Father Friendly Maternity Units

[April2020Mum]

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

The men on my ward were told many many timed not to use the ward toilets (visitors ones were just outside the ward) none of them took any notice
Particularly disliked one who loudly tutted every time my baby made a noise or cried and pushed his chair so far back that the curtain was then touching my bed

Oh my. I actually can't believe some of the comments.

How can you dictate what is and is not a logical fear for all rape or sexual assault survivors?!! Especially at one of the most vulnerable times in their life. It doesn't matter if you believe it doesn't normally happen there - it can and does happen anywhere actually. A lot of the time it can happen in a woman's own home, bedroom, workplace - so tell me how, if they couldn't feel safe there, they are meant to anywhere?? How is that illogical?!! Or should survivors only be afraid of men in dark alleyways... absolute rubbish.

Think about others. Of course I would love my considerate and kind DH to be with me 24/7 after a birth. But if there is a risk his presence is going to make another woman uncomfortable for one second, following one of the most traumatic things to happen to her in her life, then I would rather he left me. I would find a night without him easier than she might with him being there.

I actually do think men shouldn't stay overnight on any post-natal Ward in all hospitals so that ALL women can feel safe and comfortable and if you are really not happy with that then you should look at home births or hope that your hospital has the option of private rooms.

I think there need to be private rooms for those who wish their partners to stay, it helps some women who have had traumatic births or need thay extra support, the partners in private rooms would not be in the way of thos who wish to be on a female only ward.
The comments about men being inconsiderate and snoring and taking ages in the toilets - women do that to.

it cud happen sure, bt so unlikey its not logical

If it could happen, then it’s a logical fear.

You can never know what type of person you might be sharing the mum and baby ward with, men or women.

My husband was allowed to stay and it meant he could see to the baby to allow me to rest a bit more, I didn't notice other men snoring anymore than the babies crying or the new mums making noise. I honestly didn't really pay any great attention to the other dads, they were unnoticeable.

They don't 'admit' the dads and therefore cost the NHS, my hospital had recliner chairs for the dads and they weren't fed etc.

If you don’t agree with men on the ward can I suggest filling in a postnatal maternity service questionnaire. You’ll often find them on the later hospital website. I have done this and put my preferences for no male partners outside visiting hours in the ‘areas for improvement’ section.

*maternity hospital (not later)

What if a man is on the sex offenders register? Would you feel Ok about sleeping in such a culver position next to a sex offender?

I've been really lucky that my dh has been able to stay both times.

We needed him. I couldn't move or lift my baby after my section so whenever she cried I needed him to lift her and bring her to me. I couldn't keep ringing the nurse button every 5 mons. They have enough to do.

Also those early hours are just as vital for dad's bonding as well as mum.

So many people complain about men's lack of involvement with baby care and pregnancy yet we shut them out at the most vital moments.

That should say ‘Vulnerable position’

@Dandelion1993 that’s the staff’s job. You call the button and they come to help you. If you have to wait a minute then that’s what you gotta do. Having a c section is not really a good reason to have men staying overnight in my (personal) experience. It’s just a ‘nice to have’ in which case you should be paying privately for that arrangement or choosing a home birth.

My experience with men late at night in the maternity ward wasn't in the UK, but in Germany. So for once, we can't blame the NHS for coming up with the idea.

@BlueSkies2020 the problem is they don't come, not for bloody ages... had to send DH to find a midwife a couple of times...

DH being there means that one of the 2 patients can actually get some rest because caring for a newborn sure isn't restful. If they're not feeding they prefer a person to lie on - that person could perfectly well be dad... and the mother who has just either done the physical effort of pushing out a baby and therefore has no core strength or has had major abdominal surgery can rest, eat and do the dreaded first poo without rushing back to the baby, worrying that they're alone and crying...

It was an emergency section. Totally unplanned. It was late at night they were short staffed and I wasn't going to call them every 5 mons because she cried a little or her nappy needed changing.

