Father Friendly Maternity Units

[April2020Mum]

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

*how to look after you baby (or was that not kill you baby) either way, I didn't mean what I said the first time 😂

if there is a risk his presence is going to make another woman uncomfortable for one second, following one of the most traumatic things to happen to her in her life, then I would rather he left
I totally agree. So who do you suggest should look after my baby? I’d just had major surgery and nearly died so I wasn’t capable, and the nurses sure as hell weren’t going to.

You call the button and they come to help you
They come but they don’t necessarily help you. Depending on what you ask for they might say no, that’s not our job, you have to look after your own baby. The nurse refused to even pick my baby up.

I was in for 5 days after a c section in one of the busiest hospitals in the country. It was hell. I saw a midwife once a day if that. They were nowhere to be found. If my partner hadn't been there I would have been absolutely desperate. I was in terrible pain. My colostrum and milk didn't come in. It was so awful. I start to sweat everytime I think back. All the curtains were drawn so I couldn't see other dad's and I didn't hear any snoring. All I heard were 6 babies crying all day and night.

I would have paid for a private room if they weren't £750 a night!

I don't know what the answer is but unless midwife/nurse care improves I can't see how many women can cope without partners.

It's not about never allowing men onto the ward. Of course we all need our partners to help us after birth and c-sections. And obviously they should be allowed during the day and evenings. The argument is that they should not be allowed all night long. Just for a few hours really so that anyone who doesn't feel comfortable gets some relief. It's about balance surely so that it's fair for everyone.

I'm so sorry some of you couldn't have coped without your partner there constantly and I agree in some trusts that there needs to be an improvement in post natal care so that women on their own on wards are better supported. However it doesn't change the fact that as much as it might be more convenient for your partner to get things for you and pass the baby over etc every hour of every day instead of trying to get a midwife/nurse, I still struggle to understand whether it's worth causing possible significant long lasting stress to the woman in the bed next to you. The unavoidable truth is that women can be fearful of men for a variety of different and personal reasons. We do not need to know why but we do need to give them our understanding and protection. I promise you these women are not a minority. All women in society deserve to feel safe, especially when they are at their most vulnerable.

always the option of having a female companion for the night shift instead if private room, home births etc aren't possible.

The argument is that they should not be allowed all night long*
I had an emergency c section at 9pm and nearly died. I wasn’t put on the ward until midnight. At what point should my DH have left me lying in bed paralysed and delirious with an unsupervised newborn? The nurses didn’t even bring me a drink.

Problem is babies don't do day/night - newborns are often very much more active at night making the night, when it is dark, fewer staff are available and you are more tired far more difficult for women to manage alone. Most of the "private" conversations are during the day, protected meal times are frankly insane (difficult/unsafe to eat hot food with sauce/gravy while feeding...).

The whole culture is a bit broken - that once baby is out the woman is now both a patient to be cared for occasionally and the primary carer for a patient. Weird that!

Obviously if you give birth/have a c-section at night then your partner shouldn't and wouldn't be chucked out immediately after. That's ridiculous. You should be in a recovery for as long as you need after anyway. Jeez, a bit of common sense wouldn't go amiss. It's obviously not going to be a one size fits all of course and no one is saying we ban all men from setting foot on a ward to comfort/be next to their partner if they are needed. If they are safe, comfortable and recovering well then maybe they don't need to stay the night. That is all.

"Personally I really don't see the issue."

🙄

"I guess I'm coming from the point of view that it is more reasonable to expect that your partner can stay (in your wee curtained cubicle overnight if you both want that), than to expect other people's partners should be excluded."

There should be separate wards for those who want partners and those who don't. Your view isn't any more reasonable than the opposite view.

What’s abundantly clear (in this and every other thread I’ve seen discussing this issue) is that post natal wards bed massive investment (like the rest of the NHS) use your experiences to pester the hell out of your MPs and when it comes to voting time vote with this in mind. Give your maternity ward honest feedback once you’re home and recovered and can manage to put all experience into writing. The more feedback they get, the better.

@IrishPeaches as it happens they don't get to stay that long. I gave birth at 10.30pm. Had stitches following epesiotomy. Got to have a shower, attempt to visit toilet, brief feed then downstairs at about 1am desperately hoping DC would deign to sleep for a few hours. DH not even allowed to help organise my things. I'd have been screwed if I'd had a spinal or epidural!

That's terrible @randomsabreuse

just goes to show there's not much consistency at all across trusts. I hope you complained!

Didn't complain - no men allowed in wards at night, absolute policy, so no point arguing. DH is fortunately used to driving at night on call so no issues there. They were horrifically understaffed (trust in special measures for maternity) and very much needing to go by the book!

I was "ok" except I couldn't pee so managed to get organised with stuff (was my 2nd so less fear). Preferred that ward to the dingy MLU I was transferred to!

The problem really is funding. Post natal ward staff are massively overworked, the men are often basically providing auxiliary care.

DH stayed with me after CS when I had feeding problems, we were on 3hr feed/express/top up schedule and he did pump sterilising and bottle feeding while I pumped. I couldn't have done it without him, but maybe there should have been a nurse to help.

Honestly Maternity wards are so understaffed. My pure guess is they are staffed on the basis the baby isn't a patient only the mum is.

But they desperately need extra staff but carers / auxiliary staff. No need for qualified nurses to help settle babies, or change bums to let a poorly mum rest.

People go on about 'if I couldn't move I couldn't have done it with out DH....' reality is if you are really that poorly they have HDU. I was on 1:1 care after DS2 because I'd lost so much blood.

If you still have epidural effects you can't walk... No need for HDU as it's normal... definitely some are back on ward before it has run out!

The most awkward thing is putting baby back in cot after a feed. You tend to lie back to feed, then you have this delicate floppy bundle you have to support and not drop while trying to sit up with literally zero core strength- even after a normal birth.

Next most difficult thing is extracting baby from cot to feed and getting comfortable to feed.

Bum changes fine if you've had help to get set up rather than dumped with your bags in a dark ward.

Eating actual food with cutlery is also difficult without someone to hold the baby.

No real need for "skilled" assistance in these, just an extra pair of hands.

Or for the first two make the hospital bed wider so you can put baby on bed next to you while you lever yourself upright and get feet on the floor!

A c-section is major surgery when discouraging women from having it but immediately becomes irrelevant other than preventing discharge home afterwards!

My first was kept in overnight for 12 hourly one following meconium in waters. In post natal ward.

2nd vavy would have been fine to go straight home but I couldn't pee so was stuck in the attached MLU for the longest 2 days of my life with a catheter to allow recovery.

I really hated that place. Dim, dingy, designed when beds were shorter and narrower so about 2cm from foot of bed to curtains which everyone else kept closed so inner bed had zero natural light! Funnily enough DC2 was much more jaundiced than DC1 despite being much more keen on feeding. Was desperate to escape!