Father Friendly Maternity Units

[April2020Mum]

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

We wanted to pay for a private room but it wasn't an option I would have paid good money for it too! Was there 4 nights and my DH was able to stay but he couldn't physically sleep in a chair so he had to go home

Would only work if all rooms private and have their own en suites

It’s disgusting having you use a toilet with an fresh c section wound when men have decided they’ll use patient toilets for their morning dump
Plus the noise and snoring it’s not fair on others

Ugh, my prenatal ward allowed men to stay. It was bloody awful. Smelly, snoring men. Inconsiderately watching TV loudly constantly. Eating smelly food. Other family members at all hours. I wished they had restricted hours. The postnatal ward where fathers were not allowed to stay was bliss.

Be very careful what you wish for!!

I don’t think allowing fathers is progressive at all. I’m fact many trusts are reversing their policies around this.

FWIW I live in an affluent area with low levels of deprivation. You can find inconsiderate men all over!

It doesn’t make much difference if it’s a man, woman or four periodically crying babies keeping you awake.

It really does make a difference. When I had to stay in with DS2, my DH had to stay home with DS1, there was no other option. No I didn't get much sleep on a 4 bay ward. However it was peaceful and safe single sex spacel. The mum in the bay opposite had a c-section and the nurses/HCPs answered her calls for help promptly and with compassion. I recieved loads of help with breastfeeding overnight. That is how a maternity ward should be. Partners should not be making up for inadequate care because not everyone has a partner's help.

I would have felt awful if I was alone with 3 strange men in the room trying to get to grips with breastfeeding while stuck on the bed thanks to a catheter.

I don’t think allowing fathers is progressive at all. I’m fact many trusts are reversing their policies around this.

Agree. It’s not conducive to rest and recovery which is what maternity wards are for. They aren’t viewing galleries.

It’s disgusting having you use a toilet with an fresh c section wound when men have decided they’ll use patient toilets for their morning dump
Plus the noise and snoring it’s not fair on others
I dont necessarily agree with men on the ward but other women could also use the toilet for a "morning dump" and women often snore, so I dont really think this is the point of the argument.

There needs to be more availability of private rooms full stop, whether men are planning to stay or not. It's not conducive to recovery to be sharing with loads of other people and crying babies. This is a big part of why I'm hoping for a home birth next time (I realise this isnt possible for everyone).

I honestly can't think of anything worse than random men on a ward with me post birth

This in a nutshell.

Yes lots will say "My man is considerate ...."
But their will be inconsiderate bum holes.

Not every woman will be able to have her man with her, work, other children, single mum etc.

If he is that desperate to be nearby get a travel lodge or B&B.

For the argument saying parenting is a partnership. Yes it is. But childbirth is not. That’s a woman’s domain and men don’t have any need to be staying over in hospital to recover. There are staff to care for mum and baby. Bonding does not need to happen at 4am. It can happen in the daytime

It stated clearly toilets only for patients yet every dad used them and the showers so they were usually too busy for the mums ....
And there’s a difference sorry to say it 9/10 when a man uses a toilet it was horrific on multiple occasions

I don't really understand when men are classed as being more smelly and snore more than women?

The snoring was horrific - with one of my babies I remember recording it at some early hour then sending to Dh saying I can’t cope it’s too noisy here

@joffreyscoffees

"I don't really understand when men are classed as being more smelly and snore more than women?"

Because they smell more and snore more than women, possibly?

I don't want men friendly maternity units. I want more staff to care for the women and babies there!

For the argument saying parenting is a partnership. Yes it is. But childbirth is not.

Yeah agree. Partnership doesn’t mean attached at the hip from birth. There are different ways of supporting your post natal wife than sitting in a chair by her bed looking at your phone. You could be home cleaning the house and batch cooking some meals for the freezer, getting in some supplies of nappies, maternity pads, wipes, new pyjamas, etc. going to work until she comes home so you delay your paternity leave until it’s actually needed, taking your older kids out to buy a present for new sibling and being dad to them.

I don't really understand when men are classed as being more smelly and snore more than women?

Consider yourself lucky.

I don't want men friendly maternity units.

Yep^. I want more mother friendly/focussed maternity units. Recovery of mother and baby should be absolute priority.

I had bad wind after one of my sections. The twat staying the other side of the curtain spent hours laughing at me and taking the piss so I held it in and got agonising shoulder pain as well they also took my chair as I had nobody staying so apparently didn’t need it

No idea about the Royal Alexandra but Aberdeen certainly allowed partners to stay 24/7 when I had my 2nd child in 2018. If my lovely consultant hadn't got me a private room I would have been going home within hours of an emcs.

The new maternity hospital in Aberdeen will be all private rooms I believe.

I had a post partum haemorrhage following DC2. One women's partner walked in to my curtained off bed space to see what all the fuss was about as I was disturbing his wife. I was naked from the waist down, legs spread, catheter in. He saw everything, at a time I was extremely vulnerable. I was absolutely distraught and discharged myself AMA after that.

With price gate rooms I can get on board with it but not before. At the hospital I work at we get at least one indecent exposure/ sexual assault/ sexual harassment report a week, usually about visitors. I see no reason why postnatal wards would be better.

*private, not price gate!

No. I haven't been abused, assaulted, raped, don't have any religion-based reasons and don't think that a das from the next bay is going to attack me.

I still don't want to recover from birth, try to establish breastfeeding and generally sleep in the same room with other men. I had two births and cannot imagine having to share my maternity ward with men.

*dad

For the argument saying parenting is a partnership. Yes it is. But childbirth is not. That’s a woman’s domain and men don’t have any need to be staying over in hospital to recover. There are staff to care for mum and baby. Bonding does not need to happen at 4am. It can happen in the daytime.

I totally agree with @BlueSkies2020

I agree with all the reasons given against having partners staying overnight. Having had many stays on children’s wards then there is no way extra adults can be there without I creating more noise and issues.

But the main issue for me if for those women who are in abusive relationships, if there partner stays by their side the whole time then they are unable to talk to staff as needed. Maternity staff are trained to look for potential issues and it’s vital that they get enough time alone with the woman who is the patient to discuss things