have you come out of childbirth 'unscathed'?

[rubyred84]

physically and mentally? sounds like an odd question but it just seems that almost every woman suffers slightly during childbirth. some seem to suffer birth injuries and face intervention but don't find the experience distressing, others seem to physically have a great birth but mentally struggle afterwards. what we're your experiences?

I'm not looking for solely positive birth stories to make me feel better so please don't sugar coat it for me, I'm just looking for honest experiences of first births. I'm a strong believer in being armed with the truth!

does everyone tear during their first birth? is intervention more common with your first?

I'm having twins, and so sadly my options are much more limited than with one baby. I just want us all to safe and happy, and I'm trying to decide what is best for us (me included!!)

My mum had a baby 2 years ago. I was there at the birth (I needed reassurance as id had a really bad time previously having dc)
her birth was perfect. She had no tears and mentally she was fine too she was really happy

my advice would be dont get your hopes up too high about a specific type of birth and make sure your iron levels are good middle of pregnancy and before birth

First DC was undetected breech resulting in emergency CS and severe PND.
Second was planned CS but spinal didn't "take" resulting in not being fully anaesthetised and hideous spinal headache afterwards.
Third was planned CS which went ok.

Read all the books, did all the visualisations, went to NCT classes, swam regularly...

Induced at 40 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. First stage was manageable; discovered at second stage that the baby was looking over her shoulder and no way was she coming out without help. Taken to theatre...

2x trial of forceps - no.
2x trial of ventouse - no.
2x trial of surgeon sticking his hand up and turning her - no. She was having none of it. Every time they got hold of her to put her in the right position she calmly turned herself back.

Delivered by EMCS, shortly after which they almost had to put me under due to something going wrong with my heart.

Physically I had a ridiculously great recovery and my scar was beautiful. Mentally, however, was a hell of a lot worse and I was in for 10 days until discharged by a psychiatrist and had 6 months of counselling.

Doing it all again in September...

Forceps and epidural for our DS. They only realised 3 hours before his birth that he was back to back. He suffered shoulder distocia and both of us were nearly lost. I had a roomful of midwives, two big cheese doctors and a handful of students as it was fairly rare.

Huge tear, they stitched me too tightly and trapped a nerve. A year later i had an op to 'widen' me and supposedly fix the trapped nerve, but it is still stuck under/inside scar tissue. Sex is painful and virtually impossible, certainly not 'sexy'. Pelvic floor shot to shit. Basically, everything between belly button and knees is shot to shit.

I still have flashbacks, cry alone in the shower, even though DH is a rock. DS is 3yo. We won't have another.

I was induced at 37 weeks and had an incredibly quick pushing stage with DD, 9 minutes of pushing and she was out. My tear was verging on 3rd degree, with 'branches' according to the doctor.

Physically I'm totally healed from it, have been having sex normally since about six months post-birth (was too tired for it before then ), no pain or discomfort or anything after the first couple of weeks.

Emotionally I loved giving birth. Absolutely loved it. I think the most important thing is to keep an open mind - I wanted to avoid epidurals but was open to the idea if I needed one, I just stayed really relaxed and told myself, if I need interventions it's to get my baby out safely, just to go with it. It worked, as I didn't need an epidural, didn't need any interventions other than the induction itself. Would do it again in a heartbeat.

EMCS at 31 weeks with twins. Physical recovery was brilliant and I felt amazing to be free of back pain / heart burn etc literally as soon as they were delivered.

Mentally it was a bit traumatic but fully over it now - it just took time to process it all.

Induced, fast labour and 4th degree tear with DS, in surgery for three hours after. But I was emotionally so 'high' after meeting DS that I have nothing but lovely memories. Healed well.
ELCS with DD, relaxed, lovely experience, once I had got over the guilt of requesting the ELCS.

On paper my birth sounds great and physically it was, 26 minutes, no tears/cuts/interventions and no lasting issues.

However I've suffered mentally ever since with anxiety and panic attacks and recently (3.5 years after the birth) been diagnosed with PTSD. All this is as a result of the way I was treated by staff.

A good sounding delivery is no guarantee of a good outcome.

I had a second degree tear, which healed quickly. I had a nice birth and was completely unscathed physically and mentally. I actually think that is the case for the majority of women.

Totally unscathed here. From feeling a bit funny to a baby popping out of my fanjo was 2hrs 45 minutes. Two paracetamol and a bath at home, into hospital, 8cm dilated, gas and air, pushed maybe 3 or 4 times. Only thing that went 'wrong' was that dd came too fast so I couldn't get in the pool. Mild grazing, no tearing, couple of stitches. Mentally absolutely great - I got a lot of confidence and strength from my labour, I was (still am, really) amazed by and proud of what my body could do.

