Father Friendly Maternity Units

[April2020Mum]

Hi All,

I just read an article saying that Scotland are trying to make their maternity wards more friendly post-birth. I was really surprised when in 2017 my partner was thrown out post-birth at 02.30am despite us living over 2.5 hours away etc. This was from Glasgow Royal Alexandra. I'm pregnant again and keen to go somewhere that has a less dated view on the presence of fathers post birth this time around if possible. Does anyone know how you find this out / anybody know if the Royal Alexandra has seen the light?

Thank you ladies

Also, how do you know which women have been abused? Do we have to announce it? Prove it? What?

Do you really think that there should be two sets of maternity wards at each hospital? One lot with privacy and one with random blokes? Do you have any idea how expensive that would be? Wouldn't make more sense to actually hire more staff?

Think, woman!

I agree that abused women would want a single sex ward. But against this we need to weigh the mental health needs of every woman with a depressive or anxiety disorder or who have had a emotionally or physically traumatic birthing experience who need (not want) support.

I was in the latter group. Left alone in the dark ward with the curtains drawn two hours after getting out surgery after my EMCS, my DH (who is an amazing practical and emotional support) having been sent home. Belittled by a midwife when I said I couldn't move my legs and asked for help. It took me a while to get over that and I now have PNA which probably wasn't helped by that incident. However I still don't support a blanket policy where men are able to stay on postnatal wards. What we need instead is investment in postnatal care and services for women and their babies, not expecting gaps in care to be filled by friends and family.

For every woman like me who has a lovely supportive husband there's another who has an abusive or waste of space partner, or one that has to stay at home to look after older children, or simply no-one they can ask. Who can they rely on? Because we can safely assume that the "capacity" created by family and friends providing care to some patients will not result other patients receiving better or more attentive treatment when staff numbers can be cut instead.

At my trust at least, whilst they don't advertise it, they do have private rooms which are allocated on the basis of medical need, which includes mental health reasons. I cannot cope on a ward post-birth for medical reasons and I have been assured that they will find me a private room even if they have to put me on a different ward or in their private wing without charge. Whilst personally I think men shouldn't be allowed overnight, if a woman finds herself at a hospital that does and she has mental health reasons, I would strongly encourage her to speak to her midwife early on and ask to meet with the consultant midwife to discuss the options. I was really concerned about this but it has been agreed since 20 weeks that I won't have to go onto the ward which has been a huge relief.

OP, you have put forward a good case based on logic. The thing is, all these reasons do not have any weight in this argument nor should they. As a woman and a double birth-giver (ha), my right to single sex spaces is not to be discussed. It is a given, OK? The men in the wards may be the gentlest, quietest creatures who pop out to the petrol station to do a poo in consideration for female patients. It still doesn't matter. I simply don't want the opposite sex sleeping with me in the same room. Why is it so difficult to comprehend? It is called privacy, it is ingrained. That's why single sex spaces exist. Can we please stop questioning the women's right to privacy?

Many arguments for men on wards are to do with under funding and low staffing levels.

We pretty much accept children need an adult with them 24/7 in hospital. Children of a certain era where expected to stay in hospital alone.

We are slowly accepting new mums to need 24/7 support.

Where next? Geriatrics? If Granny needs 24/7 support families have to provide it?

I'm guessing it will take a while before we get to the stages of the prostrate wards having wifes providing 24/7 care / support.

We should really just send all post natal women home to their husbands to care for them straight from birth with a wee parcel of pain relief pills. The husbands are basically running the place anyway by the sounds of some here.

I remember being on a ward with dc3. First night he barely slept and was constantly on and off breast feeding. I remember waking up in the morning after finally getting him to sleep for a bit but I had fallen asleep topless, breasts and flabby belly on show. Standing at the corner of my cubicle was a man staring through a gap in the curtains with a sneery look of disgust on his face. It is etched in my mind and I can still picture him almost 10 years later. I say no to men on wards. Private rooms, fair enough.

Flywheel, what a invasion of your privacy!

I really hope they don't go down the men on wards, the pendulum has swung too far. Maternity wards are for women and babies not men.

For anyone on this thread who has experienced unpleasant, intrusive, bolshy, abusive or otherwise undesirable behaviour from any visitor on a maternity ward- please report it. Even if it was 3 years ago. The more feedback maternity wards receive about the behaviour of visitors the better equipped they are to deal with it and to inform future policy.

Well at the end of the day it doesn't matter what anyone thinks because policies are policies.
Some hospitals you can, others you can't. I suspect that the ones that allow men overnight do rely heavily on partners providing the care that should be provided by midwives.

