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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did you/ would you have your Mum as birth partner?

125 replies

maveta · 31/10/2006 13:12

I really like the idea of my Mum being there but only if dh can also be there, something I have yet to check if they allow here.
I just think that dh is going to be generally quite useless, scared, worried about me, possibly traumatised, and although I really want him there I think from a practical point of view my Mum would be a million times more useful to me.
I know she would watch out for my interests/wishes (where dh is quite the 'if the doctor says you should do it, you should do it, no questions asked') and also not let me get hysterical or carried away.
Opinions?

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ilovecaboose · 31/10/2006 17:42

I had both my mum and dp as my birth partners. Both were good and it was good to hve both of them as it was a long labour and it meant one of them could go out and grab food and I wouldn't be left alone.

Also I collapsed soon after ds was born and so my mum could look after ds while dp stayed with me.

However mum said she wouldn't be able to do it again as it was too diificult to watch me going through (it wasn't an easy birth). However I'm really glad she was there for the first one.

MY friend did the same thing - she wasn't that close to her mum and it did help them bond for a while.

SparklyGothKat · 31/10/2006 17:48

My mum was with me and DH when I went into labour with DS, I ended up having a C/section so she waited outside. She was supposed to be at the birth of dd1 but I went into premature labour while she was on holiday. She was there for the birth of dd2 too. I am glad that she was there for me.

Overtiredmum · 31/10/2006 18:00

Maveta, I was exactly the same. We called my mum when I went in to hospital and said we would keep her informed and my DH called her when I had progressed far enough, as I didn't want her sitting around all night. She turned up ten minutes before I started pushing and was there to see her first grandchild born. Mind you, she quickly left when they pulled out a needle to stitch up my undercarriage . Bless her! I think generally they say you can have two birth partners, but yes check, but I would say definitely worthwhile. Good luck.

Pinkchampagne · 31/10/2006 18:06

My mum was at the birth of both my boys, as H refused to be at either birth.
I think she enjoyed being there & she even cut ds2's cord!

Pruni · 31/10/2006 18:31

Message withdrawn

dizietsma · 31/10/2006 23:30

Never! Mum was at the hospital and actually asked to come in as I was in second stage. Nothing would've horrified me more.

My mother is dreadful for my self-esteem, condescending and very controlling. She'd probably tell me I was doing it wrong, tell me how easy her experiences of birth were and that I should stop making a big fuss and do what I'm told. After all, that's what she did when I had trouble breastfeeding.

FloatingHeadOnTheMed · 31/10/2006 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jossie · 31/10/2006 23:51

Mum and DH were at the births of both DS1 & 2, I needed them both-the only thing being that when they were both holding my hands when I was pushing I made sure it was DH, not mums hand that I bit (honest!!)

Pinkchampagne · 31/10/2006 23:56

Hi, pruni - yes it's me! I did a little update on the thread a while back, but basically, the doctor has referred her for further investigation & she is kind of a little scared.
I forwarded on your advice & she said to thank you.

moondog · 31/10/2006 23:58

No,much as I love her.With the second,dh was abroad and my mother and sister took me to the hospital.
I made them leave though and did it all myself which was absolutely fine.

I'm not convinced that having a family member or the father of the baby there makes that much difference tbh.

moondog · 31/10/2006 23:58

I konw a few women who have had their mothers and fathers.
That is too weird for words....

MKG · 01/11/2006 01:35

My sil had her father and mother, and dh with her. She's Brazilian and her parents don't speak English. She said that things were great until they had to wheel her away for a C-section and things happened so fast that they didn't get anything explained and were left in her room not knowing what was going on.

Trinityrhino · 01/11/2006 06:51

dh was at sea when i gave birth to dd1 so my mum was with me, it was very good at the time but now i would always have dh, he was wonderful at the birth of dd2

redbullbloodandbump · 01/11/2006 06:59

at the moment im 12 weeks pregnant and i had a horrible birth with ds so this time im thinking of having my mom their as well as dp

naughtymummy · 01/11/2006 06:59

Nearly all hospitals allow 2 birthing partners eg; partner and 1 other realy do n't think it will be a problem. Is it your first ? Could be a good idea to have more than 1 person so they can relieve each other for meal breaks etc. Your DP may realy surprise you i know mine did and was brilliant good luck whatever you decide .

fortyplus · 01/11/2006 08:27

YUK! The very idea makes me squirm. I'd much rather have a close friend. I just had dh with my 2 and it was hard on him as he's very squeamish and hated every minute of it - no cutting the cord for him, i'm afraid.
If i'd had a 3rd i would've left him at home to look after the kids & the cat

EJW · 01/11/2006 08:27

Hello

I was in hospital for my ds and just had my dh but for my dd I had a home birth and had both dh and mom there.

It wasn't planned that way but I think I hit the 'transitional stage' and had an overwhleming need for her to be there. Part of me wanted her there in case my ds woke up and also because I just needed her. I can't really explain it!!

I think she was a bit frightened at first, seeing me in labour, but I think now she was really glad she was there to witness it and I'm glad she was able to share that with me and my dh.

Practicalpet · 01/11/2006 08:31

I had my mum, my MIL and my dh at the birth of dd in hospital and it was wonderful. Only had dh and midwives at ds home birth as needed mum and MIL for babysitting and making coffee, but they were first to see him and hold him after us. Wouldn't change a thing.

moondog · 01/11/2006 08:50

The phrase 'birthing patner' makes me wince.....

hazzajo · 01/11/2006 09:06

Hi,I would have loved to have had my mum at the births of my boys and #3 due anytime, but have not cos I don't feel it's fair on dh. Mum and i are so close and she would be great really encouraging but I feel dh would feel a bit redundant and left out. Bless him I think he felt a bit useless during the births anyway. But not much they can really do it there. I want it to be special for him too.

ilovecaboose · 01/11/2006 09:12

curious - what would you say instead of 'birthing partner'.

Agree it sounds crap, but what else could you say - other than the long winded 'people who through my choice were present at the birth of my ds'

lipsbite · 01/11/2006 09:13

i had my Dp AND my mum had my birth partners - they were fab!

lipsbite · 01/11/2006 09:14

oops! had = as

schneebly · 01/11/2006 09:16

I would have loved my mum to be there - she would have been brilliant and could have held up my DH when he fainted! Sadly she passed away before she got to see me have children.

Rumpel · 01/11/2006 10:48

We couldn't have done it without my Mum. My labour was really long and complicated. My DH was with me overnight, then my parents came back in the morning - my DH was exhausted by then - so my Mum took over, so DH went for a sleep on waiting room floor. Ended up with epidural and my Mum supported my leg and helped me to focus on pushing - would have had to have intervention if it wasn't for her. Only 1 person allowed in delivery though so sadly she missed the actual birth. Once head was imminent she went and got DH. She also held LO after delivery as I had to wait for a theatre to become available. Then parents ran DH home - too tired to drive himself and looked after all of us for 2 weeks.
Am very lucky!

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