lot of posters are trying to help you understand why your OP and thread title provoked such angry responses, so that you might word things a bit better the next time...

To answer OP, no I do not feel like that and anyone who does is a tosser. And if women who have had sections feel like this themselves, then it's a real shame

Good Lord. What a thread title. Charlotte, if you don't want to start a ruck, why post something like this? Sheesh.

charlotte i think this is a great thread, this is something we should be allowed to discuss. i think it is ridiculous people are still having a go at the op. it is that mentality of 'jump on anyone who posts something slightly controversial' that makes women feel they cant discuss such things so they become dirty upsetting secrets. i hope this thread isnt deleted because in amongst the witchhunters there is some very helpful stuff on here

what is the point of this question...??!!
how discriminatory and bitchy!!
keep your unsupportive and snobish thoughts to yourself, absolutely unnessesary and just plain mean !

Agree with you pixiella

oh bugger if i didnt really give birth does that mean that dd1 isnt really here??
She must just be in my mind, and those who know us
stupid question, I would rather a VBAC anyday over my c section.

peskipixie....i think that women who have had c sections and feel they havn't properly given birth should be allowed to discuss their experience and their trauma and feelings about it but for someone (who I assume by the way the OP was phrased) who has not has a c section, to post something which (again i assume by the insensitive and gossipy way the OP was phrased) I can only conclude was suppose to spark some sort of gossipy 'ha ha they havn't given birth properly and we have lets talk about how great we are and how we're proper women and how they (women who've had c sections) aren't! ha ha ha..." is just. plain. mean.

In answer to the OP only, what a load of bolleaux.

Personally I am terrified of having a C-section, and all of my friends have had one and I think that they are so brave. I would be terrified to be awake while someone was cutting my abdomen open. They always so how strong I am for no epidural, natural birth, but I think they are much stronger to recover from surgery and take care of babies.

We all deserve medals of honor for being moms no matter how we give birth.

Ah, a thread for me!

I agree with you pixie.

While I think Charlotte has been a bit insensitive, it has had mumsnet jumping for a while - and quite interesting in amongst the vitriol.

But I feel a bit saddened that she is being personally attacked so much, as this is what mumsnet (essentially and open forum for discussion) is all about - being able to air your opinions however controversial. And that is all she has done to incur 200+ postings, many of which are unpleasant and derogatory.

I think it has pretty much all been said now and maybe its time to move on?

.....just my opinion......