Father Friendly Maternity Units

[April2020Mum]

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

I probably should have seen it coming given that mumsnet in itself is going to preferentially attract those craving a single sex space.

Wow. You really don’t get that your needs don’t trump the needs (not “craving” ffs) of women who want to retain the single-sex policy on maternity wards, do you?

So your argument is basically “i’ll Justify having my man there because you’re bound to have someone in your life that can visit you too”

She's talking about mumsnet tending to be a single sex space which we choose to be a part of cos we 'crave' it. In other words the opinions on here might not be a fair spread because if you want a single gender place to talk you are more likely to want men kept away. Fair point really.

I hated having men on the ward.

My DH went home as it didn't seem like the maternity ward should be a place for men, but a couple of the other women had their partners hanging around. Nurses kept opening curtains and forgetting to close the so I unwillingly flashed at least 2 strange men and felt really uncomfortable navigating around in my hospital gown.

I think men should only be allowed if you've paid for a private room so they won't be in the same space as women trying to figure out breast feeding, and post party bleeding.

Just a question for all the women here who think men should be allowed on the maternity ward.

Would you happily sleep in a mixed sex dormitory style hostel with strange men in the bed right next to you, with your newborn and physical injuries that make you weak and slow you down?

Juansheetisplenty that's kind of the idea of birthing partners yes 🤔 having people of choice around to support you. So your argument is nobody gets the support of loved ones and that's somehow better? Why stop there, no partners at the births at all, women do it alone. This is supposed to be progress?

Torysuckrevokearticle50 yes precisely so, cos I would correctly think he doesn't give two shits about me and is there to care for wife and baby 🙄

@Busylizzie45 and you have no ability to understand that I may not be comfortable with your husband seeing my naked breasts while I try to learn how to get a baby to latch? Or my naked bleeding genitals while I'm trying to get dressed and he accidentally brushes the flimsy curtain open?

Do you really not believe that women are entitled to that level of privacy and dignity in a hospital?

I don't think every man is out to attack me. I do think that no man beside my husband or my doctor should see my body. That is a boundary I have the right to set, and that I had crossed against my will hours after giving birth because some women wanted their partners to hang around getting in the way on a maternity ward.

I'm curious as to what people here think if it's a gay woman who's wife/partner is staying?

that's kind of the idea of birthing partners yes

Birthing partner, yes, not maternity ward partner. Clue is in the name. They’re your support for birthing. They can stay while you get settled back on the ward, sure. But hanging around for days after? Why??

I wouldn't have so many issues with another woman. But at the same time wards are designed for patients and babies and certainly my local unit are quite cramped, before adding extra people in who don't really need to be there. So no I don't think gay, best friends, granny's, MILs, sisters or any other people should be adding to the noise, etc during the night.

It's a hospital for poorly / recovering people. Not a hotel / holiday camp.

TorySucks That wasn't what you asked so wasn't what I answered. You specifically mentioned injuries that weaken you and slow you down. So yes you are thinking about being attacked (sorry).
Unless you only plan on feeding your baby at night men will be there. So should we ban men day and night? I changed in the loo because I didn't want a woman or man or midwife intruding on my naked genitals any more than needed cos yes the curtains are no guarantee of anything. It was a midwife who whipped open my curtain for all to see when I was trying to breast feed, these things happen.

@Busylizzie45 don't presume to know what I'm thinking, it's rude and you don't have enough base knowledge of my thought processes to be able to come to an accurate conclusion.

Even if my fear was being attacked, why would that be negligible to you and less worthy than your desire to have your partner there.

There is no genuine need for any partner to be on a maternity unit. The only people who need to be there are the women who gave birth, the babies they birthed and the medical staff. Everyone else is excess.

I had a 3 day stay post birth, DH wasn't allowed to stay. I can honestly say it was hell for me, I was totally wiped out after 8 days of full on contractions and an emergency c section. When DH was there, he was really helpful in getting little on latched on, without him there and with no midwives to support ( I cannot blame them as they were insanely busy), I just couldn't get him to latch. I got quite depressed and very sleep deprived, not to mention the heathen of a women in the bed next to mine whose only vocabulary was a swear word. I do wish my DH could have stayed, it would have helped me to no end but conpletely understand why other women would not want a man staying over night.

Juansheetisplenty because I have a newborn to care for and in my case I've just been through the most traumatic experience of my life and I'm in no state to provide 24/7 care for a rabbit let alone a baby.

If it was turned around and the man was the patient, in the bed with genital injuries.
would he want the next door cubicle's female partner to be sitting behind the curtain, eavesdropping on his conversation with his doctor or nurse describing his body parts, would he want the woman to giggle and laugh about it making fun of him, gossiping about it with other people on the phone, would he want her peeking into the gap in the curtain when his body is on show being examined, washed, dressings changed. Would he want to sit in bed hearing her constant talking at the top of her voice, making stupid jokes about his medical condition, putting up with her eating smelly food. Or would he think, that's all ok, I don't mind because the patient next door really loves that woman and wants her to be there.

So pay for a private room, or go home and pay for a private midwife. Or just do what everyone else has to do and keep ringing your buzzer and calling for help again and again and again.

And vote labour.

I really think anybody objecting on the grounds that other people's partners are a risk to them or their newborns should ask themselves if that's really a logical fear and why they feel that way.

Then you really need to pull your head out of your arse. Men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of violence towards women. Do you think a rape survivors fear of sleeping in a room with multiple strange men is ‘illogical’?

Jesus wept.

Its very nice of ppl sayin they wud not hav their partner ther 2 help vulnerable ppl. But the problem is thers vulnerable ppl on both sides of this so its not rite. Neither side can say they r rite cos of that.

Any yes it's not logical to b afraid of men on a mat ward. That's not wher ppl get raped. I totally get it, but it isn't logical.

The right is that all hospital wards should be single sex. The NHS is very clear in that for good reason so why should maternity wards be any different?

I also found that even with my first with no other dc at home my dh was more use to me if he went home and had a good nights sleep/did some housework etc and with subsequent babies looked after the older dc
He came back each morning refreshed and able to help me in hospital and I had no issues the staff were happy to help overnight but they were run off their feet trying to get rid of other visitors staying beyond 8pm and refusing to go and partners being noisy etc etc

Any yes it's not logical to b afraid of men on a mat ward. That's not wher ppl get raped.

1. yes women have been raped on maternity wards.

2. do you think rape is the only thing men do to harm women?

FFs.

It would be best if there were private rooms (and more staff to monitor them!) so we could all choose. However, personally I'd prefer no men overnight except male staff. I hated being around 5 snoring, coughing men who all used the patients' loo despite being told not to, necessitating me and another woman who'd had c-sections staggering to another bay to use the loo because one of the men had gone into ours with his phone for a leisurely 40-minute shit

It was so awful I discharged myself early against medical advice. No sleep, no privacy (the midwives kept opening my curtains even when I said not to) and just general awfulness.

it cud happen sure, bt so unlikey its not logical

After my c section I buzzed and asked the nurses to help me with my baby. They refused saying the policy is you have to look after your own baby. There was literally no way to accomplish this when I’d just had major surgery! I was a nervous new mum and I could barely move. So I had to phone DH to come back and do the nurses job. Sorry but until nurses provide adequate care I can’t support partners being banned from maternity wards.