What do you wish you'd known about labour?

[MrsBumblebee]

Nervous first-timer at 32 wks here. I've read loads of stuff on MN about how nothing can prepare you for the pain, indignity etc of labour (maybe not such a good idea in hindsight ). But is there anything you really wish you'd known about childbirth? Particularly anything that would have made a differenc to your plans, preparations, expectations etc?

well I'm definitely not having it next time MrsScavo.

Also will try to be less paranoid about the whole poo-ing myself thing as mentioned by others! Think that was making me hold back too gingerninja...

That about three days afterwards, you will suddenly burst into tears and not be able to stop crying (this may lasy a day or two). This is not the onset of pnd but just normal hormone release!

Also do not be ashamed, afraid or feel like a failure if you do decide to have, or need, an epidural or other intervention. These are not evil, they are medical advances that save many mums' and babies' lives and you do not get a medal for refusing pain relief. (I did not find out my DS was stressed, with heart rate dipping alarmingly, until I was put on continuous monitoring.)

I wish I'd known first time that if I am still able to wonder to myself in between contractions 'oo is this as sore as it gets?' then it is absolutely nowhere near as sore as it gets. When it's really sore you are not able to wonder to yourself in between contractions.

This is actually a posistive statement as it would have given me a better mindset first time round and I would have moved more and delayed teh morphine until it was really needed.

You are doing it yourself already but I think it is very important to know as much about the process as you possibly can and then you can make informed choices and it isn't so frightening. That was particularly true for my DS2 who was born in a bit of a hurry. He was delivered by a paramedic at home who arrived 2 minutes before he was born but I didn't panic because I recognised what was going on.

I wish I had known that breastfeeding doesn't come naturally a lot of the time, it is hard work and that it will hurt until you toughen up a bit. Lets face it if you sucked any part of your body for hours a day, let alone a sensitive breast, it would eventually hurt until whatever part it was got used to it. BUT it is really really worth it and although it took nearly 8 weeks to establish first time, I am very glad I kept going.

I wish I had known that midwives who haven't had children themselves are best avoided because they think they know what you are going through but they don't have a clue and that can be really annoying!

Finally I wish I had known that though the pain is really bad, it is not as bad as you might think. Certainly I was scared of the pain first time round and ended up having the an epidural which was absolutely wonderful. However, second time around I had no pain relief at all but I could cope with it. Mind you, labour only last 1/4 of the time the first one did which I am sure made a difference! There may well have been a limit to how long I could have kept going without anything had it not come to a swift conclusion. Do what you need to do and don't worry about your choices. The important thing is that you and your baby come out of it in one piece and well.

Good luck with your baby. I hope everything goes exactly as you would wish it to.

Oh and I forgot to say, gravity really does make a difference - I swear DS2 just dropped out! Mind you, you have to watch your knees - I was getting carpet burns by the end!

afterwards I had really really bad backache for a few days

Your carefully crafted birth plan can go out of the window in a heartbeat and it doesn't matter as long as your baby comes out alive and well. My next birth plan will say: have baby, both of us survive, tea and toast.

That I would do it again tomorrow! That it really didn't hurt as much as everyone said and that it was such fun. Guess I was lucky but don't assume it will be a horrid experience because so many aspects of it are amazing. And when they plop your baby on your tummy. And they open one little eye and peep at you for the first time... sob.

Oh Sydney your post made me smile
(Although if your two 'they's refer to the same person, you are ahhhing over the midwife peeping at you

That it might never happen - twice.

(pre-empted by different conditions requiring a cs, not anything dreadful!).

So I'm glad I didn't waste too much energy worrying about it.

That it's never what you expect (or hope) it will be and, if you're in hospital, it's often out of your control.

And that I'm not cut out for it.

I like blahblahs birthplan
I thought giving birth was OK, actually in a wierd way quite an interesting experience
But newborns, oh my, I wasn't prepared for that...

Oh yes. The really important thing.

You get a baby at the end of it.

.

Yes I know I knew that, I know you know that. But its easy to really focus on the labour and forget the baby bit.

I looked at both of mine and thought "omg its a baby - where did that come from?".

Fruitful - I yelled 'ooh I was expecting a kitten' (no idea why!) during my cs!

If you push too hard to fast you tear your fanjo to shreds....

My friend (who is sitting next to me) says: precipitative labour is not a good thing, no matter how you feel about labour.

Her first child born in 22 minutes, second in 15. She's not having anymore, having to carry her fanjo round in a small bucket has put her off (and from me).

I wish I'd known about the sheer volume of blood & goo you lose in the first few days after. I expected a bit of a heavy period (and mine are heavy anyway), way, way worse than that - we are talking clots the size of your fist....

