Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Did you/ would you have your Mum as birth partner?

125 replies

maveta · 31/10/2006 13:12

I really like the idea of my Mum being there but only if dh can also be there, something I have yet to check if they allow here.
I just think that dh is going to be generally quite useless, scared, worried about me, possibly traumatised, and although I really want him there I think from a practical point of view my Mum would be a million times more useful to me.
I know she would watch out for my interests/wishes (where dh is quite the 'if the doctor says you should do it, you should do it, no questions asked') and also not let me get hysterical or carried away.
Opinions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ditzymum · 31/10/2006 14:17

My mum was fantastic when I had both of mine and I'd definitely have her there if I ever have another. When ds2 was born I'd split with xp and he was there but the atmosphere was slightly strained. The midwife sent him out of the room as he was upsetting me and he came in for the last 5 minutes so I was sooo glad Mum was there to help me through it.

She says it was a privilege to see her little grandsons come into the world and I'm sure she has a closer bond with them as a result. I think its made us closer too - now I appreciate her a whole lot more.

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 31/10/2006 14:21

There's no should/shouldn't about it... but I wouldn't want to bare my bits in from of my mother! Complete strangers (in a childbirth setting!!) no probs... but not mum!

And she stresses me out under normal circs so not the ideal doula...

NappiesGalore · 31/10/2006 14:23

i had my mum and dp there for all three...actually, mum was only at 1st and 3rd (was looking after the 1st while i had 2nd - 3rd was at home)

anyways - worked for me as dp was my BP and mum was kind of there if i needed her IYSWIM. i didnt, need her that is, and dp was glad she was there (he had been a bit put out and territorial) because she caught the flak from my sharp tongue instead of him (well, she told me to remember to breathe. what?? am i in labour or a coma??)

i always assumed she would be there - she is a pro-active/natural birth MW herself - so she was. i think it was more for her than me, but that was fine.

your OP has the answers there. take both and see how it panns out. if dp finds strength and backbone from somewhere, you'll both revel in the closenes that brings after, and if he stays a wimp , then mum can step in and be your rock, while he doesnt miss anything (or cock anything up)

good luck!

FreakyFloss · 31/10/2006 14:27

I had my mum with me - mainly because DP is not always the most sympathetic and i thought he might not be the best. As it was he was really good. But like others said mum spoke up for me more (getting me pain relief). She was delighted to be there - Dp less so. I said recently that I was surprised how good Dp was at the birth of DS, and she said she didn't think he was that great, but I suspect thats just because she is trying to line up her case for any future births!

FreakyFloss · 31/10/2006 14:29

I mean DP was delighted to be at birth, but not so delighted about my mum, mainly as she stayed the night and he couldn't. A point I plan to use to talk him round to the idea of a home birth, should we have another!

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:33

How does your mom feel about possibly being there?
Mine was shocked that I even asked, but she is a nurse and initially I wanted her there for her knowledge and to support my husband. In the end, it was just wonderful to have her there at all, she has had four children and she helped sooooooo much! (Don't get the wrong impression, it was gooey, she was actually very harsh with me about pushing, not giving up, not vocalising the pain ....... etc etc and in the end it was the look my midwife gave me that made me try harder! - Still worth it though!)

hunkermunster · 31/10/2006 14:36

I had my mum with me at both births. DH was there for DS1's birth, but DS1 had a temp of 40.3 the night before DS2 was born, so he was with him when I had DS2 (who came more quickly than anyone was expecting!).

I'd have her with me again if I had another baby. She was brilliant.

hotandbothered · 31/10/2006 14:40

Had mum with me at home through early stages. Funny - dh was timimg contractions while mum rubbed my back! Not planned - but I insisted mum came in the car with me to hosp. - couldn't manage pain without the back rubbing! She left us in the labour room and went home. She thinks it was all 'textbook'(in her words!) after that... I was 8-9 cm when I got there, they broke my waters (told me it would speed things up and I'd soon have my baby)i stopped coping after that, was in agony, baby was stuck, pushed for 3 hours, had 2 extended episiotomies, horrible experience. Don't know if having mum there would or could have made it any easier, but maybe she'd have insisted better than dh managed that I needed an epidural or something! She certainly doesn't understand when I say I'm not going through childbirth again

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:41

Mom admitted afterwards that she was scared throughout the whole thing because she remembered me as a little defenseless baby and really felt for me!
Now, I love my husband, but he could not possibly understand that emotion!

SpookyMadMummy · 31/10/2006 14:49

I had mum with me with dd1 - the midwife and her almost came to blows about whether or not i would breastfeed!!!!