Bit weepy at the 5 day mark, but just normal baby blues plus both sets of grandparents visiting! BF hurt like hell for a couple of weeks after my milk came in but just took it one feed at a time and added the odd bottle of formula when I just needed a little break; by two weeks in we were ebf with no issues. She slept through from 8 weeks so no horrendous sleep deprivation either.

I did nct classes and read a hypnobirthing book in preparation - was good for me as I felt quite well informed and prepared, and then obviously was lucky in not having any complications during labour.

Unscathed here! Have had 2 homebirths. First one in water and about 5 hours long. No tears just sore undercarriage. Just used tens machine the pool and gas and air for the last 2 hours or so. Worst bit was when baby stopped breathing after birth and had to have some resuscitation breaths. Was all fine though.
Second homebirth also in the water with gas and air and about 1.5 hrs long. no problems.
I'm expecting my 3rd in September so hopefully will have another good experience. Just went with my body both times and stayed calm and told myself not to panic which worked for me!

Totally straightforward and unscathing physically - total of 5 hours when I could feel stuff happening. TENS and water were good, gas & air didn't work. Very intense last hour and I did tear and had a PPH but had no idea at the time.

Mentally I did struggle for a long time. I don't think 'unscathed' is quite the word, it was one of the most significant experiences of my life. I look very perky in all the photos and i was hugely relieved it was over and we'd got through it.

First baby. I had no pain relief not through choice though and no rips or tears or stitches needed, slight grazing though.
Baby born at 4pm, we left the hospital at 11pm same day.
Good luck OP!

With my first I had an EMCS and really struggled with it mentally but physically we were fine.

With my second I had an ELCS and it all went well and again physically I was healed pretty quickly.

My Mums last birth was 3 hours from waters breaking to second twin being born. All straightforward with no intervention, not so much as a whiff of G&A and no stitches. She said it was the easiest of her 3 births although very fast and intense it was relatively easy.

Physically scarred from the first and mentally from the second especially because it felt like I was being told what would happen rather than being consulted.
Quick birth in the end without any pain relief but obstetrician was the most arrogant woman I've ever met. I was led to believe I had pre eclampsia when I had no signs other than a slightly raised BP which was taken after a sweep (!)
I was then told that if x and y didn't happen within such and such a time I would be put on a drip - no discussion. They attempted to break my waters despite me telling them I thought they had gone the day before (no gush just a trickle), and seemed really puzzled when there was nothing to break.
All midwives on that day were looking after 2 women at the same time so their solution was to hook me to a monitor and leave me unattended for long spells. I wanted an active labour and had to insist I get off the bed. They tried take my my BP when I was in the middle of contraction and the midwife kept trying to put the gas and air pipe into my mouth like a child. Total farce.
When we were alone DH and I raided all the packs on the trolley, and spread them out on the ground so I could labour on my hands and knees. MW came in and got really cross about infections but thankfully I progressed really quickly after that so didn't move.
Snotty obstetrician came in at the end and informed in a glib manner I hadn't really had any signs of pre-eclampsia as "you didn't really have the proper symptoms"
12 year and it still makes me angry...

That was my second birth story. First birth I had a lovely midwife lead team.
Back to back birth. Painful but quick. Less mentally scarred then second birth.

well not as bad as some - slow labour - baby was back to back and took 5 days to turn. COntractions started on Firday and he came on Wednesday.

COntractions not too bad, but the lack of sleep, combined with hallucination type dreams in the 10 mins between contractions didn't help.

Birth was okay, water birth, no real issues, but he was a bit reluctant to come at the end, after his head was out. The umbilical cord ripped in the water so I had to get out and have the placenta injection.

I had a tear and they said they would give me an epidural and wheel me to surgery - I was hysterical. I didn't want an epidural (I didn't want someone sticking a needle into my spine) and if I wanted intervention I didn't need to go through 5 days of unpleasantness!! they manged to stitch me on gas and air!

It is 2 years and 11 months since I gave birth and my pelvic floor is still shot. I am pregnant again, but cant cough, jump, sneeze, run fast, rely on my self not to leak a bit at any point. It does get me down sometimes, but as we wanted more children, the doctors wouldn't do anything.

