C section: looked down on for not giving birth vaginally?

[Mamamoma]

This blog has been trending on Facebook and was in the daily mail this week. What do people think? Anyone have experience of this?

babiesandburpees.wordpress.com/2015/05/26/the-hierarchy-of-giving-birth-c-sections-being-the-lowest-of-the-low/

Matilda30. I went to NCT classes with the vague intention of trying for vbac (had dc1 abroad) and the consultant anaesthetist with her consultant anaesthetist husband in attendance, was quite open about having a cs for their dc1 - for no reason than maternal choice! They were there for the bf and baby care bit.

Haven't RTFT, sorry, but just wanted to admit I do the head tilty thing for any birth, pretty much, because they nearly all involve pain and stitches don't they?
After a horrendous pregnancy I had an easy birth so I guess I could easily be accused of judging cs. I'm not, but I genuinely thought cs were a big deal surgery wise (isn't it one of the biggest incisions made for any surgery?) and harder to recover from than vb.

I do avoid talking about my birth generally because am scared other mums will hate me or reverse judge me (assume I'm going to be a judgy cow)

No-one has judged me for having an emcs. Out of a group of eight of us, five of us were sections. I was, and still am, disappointed in myself though. Still feel like my body failed. But it's just my stupid hang up with myself. No-one else has been at all judgmental.

I'm proud of my ELCS I made the best choice for myself and dd and enjoyed every calm and lively minute of it.

Hierarchy of birth

How ridiculous

'Lovely' not lively

Milky your body didn't fail you, it got you through a section! It's brilliant! I bet it is one of the most serious surgeries and unlike most surgeries you can't even convalese properly because BABY. You are superwoman

Fwiw although I didn't push (crash section for fetal distress) I had 3 days labour and I could totally handle it. It was incredibly painful but utterly doable. So you never know

You didn't fail milky, you triumphed.

Re thing that bugs me is that people often think that a c-section is the easy option. I will admit I have nothing to compare it to but I don't see how, certainly recovery-wise, it is an easy option.

How It did make me feel like a failure though, is that I didn't feel like I could take care of my baby for the first couple of days. A HCA did the first nappy, I had to press a buzzer and wait to have DS handed to me etc etc. thinking about it now still makes me teary.

I am constantly amazed at the people other Mumsnetters encounter. I have never met a single person in RL who has been sneers or judgy to me or anyone else I have been with about their mode of giving birth. I have done plants of sharing the war stories and everyone just seems to enjoy telling and listening to other people's experiences. Yes, we.are envious of the one or two people who had quick easy births but in a positive way, pleased for them, not mean spirited. Even the extremely pre-natural birth ante natal class DH and I went to had a session on c sections which was non judgemental and practical. Clearly I have been very lucky.

I had an EMCS, 10 days in the maternity ward for various reasons, plus a 4 day stint straight after in the EAU ward for a suspected clot, which wasn't. DH had DD at home during that period as she wasn't allowed to stay with me. I was secretly grateful for that as I felt so ill, for which I have always felt a bit guilty but quite honestly I never felt it affected our bonding once I was home.

Ultimately what matters with birth is that both mother and baby come out of it alive and as well as possible and how you get there really shouldn't matter, or certainly shouldn't be up for debate by anyone else.

Agree Frozen, where are these judgemental people hanging around?

The judgey people were at baby groups not long after the birth. I think for some mums (thankfully only a small number) there seems to be a comparison phase when the babies are very young where they want to reassure themselves they are 'better'. Now DS is 8 months birth stories never come up and no one cares how they are/were fed anymore either.
I think we stuck out as DS was small due to being prem, so people would ask why he was small and it'd go from there.

And it comes up with the midwives as they go through the previous birth and how you want to give birth this time. So there's no avoiding talking about it with them really!

I can understand it coming up in different ways and different times. I still discuss it with other people in a hoary old war story type way and DD is 5 now. But noone has ever been judgey about the fact I had a c section, although they have expressed sympathy at the overall grimness of my experience. Just as I express sympathy at their stitches and other birth related injuries etc. That is what I don't understand - why would anyone judge? Birth is simply a means to an end. Not an end in itself.

