have you come out of childbirth 'unscathed'?

[rubyred84]

physically and mentally? sounds like an odd question but it just seems that almost every woman suffers slightly during childbirth. some seem to suffer birth injuries and face intervention but don't find the experience distressing, others seem to physically have a great birth but mentally struggle afterwards. what we're your experiences?

I'm not looking for solely positive birth stories to make me feel better so please don't sugar coat it for me, I'm just looking for honest experiences of first births. I'm a strong believer in being armed with the truth!

does everyone tear during their first birth? is intervention more common with your first?

I'm having twins, and so sadly my options are much more limited than with one baby. I just want us all to safe and happy, and I'm trying to decide what is best for us (me included!!)

yes. I have four dc and have come out totally fine. I've never had stitch (had a little graze with dc1) and had reasonably good births with them all, last one was ventouse because he had a heart deceleration but even that was fine. Dc3 was 10lb 8 and back to back had a normal vaginal delivery with no intervention or stitches.
I'm not having anymore children and while I know it's the right decision I'm gutted that I will never give birth again I love it! :)

Physically, I'm totally fine. Was also terrified of tearing, and did, but in all honestly it was no big deal, stitches were just a bit uncomfortable for a few days.

I still get annoyed when I think of the experience though - I was induced on drip and waters broken, so contractions got amazingly painful pretty much immediately and there was no break between them. On top, DS was back to back. The bloody epidural didn't work - numbed my right leg, but did nothing for the pain, no difference. And the nurses didn't believe me and kept fobbing me off.

So next time, if the epidural does nothing, I will go and drag the anesthesist back myself to set it again.

No.1 - great childbirth but 24 stitches after that gave me nightmares for 5 months afterwards
No.2 - constant battle of wills with midwife and pulled something in process which left me with a hernia (which is only going now 8.5 years later!) so was quite sore in that respect but otherwise much much better than post-birth first time
No.3 - a breeze

First birth - induced at 12 days over. Was not in a good place mentally as DSIL had a stillbirth 8 months before. Was on induction ward, indiced with propess pessary. midwives didn't believe I was in labour until I begged for internal exam and found to be 8-9 cm dilated. Rushed to labour room, care was patchy, wasn't told no could push. Baby was born 1hr after x fer to labour room with gas and air only, did tear had stitches, mw wasn't experienced at that either.

Second birth - induced at 39+6 due to unstable lie of baby. Waters ruptured in theatre. Down to labour ward, put on syntocin drip. Labour ended up being back to back, baby's heart rate dropping and not recovering well, begged for epidural at 6 cm. Managed to miss forceps and emergency c section by pushing like billy-o. No tears but rewarded with piles.

The second birth was by far the better. 9 weeks later and I feel really positive about it. The midwives were experienced and unbelievable ly supportive. They got me to believe I could do it and honestly up until the pain of back to back kicked in, I was having a really lovely time.

I think having experienced midwives who told me what I needed to hear toget me to push the bababy out, rather than telling me what I wanted to hear, was invaluable.

Up until birth 2, I was actually still emotional about birth 1 and the fact the midwives didn't believe me, that they weren't communicating with me and that it made me feel really alone and uninvolved in my own labour.

Second time round, while I tear up a bit at remembering the pain, I am both physically and mentally unscathed and actually, really Damn proud of myself.

I had my first baby in October, 15 days late, and after 2 weeks of pressure to be induced. I turned up at delivery when I was only 3cm, but they kept me in because I 'should have been here two weeks ago'. I had a doula, which definitely helped in supporting decisions I/we made.

In advance I was terrified of needing an epidural. In the end I had to have one as the midwife had mistakenly told me to push on a cervix that was only 8cm dilated. At the change of shift they told me to 'resist' for a couple of hours until I'd dilated fully. By that point I was in no position to resist pushing - my body was doing it for me. So, I had an epidural to knock out the need to push. I'd had the pool all along, which was amazing (couldn't do G&A, it made me sick), so obviously had to be taken out of the water for the epidural.

In all honesty it was the changing point in the whole 'thing'. I relaxed properly, my partner relaxed... I had a kip for an hour, then pushed her out in about 30 minutes without too much bother. I had a second degree tear which was sewn up quickly, and I've never given a second thought to since. I could have ridden a bike within 10 days.

Mentally though I think it's a bit of a shock for everyone. I talked about it quite a lot in the first month, then made myself stop and move on. My body feels a bit of a mess aside from the tear - 6 months on Monday and I definitely still have an extra roll of flab. We started 5:2 today!!

Oh I should say, I consider myself 'unscathed'.

I had a huge episiotomy, ventouse and dd1 had a shoulder dystocia. It was a hard birth.

I do not feel anything but positive about it though, oddly. I have a happy and healthy baby and I healed well. Definitely not traumatised (although I know women who have been in similar situations that have found it harder, it's individual)

I also recently gave birth to dd2 who wasn't alive. She had edwards and we opted for a tfmr. She was 22+2 when she was born. It was upsetting, I wasn't getting a live baby at the end of it. It was harder mentally and physically than dd1 as even though she was tiny I had to have quite a few drugs to induce labour.

