C section: looked down on for not giving birth vaginally?

[Mamamoma]

This blog has been trending on Facebook and was in the daily mail this week. What do people think? Anyone have experience of this?

babiesandburpees.wordpress.com/2015/05/26/the-hierarchy-of-giving-birth-c-sections-being-the-lowest-of-the-low/

Iy can also go the other way. Recently friends came over for dinner and my friend had an elcs (her choice. She feared long term damage to her back and hips). Her husband kept banging on about how she (his 2nd wife) had got it so right compared to wife #1. He described her cs as being 'so much more civilised'.

And what, I gave birth like an animal?

Im suer he didn't mean it that way but I still hated his smug tone.

I have no personal experience of this mentality, but it does exist. Personally I've had two bleeding awful births, one complex vaginal and one EMCS, and people are usually a mixture of concerned and impressed when I tell it.

(I have a nasty feeling that this is going to come out wrong).

But I suspect those who fret about this (and I include those who write about it as well as strange husbands trying to show on every level that wife 2 is preferable to wife 1) are pg or newly delivered of their firstborn.

No one, but no-one, asks or cares about someone else's birth story for any length of time.

maki79 I still got that feeling after my EMCS... it's not only experienced by people that have vaginal deliveries.

I had two quite frankly hideous vb's and am now going for a section. I have no qualms telling anyone precisely why I am going for elcs and it will probably say maternal Request on my notes too.

I suspect any hcp's who roll their eyes at me will regret it.... And everyone else can fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Why, yes, I AM heavily pregnant and evil tempered - how ever did you guess..

waves pompoms

Good Annie I'm pleased- pregnancy wore me down to a shadow of myself and I wasn't able to do that. 9 months on and 'cured' (without the magic of vaginal delivery- would you believe the consultant told me that was the only way to cure me!!) I'm so pleased that someone else might be able to challenge where I couldn't.

I had two sections, one an emcs and one an elcs. I have been judged but not by anyone's opinion I give a damn about. My mum irritates me by always explaining why people needed a c section, which indicates some judginess to me. I assume she justifies mine too whenever she speaks about them.

I think c sections are awesome. My emcs was a big relief and my elcs was just fab.

I had a CS through choice as my baby was breech but as I made that choice after my waters had broken (DS decided to come early) it went down as an EMCS.

I actually do feel a bit like I missed out on not having a VB as I'm not planning another child and I would have liked to have 'had a go' at it.

BUT that's just me personally. I don't expect anyone else who has a CS for any reason to feel the same and totally respect anyone's choice to give birth any way they choose (as I did).

I don't feel inferior though. I chose a CS because I believed it to be the safest choice for both myself and my baby. I don't see why, even though it was a CHOICE not a necessity, it makes me any less of a woman or a mother. That's just ridiculous.

FWIW I've only ever had comments such as 'too posh to push' said in jest and that's the way I've always taken them.

Ach I Can't find myself getting bothered by it. My pfb was a section. No real emergency...back to back and not in right position because I'd excess amniotic. I still had 18 hours labour and pushing etc so don't feel of missed out.
A girl I know made a big fuss about the natural birth thing...no drugs/intervention etc. She got her natural delivery with a baby who want breathing and then ended up in special care for over a week.
I know which option sounds less stressful to me.

Judging how someone gave birth is the sure sign of a loon with too much time on their hands. It baffles me that people would actually do it.

I don't judge anyone on how they gave birth. It's rarely as straightforward as "maternal choice" (is tokophobia maternal choice?).

I feel sad for women who've had to undergo the trauma of a section but I would hope this doesnt come across as me being judgemental.

My sister had a stillbirth almost two weeks overdue. C sections are not about comfort, they are about safety.

Not read through the thread fully but I've got two children, both born by c section.

First was an EMCS and second was ELCS. I honestly couldn't care less what anyone else's opinion on it was.

My main priority was that my babies were delivered safely.

Not enough hours in the day to be worrying what other people thought about it.

I've never judged how anyone gave birth. Who cares really, plus if you don't want to tell people about what really is quite a private thing just don't and change the subject.

I have had two vaginal births and the thing between them is the first was pure hell (36 hours, epidural, episiotomy, forceps etc) and the second was straightforward - 4 hours and just gas and air, no stitches. So I did miss out on the magic of birth the first time and a section was the next option.

The feeling after the second was amazing. I did feel powerful and strong having felt the baby's head coming and pushing and I'm glad to have had the experience of a good birth. However I was prepared this time to ask much quicker for a c section if things had seemed to be heading same route as the first time. Sometimes it's just luck and how things go on the day.

Generally with a lot of things in life, it's best to keep your gob shut with any potentially judgemental or upsetting comments as you rarely know all the story. Think what you like. And it's probably none of your business anyway. Those principles generally keep me out of trouble!