I don't understand it either, especially the missing out thing. I never had a labour so I have no idea what I missed out on but I imagine it's not like missing out on a luxury holiday
I was very surprised my midwife was such a judgey pants, especially as mine was a very fast emergency and there was no other way of giving birth with a placenta over the exit! (not that it'd matter if I'd chosen it).

I had an emcs and felt supported by friends at the time and I'm now expecting dc2 but feeling judged for planning an elcs. I do feel like some people consider themselves superior for having a vb and even more so if they had no pain relief. It's tiresome and I find myself looking forward to a point when our childbearing years are over so I don't have to justify myself anymore.

Oh god I don't understand the pain relief thing at all. I mean fair play if you don't want or need it but you wouldn't have a tooth out without pain relief as that would be viewed as utterly barbaric so why suffer childbirth if you don't want or need to?

After DD1, my friend at baby group who'd had a section said she felt she'd missed out. Having had a forcibly inadequately medicated VB and found it nothing to be impressed by or proud of, I kindly offered to kick her in the fanny for 48 hours so she too could experience the great joy I had. I think it made her feel better.

Abbey

I've never got the head around the 'missing out' bit either. Unless I've missed the memo that on arrival via vagina of baby you get a new Ferrari....

Still wouldn't have had my birth any other way.

Dp has a friend who harped on about his dw birth "she was amazing she refused all the pain relief. She had a tough time I just kept saying "come on you can do it"

A punch drunk boxer sprang to mind with his 'heroic' tale.

Chicken that made me laugh!

I try and say the right things about other people's births but it's just so personal isn't it? I mean, I'm terrible with stitches (three stitches after mole removed, almost passed out with the pain ) so I imagine I would be horrific recovering from a cs. But I can see there are positives, e.g. your foof stays a relatively normal shape rather than the wierd stretched-but-shrunk-back-different new piece of anatomy I have now.

I also worry horrendously that people think I judge them for bottle feeding because I have a terrible resting-bitch face.

Gaah to all new mum paranoia in all forms!

I'd forgotten about the pain relief thing. Great if you don't want or need it, but I had a tremendously good time on morphine!

I had a vb but not for one minute have I even thought to judge anyone for a c section. How bizarre. I have a friend who had one and is very sensitive about it- surely if it was best for mum and child then that's all that matters? Due dc2 shortly and if he or she has to arrive that way then that's fine.

That documentary recently about birth, I've forgotten the name.. But the mum of the pregnant woman who was choosing an ELC was so judgy, it was awful. Why does it matter.. Kept saying it was a cop out and that you should go through the pain of labour. Why? Does it make you a better mum? She should have just been excited to meet her grandchild no matter what the method, and think how she can help her daughter out if she needs it afterwards.

I have 3 dc.

All of them were CS.

I have never felt I. The slightest bit inferior, and if I was ever judged, I probably didn't notice it at the time, and have long forgotten it if I did!

Mine are now aged 10, 8 and nearly 3, and certainly no one at my elder two's schools ever brings it up.people do know about dc3's CS, because I joke about it - it was so perfectly timed (for an inevitable CS) - I had him 3 days after school broke up for the summer, giving me exactly 6 weeks recovery before getting back to the school run (which I have to,drive, due to distance) - I couldn't have timed it better if I tried!

I can honestly say I never give it a moments thought, and I live in middle class NCT Central.

I have found that this, as with breast/bottle feeding etc matters to us a huge deal at the time, but a couple of years down the line it really doesn't matter. My DC are 7 and 5 and its been years and years since anyone asked me about my birth or how fed them. I don't think any one really cares as they are just dealing with their own stuff and getting through it the best way they know how. And those who do make comment should just mind their own business! Just ignore.

I had an EMCS and I was the only member of our (admittedly hippy-dippy doula-led) pregnancy yoga group NOT invited back to show off the baby and talk about the birth story.

10 years in a don't give the tiniest of fucks, but it really, really hurt at the time and yes, I absolutely did feel judged.