What do you wish you'd known about labour?

[MrsBumblebee]

Nervous first-timer at 32 wks here. I've read loads of stuff on MN about how nothing can prepare you for the pain, indignity etc of labour (maybe not such a good idea in hindsight ). But is there anything you really wish you'd known about childbirth? Particularly anything that would have made a differenc to your plans, preparations, expectations etc?

Ok, well, I did it twice and it was hugely different each time.
But with ds2, unmedicated, at home in 3 hours from the first contraction...

I wish I had known that I would lose control. I mean, really lose control of my body.
I thought even after ds1 (epidural etc) that yes, pain was going to be part of it, but it was only pain...I'd deal with it.

When it kicked in big time with ds2, I'd had NO idea how bad and how scary it was going to be. It felt like my body took over, I had no way of controlling it or dealing with it, I just turned into a huge contraction, everything pushing outwards from the centre, everything above the uterus went up till I was vomiting (with nothing to come up, just doing the actions/noises) and everything else pushing down.
I kept saying 'I'm going to break' because it was so shocking. It wasn't the pain so much, but the shock of its power and the fact you're being done it to, you're not the one doing anything, your body is.
If I'd realised it was like that I'd not have been so terrified. Hope next time I will enjoy the feeling and let go a bit.

I do think you can feel very violated afterwards, and very 'altered'. I grieved for my old body and lifestyle for a good while.

Fio

MrsBumblebee - so have we left you feeling happy and confident?

(Just stick with the thought that lesser women than you have done this, and almost all do it again). Best of luck xx

Only just realised that this thread had gone live again!! Everyone's contributions have been really useful, so thank you so much! Only four weeks to go now, so I'm going to read back through what you've all written to remind myself of the top tips...

The more you know the easier it should be. I was terrified of having a c-section but swotted up on it so I knew what might happen. In the end I had an emergency c-section and the operation itself was a lot less stressful than a bad bikini wax. Recovery is pants though .

If you can then get someone to look after all of you for a few days. We didn't have any help and I really regret it now. Next time I will be a total diva and get everyone doing stuff for me!

I wasn't prepared for how much dignity you lose. I knew it would be very painful and all on sundry would be peeking at my fanjo but I didn't expect...

• a dishy male student doctor to put my cathter in.

• my DP and mum to have to change the sheets under my bum every 10 minutes

• to be puking on myself inbetween pushes

• a lady to come in and wash my fanjo for me when it was all over.

• gas and air to make my voice go funny

I wish I'd known not to listen to other peoples experiences! It is totally different went you go through it all yourself, I expected blood, guts and gore but wasn't really like that. During labour was totally focussed on the baby (and breathing gas and air) your body really does most of the work for you.
If you want to remember any of your labour experiences, write them down soon after the birth as they disappear in a haze of euphoria as soon as you hold that little one in your arms and you can't remember pain, your are just so proud.
Good luck, enjoy it all its such a special time.
Katyjo

I sound like a new age hippy! I'm not honest just hormonal and trying for number 2

Just scanned thread - don't know if this has been mentioned before ... but My God it feels like the baby is going to come out of your bottom!!! I kept saying that I thought I needed the loo and wanted to get out of bed - I didn't it was the baby! Be prepared for it feeling like that - I wasn't and all I kept thinking was that I didn't want to poo myself instead of embracing it! Bit embarrassed now...

I wish I'd known that I could have coped without an epidural with my first. I had just gas & air with my second and actually felt her being born and was involved. It was an amazing experience and I am so glad I did it. My first baby was obviuosly just as amazing but she was born by ventouse in the end and I had little involvement and didn't feel anything.
Recommend being brave if poss with just gas & air - it was a moment i'll treasure for the rest of my life.

Ummm, the fact that my body wouldn't take over despite me desperately wanting it to and that the medical staff would take it over in spite of me arguing otherwise.

That being in uncomfortable surrounding with an unfriendly person and being scard really do make your contraction stop. Try not to be scared or confused (I know that's a bit difficult to do).

That someone had told me what a show was really like (just like a heavy period) and not to be scared that it was something bad happening.

That waters don't just 'break' they trickle on and on and on and no I wasn't just peeing everywhere.

That I should have left it much later before calling the midwife - then my contractions could have stop started of thier own accord so I would have had an extra day to be left alone and not mucked about with/

Just how disgusting an experience it really is! When people say you leave your dignity at the door they are not wrong. And when they say that you pick it up again once you leave hospital - you don't. For a week or so after giving birth you'll have m/w's coming round to 'check' you. Que you needing to whip down your knickers so that they can check your ok 'down there' in the middle of the day. At this point in time I was still heavily bleeding and trying to whip down your knickers with a massive maternity pad on show for all to see, whilst attempting to lie down on a bed with a huge episiotomy that hurts, whilst also trying not to bleed all over your cream carpet - no easy task and highly embarrassing!

