have you come out of childbirth 'unscathed'?

[rubyred84]

physically and mentally? sounds like an odd question but it just seems that almost every woman suffers slightly during childbirth. some seem to suffer birth injuries and face intervention but don't find the experience distressing, others seem to physically have a great birth but mentally struggle afterwards. what we're your experiences?

I'm not looking for solely positive birth stories to make me feel better so please don't sugar coat it for me, I'm just looking for honest experiences of first births. I'm a strong believer in being armed with the truth!

does everyone tear during their first birth? is intervention more common with your first?

I'm having twins, and so sadly my options are much more limited than with one baby. I just want us all to safe and happy, and I'm trying to decide what is best for us (me included!!)

With DD everything that could go wrong, went wrong! Prem at 32 weeks, horror of a midwife who said I wasn't in labour. Had no contractions just unbearable backache, I couldn't lie down - you can see how helpful that is in labour. From first pain in back to her being born exactly 22 minutes. No time for pain relief, completely au natural. Second degree tear and very severe anxiety and PND.

With twins, I assume you will have a consultant available as well as the midwifes and other hcp so you'll be in good hands

Two quick labours. Tw rally horrible pregnancies.

Two bad third degree tears. Lots of bleeding. Second baby stopped breathing after birth but recovered.

Still not right and am worried about incontinence which I seem to be holding off but only just. I wonder if it just a matter of time until I am incontinent bum wise but trying to hold it off until I am older.

I still can not believe I had another natural labour after the first horrific tear. Stupid on my part.

Mentally I seem to be ok, physically I am a shadow of my former self physically but I accept it and live day to day. My husband is still with me and that is great. It isn't really anything you can share and discuss openly with anyone. I have found the hardest bit the lack of dignity. The length of time being sick and needing to rest is pretty tiring.

On a positive I knew I was dying and felt myself slipping away after my second was born - I had had no pain relief either - but because I was on the way out - it is wonderful to be alive - and thank god for the hospital staff - just an utter pain to have a birth injury. I miss my good health and being intimate with my hisband and realise I took my last wellness all for granted.

Occasionally I think why did this happen to me - especially when some people talk about their wonderful easy births - but that never lasts long.

I suffer from anxiety and depression; was referred to the ante-natal mental health team, who were good. Went into premature labour at 35 weeks, without really having anything prepared. Could easily have been horrendous, but in fact I found it almost empowering - I think because I'd dreaded it so much, it actually was fine! Got an epidural for the final stretch, which kept me totally calm. Had a forceps delivery in the end; obviously no pain at the time as I had the epidural, but even afterwards it was fine - they kept offering me painkillers and I didn't need them (and I have basically no pain threshold, so it wasn't that I was just suffering through it!). Other than being a bit tender for about 10 days, the only lasting effect was piles, which still flare up from time to time.

I had a section for my first so there is that scar but that is almost gone. What really scarred me emotionally though was being totally isolated post natally for 5 days in hospital. I was really struggling with bf, ds had torn half of one of my nipples off and the other one was damaged too. I asked for help was told 'she has a great latch' a million times but obviously she did not. DH was not allowed stay at night timeso I was on my own in a room trying to manage a newborn while recovering from a section with big bf problems. The morning after I had her I had no feeling in my legs and because of section I just could not lift her when she cried so I had to totally unsafely walk around my bed and pick her up to bring her in for a feed. No one answered when I rang for help. They were an absolute disgrace postnatally and the lack of care put me off hospitals for life. I did everything I could to ensure a VBAC for my next baby and left after 24hours. Everything about the delivery was fine if I had left immediately after I would have said it was a very positive experience.

My first was as you described -no trauma and I look back at it with only positive thoughts. I think the key things were:

1. Great midwife who was very kind and who left me be to labour but coming in to check on me when needed.

1. Fast labour- 5 hours

1. Little intervention - only gas and air, no need for intervention as in forceps etc

1. Birth was painful but fast and no tearing. Baby was small though- under 6lbs.

1. Wonderful aftercare.

With my second having a not very nice midwife, longer labour and tearing tearing made it a lot less positive.

I had a quick birth. It began in the birthing suite but I got rushed to the labour ward. Had a cut, a tear and ventouse.

Physically, over 8 months have passed and it hurt when me and dp attempted sex last night.

