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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Did you/ would you have your Mum as birth partner?

125 replies

maveta · 31/10/2006 13:12

I really like the idea of my Mum being there but only if dh can also be there, something I have yet to check if they allow here.
I just think that dh is going to be generally quite useless, scared, worried about me, possibly traumatised, and although I really want him there I think from a practical point of view my Mum would be a million times more useful to me.
I know she would watch out for my interests/wishes (where dh is quite the 'if the doctor says you should do it, you should do it, no questions asked') and also not let me get hysterical or carried away.
Opinions?

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JoolsToo · 31/10/2006 13:14

I was there for dgs1 birth - would have gone to the other two also but was working

DD wanted me there and her dh was there too. It was a wonderful experience all round.

BudaBeast · 31/10/2006 13:17

God no - my mother would be USELESS. She ddn't want to be at her own children's births!

mumfor1standfinaltime · 31/10/2006 13:18

My Mum popped over to my house when she learned of my contractions.
I didn't ask her to be with me at the birth because I didn't think about it really. As my labour progressed I decided I wanted her there too (as well as dh). I thought she could help dh as he is squeamish and he hates hospitals.
She was a great help in the car on the way to hospital helping me breathe through my contractions (they were every 2 mins at this stage!).
I had an emargency c section in the end so she wasn't there for labour as sh came into theatre, but she was a great help for me and dh.

SamhainWitch · 31/10/2006 13:19

Had my mum and DH at birth of DS1.

She got to hold him when he was mere minutes old and the midwifes were in stitches as she talked to him 'hello little man, I'm your babysitter'

It was wonderful to have her there.

Leandevil · 31/10/2006 13:20

I had my mum and my dh with me for both of my kids birth and i couldn't of done without either of them.My dh kept me smiling and mum kept me calm.My mum says it was one of the most amazing experiences of her life.
I didn't plan on having mum with me with dd birth , she was going to look after my ds but as soon as things got tough i aske dh to phone her.

Skribble · 31/10/2006 13:23

I had DH who was wonderful but I can quite understand that some partners wouldn't be ask helpful. You are quite right to want to have someone who will support you the best if its you mum then go for it.

Just tell the hospital you want to partners, its not like they are little kids running about and going to get in the way wellmaybe DH .

KathyDCLXVI · 31/10/2006 13:28

Not my mum as she would wibble, but throughout history women have been supported in labour by their mothers and in some culturs they still do, so you should go for it
If the hospital only allow one partner you could make your mum your offical birth partner and sneak your husband in towards the end - I'm sure you could get away with it.

LOL at Budabeast's mum not wanting to be there at her own children's births

Charleesunnysunsun · 31/10/2006 13:32

I had both my DP and my mum and plan to do the same again for when LO decides to arrive.

TBH i can't remeber much about DS's birth as i was pumped full of drugs as i was ill but i agree my DP isn't the strongest man when it comes to discussing things with dr's and i know he's worried about coping when he sees me in pain ect so if you have a good relationship with your mum go for it!

I must add i also had DP's mum in the room when DS was born, it wasn't planned but she showed up at the end and i was out of it so didn't tell her to leave. I didn't mind though she respectfully stayed up the head end!

BudaBeast · 31/10/2006 13:32

She was "knocked out" for two of them (I kid you not).

lulumama · 31/10/2006 13:33

most hospitals allow 2 birth partners... i ended up with 3..including my mum....

she was a rock..a fantastic source of strength...she didn't do much..no-one can do much for you in labour IFYSWIM..she was just there for me.

but i have a fantastic relationship with her. she is a strong person,a trained counsellor, so very empathetic. and i knew she would be ok.

if you are not sure if your mum could, then don;t ...you don;t want to have anyone else to worry about when you are in labour.If you are confident, and she is confident then great and she can support DH too,,,,

some mums can;t bear to see their DDs in pain...you know her better than us! it is magical for a grandparent to see their grandbaies enter the world...

and my mum tried to brush my hair for me after i had had DD...bless....

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 31/10/2006 13:36

I had them both but only dp when I was in the theatre. They were great apart from my mum putting a bloody picture of Padre blooming Pio on my tummy during it. I think I screamed at her that as I wasn't married but my dp still was to his ex, I doubted that Padre Pio would have wanted anything to do with this birth

MKG · 31/10/2006 13:39

Never, when I was being induced she came to see me when I was in labor. I had to kick her out because she didn't stop being a mom. She started trying to tell the midwife and nurse what to do. I was doing hypnobirthing and she kept talking to me, I was like "shut up". Finally I told her to go home because she wasn't helping. She was the first phone call we made and even though she lives 30 min from hospital she magically made it in 15.

KathyDCLXVI · 31/10/2006 13:39

LOL, CCC.

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 31/10/2006 13:54

I hadn't planned on having mum there but when I had dd it all got a bit much and I creid for my mum so they called her. She was great it meant dh could go and get something to eat (it was a very long labour). She said it was the most amazing thing to see her 1st grandchild born.

