I didn't know I was in labour?!?

[FluffyFlowerFace]

I had my ds at 34 +4 weeks. On the Monday i felt like I had a temperature. I picked up then had period cramps on Thursday. On Friday I started with period cramps but no back or leg pain at midnight. The pain continued but it wasn't unbearable. I passed some blood at 2pm went to hospital and was 8cm. Had him at 6pm. Why wouldn't I know I was in labour?

I feel so guilty because I wanted a girl. I've no clue how to relate to a boy

@FluffyFlowerFace My DD was born at 32 weeks. My waters went in the middle of the night. The hospital didn't believe I was in labour, but I started timing my contractions. They didn't even know!!! So don't be too hard on yourself.

Please don't dwell on your labour. Your baby is here now, and you are both well. That's the most important thing.

I spent months re-living my labour, trying to work out why my DD was 8 weeks early (still no reason found!). I suffered from postnatal depression and anxiety as a result of overthinking it all, and blaming myself.
I'm terrified that if we were to have another, they could be born even earlier.
BUT......I could also make it to full term. Who knows.

@FluffyFlowerFace Just to add, DD is 3 in February. She's doing brilliantly. She took longer to crawl, longer to walk (might not even be linked to her prematurity) but you certainly couldn't pick her out as any different to other children her age.

She spent 4 weeks and 5 days in hospital before we could bring her home. You'll get through all this. Take care of yourself, and speak to everyone about how you're feeling.

Don't be ashamed of anything.

I also had an unexpected premature labour (I set off to work, thinking that the twinges I was feeling would go away after a brisk walk [blush[). And like you, it was fast - too fast in some ways, as I went from thinking that I had another five weeks to go to holding this thing that people kept calling "your son". The delivery was thankfully straight forward, but I was definitely in a state of shock for some time afterwards, wandering round a bit dazed and confused.

Don't forget that you are going to do the whole newborn thing for a few weeks until you get to their due date - and then you are going to still have a newborn for another six weeks. So as well as your hormones all over the place, your mind is trying to make sense of what is going on whilst you are seriously sleep deprived. Be kind to yourself

I was worried too about my tiny little boy, but other than a tendency to get chest infections when they were going round (which he grew out of at about 6), he is doing great 12 years later. He's nearly as tall as me, smart, sporty, popular and funny. I'm sure your little boy will be just fine too

Oh, to add: I asked every doctor I saw why DS was prem, and none could give me an answer. The only advice they would give me was to have another one and see if that one came early too, as some women just don't carry to term

Not the most helpful, but at least they confirmed that there was nothing that I could have done differently to keep him in for a bit longer (I was feeling very guilty about that. My first dose of maternal guilt...)

@OlennasWimple Did you have another child after your DS??

I really would like to try, but I do feel scared.

My aunt had a very premature wee boy (2lbs.2oz) 35 years ago. He is a 6.5 cage fighter with a degree in sports science. Funniest sweetest guy I know and a brilliant big cousin. Honestly I know it’s scary but you never know what’s in store for our children just love him and do your best at making him happy and enjoying your family.

You did incredibly well to labour to 8cms on your own you should be proud of that.

My DS1 arrived at 27+2 weighing just 2lb 3oz. My labour lasted 20 mins and was painless, I had no idea. He is now 4.5 years and as bright as a button. He is small, but not actually the smallest in his year, and more than makes up for it in attitude. He started reception this year and has all the older kids running round after him.

DS2 arrived this year, weighing 8lb 8oz, at 39+6. I was monitored closely all the way through my pregnancy, but turns out I didn't need it!

I spent so long googling all the things that could go wrong with DS1 that I forgot to just enjoy it. I look at him every day now and think how very lucky we are.

Oh and my aunt is about 5ft I’m sure she is a bit shorter but she says 5ft.

Boys are great a baby is a baby at this stage there is nothing to relate too. Speak to your hubby/gp or the Samaritans asap you need some love and care for yourself.

My nephew was born at 24 weeks.
The legal abortion limit

He was in hosp for a long time after birth and thankfully over came all the problems he had due to being only 1lb

He's now attending nursery at school!