Took hypnobirthing classes and was actually looking forward to the whole birth process. First painful contraction hit on a Tuesday night, and I really thought things were not going to take long as they came frequently, but irregularly. Fast forward to Saturday morning, by which time I'd had barely any sleep and was exhausted. Went to hospital and was kept in due to high blood pressure. Had to go to the labour suite rather than the midwifery unit because of this, and so began the cascade of interventions ending in an emcs on the Sunday morning. Was absolutely shattered. Physically I recovered from the c section very quickly and was walking out of the hospital faster than dh! (I was just desperate to leave!). Mentally though I don't think I'm really over it eight months on as I felt my body failed me and I failed dd. Maybe if I hadn't taken the hypnobirthing classes and been so excited for a natural birth it would have been better.

Should have said, dd was back to back too which is why things took so long.

Had baby a week ago!
Was genuinely terrified, husband boughtme hypnobirthing book which I have BBern doing short daily exercises from for past 3 months. I was expecting a long induction but instead had v fast labour. Went to mlu but had to be ambulanced due to high blood pressure.Used tens machine and gas and air - found it helpful to have 'props' for each contraction. Was doing breathing and visualisations which helped with some of the more intrusive moments ! To be honest, it was all so fast and intense I didn't have time to be stressed or panic!
Baby was distressed so ended up with emcs which had been my worst nightmare - in fact I have recovered excellently with none of the soreness, constipation etc other friends have had with vaginal delivery. Helped that all maternity staff were excellent and extremely empathetic and supportive. Physically no complaints so far.
Emotionally... Baby was in nicu from birth and remains there which has been unbearable in first few days. I was in small room with 2 other babyless mums which helped and staff have coped with my tearful episodes. I am worried about long term ramifications of him being apart from him, but feel more stable now we know it isn't long term issue.
4 days ago I would have said I could never do this again but we already started talking about the next one! I think the key is the excellent care I have received from nhs throughout pregnancy and birth and also not getting too attached to the kind of birth you want. I was desperate to avoid the big hospital but in fact the expertise there has probably been biggest factor in the positive feelings I have .

I am a hcp and was expecting it to be a lot worse than it was. I have had 2 natural hospital births with gas and air. It was neither the hardest thing I have done, nor the worst pain I have experienced. TBH the most traumatic bit was the leaking of bodily fluids afterwards (unexpected and yucky, but I wouldn't say I was scarred.

I had a planned ELCS due to severe anxiety about childbirth and having a severe anxiety about doctors/midwives etc in general.

I was treated brilliantly and would say I was BETTER psychologically than before I had a baby. I even managed the dentist last week and DH was able to leave the room whilst I had an x-ray without going hysterical. This is a major improvement.

I would also argue though, that I think there are women who have VBs who come out stronger for it too.

I don't think its necessarily a negative thing.

What jumps out for me from your post is the fact that you think of it in negative terms already which possibly says a lot more than you realise and is something for you to work on and consider.

Its got nothing to do with how other people fared.

I have one DC. It was a fast labour (3 hrs from 2cm dilated to delivery), waterbirth with no drugs (just G&A when pushing). I had a 2nd degree perineal tear and 2 labial tears. All healed down below now (it's 13 months ago) but my bladder isn't what it was. The days of farting without consequence are behind me I'm afraid. Everyone is different so no matter how many stories you hear on
This thread, your will be unique. I wouldn't over think it, you'll just switch into autopilot when the time comes and get it done

Dreadful first birth, followed by three absolutely lovely ones. Unscathed? Nope.

Dc1: very bad 3rd degree tear on top if an episiotomy, months of having to run to the loo if I needed a poo (nerve damage?) and hideous anal fissure post birth that didn't fully heal until after dc3. It was a forceps birth. Some psychological after effects, only healed by a fab second birth. Bad stretch marks on tummy. These are permanent, but have hardly changed with subsequent babies. The ahem'layout' down there did not recover fully until after the second birth.

Dc2: some tearing, but declined offer of stitches. No issues. Everything healed pretty well, and seemed much more normal than it ever had since dc1. Anal fissure returned (having gone during pregnancy).

Dc3: no tearing,must exceptionally uncomfy crowning (tear without stitches was actually preferable for me). Some pain in my back/tummy muscles for a few weeks. Body generally more knackered!

Dc4: small tear, again declined stitches. Healed well after birth. Now breastfeeding has finished, boobs are like empty sacks. The extra skin and stretch marks on my tummy are also v noticeable. Mentally I have no after effects now from any birth.

Oh I did have anal fissures for 10 months afterwards but they're mostly healed now. That bit was horrible but the beauty of being Mama is that you don't have much time to feel sorry for yourself!