When I had ds we decided that we would do it alone and mum looked after dd instead. If I had of needed her she would of left dd with my dad and got there as quick as possible though.

Panyanpickle77 · 31/10/2006 13:58

My mum and dh were present whilst I was in labour with ds2, but my mum left 15 minutes before he was born because she nearly passed out (lol she is usually really strong stomached, but she said she couldn't take seeing her "baby" in so much pain!!!)

Spidermama · 31/10/2006 13:58

I nearly did it for ds2 but, in retrospect, I was doing it for her. I had such a lovely birth with dd1 I thought it would be an bonding and enriching - even healing - experience for my mum to be around for ds 2. BIG mistake. Labour kicked off and she was critical of how I was doing it and started to become needy and demanding. It was hell. We had to get rid of her and I ended up having a really long, awful birth. She was incredibly unsupportive, even critical, throughout and after. It seriously dented our relationship.

But that's my mum.

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:05

My mom was amazing, in fact, I couldn't have coped without her because my husband was a complete waste of space! - She kept me focused when I needed to be and reassured me when I thought I was dying!
When we try for number two, we have already agreed that Grandad can look after number one, Grandma is going to be present with mommy in the labour room and daddy can do what he pleases!!!

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:07

Need to add that she stepped back when I delivered and let us bond with our baby before she held him. I think it allowed our little one to get to know her better, he is in the selective mode and will only go to me, my husband or my mom willingly!
She feels honoured to have been there and everytime I need her to babysit, all I have to do is remind her of the magical moment when she helped my husband to put on his first nappy and dress him in his oversized baby grow! (I would have got involved but I was still being cared for on the bed, good job she was there, because my husband was so frightened of the little lad!)

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:07

Need to add that she stepped back when I delivered and let us bond with our baby before she held him. I think it allowed our little one to get to know her better, he is in the selective mode and will only go to me, my husband or my mom willingly!
She feels honoured to have been there and everytime I need her to babysit, all I have to do is remind her of the magical moment when she helped my husband to put on his first nappy and dress him in his oversized baby grow! (I would have got involved but I was still being cared for on the bed, good job she was there, because my husband was so frightened of the little lad!)

lucy5 · 31/10/2006 14:09

I had dh and my mum and they both served different purposes. My mum came into her own, at the end when I needed someone with a firm hand to say no to something that I didn't want.

Piffle · 31/10/2006 14:10

I was single when i ad ds and mum was great
I would not have wanted her there with dp there though.
I am having home birth this time, she will likely be here as she will be here to help out a bit. So there is a chance she will be involved I guess.
If your mum is more likely to be your true advocate then given the need to knowing the other person in the birth room with you really well and also being sure they will speak for you and be supportive, I'd certainly have no qualms about picking your mum

PandaBear · 31/10/2006 14:10

I had my Mum on standby with both my children. Just in case anything happened, and my DH couldn't cope. It was really important for me to know that there would be someone to fight my corner. (Incidentally she wasn't needed and wasn't offended by this!!!)

largegingerpsychoandtonic · 31/10/2006 14:12

Oh id be devastated if my mom didnt make it. She has been at all of my childrens births. I had section with the twins and she was there as Exp was on lads hol (they came at 29 weeks)She raced to be there when i had dd and she was with me for the last 2 homebirths i had. Much nicer she could keep herself busy making tea for the midwife and cleaning. I had my exp with me too but i just wanted her there, she knew what it was like and i wasnt embarrased at all about each icky stage as i knew she didnt care! My dad was always hovering too, he usually waits outside the door while im pushing but comes in straight afterwards.

Im due in may this time but live about 4 hours from her now, im scared she wont make it as last ds came in 40 mins, in fact im scared noone will make it!

I would totally recommend it, its all a bit girl power cliche but it so helps in labour. I will never forget the sheer joy on my mums face as she was one of the first to see her grandchildren too. Am all emotional now, sob....

Delia · 31/10/2006 14:13

Mine's on stand by in case my DH needs her! he's so worried he wont be able to cope with seeing me in pain that he has told her she has to be there. I get the impression that she would'nt miss it for the world though she's the most exited one out of the three of us.

ginmummy · 31/10/2006 14:15

My then partner and mother were there at ds's birth, he on my left side squeezing my hand numb and she on my right side cranking my neck forward in an attempt to make me push harder. She touched ds's head as he was crowning and was completely overwhelmed by the whole experience. It was a wonderful day and mum still thanks me to this day for 'allowing' her to be there, although practicalities aside, if anything had gone wrong they would have needed her permission to operate anyway as ds's dad and I weren't married and she's my next of kin.

I also remember asking her to be there when I was about 16 weeks and I apologised in advance for any swearing and topped it off with a 'fcuking, cnuty, blocks' so it wouldn't come as a shock that her darling daughter knew those words! As it was I was so knackered I didn't even raise my voice, let alone swear.