And that's an Extreme prem baby.
Of course all babies are different but he had all the help he needs x

Married - we ended up adopting, for many reasons (and we had talked about adoption as a way to have a family long before TTC), but the "what if" question did play a part for me. DH says that he was never worried about having another prem baby, though

I just don't think I could risk another

Baubles why was your nephew born so early? That must have been very traumatic for his parents

Fluffy remember you don't have to decide now. Just be kind to yourself and focus on your baby

Nobody knows why he was born so early but he made it and that's the main thing.

He's super cute, says my name rather than calling me aunty lol
Keeps his mum on her toes.

Think his mum is preg again. The little ex prem is tbeir 3rd child.

The other 2 were born around the 38 weeks mark and were sent home as they had no probs

My sis child was around 37weeks.
She was kept in a few days so they could regulate her temp.
She's perfext little 4yr old now

My cousin has prem babies a lot too. Her cervix doesn't hold babies too well after 24 weeks

One of her kids were around 28 weeks and the other 26 I think.

The boy is now in high school. He's around 5 and half foot tall (He's still growing too)

The girl is in primary school.
Neither have any type of disability.

1 has lung disease but has injection once a year to prevent probs

Another prem baby I know was 29 weeks prem
He's now in nursery! Hes a proper little chatterbox!
His mum has just had another child and she was overdue!
So having 1 prem doesn't guarantee you will have another

Thanks baubles. It's just weird I'm still meant to be pregnant really. My uncle was born 8 weeks early in the 1940s and he's fine. I just didn't expect it

Hey Fluffy - it's very weird, isn't it? It feels a bit wrong, not how everything was planned, being a mum when you were expecting to still have a growing bump

We had only had one of the antenatal classes we had signed up to (never found out what was covered in the others....!). We had planned a few last meals out before there were three of us. I was still at work, and intended to be for another three weeks. We had been worried about him going overdue (!) and his birthday falling on a day that is very sad for DH's family, rather than there being such a large gap no-one would make the connection.

Lots and lots of things didn't feel "right" at first, and I can see now that in the early weeks I was going through the motions of looking after DS, even as everyone cooed about how well I was doing. It definitely took me a while to feel twinges of a bond with him.

There's a saying in the adoption world for adoptive parents with newly placed children: "Fake it until you make it". Ie go through the motions of being the loving attached parent even though you are looking after a stranger. I didn't know this back when I had DS, but that's essentially what I did and it worked for me.

Having said that, I wish that I had spoken to people at the time and told them how I was feeling. I just smiled and nodded when people said I seemed to be coping. I never spoke up and said that I felt like I had jumped into an alternative reality and that this wasn't the life I was planning. You don't have to let everyone know how you are feeling, but try to find one or two people you can confide in (a friend, your mum?)

And you absolutely don't need to think about Number 2 now. When I got the contraception talk from the doctor at my 6 week check I almost laughed at her. There was no way that sex was on the menu for some time, we were both too shell shocked and sleep deprived.

I should be grateful we had a family member die of cancer aged 6. But then I think what if it happens to our child and I avoid getting too close in case it does.

Fluffy it's very normal for the mother/child relationship to take time to build. Sometimes quite a bit of time. It's okay. You need to meet his basic needs, spend time with him, talk to him, cuddle him even if it feels unnatural. 'Fake it until you make it' worked for me too. It might take time, but you'll be okay. It's a hard and you're doing a great job.

I remember so well thinking 'what will I do with a boy?!' and being very anxious about it for quite some time. I wish I'd known then that we don't need to know what to do. Just get to know your DS over the years and everything will fall into place.

Mustang how does a 5 footer get a 6'5 son?!?

Haha I know right? His dad is only about 5ft 9, in heals I’m taller than him but I’m 5ft 8. My mum is 5ft 1in. It’s hilarious how tall we all are compared to our mums they are all sisters.

I'm 5 foot 3 dh is 5 foot 6. I don't think he'll be tall I just don't want him to be very small he might not like it

There will be lots of things your child will dislike but be incapable of changing. It’s hard as a mum not worrying about every little thing but what will be will be and you won’t be able to change that. He will be perfect I’m sure.

I think about him dying I know that's not normal

Fluffy my wee boy is 2yrs and 4months and I worry about that every day. It makes me feel panicky and sick. I co sleep with him and I wake at least 4 times a night to check he is breathing it was more when he was smaller. If it’s not normal then I’m in your club.

How do you feel when you think about it?