Mentally, I think back to how I wasn't listened to in the birthing suite and I get upset still.

I wasn't being demanding I don't think. I was told not to push when my body was pushing. (The fact my baby was born so soon after showed they were wrong there).

They kept telling me to go into the birthing pool when I didn't want to and I felt unable to move. Luckily when I gave up saying no, as soon as I stood up from the bed my waters broke so that didn't happen. (Ha in your face.)

The midwife also told me to cut down on the gas and air. I asked dp afterwards if I'd been taking more than I realised, he said no I wasn't being excessive.

There were more things, like being told I was nowhere near ready and to go for a walk when I first got there and ending up sitting on an abandoned chair surrounded by bird shit having contractions outside the hospital. As I said the baby was born a lot sooner than they expected. I wish they'd listened to me.

Sorry I've rambled. Feels good to get it out. For me the mental is worse than the physical. I don't think I'd be upset if I felt like I wasn't ignored.

DC1- 20 hr labour, epidural, no tearing, no stitches. Breast fed.

DC2- Induced 8hr labour, epidural, ventouse, no tearing, no stitches. Breast fed.

DC3- Induced 2hr labour, gas and air, no tearing, no stitches. Breast fed.

DC4- Induced 6hr labour, gas and air, no tearing, no stitches. Breast fed.

All hospital births. I felt really good afterwards. I have a few stretch marks on my stomach which I don't like the look of, but I'm not planning on buying any bikinis any time soon. I'm probably a few kgs heavier now than before DC, but I am happily a 10-12.

DD1 : Emcs at 38 weeks as she had IUGR and was in SCBU for 10 days. A bit sudden and surprising and breast feeding didn't work out which made me feel a bit inadequate. But overall both of us were fine and scar healed well, I barely remember any pain at all!

DD2 : normal birth, induced on drip. Quite quick, epidural didn't work. Small 2nd degree tear which still hurts sometimes 14 years later..... . Apparently it needs re-doing but haven't ever got round to it!

With dd1 I was totally unscathed. I had an extremely easy birth and it was only 5 hours long.

with dd2 mentally I wasn't ok. She was born in the car, whilst dh was still driving and it was a traumatic experience. She is nearly 2 and though I'm ok most of the time, I still feel sick driving the way we went to the hospital. Physically I was in pain longer than dd1, but I think that was because of the position I was in when I delivered her.

Me unscathed from all 4.
My gran & mom were both teenage mothers to surprise twins (1st FT pregnancies to husbands who subsequently abandoned them). I dunno how "unscathed" they were, but both keen to go on to have more so must not have been too bad.

I've only had the one pregnancy and birth - twins by c section, waters broke a few days (37+2) before the ELCS date and it was very straight forward.

I had been scared beforehand, but by that stage of twin pregnancy, I just wanted the babies safely out of me! It was very calm and I was absolutely "unscathed". Babies were fine and I have no regrets over any aspect of it. Hospital staff were great.

It was the pregnancy and the raising of twins which has left me a wreck not the birth itself. Good luck rubyred

I was traumatised for a few weeks but you soon forget about it. I've had two long labours (35+ hours), two second degree tears (have healed really well), loads of intervention (who cares? Just get the baby out safely!!?). I spent a lot of time planning a great birth but events took over and... Well thank god for modern medicine. Whatever happens, you will be fine and you'll forget any trauma (and it probably won't put you off more kids either!)

EMCS after unsuccessful induction for pre-eclampsia/hellp. Mentally just fine: it was a bit scary at the time but I felt informed and as much in control as possible. Physically great except slight and fading numbness around the scar 7 months pp. No stretch marks, pelvic floor problems etc.

I progressed quite quickly 3 to 9cm in about 5 hours but pushed for over 3 hours before an episiotomy. ds came out with his hand up, had a massive head and weighed 10lb 9oz so gave me some internal tears. I then had a pph and was to weak for a proper shower. next day stuck in bed getting transfusion again no wash. Following day got home at midday dh parents came to visit again no wash! next day I was in a lot of pain - my wound was infected.
my advice is to make sure you get a good wash every single day. the infection plus blood loss left me very weak for months afterwards.
luckily ds was a very healthy strong baby and we found breastfeeding really straightforward. I couldn't do much for him except feed so that really kept me going. he is 2.5 now and we are contemplating another, I hope I will recover better next time.