Oh & be prepared for that gushing down your legs on to the floor (in spite of ultra thick pad) the first morning you get up afterwards.

I kept thinking there was something wrong, but no said the m/w totally normal

talking about sheer volume, I couldn't BELIEVE the amount of fluid that came out when my waters went. Not the small puddle you see on the TV, we are talking enough to fill a small paddling pool

I wish i had known that you can bleed quite heavily and be in labour.
Took me 4 years after having dd1 to finally find out why i had to be carted off to the main hospital when this happened.
The consultant said that sometimes when the cervix is dilating blood vessels can rupture.
This also happened to someone i know.

I also wish that i had known i would deliver dd2 on my bathroom carpet,i could have at least put a towel or something down then.

Katy44, hee hee

Sorry for crashing this thread but wanted to ask about mare's comment that

"1st time around was pretty traumatic. I only tore very slightly and even still couldn't sit down comfortably for a couple of weeks after. I cried for what seemed like days afterwards. Nobody had warned me about the feeling of total violation I felt.... 2nd time around was a totally different kettle of fish! Still painful but I felt in control and knew what to expect. It was hard work but amazing!"

Not pregnant or even TTC yet, though we would very much like to start a family, because I feel too terrified of giving birth. Blood/needle phobia + terror of my body being on show (I struggle with smear tests even) and the lack of control and strangers/DP seeing me not coping = clinging onto my pill packet for dear life :-)

I've been trying to educate myself a bit more (knowledge is power etc) and to face these fears in small ways (have had my first blood test, at age 32, after 8 weeks of "aversion therapy" with DP's wonderful support and managed not to faint - yaaaay!!) but really it is all just showing me how much more reason there is to be afraid than I ever knew!

Does anyone have any advice/practical suggestions for things I could do/things you wish you'd known that might help improve my chances of a positive outcome, as mare had second time around.

Wish I'd known that the HCPs don't seem to have the first clue about how to support you to have a normal birth.

If I hadn't been so naive and thought they'd know what they were doing I'd have read up more on birth, the likes of Ina May Gaskin etc. I would have educated myself about normal birth and had faith in my body.

Then I would have stood up for myself, refused intervention, allowed my body and baby to do what they needed to do and avoided a CS.

I don't mean to scare you but, really, don't be naive! Have faith in your body and don't allow unecessary meddling

"I wish i had known that you can bleed quite heavily and be in labour.
Took me 4 years after having dd1 to finally find out why i had to be carted off to the main hospital when this happened.
The consultant said that sometimes when the cervix is dilating blood vessels can rupture.
This also happened to someone i know."

Thanks for this info, it happened to me and I never found out why, with DC2 due in 9 weeks it is reassuring to know.

jemima

there is a lot you can do to prepare for birth

make sure you find and book in for antenatal classes, or some sort of birth preparation..many doulas offer one to one birth preparation and can be there to support you during labour and delivery too...

also, read ! and read and read and read...books and articles that normalise birth , and an normalise pregnancy rather than make it a medical procedure to be feared

it is painful but there are a myriad of different ways to deal with the pain, and it is positive pain, with a baby at the end of it!!

Ina May Gaskin, Janet Balaskas, Michel Odent,Penny Simkin and Sheila Kitzinger, amongst others all write about normal birth

Hypnobirthing is also meant to be very useful for dealing with labour and there are teachers all over the country

if you have a genuine phobia of birth, (tokophobia, IIRC!) then you can get help with that before baby arrives

there are many positive steps you can take to make this a more enriching experience

good luck

I really really wish I had known that a first labour can actually be really fast - and that staff in a labour ward can be freakin rude and useless.
I turned up having HUGE contractions and was basically told by the attending nurses that I was being a big girl. One said to me " you have only been in labour for an hour - if you are this pathetic now what will you be like in 10 hours!". She sent me to the loo to get a urine sample and when I bled all over it ( soory TMI) I was then checked and was fully dilated and crowning.
I had believed her that i could not really be in so much pain and i was a jessie and i therefore was scared that another couple of hours would kill me ! As it was I was too late for any pain relief ( as happened with all other kids) and delivered fine without.
So please trust your instincts and make sure that the staff are not too blind to see that first labour does not mean classic 16 hours and EXAMINE you!
My midwife was fab and delivery was great but all the staff on the wards were shite and rude and I would not go to that hosp again if my leg was falling off.I asked a nurse if she could help me bathe babe for first time ( not least because I had 24 stitches) and she called me a stupid bitch.
Hmmn - perhaps my advice should be check out your hosp and take someone big and pushy with you
All subsequent deliveries in two other hosps were great and staff were great.
hhhmmmn so tempted to name and shame ...