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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Father Friendly Maternity Units

167 replies

April2020Mum · 28/01/2020 11:24

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

OP posts:
April2020Mum · 29/01/2020 14:09

I can see that some women might want a single sex space. I guess I'm coming from the point of view that it is more reasonable to expect that your partner can stay (in your wee curtained cubicle overnight if you both want that), than to expect other people's partners should be excluded because you don't want them there. Babies are generally still start life with two people wanting to be involved, that's statistically true. So to cater for the majority, the second person, man or woman (sorry I just realised I have not included same sex couples) should be able to be there.

It would be perfect if both were available and we could all choose. I don't believe we can have that though. I think the cost of creating two separate wards in existing buildings is going to mean we continue to have a one size fits all model. Perhaps the single rooms that do exist could be preferentially given to women who don't want another person with them.

So it's more I cant see that it's justifiable on a national scale to not allow partners rather than I cant understand there would be anybody who would rather the partners not be there.

OP posts:
bingbangbing · 29/01/2020 14:17

@April2020Mum

You want him there, you pay for the private room.

I'm not putting up with his presence. I'd complain- loudly

BlueSkies2020 · 29/01/2020 14:18

@RhymingRabbit3 have you had a baby? Do you know how long it takes to do your first post partum poo?! A tongue in cheek comment, but I think blood is more of an issue for women using the toilet. You’re all in it together so it’s not so bad. Smelling a man’s post-Burger King poo is another matter (yes, our hospital has a Burger King). Snoring I agree, but it is factually correct that there are higher numbers of loud snorers among the male population.

BlueSkies2020 · 29/01/2020 14:25

40% of the male population frequently snore compared to 24% of the female population. They have narrower airways and other physiological differences which makes snoring more common among men.

Women in hospital will tend to eat the healthy patient food. Men will tend to eat more snacks and junk food when they are hanging around the hospital.

Sirzy · 29/01/2020 14:26

If you want someone else to stay then pay to go private.

On an NHS Ward the private rooms should be saved for those who medically need them. Not to allow women to feel safe and get some privacy to actually get that.

April2020Mum · 29/01/2020 14:31

I really think anybody objecting on the grounds that other people's partners are a risk to them or their newborns should ask themselves if that's really a logical fear and why they feel that way.

The risk of getting in the car to the maternity unit is going to be greater than the risk of being exposed to a violent man interested in you or your baby who thinks its a good idea to attack someone in a room full of other women when she is next to an emergency buzzer.

Even if you have no faith in men, the idea is just a little odd.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/01/2020 14:41

What about the increased noise? Increased demand on facilities?

The discomfort of the woman who has been abused? The inability to talk in privacy to medical staff when you are being abused? Having men listening to your issues?

There is very good reason that hospital wards are single sex. Why should women at their most vulnerable be stopped from having that?

BlueSkies2020 · 29/01/2020 14:44

But men don’t have any rights when it comes to maternity care. They are not the patient so the hospital does not need to meet their needs. You’ll be asking for food for your partners next! I’m sorry but I feel very strongly that a woman’s right to safety and comfort trump any man’s needs when it comes to post natal care. They do not need to sleep in the ward overnight unless a woman is in active labour (which is why men are allowed to stay in the delivery wards and have a kip afterwards so it’s safe for them to travel home).

There are 3 posts here that perfectly illustrate why men should not be allowed to stay. Where the woman who had to hold in post-operative wind (if you’ve ever had this you’ll know how painful it is), the arse who opened a woman’s curtain as she was being examined, the assaults in hospital mentioned by a staff member.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 14:57

I really think anybody objecting on the grounds that other people's partners are a risk to them or their newborns should ask themselves if that's really a logical fear and why they feel that way.

Did you really just ask that?? Shock

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 15:19

The risk of getting in the car to the maternity unit is going to be greater than the risk of being exposed to a violent man interested in you or your baby who thinks its a good idea to attack someone in a room full of other women when she is next to an emergency buzzer.

  1. getting in the car to the maternity unit is necessary. Men in the maternity ward aren’t.

  2. do you really think men attacking women is the only way they can harm them? Really? Have you read your own thread?

SonEtLumiere · 29/01/2020 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

farmertom · 29/01/2020 16:04

OP you won't get any help on this thread. Most mumsnet users seem to have a massive chip on their shoulders about this particular issue. Comes across as man hating sexism.
I suppose maybe they all had pretty useless husbands/partners if they can't understand the benefit of a husband being present. Theirs obviously must just sit around on their phones from what I can tell.

