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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did you/ would you have your Mum as birth partner?

125 replies

maveta · 31/10/2006 13:12

I really like the idea of my Mum being there but only if dh can also be there, something I have yet to check if they allow here.
I just think that dh is going to be generally quite useless, scared, worried about me, possibly traumatised, and although I really want him there I think from a practical point of view my Mum would be a million times more useful to me.
I know she would watch out for my interests/wishes (where dh is quite the 'if the doctor says you should do it, you should do it, no questions asked') and also not let me get hysterical or carried away.
Opinions?

OP posts:

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mckenzie · 02/11/2006 22:04

my mum was going to be at the birth of her second grandchild but ended up looking after the new baby's elder brother who had woken up.
Then she was going to be at the birth of my eldest sisters second child but instead was left at home minding her other grandson while I went with my sister (to try and help me over come my fear or hospital).

So when i was expecting my second I felt I had to ask her if she would like to be present. I gave her a few rules (don't do anything I dont ask you to do, don't interfere, don't talk too much etc etc) but in the end she was brilliant!
DH wasn't that comfortable with me having a home birth and so was fairly on edge the whole time but Mum was obviously just so thrilled to be there she was great. Very encouraging and much calmer than I thought she'd be.
Dh called his mum once DD was born and I guess because she knew that my mum was already with us, she asked to come over. Imagine if you can my mum holding DD, DH emptying the birthing pool, one midwife writing up the notes and one midwife giving me a stitch or two and MIL holding the torch for her to see properly .
At the time I couldn't have cared less as I had a beautiful DD to be a little sister for DS but now..... how I cringe

mckenzie · 02/11/2006 22:05

btw, MIL mentioned the following day how neat the midwife's stitches were!!!

BATtymumma · 02/11/2006 22:06

when Ds was born i had my partner, my mum, his mum and his aunt (whom i had only ever said Hello to once prior to this day) the midwife, a group of students and the pead.

with DD i had partner and my mum.

bellbottoms · 02/11/2006 22:37

I wasn't with the Dad of my ds, though he was at the birth, but my main partner was my mum, adn my neice came along too, more to hold the Dad's hand as he new her. My Mum say sshe feels so privaliged to have been there - she was brilliant (even though we disagee on mnay other things in life!). Even if I have my own partner next time (hopefully), I'll still want my Mum there next time, if she doesn't need to be looing after ds, though then I'd have a home birth.

Lact8AllThePies · 02/11/2006 23:00

I had my mum with me for all 3 births. She was great.

I wanted DP there without doubt but if I stub my toe I go into "I want my Mu-u-um" mode so was pretty sure I'd want her there for the births too!

She's great company and all the births were really relaxed and we spent most of it laughing and joking.

She also instinctively knew when I wanted socks for my cold feet and a bobble for my hair.

She also 'pushed' at the same time as me so I got a mirror image of what I looked like while I was doing it!

snowleopard · 02/11/2006 23:01

I think not. DP phoned her during labour to report that after 12 hours of excruciating agony I had now had an epidural and he was so relieved I wasn't in so much pain any more.

My mum said "Ah now if she'd gone to NCT classes, then she'd have known what to do with the pain".

That was enough of her "supportiveness" for one labour...

MadMommie · 03/11/2006 07:29

I think I'd rather give birth with Saddam Hussein holding my hand, than have my Mother there. She was with my Sis when she had her 2nd -after a marathon labour, my Sis started pushing and my Mum chirped up ' Ooooh, you should just see how big your bum-hole is stretching!' WTF!! At this stage, my Sis just wanted to get the baby out and couldn't have given a toss whether her 'bum-hole' was the size of the Channel Tunnel! . To make matters worse, that was the anecdote my Mum repeated to everyone in the family about the birth!! Mothers!!

helenmelon · 03/11/2006 12:17

I really wanted my mum there, but dh said he wanted it to just be us, so I relented. During the birth, though , he rang the parents to let them know it had all started and that after 15 hours we were now in hosp.

This resulted in the parents rushing to the hospital and, without asking me, the midwife showed my MIL in!! Much as I love her to bits, she was the last person I wanted to see and she was with me for 2 hours, which was horrendous!!! Every time I had a contraction, she kept asking me if it hurt (no sh*t, Sherlock) and then kept on gossiping about people she knew and telling me about her dog!! I did resist the urge to tell her where I wanted her to go and ended up in a sulk refusing to talk with anyone!! After 2 hours, my parents arrived, my mum immediately went to rub my back and was lovely, but she went off when the hosp finally decided it wasn't a good idea to have visitors!!! Nice of them to ask me!!!!

Anyway, ended up with an ecs after a 28.5 hour labour and really wish I'd kept mum with me - she'd def had been the best person with me and I think she'd have been v encouraging. If we ever have another, I'm going to tackle the MIL to let her know that it's inappropriate to visit without asking me and that I don't want her there for a while - she'll be hurt, but next time, I'm having it my way, or there won't be any more!!! (Am actually planning an elective cs, but am going to keep the gps at bay for at least 24 hours after the op)

I think if you want her there then go for it - it's your birth, noone else's (not even your dh's) and if that's who you want for support then great!! I really regret my mum not being with me.

Original poster

maveta · 03/11/2006 15:46

Well there's no more discussion for me, I'm afraid, the midwife tells me that the hospital I am assigned to is very strict about only 1 partner. They feel it is the best thing for both the mother and the medical team so no way, no how.

And for the first one at least, my one partner has to be my DH. I'd better tell Mum soon as although I have not said anything to her, she has dropped enough hints to let me know she is hoping to come along...

Poo.

