I didn't know I was in labour?!?

[FluffyFlowerFace]

I had my ds at 34 +4 weeks. On the Monday i felt like I had a temperature. I picked up then had period cramps on Thursday. On Friday I started with period cramps but no back or leg pain at midnight. The pain continued but it wasn't unbearable. I passed some blood at 2pm went to hospital and was 8cm. Had him at 6pm. Why wouldn't I know I was in labour?

Thanks guys. He's now 5lb 3oz and looks stronger each day really. I cant stop googling things about babies born at 34 to 35 weeks I know I need to stop it

My sister was born at 34 weeks, she was tiny (to me). She walked at 10 months and is one the most intelligent people I know.

My son was born at 34.5 weeks weighing only 4lbs. He's only 5'7" but he's got no health problems, a beautiful wife and a 1st from Cambridge. We didn't have Google then, thank God, so I couldn't torment myself like you're doing. Stop googling and just enjoy your baby. You won't get these days again. It sounds like he's thriving and will be absolutely fine. Good luck to both of you.

My old boss always said that at the hospital she worked at the magic number for prem babies was 32, because after that number 99.9% of babies have nothing wrong with them and just need to put on weight. My dniece was a 34 week baby and weighed the same as your ds and she is in her last year at primary, shes doing fabulously. You need to step away from google, it really isnt very helpful sometimes. Congratulations on your ds.

I had a similar labour at 34 and 5. Ds doing fine at nearly one. But I’m still struggling to process what happened and it has definitely contributed to PND.

I didn't know I was in labour - DS1 born at home at 36 weeks (5lb 1oz!) - so quite a shock!. He is very bright and off to uni next year. He has great social intelligence as well. Please don't worry and enjoy your baby.

Not quite as impressive but I went to a routine antenatal at term and begged for a sweep. Midwife agreed and upon examination found I was 5-6cms, this was my fourth so you'd think I'd know by then!

I had a 28 weeker weighing 2lb 13oz. I’d been in labour for the best part of a week and not realised but then neither did all the hcps I’d seen either!
The day after she was born we were told she had severe brain damage and she was likely to have cerebal palsy and be wheelchair bound.
She’s now 3 and you’d never guess she’d been prem.
it took me a long long time to come to terms with what happened and in some ways I still haven’t. Her birthday does not hold happy memories and every year I spend the night before sobbing.
But the amount of joy she brings to our lives is phenomenal. And I bet it would be just the same if she had disabilities.
I too thought it be too hard to have another. But I want another one to bring that joy and be a companion for DD.
I’m now 28 weeks pregnant - so almost at the same gestation stage my daughter was born at. It’s not easy - they can’t tell me what caused her to be prem. And being pregnant again brings back a lot of memories I’d done really well at sweeping under the carpet. But it’s ok.
So I understand where you are now. I totally get the shock and the fear. But you will come out the othe side. You will deal with whatever happens and the endless hospital appointments. It’s easy to say ‘don’t worry’ but I had terrible anxiety after she was born and I still do in some ways. You become much more aware that things can go wrong.
But I hope one day you are in the same position as me. Once those hormonal, sleep deprived days have passed.

Do you think you might have a kind of PTSD after the shock and confusion of the premature labour? I think I did. You could ask for some help with it maybe?? If you think it is stopping you enjoying your baby.

I think I do have some ptsd really. He's only 17 days old aswell! I just keep thinking things could be worse

I just wanted it to be perfect I suppose. After 18 months ttc txt and waiting ivf i thought we'd be ok x

But OP, for your son, things ARE perfect. He's got his mummy, he's getting lots of cuddles and love, and that is literally his whole world at the moment.

That doesn't mean for one moment that your own feelings are invalid. If you look around this site or talk to other women, you'll find out that traumatic birth stories are not rare, and women often feel they can't talk about them as they get told 'you and the baby are safe and that's all that matters', which isn't true at all. Mental health matters very much.

But if you're feeling any guilt at all about your son's experience, then try not to, as he is unaware of all of this, he was born, he is cared for, and he is growing and getting stronger.

I don't really know what to do with a boy either

I thought that about boys too. I begged the woman doing the scan to tell me if the baby was going to be a boy as I felt I needed to prepare.

It was fine. Funnily enough I often think he is just as like me às his sister is.

Oh OP I’m so sorry you feel like this. I remember when DD1 was a newborn bursting into tears to my mum and saying that I felt like I’d been given this perfect baby and all I was doing was messing things up. I felt really guilty!

Having talked to loads of other mothers since having her I think we are all imperfect and so are our children. No one gets everything right. Some people have perfect births but babies with colic or tongue tie, some babies sleep through the night at 6 weeks but are really spirited toddlers, some kids struggle with school. All any of us can do is our best. If our children are fed and warm and loved we are not failing them. Thank goodness everything is not always perfect for them or they wouldn’t learn resilience or patience or empathy. There’s a book that gets recommended on MN a lot called ‘What Mothers Do - Especially When it Looks Like Nothing’ which is definitely worth a read.

I don't know if I love him. I'm worried he'll struggle in school and be unhappy

OP your feelings are distressing but so normal. Give yourself time. You have had a huge shock. It will get better. Please be kind to yourself

I was born at 33 weeks. My mum went into labour prematurely after getting serious food poisoning, which she then transmitted to me. I was born very quickly, weighed 4lbs and then went down to 3lbs as had salmonella too. Also my mum smoked throughout her entire pregnancy with me (not to be recommended!). Anyway I'm totally fine - normal size, no physical disabilities and did very well academically. AND this was 30 years ago - medicine has improved loads. I'm sure your baby will be absolutely fine - try to enjoy him! And get help if you need it.

I'm trying to enjoy him. I suppose I'm aware of what can go wrong and the issue some people face. I'm worried in case he's small and hates it

My bro was 7 weeks early and is 6 foot 2! Did really well in all his exams.
You could have had an incompetent cervix as people who have sometimes experience quick labour and dilate without pain. Was your cervix measured at all in pregnancy?

Also I had my son on the due date, he had reflux, colic & tongue tie

We're both quite small so I doubt he'll get anywhere near 6 foot lol. I wasn't tested 're cervix I've got no risk factors

I woke up with pain at the top of both thighs with DC2 (so not even my first labour!) and assumed I had slept funny.

I had actually woken up 6cm dilated and he was born about an hour later.

I just want to know why.