Babies have two parents and my dh was there and capable of doing it.

When I had my first DH stayed with me in hospital on the ward for 2 nights. It was very lucky he did as I had a very difficult birth and couldn't lift my baby up to feed her or move for the first 24 hours. I was moved 3 times in the 2 nights that I was in & getting hold of a nurse for anything was nigh on impossible so having my DH with me was essential.
I understand some people find it unpleasant, but as others have said, there are plenty of antisocial mothers on the ward (talking loudly on the phone all night/watching television at full volume) too.
When I had DC2 I sent DH home & slept on the ward on my own as I was lucky enough to have a very easy birth and was able to care for my child. I certainly didn't begrudge any of the people whose partners stayed to help them out.
In the majority of cases the poor DH's are sleeping on the floor/chair being kept up all night by babies & helping their partners rather than sleeping at home in their nice quiet bed! I doubt they're staying over to make other mothers feel uncomfortable - they are just thinking about their own family.

the poor DH's are sleeping on the floor/chair being kept up all night by babies & helping their partners rather than sleeping at home in their nice quiet bed!

The poor pets

seems to me that evry1 who feels strongly DH shud b ther is tryin to see it frm both sides while ppl who don't want them ther r tryin to say its selfish wen they wont even accept that they wud b takin away DH frm a woman who dus NEED them. Instead they try n bully and shame any1 who disagrees and don't care about vulnerable ppl who feel they need DH. I think its rite thers more vulnerable ppl who wud benefit from ther DH than those the other way. Non of us really know so don't claim to b an expert we r all guessin.

@JuanSheetIsPlenty no it's not, thers loads of things that cud happen but the risk needs to be high enuff to make it logical to b worried. Show me wher it ses its common enuff 2 b attacked on a mat ward that I shud worry. U hav 2 b a pretty dumb man 2 attack sum1 in a room of witnesses wen they r nxt 2 a buzzer Women who feel that way need to get help ASAP so they dnt spend ther life bein afraid when they don't need to b instead of sayin we shud all act as tho its normal 2 thnk that and women who NEED ther DS shudnt hav them wen they r actually basin ther opinions on stuff that will happen or is rly likely 2 happen. Vulnerable ppl need support frm ther loved 1s not left in a room of random women wiv a baby 2 care 4 wen they hav just given birth. Dnt matter if its DH, Mum or BFF.

Also any1 who don't like things that cud happen day or nite start a new thred about if it shud b allowed at all cos ur missin the point. Men r alredy ther in the day.

Unless there are private rooms instead of communal wards, we will never get a situation that is equitable to everyone. I don't think men should be allowed to stay overnight unless baby is born in the middle of the night. Even though my husband is respectful, quiet, and a decent human being, 1) women on the ward have no way of knowing that and 2) plenty of husbands and partners aren't decent and respectful, no matter what their wives and girlfriends might think.

Luckily on the ward I was in, no partners chose to stay overnight, which was great.

And yes, I did have a c-section, a rather traumatic emergency once, but I don't think my rights and feelings automatically trump that of other women.

No men.
More midwives.

@BluebellsandDaisies2 don’t tag me again. I simply cannot engage with you.

OP, I gave birth last summer in the QEUH, my husband got kicked out at 10pm every night apart from one (the night they said I'd get downstairs to the labour ward - I didn't until it became an absolute emergency) because the ward of 4 was empty by this point.

He also didn't get to stay after 10pm when I was in recovery for two nights or when we got readmitted into the children's hospital a few days later. I understand the reasons behind it all but when your shattered, emotionally drained and trying to learn how to kill after your baby, it would have really helped to have him there.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

I like the post that talked about how hard it is to lift and move when you've just as a baby, then suggested that post natal women should shuffle off to change in the loos rather than by their bed to prevent men they don't know from seeing them naked.

So those who opt not to have a partner present should have to take on extra physical activity to preserve their privacy all because you want your fella there.