C section: looked down on for not giving birth vaginally?

[Mamamoma]

This blog has been trending on Facebook and was in the daily mail this week. What do people think? Anyone have experience of this?

babiesandburpees.wordpress.com/2015/05/26/the-hierarchy-of-giving-birth-c-sections-being-the-lowest-of-the-low/

I was induced, got almost all the way to full dilation, and then had an EMCS. It's on my notes as failure to progress, but at the time the registrar did a VE, and the doubtful look on his face said it all. DD's head was too big for my cervix, so CS it was. I assume in pre-section days either DD or both of us would have died. I have never felt inadequate, and no-one has suggested I should.

I feel your pain Pomeral, because I too suffer from severe resting bitch face. It's a cross to bear.

And men who try and persuade their partners not to use pain relief horrify me. Why anyone would think that's something to show off about is beyond me.

Do people really persuade others to refuse pain relief?!

Personally I suspect that anyone who feels the need to participate in competitive birthing must be a frustrated loser in every other sphere of life. What else would explain it?

Do people really persuade others to refuse pain relief?!

Yes, although usually arseholes it has to be said!

evil I recently had a friend kindly point out that me and DS probably would have died. I know that's true, but it's very painful to think about. It feels like someone is saying that you've failed at the first thing you're supposed to do as a mother.

I'm pleased to hear so many people haven't encountered this any negativity but I have a lot from several different sources. It's worse now I'm pregnant again as I'm having to talk about it more with professionals as well as friends/family keen to know how I'll be birthing this time, like its anything to do with them.

I was in labour for 24 hours, pushed for 2, had a failed ventouse, perineal stitches and then an emcs. A had a birth afterthoughts session to help me 'heal' emotionally and the midwife told me it was my 'fault' for having an epidural, despite having horrendous back to back labour. I had a friend question whether I'd be active enough before birth. I feel like people blame me for not getting DS out, despite him being nearly 9lbs with a big head and broad shoulders and me being 5'2. I feel very upset about it all over 3 years later.

It is awful that some men / birth partners would do that re pain relief.

I went to the hospital in a lot of pain to be told I was only 2cm dilated, given an 'aren't we precious' look and a 'little chat' about how it needed to be much more painful than this to come back yada yada.

I was still at home when I felt the need to push and barely got to hospital in time - looking back I'm a bit pissed that they assumed I had a low pain threshold rather than it being possible that actually the pain got intense quick but then didn't get too much worse.

Labouring at home with no pain relief is no fucking fun and I'm not competitive about it at all although everyone seems to think I had a 'textbook' birth (and it was in many ways, and I was very lucky it all turned out fine).

I think the big problems come from assuming all labours will be textbook. I know lots of women dissuaded from going into hospital on the phone (e.g contractions not regular enough) and then barely getting there in time. This attitude of 'oh all births should go like THIS' almost comes from the midwives and permeates out IME.

Im pregnant with DC2, and if anyone questions my choice of ELCS they can go to fuck. DS birth was a fucking nightmare, 36hr labour, induction, forceps, spinal, shoulder dystocia, nearly 10lb baby, losing 1.5 ltrs blood, episiotomy and stitches. dollowed by a blood transfusion two days later (oh yeah hospital for 5 nights). not being able to walk properly for 6-7 weeks and my foof is nowhere near the same state it started otut in.

effectively having serious MH issues about the birth afterwards....

Even without that, DH currently undergoing cancer treatment on a regular 3 weeky basis, we need to ensure the birth fits in with his treatment cycles.

go on then, try telling me im copping out....

Gosh writing that has made me realise that I don't actually feel like my birth was 'easy and quick' even though that's how they described it in the hospital.

Easy and quick for them - I was labouring at home for 33hrs. But I feel I have no right to be upset about that because after all I had a vb with no stitches, so I'm in the lucky 'perfect birth' crowd right?

Boo

sorry about your DH, hope the treatment goes well.

Pomeral you're right about the midwives making assumptions about women they've never met. It can be really harmful. This stuff stays with us for years and years.

Yeah Coffee, the midwife made me feel such a child, 'now really do make sure you don't come back in a hurry, we will only send you home again, 2cm is not active labour, it could take a day or two for things to progress' I dunno, obviously it's the script, but it was all delivered with a patronising headtilt and cold eyes of steel basically saying if you try to come back in the next 24hrs we will lock you out, bitch.

But then afterwards - oh weren't you good, doing most of it at home...

I should stop derailing the thread, sorry, I know this thread is about sections. Apologies

FIL said to me when dd was 2 weeks old 'she'll begin to know who you are soon, you didn't give birth the right way so it will take her some time to know who her mum is'
He's also said 'it's hard for you to bond with her cus she's a c section'
And 'my wife loved (dp) so much more than his sister as a baby, because he was a natural birth'
I was knocked out on GA after a 4 day labour when my DD came out via EMCS, I didn't see her for 4 hours and was then too ill to be aloud to hold her or feed her afterwards. I can't imagine there ever being a way I could have loved her more than I do, so to him I say bullshit.
If it wasn't for that I would have died, and it was because of my hippy-ish parenting group that I held off the c section for so long and put my life in danger even more. I don't regret it for a second.

But yes I have felt judged, I judge his curtains he judged my birth, life goes on.

Has FIL had both a vaginal delivery and a section himself then? I assume he must have acquired this considerable expertise from somewhere.

My god, the absolute bilge people come out with. Bonding doesn't begin after they come out, it starts way before that..

Out of my two, my favourite is definitely my section kid. The VB one is a total threenager, whereas the one who was ripped untimely from my womb doesn't talk back yet. Ergo, sections make for much nicer children #science.

Mine are all nice and I had them all by C-section, proving Chicken right.

Plus I was a section baby and I'm fucking magnificent, whereas DH was a VB and he's still not put the bins out.

Jelly

We need your fil on thread with his expertise

Yeah I was a VB and I am a complete cow. You're FIL doesn't know what he is talking about.

I am so pleased.the people.in my.life know when to STFU (about some.things anyway)

right back at you coffee

chicken is right! my son was CS and he is brill! #CSectionBabiesAreAwesome!

How very enlightening. If I can be forgiven a little ego trip for a moment, I flatter myself I'm quite bright, and as evidence of this I offer the fact that I got into Oxford a year early, from a council estate. I also arrived in this world via EMCS. If only my mother had cared enough about me to huff me out at home she'd have killed the pair of us just imagine how many years earlier I could have entered an ancient university. I'll be so very disappointed if my section baby doesn't go to Oxford until she's 17.

Alternatively, anyone who uses the word 'goddess' to describe themself is by definition a total idiot, and it'll take a lot more than a homebirth to neutralise the disadvantage this will leave their offspring at...

"Goddess" . I so wish I had facebook friends like this - how entertaining. All mine are so boringly rational.

I would love that FB friend. I'd rip the goddess to peices. Being a c section baby I'm not that calm

MY BABY (crash section) got 10 in her APGAR. Just imagine what she could've achieved if she'd had a hippy birth! Oxford at 8 I reckon