I wish I'd known just how many internals I would be given. Dr. Rajj (male) was up there so many times I lost count in the end! I found it quite painfull.

Oh and also I wish I'd known how frickin painfull it is afterwards if you need to be cut! Was walking around like a hunchback for 2 weeks, couldn't do anything myslelf. Don't even get me started on the sodding drip I had violently rammed into my poor hand that stayed there for 13 hours! Worst part of my whole labour experience.

And once you've given birth and you are all sorted, if you get up to move brace your legs. I near on colapsed when I first tried walking, they were weak and extremely shaky. Gte somenone to help you get about and adjust.

that the pain can also be just as bad in your legs and back

that you can be sick-especially if your midwife tries to force you to eat!

that you'll be so tired at the end you'll fall asleep in the 20secs between contractions

that when its over you will be so so so hungry-bad when its at night and there is no food!

that breastfeeding can be difficult and its very importnat to get a very early feed in

that the pain stops instantly!

that walking upright afterwards can be tricky

oh there are so many but mainly...

that it is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world and that you'll want to do it all over again in a few weeks time!!!!!

For me - I learned 3 things

1. Time went soooo fast
2. I got pain in my bum? and my bum bits / pooh tube took a while to recover (I thought it only affected the fanjo!)
3. Tenna lady pads are nicer than nasty plasticy maternity pads.

I finally got things right with birth no. 6
Labour takes alot of practice
You body births the baby
but giving birth with a good experience is just as much about what is going on in your head.

I remember mine like it was yesterday. I am still traumertised by it, one minute i was lying down watching HollyOaks (in the anti-natal ward) and the next minute i was taken into the delivery room, induced, then had strong contractions straight away.

People told me the pain stopped straight away when the baby came out? Well mine didn't.

People told me as soon as i held my baby for the first time i would be in instant euphoria and everything would suddenly go into perspective? Well that never happened to me.

I wish I'd known that my darkest hour would come relatively early. I thought I was in more pain than I could bear when I arrived at the labour ward (and would have begged for an epidural had I not been too scared that they'd tell me it was far too early, in which case I think I'd have jumped out a window if my bulk had permitted it). By the time it got a whole lot worse I was half delirious and strangely much more able to cope.

Oh, and you know better than anyone how fast your labour is progressing. I had a hard time convincing the midwives DS really was coming.

That I'd need places to hang things. At one point I had cottonwool balls with aromatherapy oils taped to my shirt, the Tens switch stuck down my cleavage, monitors tied round my waist, transmitter hanging off my wrist, a water bottle in one hand and the gas and air in the other! Next time I'll wear one of those combat shirts with loads of pockets.

I wish someone had said your first labour can be quick. Everyone said it would be hours so don't go into hospital straight away. I hung around at home for ages until couldn't spk through contractions -walked into maternity ward 9 and 1/2 cm dilated and gave birth 30 mins later. God knows what would have happened if we got stuck in traffic!

Take paracetamol at the beginning
Sit in the bath
The pain goes as soon as the baby is out - its just soreness afterwards.

Good luck!

Ridgeway Lass has just reminded me that next time I'll get a TENS that's an all in one - I had a separate boost button and there were wires trailing everywhere (and dangling in the mess - yuck!) Also, to work properly, the TENS has to be turned up so that it gives you a good jolt when you boost it, not just a polite tickle!

Wish I'd read up on delivery positions as ended up with one leg kneeling, the other with foot flat on floor, awkward and not great for avoiding tearing!

Finally, above all else, just want to wish you all the best for the birth - it is an amazing experience however it happens. Make sure you sleep a lot now when you get the chance, and also do whatever you fancy when you have free time - sod the cleaning!

Don't worry about summoning up energy to push; I had an epidural first time so I had to put some effort in, but second time round with entonox the "urge to push" came as a bit of a shock...not to push would have been a problem! With each contraction my inner organs went into overdrive, a bit like it feels when you have diarrhoea and can't stop it!! Very bizarre...

Oh... and that if you ask you can have a copy of your antenatal and labour records; may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I really like looking back at what actually happened on the day. (And the night. And the following day, and night, until DD finally came the day after)

Its okay not to feeling an overwhelming rush of love/immediate bond for your LO.

You can just be too exhausted to care and feel quite emotionless about having him/her dumped onto your chest.

This is no reflection of your mothering capabilities!

Havent read all replies so sorry if repetetive..

Just because you plan a natural birth doesnt mean you'll get one...There is no such thing as a 'planned birth', so be prepared for anything to happen!

It isnt necessary to bring your kitchen sink in your hospital bag (!). Roughly three quarters of the 'essentials' on those hospital bag lists aren't essential at all.

So many inductions for 'late babies' are unneccesary and lead to unecessary c-sections - dont let them talk you into it without a very good reason.