I would also say (some people will think I'm odd) that it was also a sad but positive experience. I got to give birth and spend a short amount of time with my much loved and wanted dd2. I am very grateful for that.

I think each woman reacts differently to birth. For me (I'm sure there are much more traumatic births than my 2) it has generally been a positive but hard and painful experience. Obviously in very different ways for both.

Sorry for your loss Kitty - that must have been incredibly tough.

My birth experience left me with secondary infertility, although I didn't find out about it for quite a while. I had a c-section because it was my hospital's policy that women who had been in labour for over 24 hours should have c-sections. Neither of us was in distress and I'm 99% certain they didn't warn me that secondary infertility could be an outcome.

We started trying for dc2 when ds was about 18 months old. Nothing happened for 2 years (ds had been conceived the first month we tried) and we started investigations. Then I conceived, and miscarried at 8-10 weeks, but the over-riding emotion was "at least we can do this, it's just a matter of time" - and that was our GP's response too - the investigations were put on hold and we just carried on trying.

Another year down the line, we were referred for further investigations and the very first appointment with the consultant, he said he thought the c-section was to blame. I had investigatory surgery and it transpired that they'd managed to tangle one of my fallopian tubes around my uterus, so it was stuck together and stuck to my uterus and also pulled the uterus out of alignment so that the other fallopian tube was not positioned below the ovary, ready to catch the fallout, as it were. I had surgery to fix the problem, but by then I was 40 and probably past my sell-by date.

I've had a year of IVF since then - two rounds with my own eggs and one with donor eggs. The consultant who did the donor egg cycle concluded it probably hadn't worked because of the caesarean scar.

I've resolved not to be bitter about it - I have a beautiful ds and I know I'm lucky to have him - but I do feel passionately that women should be told that this is a possible outcome in circumstances where the c-section is being considered for reasons other than necessity.

I had a relatively good first birth. I just couldn't get the head out so asked the midwife to carry out an epi (actually I can't even spell it, but asked to be cut). I had been given diamorphine so it wasn't sore and healed quickly afterwards. I was on a natural high for weeks after the birth.

Second child I had a natural birth and even though it was text book with only slight tear I think in hindsight I had ptsd. I kept telling everyone my birthing story almost as though I had to say it out loud to process it. I cried every day for first couple of months too. No rhyme or reason to it.

Sorry, not sure that's very helpful.

First birth has left significant psychological scars. I had antenatal depression and was terrified about giving birth. Went overdue. Induced at 41+5. Awful experience on antenatal ward. Partner sent home and so spent whole night having regular contractions with no support and in floods of tears.

Spent whole of next day in agony , no sleep. DD was back to back and so had excruciating lower back pain and a sensation to bear down every time it had a contraction.

Finally made it to 2cm. Had my waters broken. Got to 4cm yay. Epidural . Only worked down one side. No progress. Syntocinon drip started. Didn't get anywhere. Became unwell with high temp and racing pulse - likely infection. Rushed down corridor for EMCS signing consent as I was pushed. After 3 days I would have let them chop off my legs.

DD delivered. Started feeling lousier. Temp shooting up to 40. Pulling off my bedclothes. Spent whole night almost delirious. Poor DD barely got a look in. Postnatal ward was hell too. 5 hideous days. Still feel tearful thinking about it. Physically fine.

DD2 - elective section. Not completely straightforward as had a reaction to the spinal. Psychologically fine. Physically fine too. Out in town for lunch on day 4 post OP.

I had a labial graze (!) and a couple of stitches with my first and no tears and home birth with my second. Labour did not traumatise me, whilst very intense and at times painful I still found it empowering. I was feeling normal 'down there' within 6-7 weeks with the first and 3 weeks with the second. Pregnancy weight gain and child rearing has done more damage!

I've had 2 c-sections and came out of the 2nd one completely unscathed. It was a lovely straightforward CS with no real pain afterwards and was delighted to meet my very easy baby. Couldn't ask or a better experience.

My first CS was less like that but for a variety of reasons, mainly emotional. Certainly no longterm physical problems at all. I found it very overwhelming emotionally as it was quite a stressful labour (heartrate dipping etc) and I picked up an infection so I was quite unwell and found it difficult to cope with being in hospital and looking after a baby.

It wasn't ideal, but you know the important thing is that it quickly ceases to matter. From your OP, I think you have a sensible outlook and will therefore be able to cope with whatever comes your way. Good luck!