OP posts:

chipo · 03/11/2006 16:25

My mum and dh where at the birth of my dd. I had to have my mum there, but not sure why. She was a great support as was dh.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 03/11/2006 16:29

had my mum at ds1's birth. couldnt have done it without her.
just dh for ds2 though.

YellowFeathers · 03/11/2006 16:37

Maveta
Fwiw, when I had my dd, my mum and dad came with us to the hospital just to be around for when I had her. After I was in for a couple of hours they came into the labour room and it was just after I had been given Pethidine. My mum fell to pieces because I was lolling all over the bed in a barely concious state and all she could do was cry and then snap at the MW demanding to know what they'd given me lol!

When I was pg with ds I thought about having her there. I think its a comfort thing for us, knowing we have out mums there. It seems to make things ok if you get me. Anyway I casually mentioned it and she said she couldnt do it as it was so hard seeing her seeing me like I was but she said she would be there the second he was born to help me after. Thats what she did and it was great as she brought my dd in and helped me shower, got me drinks etc and let dh and I just coo over our new baby.

So it might be better that shes not there

glammummy · 03/11/2006 16:49

DH and I thought that we wanted the birth to ourselves - I stupidly thought it would be all frilly white nighties and soft music (mmm, how many greetings cards have I seen!!). Having waited for years and years for our DTs I really wanted it to be perfect.

However, after 14 hours of non-eventual inducement and 14 hours of labour finally faced with recommendation from midwife to have c-section (I think she said 'you're mad to even consider delivering such large babies') and great pressure from consultant not to - I really wished I had my mum there to help make decision and protect me from consultant!! But by then DH exhausted (and of course I was feeling great (not)) and he didn't want my mum there so I never said anything. I couldn't walk so couldn't get to phone and wimped out of asking anyone to call her. She was at home in terrible state and has not forgiven me for not letting her be there. This is the first time I have admitted that I wanted my mum there. Morale of this story - have your mum there, even if she drives you mad she will be a support for you and help with agonising choices!!

PS When my sister gave birth in hospital it was mum not midwife who noticed that baby had cord around neck....

aprilmeadow · 03/11/2006 19:48

I hadnt planned for my mum to be there, but dh wasnt feeling well and they asked me if i wanted them to call her. SHe arrived as i was in the birthing pool and thought to myself 'she hasnt seen me naked since i was 10!'. I didnt give birth in the pool, and as ds head was crowning she asked if she could have a look! She says it was the most privileged thing she has ever done and something she will never forget. She was fantastic and a real support to dh. As soon as i found out i was pg this time i booked her in for round 2!

7up · 03/11/2006 20:00

my mum was with me for my first son and she was brill,she said afterwards that i nearly broke her fingers i was squeezing so hard! bless her she didnt complain at thetime

loopybear · 03/11/2006 22:26

My mum came to relieve DH whilst I was in hospital went into labour whilst under observation and they didn't let me leave!!! My Mum was great whilst I was in labour but I wanted birth to be just me and DH. Although Mum was on standby if things weren't going well, she tends to be bossy and controlling and I didn't want the stress of that

MarieHannah · 03/11/2006 23:27

my mum was at the birth of my son along with my partner, she was great and said that she was so thankful and priveliged that we allowed her to be a part of the birth, although i nearly kicked them both out of the window when they were pushing my legs back!!!!!!

I was nervous about my mum seeing everything but you leave your dignity at the hospital door anyway and i didnt have chance to think about it.

Marie

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/11/2006 23:41

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Couldnt care less about modesty its the "wasnt like that in my day" tirade that would ensue after a few minutes....

foundintranslation · 03/11/2006 23:56

oh bl**dy hell, my mum as birth partner:

'come on, they're not painful, I need to see you Making an Effort. - What? Only 3cm? You're Doing It Deliberately.'

An experience I can do without, tbh.

chubbleigh · 04/11/2006 00:34

My mum was with both me and my sister during our labours, she was an absolute brick in both cases. Neither birth went according to plan but I can't think what the hell it would have been like without her, she was just so calm and reassuring no matter what happened, and lots happened in both cases. I love her to bits, she even managed to make me laugh - by taking off my TENS machine but forgetting to turn it off first so it stuck to her fingers whilst on full - hilarious! She does a good impression of sister yodelling into the gas and air too.

FawkesBride · 04/11/2006 00:42

I can't imagine anything worse than my mother being at the birth. And as she hasn't babysat once in 5 years it would be most unlikely that she would have wanted to join in anyway.

wabbitt · 04/11/2006 01:44

Lord No!!!

Makes me laugh just to think of it... she'd be so crap... Ahhhh It's cheered me up just pondering the absurdity of mum at a birth! She probably wasn't present at her own!

cat71 · 04/11/2006 06:59

I had mum and dh with me when I had dd1 in hospital - I wasn't sure how he'd cope and knew she'd be fine as she'd had 5 of us! In the event, he was fine, but I think we both appreciated having her there as it was long and exhausting. DD2 was born at home with just dh and midwife, as didn't feel the need to have mum there. Would definitely recommend it if you're all ok with the idea!

MellyMum · 04/11/2006 23:28

I wanted my mum there at birth of dd, so had her and dp. It was great, we were reading mags and having a picnic in the labour room - helped by the fact that I went through the whole thing without any pain! But my mum was able to help physically while I was pushing, as I rested my foot on her hip, which left dp to get busy with the camera! now we have a wonderful photographic record of the whole shebang!

izzybiz · 06/11/2006 08:49

I had my Ds when i was 16, so my mum was with me when i gave birth.
She was fantastic, i had a natural birth and my mum was there pushing with me!!
It was lovely as well as she has always felt she has a special bond with Ds as she saw him born and held him straight after me.

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