C section: looked down on for not giving birth vaginally?

[Mamamoma]

This blog has been trending on Facebook and was in the daily mail this week. What do people think? Anyone have experience of this?

babiesandburpees.wordpress.com/2015/05/26/the-hierarchy-of-giving-birth-c-sections-being-the-lowest-of-the-low/

I haven't read the whole thread just the OP but I had an ELCS and I didn't feel judged by anyone expect my XMIL who told me I didn't do a 'proper job' of having a child because I didn't do it the right way she did turn into a crazy bitch though as soon as I had my DC

Oh dear I explained myself badly.

I think it's sad that you can go through all the trauma of having a very difficult time attempting a vaginal delivery and then have to go through the further difficulty of recovering from major surgery. I had a difficult labour with lots of complications and it was just such a relief to get him out safely, so I can see why a CS might be a relief in those circumstances.

When ds was in distress and they mentioned instruments I was very clear to the dr that if the ventouse failed I wanted to go straight for a section. In those circumstances I personally would have felt sad that I had gone through a whole labour and still had surgery. That's all I meant.

The only thing you can control is how you feel about things, honestly the best thing to do in these circumstances is to just not give a fuck about other people's opinions on childbirth. People will think and say all kinds of ill informed shit about any type of delivery, just ignore them.

Plonky - I can understand why u would feel sorry for us and think that an emcs would be ' a relief' but it was simply a really lovely experience. People seem to think an emcs is a terrible thing or that I would feel disappointed or that it was a shame that I didn't have a vaginal birth after having laboured so long and dilated fully but really that wasn't the case for me. I had such a great caring compassionate medical team around me that it was a lovely experience. In fact, the bit where everything appeared to be going okay (labouring in the birth centre) was awful as the midwife just didn't care and just seemed to be waiting for her shift to end. So don't feel sorry for me for my emcs. If u want to feel sorry, feel sorry that I had a crap midwife while I laboured or feel sorry that my baby was in danger for a few mins, but please do not feel sorry about the emcs, there's really nothing there to feel sorry about!

CanIsayOfHerFace - I'm so glad u said that! me too! I had that feeling too. Was so in love with DC and proud of myself for having delivered my baby safely into the world. I agree it's a myth that u don't get that feeling after a cs!

Agree that it is a myth that you don't get a rush with a EMCS. After 23 hrs in labour, my CS was the most moving an emotional experience of my life. The adrenalin and feeling such immense love for my DS was such a high I couldn't sleep for hours and twenty odd years later can still vividly remember.

That is the sort of comment/attitude that mothers who have EMCS continually have to argue against to justify that their birth experience was NOT somehow inferior.

Mostly I don't think people care. I found my section a very positive experience all told and have been glad to pass that on as I've had friends with planned sections. I found ahead of birth they were very much demonised and rarely any detail discussed.

I've only had two negative comments, one relative who told me I'd only feel like a proper mother once I'd given birth properly. Ignored that.

The other was the registrar when I registered the birth. He asked me if I was too posh to push, because they were born two minutes apart. If I'd not been so bloody exhausted at that stage Id probably have complained.

Argh people's judginess on how a baby comes out is infuriating! BUT I have never come across it in real life or have people asking about the birth in general either.. Who are these people going round talking about it in detail? The Health visitors did ask why I had one though.
I had an ELC for my first baby and have never regretted it. Don't feel I missed out at all.. It was a calm, untraumatic experience. I didn't meet him until the day after but felt the rush of love as soon as I saw him. Getting baby out alive is all that matters.. Wish everyone saw it that way.

The only person who lectured me on the "poor cs babies and their poor lungs" was an idiot who had two incredibly short labours and obviously thought that was because she had done everything "right". She is just a fuckwit with no empathy.

Getting baby out alive is all that matters

Whilst of course an alive healthy baby is ultimately very important, I hate the way this is used to dismiss women's concerns about how they are treated during childbirth, it's the goal but in all but the most extreme medical emergencies there should still be consideration for the needs and well-being of the woman giving birth.

I had such a great caring compassionate medical team around me that it was a lovely experience

^^

This is the key really, for any woman to feel ok about how she gives birth.

She is just a fuckwit with no empathy

Well in that case she'd be just as likely to be bragging about her non-baggy fanny if she'd had a c-section. It's not her easy vaginal births that make her an arse it's her attitude.

Well yes of course.. I meant it in reference to c-sections being compared to vaginal births.

I think - like the whole breast / formula feeding thing - it's one of those things that matters less and less over time. My children are 4 and 2 and I can't remember the last time I discussed the circumstances of their birth.

Other than the women in my NCT group and my family members, I have no idea how the children of my other "mum friends" exited their bodies, and I don't really care.