I think for me I can't agree with those against it as I view partners to be the solution to alleviating mental and physical trauma far far more often than they are guilty of making it worse. Its not that I don't care about extreme cases like the lady with PTSD re men and others like her. But for me for every one of women like her I guess at least 10 exist with a mental health issue which is going to be improved by her partner there. So I think give ladies with issues caused by interaction with men the sole spaces and everyone else the ward with men. That core opinion won't change for me, so ladies it's been interesting, thank you, this is my last post. I wasn't planning on starting a debate 😂 just on an info gathering hunt, that worked well. I probably should have seen it coming given that mumsnet in itself is going to preferentially attract those craving a single sex space. So if I've upset anyone I apologise, hope everyone's future experiences go smoothly!

I don’t think it’s just a single sex space I think it’s also patient only space so mothers and babies As in no other adult ward would you have a partner or relative staying

I may be out of touch, as my two DS’ are 18 & 16, it didn’t occur to me that needed or wanted DH to spend the night with me in the hospital. Can’t understand why it would be necessary, perhaps if a private room, sick baby, of course. But if on the ward, no.

So I think give ladies with issues caused by interaction with men the sole spaces and everyone else the ward with men.

No, it makes more sense for the women who don’t want men around to be in a shared ward. Women who are having a partner there for support can have the private rooms as their partner will be there for company and to help and spot if they need anything or need help. Women without a partner shouldn’t be isolated in a room on their own the whole time. They should be on the ward with other women around who can call for help for them if they can’t call for themselves.

Yes I agree, please leave the ward women only. Male partners should only be welcomed in the private rooms eg if a mum has additional needs or risks.

It’s a bizarre policy to have men only on maternity wards and doesn’t make any sense. Why are post natal women any different to normal patients? You’d only be allowed to stay overnight with a relative if they were expected to pass away.

If the baby is poorly, they will be on NICU where quite rightly both parents are welcome. There is simply no need for it and the potential harm outweighs the benefits. I think partners end up feeling obliged to stay to ‘help’ and show what a great dad they are. It’s a nice to have that people take up just because they can. It is not a necessity.

There is simply no need for men to stay overnight on a postnatal ward. The ladies deserve the space and privacy to rest.

Unless you have a private room, it's not really fair on the other patients in my opinion. I had a private room and still sent him home

Blueskys, while I'm totally anti men on maternity wards, the arguement for them is maternity wards are the only wards where a patient is expected to care for another patient!

The real issue is lack of staff.
We need more staff, not necessarily fully qualified nurses but even care assistants who are able to help mums change nappies, and pass babies to poorly mums who are recovering from tears and operations.

I agree with OP. The difference is clear to other patients, you are a patient yourself but are expected to provide 24/7 care for another patient (the baby), that's not fair, allow the partners to help. Do you care about the women with mental health issues who need their partners runningawaywiththecircus... Let's all make a simplistic personal attack on runningawaywiththecircus. Oh wait let's not because its a complex issue with multiple valid points of view.

And actually single women could have their mum there, or someone else to provide moral support so the point for single women doesn't even hold up

so the point for single women doesn't even hold up

What point? Are you saying women without partners all have a mum or someone else who can come and sit for hours day and night for days?

I find it funny those against seem to think you are fighting for our rights, you arent. You are saying that after birthing for days, leaving us physically and emotionally damaged in many cases our partners get to go home and rest while we get to carry on being the sole caregivers all night too.

And yes juansheetisplenty, most people do have multiple people that love them enough to be there for a single night which is all most women are there for. And if they don't then that's horrid for them and their aloneness could be a huge red light for midwives to offer them extra support.

I had twins at 28 weeks both my very poorly babies and my very poorly self were transferred from hospital a to hospital b (northern England).

In the first 24 hours I nearly lost one of my sons. I was on the postnatal ward for 5 days owing to post surgery complications. Every night I was there at least one male partner stayed as well. One off them was fine, literally wouldn't have known he was there. The others. One accidentally came into my cubicle in the middle of the night as I was sat silently weeping attached to a breast pump wondering how I would ever cope. He didn't apologise just said - wrong bed, had a good look then walked out. Another played movies on his iPad without headphones until 3am. My favourite was the chap who had a takeaway delivered to the ward at midnight.

I was literally battered and bruised by an emergency CS had two very poorly babies and needed somewhere to get some rest in between the hours I sat night and day at my babies bed side. I held in so many tears. There were no private rooms available. I couldn't leave the hospital I was desperate to stay and be near my boys. During the day I was in the nicu. At night I needed somewhere to sleep and let my body recover. The extra bodies in the room and my vulnerability made an impossible time harder