I didn't know I was in labour?!?

[FluffyFlowerFace]

I had my ds at 34 +4 weeks. On the Monday i felt like I had a temperature. I picked up then had period cramps on Thursday. On Friday I started with period cramps but no back or leg pain at midnight. The pain continued but it wasn't unbearable. I passed some blood at 2pm went to hospital and was 8cm. Had him at 6pm. Why wouldn't I know I was in labour?

Fluffy I am 4ft 10 and my DH is 5ft 6 so we aren't exactly tall It looks like DC2 will be a bit taller than his dad and DC3 will be short like his dad and I.

My other 2 DC's were born at 36 weeks and 37 weeks so it did get better. Though each of the 3 labours got quicker each time.

Please talk with your HV or your Dr about how you are feeling and get some support. Also ask your MW if you can have a debrief as I think you will find it helpful.

If I had a incompetent cervix surely i would have gone before 34 weeks? X

I was never given an answer as to why. Fortunately my subsequent children weren't as early as the first bit they were all technically prem.

but

I can't admit to feeling like this it's awful

I am a twin and we were born at 33 weeks. I was just under 5lb and my sister just over. We are both fine.
You really need to speak to your midwife/Gp about how you are feeling. Labour/birth/motherhood are a shock to the system and the sooner you get some support the better.

"I just wanted it to be perfect I suppose"

Sorry, but that ain't life & it sure ain't what parenting is like. Please let go of unrealistic expectations.

Hang in there. It's all a shell shock. You Can Do This.
I was very good at denying to self that labour had started... and that includes at almost 42 weeks gone!

I guess after all the treatment I thought it would all be ok. I wasn't even worried when i was pregnant it went so well

OP you really can admit to these feelings. Your doctor, midwife and HV will have heard this many, many times before. It's SO normal. Non-judgemental experience and support is available.

It really will get better and you already sound like you're doing a great job

Please talk to someone, does your hospital have a birth reflections service? They are so good.

I’m not surprised at how you are feeling, it’s quite common. Please be kind to yourself

I'm going to a debrief about why he was early but I dont know if I'll get much information from them really.

Fluffy, focus on all the good things - your healthy baby, your healthy body, how much your baby was wanted... It’s so easy to think of what could go wrong tomorrow and forget about the goodness in the here and now.

Also the birth debriefing sounds like a good idea. My labour wasn’t the way I’d imagined it either and it took a long time to adjust to the difference. I hope you get the support you need.

I know we avoided ivf so were lucky. I know women who've tried for years. We're lucky to have him even if we only have one

My mum weighed 4lbs 2 oz born at 35 weeks in the 1930's. She is still extremely sharp and active at 81. She did not have any learning difficulties or developmental problems.

Congratulations on the birth of your ds

Fluffy having a premmie is traumatising & no one gets it unless they have been there. My DS was born at 35 weeks & weighed 5lbs. My waters suddenly went on a Sunday night with me due at work on the Monday morning. As soon as he was born (Monday morning) he was rushed into intensive care as he couldn’t breath by himself. He’s now a happy, healthy 3.5yr old. I still feel guilt about his early birth & we don’t know why he came early. I think I’ve just about come to terms with it. I’ve just been called into his nursery as he’s a little behind in a few minor things (he’s been behind on every milestone). But you wouldn’t know he is a premmie. There’s nothing you could have done differently, you just have to think of your little one as being extra special. It took me a long time to risk having another. I made sure my hospital monitored me, I had 3 extra scans & was consultant led. I had quite a few scares towards the 35 week mark & it was purely down to my anxiety. I had my bag packed from 32 weeks. My DD was born at 40 + 3!!!! We don’t know why I had 1 early & 1 late. Just take care of yourself & your little one. I didn’t have any extra support from my health visitor. There is no knowledge, I’ve learnt things from lots of research, if you have time then just research. Things like weaning are different for Premmies. Bliss is a good place to start.

Thanks. Another one isn't likely due to fertility issues and age so I shouldn't overly think about it. My hv had prem twins so she probably will be good but you don't see them often really

I cried in public today

And there's nothing wrong with that. You've got an awful lot going on at the moment, plus hormones, plus lack of sleep. You're allowed to let it out.
Please talk to someone in RL, they can help.

If it makes you feel at all better, when DS was about 4 weeks old, I had a new wardrobe delivered and it was too big to fit up the stairs to my flat. The company were supposed to charge me £100plus to take it away. I just stood on the street with DS in my arms and sobbed, my brain just wouldn't cope with any extra bit of stress.
The lovely removal men took pity on me and took it away.

Sounds similar to me.
First two babies: I went for a wee at 5am and had trouble standing up afterwards. Went to hospital and I was 8cm.
Third baby: I was shopping at B&Q and felt a sharp pain when going back to the car. Drove to hospital as I started feeling cramps and was 10cm. I was holding him less than half an hour after those cramps in the car park.

Ds1 born at 33+3 weighing 3lbs, has always hit targets before expectations and has no heath effects or learning difficulties, in fact I'm pretty sure he's in g+t classes but the school has a policy of not telling children or parents which "group" they are in. He is on the smaller side of average but not noticeably so. Ds2 was born on due date so one premiee doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again

I just worry about him not fitting in. Life is hard for some kids. I know I should be grateful but I worry for his future so much

Dh would be devastated if he knew I felt like this

I had my DS at 34+5

It was sat at my desk, didn’t feel very well, so went home .... i then got a call from my boss to ask where I was ... I explained I felt totally exhausted and his words were ‘we all get tired we don’t just fuck off home early’ ... I promptly burst into tears

I didn’t have a clue I was in labour!

He was rather surprised to get a call to say DS was born at 8am the next morning

Please don't worry about the future. 34+4 is not that early at all.
DC1 was born at 36 weeks- didn't have a clue I was in labour- just a bit of a tummy ache. Then very quick contractions.
DC2 was born at 34+5- they were 5lb 4 and now at the age of 8 are the tallest in their class and have been since the age of 3. Completely fine in every way. Again, labour was very gentle until the very end. Less scary than with DC1 because I was expecting them to come early.

Fluffy there is no shame in feeling overwhelmed especially after a traumatic birth and being a first time mother. Please tell your dh how you feel, it's really important to let others know how you feel so they can support you.
I slept through the beginning of all my labour's, literally had no clue and incidentally I was a prem and weighed just over 3lbs. I'm fine btw, didn't struggle at school or have any issues.
Speak to someone