I do not judge anyone else's birth decisions.

There are twats around with simplistic judgy views about 'good' and 'bad' ways of giving birth, but there are always twats ready to judge on any given topic, particularly to do with parenting.

Every single woman I know who's had a baby is supportive of other womens' birth, feeding and parenting choices. And a surprising number of them have had EMCSs/ELCSs - 4 EMCSs and 1 ELCS out of nine of my new parent friendship circle.

I was nearly an ELCS, owing to breech presentation at 37 weeks (baby turned eventually). I have to say that I personally did feel a bit cheated at the prospect of having an ELCS, because I'd done so much prep and I wanted to get the 'difficult first birth' out the way so that if I had a second VB I could hope for an easier time - and I talked about this with other women who had breech babies and were looking at the same prospect. However, had some random come up to me and said 'Oooh, you must feel so cheated!' I'd have bitten their head off.

And honestly, what are you supposed to do if you've been through hours of labour and need an EMCS? Die honourably because you've 'failed to progress'/failed to produce a baby with a smaller head/failed to make sure your baby's the right way round?

It doesn't come across as judgemental plonky, you seem to be coming from a good place. It's just that for some people a section, even an emergency one, is either not that traumatic or less traumatic than other options. You can't really presume. As mentioned upthread, I had a bloody awful vaginal birth and an EMCS. The former was much worse, so while I appreciate your sentiments, in my case you should direct them towards the vaginal birth than the CS.

Sorry for the loss of your DN btw.

Electroswing if you want cheated, just imagine having the stereotypically difficult first birth, followed by what seemed like a normal, quick, smooth labour than EMCS due to baby in distress! All that fucking around first time and I didn't even get the easy to recover from second birth. But you know what, I look at my two healthy little girls, especially the baby, and I don't give the tinest fuck. I can't feel anything but gratitude for the NHS and modern obstetrics.

Yeah, I know the 'easy second birth' thing is probably a myth

I am incredibly grateful for modern medicine. DD was back-to-back, head thrown back, and birth ended with a spinal anaesthetic, episiotomy, manual turn and forceps delivery.

I could not have been happier for someone else to get her out!

I don't think ever felt judged per se, however people do act shocked when I say I had a section at 20 with my first. Maybe because I was young? I suppose it can be a surprise to think of someone so young having to be operated on.

If anyone were ever to express a negative opinion then I would simply say that ds would be dead if I hadn't got to theatre when I did.

My standard response to people going on about 'natural birth' is that it's also natural for a hell of a lot of women and children to die in childbirth. Just head to your nearest churchyard and take a look at the gravestones

Birth is difficult in humans because the size of the baby's head pushes the absolute limit of what our bodies can do. It's the price women pay for the evolution of human intelligence.

Plonky Im sorry for the loss of your DN too but please don't feel sad for me having a csection, feel sad for me having two horrendous births with episiotomies, tears, stitches, infections, bruised babies (forceps), a wrecked vagina, unable to walk or sit up for 10 days post delivery, not being able to have sex without a lot of pain for a year post birth (DC1) and suffering a considerable amount of post birth trauma.

Modern medicine and csections are a lifesaver both literally but also mentally and emotionally for many many women. Nothing to be sad about at all.

I am so proud I had 2 cs, the first not my choice and the second was. I feel like I have not been touched by the ravages of childbirth and got off scot-free and still have 2 beautiful children.

I would love to be looked down on or pitied because I will have a chance to evangelise about cs. Unfortunately, I don't mix with people that look down on cs.

I don't think it's a myth electroswing, as I understand it second births are statistically the safest. And I could feel the labour progressing as it was meant to, everything going smoothly and quickly. Unfortunately, while my body knew was it was doing this time, DDs did not! But the rate of EMCS for women who had VB first time is pretty low. I just got unlucky.

I've had a bit of this. Initially it really hurt, I think due to postpartum hormones and dealing with a premature baby. 8 months later it doesn't come up as a topic as much and it doesn't bother me as much if it does.

I had a few 'easy way out' type comments. Yeah, ante partum heamorrage and 4 bags of blood and a crash section weren't easy.
Also 'did you have a premature section to keep your figure?' This is combined twattery of both twatty prem baby comments (of which I get a lot) and twatty c section comments.

I'm currently pregnant and had the midwife was very down on my first section even though there was no other ways to have given birth with PP. That shocked me.

I didn't choose mine, I had a major bleed due to placenta praevia but was told by various professionals that it'd move and I'd have a vaginal birth. I was also at work, not on maternity leave and was not expecting a baby that day. So at the height of the comments I was dealing with it in my own head. I think sensitivity around women that have just given birth, whatever the method, is always wise.