I had DS1 in hospital, gas and air, a small graze. He got a bit stuck and I pushed for three hours but was monitored closely and refused intervention (it was safe to do so).

I think the biggest difference was that I had two birthing partners with me who were calm and experienced, and not DH who would have panicked me as soon as 'hospital protocol' was mentioned.

I believe this paved the way for my subsequent births which were all easy, calm and stress free.

There seems to a certain 'one up man ship' with birthing horror stories amongst some women. I try to steer clear and have a 'best case scenario' as a starting point rather than fearing it. I def recommend some hypnobirthing techniques too.

My 'one upmanship' comment isn't aimed at anyone (to be honest I posted without reading the thread so apologies for poor MN etiquette).

I'd like to add that although I have had wonderful births, the first post-birth poo was horrific and terrifying.

Two C-sections here. I feel great about them - physical recovery did take a few weeks, but I'm left with just one very pale scar (they went in pretty much the same place twice) and psychologically no problem with it at all. However I know some women do feel like they've "failed" if they have a CS so it maybe depends on what you expect from your birth. I wasn't aiming for anything in particular, either time, except for me and the baby to come out of it alive! - so I was happy with however that was achieved. I had no interest in a VBAC, in fact I asked for an elective CS the second time which was agreed to immediately.

Of the women I know/have spoken to, the worst physical effects have been from difficult vaginal births, which in some cases might have been better off switching to a CS at an earlier stage, but either the mother, or in some cases the medical staff, weren't willing to.

I feel I've been very lucky with the NHS staff I've had who were always very practical, listened to me but also gave me all the info I needed.

Physically unscathed despite an EMCS and a forceps delivery.

Mental I will never get over not having a "natural" birth. I did loads of hypnobirthing, antenatal yoga etc and was convinced I had done everything "right" and birth was going to be awesome. All hypnobirthing etc did was leave me with a massive sense of failure. Both times labour was agony and the eoidury transformed everything to a positive experience.

Yes I did.
All 3 births went well with no interventions or problems.
I remember after ds1 feeling a bit sorry for myself when I needed a wee and crying because I had a few grazes that were sore. I sharp stopped that when I watched some of the poor ladies who had to sit on rubber rings and who struggled to walk because of their pain.
With ds2 there was a little bit of shock involved as firstly he was born so quickly and secondly because the placenta wouldn't leave and I hemorrhaged quite badly.
Ds3 again I was a little shocked at how quick my labour and the level of pain progressed but that was because I was induced.

My first birth was a tolerably long labour, baby was back to back, and I tore quite badly.

It was quite simply the best experience of my life. Which makes me sound horrendously smug. But it was. I was as high as a kite. I didn't even know that I'd torn until they checked - when they told me I needed stitching I asked whether they were sure in an absolutely incredulous voice (because of course they were going to wave needle and thread about when it wasn't necessary).

I went on to have another three children. DC2 - well, that wasn't a good birth. Nothing awful happened, but it wasn't nice (DH had to look after DC1 so I was on my own, and the birth ended up with five or so HCP yelling at me to push, while I wrestled with them for the gas and air). But DC3 and DC4 were also great births.

I don't want another pregnancy (I loathe being pregnant), and I don't want another baby. But I would love to give birth again - for me (and yes, I know just how lucky I was) three out of my four deliveries were quite simply the most fantastic experiences of my life.

36 hour labour and we both got an infection during, ended in an EMCS at 9cm and after 5 days without sleep. The part that has scarred me is that he was taken to SCBU soon after. They put him on me for a photo but I had started shaking uncontrollably, I don't remember it. Then he was taken away. Missed that first precious hour and it knocked me so much we didn't establish breastfeeding. But he's here so yay, and we're both safe after a week in hospital.

I'm not saying if that happens you won't establish BF by the way. We were both ill and I was so sick of being touched (11 vaginal examinations!) I got tired of people shoving my boobs into his mouth.

I had a very straightforward first birth. No tears, no stitches. Epidural for pain relief which was chosen by me and all went as planned, I wasn't interested in a natural birth but just wanted to get it done and sorted with as little fuss as possible. Did not feel any pain at all or feel any distress, went home after 10 hours. I treated it as any major hospital procedure but not a big life-changing event tbh. MW was fine, didn't have a birth partner.

verypunny I really do know exactly how you feel...just wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling like that.