I would have no problem with single sex wards if they were properly staffed. That's not the case and until it is it's a non issue and not going to change.

farmertom · 29/01/2020 16:07

@moneydisability I also had this experience with awful wind and huge farts. Some guy on the ward was laughing at me and I still remember the exact feeling of embarrassment and I'm dreading trapped wind again this time :(

moneydisability · 29/01/2020 16:19

I ended up in agony and begging for peppermint water like it was an epidural I was in absolute agony

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/01/2020 16:26

I don't chose to have PTSD. I don't chose to be afraid of men I don't know in places I can't leave.

DD1 was born in a hospital with 24hr access for fathers. No men stayed in the room where I was, but they were there until gone midnight, back by 8am. I spent 5 days there. I had a lot of trouble bonding in those few days, partly because I was so stressed out and not sleeping. I couldn't be discharged until they were confident I could cope at home, so it was a vicious circle.

I fully understand the desire, and it some cases need, to have your partner present. But I firmly believe that no woman (or man) should be forced to share a medical ward, when they are in a vulnerable state, with someone of the opposite sex.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 29/01/2020 16:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

IndecentFeminist · 29/01/2020 16:37

Honestly, boundaries are good. I wouldn't mind my husband staying, but at the price of having other people's? No thanks.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 16:52

I suppose maybe they all had pretty useless husbands/partners if they can't understand the benefit of a husband being present.

Or maybe they understand that a useful partner does not trump another woman’s right to feel safe and recover in privacy in a female hospital ward.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 16:53

Some guy on the ward was laughing at me and I still remember the exact feeling of embarrassment

And yet you can’t see the problem?

Confused
April2020Mum · 29/01/2020 17:12

Hospitals do have a duty of care to all patients. That doesn't mean care can be ideal for all patients (sadly). I think the NHS will adopt a one size fits all policy for cost reasons, its not ideal.

I totally stand by the point that it is not logical to object on grounds of being harmed by other people's partners. It isn't a logical fear. Disliking men's presence is one thing, its personal preference, I see that. Being afraid of them is another. Being afraid of other women's partners in that setting is not logical. Being afraid of your own if he's awful, totally logical. Tbc.

To give my opinion on a few other points:

Noise - maybe, yes. But weighed against the fact its already noisy. No man I've heard snore can compete with a baby screaming. There are four babies minimum. Ladies we are already doomed. The counterpoint would be the babies might be quieter with the second person's care and insight. Plus all the other benefits that outweigh this.

Toilets - Partners aren't allowed to use ward toilets in the day for hygiene, they shouldn't at night either. This is a separate issue which shouldn't happen. Of course it will happen anyway, human nature. But unless you don't allow them there during the day either, having them there at night doesn't make a major difference.

Privacy - Men are already there during the day, so if you have a terrible case of post natal wind chances are the men are going to hear it in the day anyway. So again privacy, from men or women is already non existent. And as an aside why should we care what random men think of our post natal wind?

Food - yes I quite agree, don't feed them, they aren't patients and they can go the café, hopefully while they are at it they will bring back something nice for us.

I agree that abused women would want a single sex ward. But against this we need to weigh the mental health needs of every woman with a depressive or anxiety disorder or who have had a emotionally or physically traumatic birthing experience who need (not want) support. These women are going to be much more numerous and will benefit from their partners presence while an abused woman is only going to benefit if she manages to bring herself to ask for help. So not only are the first group more numerous they are more likely to benefit from the change in policy. I’m not claiming to be someone who 'needed' their partner. I wanted him, I could move (just), was fairly but not lastingly emotionally traumatized by a four day labour where I didn't get gas and air till the last 4 hours, exhausted, and scared at being in sole charge of the baby so soon. That was bad enough so how does it feel to have had a worse labour or be in a worse emotional place to begin with.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/01/2020 17:26

Do your basic argument is “women have to put up with it in the day so should at night too”

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 17:38

Being afraid of them is another. Being afraid of other women's partners in that setting is not logical.

There’s actually something wrong with you. People have posted on this thread of the harm they have either experienced from men on their maternity ward or had reported to them by patients.

bingbangbing · 29/01/2020 17:39

Makes you wonder why they bother having visitors hours on the other wards too. Just let them all in 24/7! Save a fortune on actual staff!

Only in maternity do we accept this bollox.

WHY???!!!

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 17:39

I agree that abused women would want a single sex ward.

A maternity ward IS a single sex ward!

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 29/01/2020 17:41

Personally I’d have a visitors room where mothers who wanted to could go to show off their babies and leave the ward a traipsing-randomer-free zone.