I should also say, DS is nearly 4 and DD is 10 months and I feel exactly as before. Fatter, admittedly but that is because I spend A LOT more time sitting on my arse eating cake and chatting... ;)

I had a good labour too. Went to hospital at 7 in the morning, was cuddling DS by 2pm. It was painful as feck, of course, but I somehow knew what to do, my body knew.
I knew I couldn't sit down because it was slowing things down. I had a slight tear (stage 2 was very very quick) but that was all. I healed really well.
I screamed a lot too. Strangely it helped me focus on breathing and pushing. One of the midwives told me to put more energy into pushing instead of screaming what a cow . It so happened that I pushed DS out maybe an hour after she's said it. I sent OH to find her and ask her to come and see DS to prove to her that I had actually been pushing.

Relatively unscathed and 'intact' after two births.
1st 23 hrs home birth, bit of gas n air, no tear. Retained placenta removed manually.
2nd 2hrs 40mins nearly gave birth in the car! No drugs (-no time!!) no tear, placenta needed a tug. Bit traumatised mentally for a little while as it was a bit brutal, total contrast to first.
So, unscathed apart from I don't particularly want to have sex anymore as I've finally realised it can make babies

I've had two straightforward births. Gas & air and pethedine with both. Yes, exhausting, painful and slightly undignified but luckily I have no mental or physical scars. I had a graze after the first but that healed quickly. In fact, the only after effect that bothers me is that my periods are much heavier after having DC2.

Hey - one child, fourth degree tear and blood transfusions so hideous BUT I have a healthy and beautiful son. I was told NO natural births ever again then told had healed amazingly so could have a natural birth. Each person has their own story and experience.
Your body will astonish you. As for your mental health - "good" or "bad" birth you will astound yourself. Your children become everything and you become amazing, selfless and resourceful.
If you find yourself struggling my only advice would be to tell someone - anyone. Partner, parents, doctor.... don't suffer alone. Ask for help and you'll cope and deal with it. We are women and we do it. And we do it fucking well

I felt amazing after each birth. I was so fucking pleased with myself I didn't stop grinning for weeks. Yes there was some tearing and the syntocinon drip was rough but a couple of paracetamol was all I needed for the first and gas and air for the second 2. Sorted. I'd do it again tomorrow.

Sorry to kitty for your loss. Xx

I had a fast first labour of 8 hrs with an early smallish just under 6lb girl and no tearing, just gas and air and water for pain relief. Was elated afterwards. My second born a year and a half later was only an hour quicker so 7hrs but an overdue over 9lb boy, gas and air, completely exhausted me, couldn't move for a week with exhaustion. No tearing which again I was very lucky about.
Both labours followed the same pattern of starting around 4/5am and progressed fast so that I was 6cm on arrival to hospital a few hours later (midwives thought they needed to send me home as a nervy first time mum until they examined me )
Had infertility and not good pregnancies though so maybe that's why I had ok labours

But I'm going to go off message here and admit that breatfeeding ruined my tits completely and I'd think very carefully about that if I had my time again. A few years after the littlest started school I had to strip off for a doctor I didn't know. She took one look and said 'How many years did you breastfeed for then?' Reader, I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or slap her in the chops.

I feel quite unscathed by my first birth (although it was 15 months ago and time does blur things a bit).

It was a home birth, 10 hours total active labour, about 8 hours in the pool. It wasn't great (fucking painful is the phrase that springs to mind) but it wasn't unbearable. A bit of gas and air towards the end. I had a graze but no tear. DD was fine, apgar of 9 and bf fairly soon after birth. Then I had a shower and DD and I curled up in my bed to recover.

It was all quite straightforward and calm really. I didn't enjoy it but I didn't hate it and I am still flabbergasted that I made a person who was handed to me at the end of the process.

My DD1 is 8 and I had a huge cry over her birth a few days ago. I've just realised what an effect it may have had on her, as well as me, and I really had no idea.

I had pre-eclampsia, so it was an emergency section. She came out blue and was whisked away from me for 15 minutes to resucitate her (I think, no one really told me what was going on). Then for 3 days I couldn't pick her up as I had canulars in both arms and had to ring the bell for a midwife to pass her to me to feed. I was in a windowless room for that time and it was horrible. It was all slightly worse as I had had very definite plans for how I wanted the birth to be. What a waste of time and thought they were.

I wonder now if the lack of skin to skin contact initially, and then lack of contact in general over the next week, could have affected my daughter. I will never know of course. But it does make me sad.

You have a lot of birth stories here! The best advice I can give anyone is to have no expectations.

I think having a good midwife makes all the difference. I had a very young and inexperienced one the first time. Did not feel confident at all in her judgement and she panicked at one point and called everyone in, only for them to say it wasn't that big a problem and to go with what I'd been suggesting! The second time I had an amazing lady who was very reassuring and just encouraged me to let my body do what it needed to do. If I felt I needed to move a certain way, she helped me to do it. One straightforward birth with no intervention as a result.

I had a difficult first birth with forceps and an episiotomy and then two small operations post birth to fix the stitches, they finally fully healed 14 months post birth. It was a distressing time but I honestly think that if be fine with it mentally if I didn't have to go through it again, but I am terrified of my next birth.
Physically I feel fully recovered.