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 14:52

I made sure my mom had a copy of my birth plan (not that the hosptial did any more than file it away!) but she knew what I wanted regarding pain killers, breast feeding, emergencies etc.
Just lay down the rules.

rebelmum1 · 31/10/2006 15:17

I refused to have my mother present, think it depends on how competent your mother is. I didn't rely on dp either, although present of course. I have severe drug allergies, and the senior midwife at the hospital also was a private accupuncture practitioner so I paid him to be there. He was incredible!!!!!! and looked after my interests throughout the duration, helped that he knew the consultants and staff. Put dp off a bit when I raved about him tho.

EmsTomot · 31/10/2006 15:22

I think you are right Rebel, there is not a right or wrong way, the important thing is that you feel supported. If we are all honest with each other, there is probably going to be at least one moment during the labour that you tell almost everyone in the room to piss off anyway!!!

taylormama · 31/10/2006 15:29

i had my mum as one of my birth partners along with DH and she was amazing. I thought DH would be useless (he wasn't BTW he was incredible - he even cut the cord after spending 9 months going green at the thought LOL!). I was in slow labour for 2 days and my mum was with me as DH had to go to work - she rubbed my back, walked through the house with me and got me through 2 very rough days. When i was in active labour she could be around when DH needed a break and vice versa ... i think it is a very personal decision and if you are close to your mum and she is practical and will do EXACTLY what YOU want in your labour then go for it!

staceym11 · 31/10/2006 15:58

i had my mum and dh (then dp) with me when in labour with dd, she was brilliant, it was nice just knowing someone else close to me had been through the same, so she could tell me it was all gunna be alright!! i also didnt know if dp was gunna be useless and id need someone else, he was great but i didnt know he would be! lol

am currently 38 weeks pg and the only reason my mum isnt gunna be iwth me this time is coz shes looking after dd, shes the person dd will feel best with and as il be in pain and not best happy when leaving dd i think thats best. think i will miss her support in labour but dh has given up smoking now so should be able to stay around the whole time!

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 16:03

my mum was there for the birth of both my girls and she was fab (she's also a nurse so understood all the jargon and patient care etc)

she's really chuffed she was there as its very special to her

madmarchscare · 31/10/2006 16:10

Had both my mum and dh up until they got the stirrups out and started talking c sections. I asked for only DH to be there at this point and as it turned out I had a section so only one of them allowed anyway. Hopefully you wont have to go there but think about it beforehand and make sure its clear what is going to happen if this is the case.

It was great having my mum around though, she was very good at doing what needed to be done iyswim, good at distracting me when I was getting anxious. DH was more of a shuffler and just went along with whatever he was told to do.

Pruni · 31/10/2006 16:11

Message withdrawn

Original poster

maveta · 31/10/2006 16:18

Thanks for all of your input. My mum is a very level headed and practical person and not particularly soppy so I can't imagine her feeling bad about seeing me in a state! She's much more likely to say 'Oh come on, we've all done it, just get on with it'
I am not going to ask her until I have checked two partners are allowed as if pushed dh is first choice, useless as he may be. But I know she would love to be there.
I really would need both as we are in Spain and her Spanish is limited so if she is to communicate my wishes she'll need to do it through dh.
Thanks for all your stories, they almost make it sound like a lovely experience!

OP posts:

rebelmum1 · 31/10/2006 16:42

Good luck it's a breeze .. just don't forget to breathe

LittleScarer · 31/10/2006 17:00

My mum and dad were there, although my mum did go out to get her hair done as I thought I had ages to go!

Both were great but tbh, I was mainly concentrating on my breathing and not being overwhelmed by the agony that was just thankful to have someone in background, not mindlessly placating me!

Ilovemyboy · 31/10/2006 17:37

I have told my mum that she can be at my baby's birth although she has a fair way to travel what with her living in Manchester and me in London so I don't know if she will be able to make it.

I don't think she will be much use tbh but I told her she could be there if she wanted to so she didn't feel left out. I can see her getting quite upset if she sees me in pain and she has a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I can just imagine her saying something annoying when I am having a huge contraction and me telling her to get out or something.

I love her to bits though. You never know, she may just come up trumps on the day and be my rock.

MarsLady · 31/10/2006 17:40

I think it would be wonderful if your mum was there. Your mum makes you feel safe (I assume) and that's what you need to give birth... a feeling of safety. I'm sure you two will have a special time together.

FioFio · 31/10/2006 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QuootieSpookypie · 31/10/2006 17:42

My mum was a midwife, so, NO! Goodness, the things she comes out with... shed drive me up the wall!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5