It does seem so important when you're still deep in the baby stage, but if people are still judging their own worth and your's on the manner in which you gave birth for years to come, I'd be worried that their lives were perhaps a bit empty.

I do wonder if the woman who writes The Alpha Parent blog will still be banging on about breast feeding when her children are teenagers, or if she'll have realised by then that there's a bit more to parenting....

Sorry MrsTedCrilly I picked up on the phrase rather than your meaning, it's just a phrase that bugs me, as whilst I agree with it to a point, I find that far too often it's used to excuse some of sub-standard care that women receive during pregnancy and childbirth or to shout down women who care about how they give birth.

No never. I couldn't care less if anyone did look down on me. What I did that day was amazing

Donatella Ahh I get you, yeah when it's bandied about to excuse poor treatment I totally agree. My aunt had it said to her after she was cut from front to back with no warning and was still having problems months later.. "Baby came out safely and you're alive, what more would you want"

I had a "too posh to push" and a "lucky you I really hope I can have one"

Anyone who thinks a c section is the easy way out is bonkers. I had a crash section after 76 hours of contractions, over 8 in active labour. I had a 1500ml PPH in theatre.

I am pleased I experienced labour because I was excellent at it. I could've aced a VB. Sadly I didn't get to pushing but I would've taken my chances on that against c section recovery. It was hideous. How being unable to sit up, laugh, cough, sneeze etc is the easy way out I don't know. Fainting from blood loss.... So easy

My DH was very distressed to witness it at a number of people said to him "the only thing that matters is they're both ok" which didn't help him and just made it worse.

I don't think most people really know what they're harping on about

I've never felt judged for emcs but I did notice that no one really asks about the birth story, in the way they do with a vb. I have a story - we all do - the funny bits, the scary bits the intensely moving parts. The fact that ds came out in theatre doesn't change that.

Donatella - That is so true! That phrase is too often used to dismiss women who have geniune concerns about theit experience. The head of midwifery said it to me when I raised a complaint about delays in my transfer to hospital. If id had an accident (God forbid) and it took the ambulance 1.5 hours to get us to hospital (a 7 min journey) no one would say 'u and baby r safe and well that's all that matters.' Why should childbirth be any different?

I'm having an ELCS on MH grounds, and I feel constantly judged, to the extent that I haven't told many people. The people I have told (friends and family) have given mixed reactions. I also worry about going to the ante natal classes as I feel a bit of a fraud, even though I think it's still useful to go and to learn about the signs of labour etc. I don't think I should be judged at all, but there's definitely judgement there.

Matilda- I felt the same as you. But I am so, so glad that I went to NCT classes- I didn't tell anyone at the classes that I was having a ELCS - was too embarrassed (needlessly) but I still learnt lots, and more importantly made brilliant friends (some of whom I have told in the months since the section why I had it) who have been a source of massive support during maternity leave.

Thanks Lottie, after much deliberation I am going to the NCT classes but I'll probably do the same as you, and only tell people after the birth. I doubt I'll care much then what people think, I'll have my baby to think about after all :) I know it's best for me and the medical staff agree

that's great, best of luck!

I have given two scathing responses on this. First to a judgemental/nosy type, who asked me why I was having a section and and second, who asked me why I wasn't going to at least try for a vba2c, because after all, everyone can give birth naturally.

To the first I exclaimed that I was of course far too posh to push and to the second (also expecting their 3rd) I told them I had no desire for a chuff like a wizard's sleeve.
*disclaimer - I don't really think that veterans of vb are walking around with flappy fanjos, I just wanted to piss her off.

The only slightly iffy comments I've had about my two c-section births have come from posters on Mumsnet!

Most people (I'd guess at 95%+) are intelligent enough to know better.

I might just go and try and hunt down some of those comments for old times sake!

With pg 2 dh and I went on the hospital labour ward tour. Lots of first time mums and dads talking about hipnobirthing etc. We went as after dd1s traumatic natural birth where I received very poor care I was due to have a cs but breach twins confirmed cs. We wanted to see where theatre was so had explained to the mw. The tour had 12 couples on it and after mw had finished in the delivery room she turned to me and said "right, so we have one elec cs here. ... anyone else? " I thought I was being pg and hormonal until we walked to theatre and dh put his arms around me and said " I can't believe there was an audible gasp!" He was shocked how judgey the women were.
At theatre I'd waddled a bit slowly so was at the back. Mw called "now where's my twin mum? " I think she'd seen the reaction and was making a point as she then went on about how it was likely more of the women there would need a cs and they shouldn't feel bad about that. Baby and mum just need to be safe. None of the mums made eye contact after that but 2 dads came over and were really friendly.
I was confident in my choices but a less confident mum would have been crushed by that.