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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did you/ would you have your Mum as birth partner?

125 replies

maveta · 31/10/2006 13:12

I really like the idea of my Mum being there but only if dh can also be there, something I have yet to check if they allow here.
I just think that dh is going to be generally quite useless, scared, worried about me, possibly traumatised, and although I really want him there I think from a practical point of view my Mum would be a million times more useful to me.
I know she would watch out for my interests/wishes (where dh is quite the 'if the doctor says you should do it, you should do it, no questions asked') and also not let me get hysterical or carried away.
Opinions?

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Taffindra · 01/11/2006 12:05

My mum was at the birth of DS1, and thank-god she was! After they broke my waters, because of the Oxytoxin (or whatever its called) drip my contractions went from Zero to off the scale - horrendous and with no gaps in between. I was in a real pickle - unable to speak or function at all. Mother marched of and demanded to speak to the head of the unit, and insisted that I had an epidural IMMEDIATELY!! And lo, it happened (after an hour or so) but probably a good deal quicker than it would have otherwise. I always thank my lucky stars she was there - she took control and wasn't afraid to kick up a fuss. Good old mum! She'll be there at the next hopefully.

Ellieorange · 01/11/2006 12:22

I was reluctant to have my mum as whenever i mentioned being afraid of the birth she'd say, 'oh it's not that bad, thousands of women go through it every day'! in the end i did, and she was great. really helped when it came to the pushing and poor old dh was in a bit of a state. it is hard for the men, but women who have been through it seem to cope better. depends on your dh but i think it's good to have mother as support and also her and my dh have been closer since.

hollys1mum · 01/11/2006 12:56

i feel really guilty after reading all these messages. My mum really wanted to be at the birth, after doing it 7 times herself she would have loved to see it 'from a different end'. I was horrified at the idea, and thought seeing as i am the oldest (therefore bearing the first grandchild) there would be plenty more oppertunity for her. That was nearly 3 years ago and it doesn't look like there will be more soon! she still makes little digs about it now. will definately consider her for the next time. Although i can just imagine it 'do it like this... if i can do it seven times............'!

judemum · 01/11/2006 16:34

My mum was there as well as DH. The hospital strictly weren't supposed to let me have more than one birthing partner, but it was obvious that I needed the two of them and they never said anything to me about it. It was fab having them both there- she gave me lots of sympathy and made me feel pretty safe and secure, whislt DH urged me on with stern words. I learnt afterwards that DH found her being there a massive emotional support for him too and he has asked her to be there for birth of our number 2 in a few weeks time I would say absolutely have her there if thats what you want.

MrsWaggsnapps · 01/11/2006 17:33

I had my mum and DH and it was such a help and enabled my mum to bond with DS from very early on, which has been a godsend.

I had a homebirth planned and asked Mum to be present and then had my plans scuppered by MW illness (4 down 2 days after New Year, ), so when I exventually went in Mum came too and stayed the whole time in the delivery suite and was brought cups of coffee etc. - I ended up with an emergency CS and she wasn't allowed in theatre but they did let her wait in the suite and so she was the first (apart from DH) to see our firstborn (and her first grandchild).

Theres alot of evidence that having a female who has experienced childbirth in the room with you is very beneficial even if they do nothing at all, so I will insist on her presence again (if she's willing)

crayon · 01/11/2006 18:12

It didn't even cross my mind to ask my Mum. I'm amazed how many Mums were there and wonder if I should have asked her now!

winnie · 01/11/2006 18:24

My mum was at the birth of my dd. I will always be glad that she was there. (Dd's dad was there too.)

beegee · 01/11/2006 20:17

I had a homebirth for my 2nd - had 2 midwives, 1 student midwife, my dp AND my mum.

Of all the people there, mum made me feel the most OK. Because I knew she'd been through labour (4 times herself) I completely trusted her when she said 'It'll be ok. This is normal. Keep going' etc..

Her support and 'been there, done that' commentry really helped in the moment which was brilliant TBH.

BTW, I hadn't indended her to be there - she was supposed to be looking after my 3 yo ds, but he slept through the whole thing!! ahhh...

So glad she was there. She has a special bond with my dd now from the experience.

CountTo10 · 01/11/2006 20:21

I had my mum at my birth - something she was totally not expecting me to ask her to do. I was so glad she was there as I just don't think dp could have coped on his own. I did worry for her as there were points where I was in a lot of pain and she got upset but it took my mind of what was going on and she was fine. Mum's just seem to know what you need and I didn't have to say anything, she just knew and a flannel would appear as if by magic. Its the closest I've ever felt to my mum and I'm so glad she was there to be part of that experience with me.

angelgabriel · 02/11/2006 00:57

My mum was there for ds1's birth - we'd written in our birthplan that we wanted to find out the sex for ourselves - he popped out and before I'd seen him mum was so overwhelmed with excitement she shouted he's got a willy!

She was in the house looking after ds when dd was born - they both came into the room just after as they'd been having breakfast in the next room and ds heard the baby cry.

Both times she was great to have around - as we had home births, she was really useful for making tea and helping to clear up. She left quite soon after the births just leaving us to be alone with our new baby. She really enjoyed the experience too.

3kids · 02/11/2006 07:19

My mum was there for the birth of ds2 she was great and enjoyed the experiance aswell.

suburbanjellybrain · 02/11/2006 07:31

This made me chuckle as I was planning to have mum around for my homebirth but she was staying with us - as she lived in wales and we live in Bedfordshire - and as I had an early show and a night in hospital she stayed from about 35wks on finally we drove each other up the wall so much that she went back to wales for a few days and 2 days later I had the baby! It was a huge row with my dh about when mum would be returning that precipitated the onset of labour so mum was sort of there in spirit!

BexieID · 02/11/2006 09:59

My mum was with me. Df was driving down from Scotland and missed the birth by 4 hours! Mum held Thomas whilst I was in theatre having my tear stitched up.

mumofhelen · 02/11/2006 12:12

Never. My mother would get in the way. She attended my SIL birth, and she was eventually asked to leave by the midwives because she began to "take over" everything.

chocolatekimmy · 02/11/2006 12:15

Iv'e just had my third and my mum came with us (me and my husband) and it was lovely. She kept in the sidelines mostly but was right by my side touching and encouraging me as I pushed whilst I was hanging round my husbands neck! She also started filming straight after I had delivered so that was a bonus. Also nice was that she stayed with me when my husband went out to make the phonecalls.

If you are close to your mum I would definately recommend it, she thought it was amazing and a real privilage to be part of.

PocketTasha · 02/11/2006 12:35

I didn't even consider the idea of my mum being at my childrens births. I don't think she would argue with me in those kind of circumstances but i think the extra person would be extra stress anyway. I don't intend her being there this time round either. I am one of these people that would prefer to be in the room on my own if i could! so the fewer people the better! Both dh and my mum are quite good with following barked instructions in a stressful situation but i just wouldn't need them both.

Tommy · 02/11/2006 12:50

not in a million years.......

(mind you, she'd probably be busy and wouldn't be able to make it anyway)

noseymum · 02/11/2006 16:10

I had my Mum with me as well as my DH, and to be honest she was a much better person to have there than my DH, who kept saying things to annoy me (bless him). I think as my Mum had experienced what I was going through, she knew exactly what to say and do. Where as DH, well he's a bloke isn't he.

Homebird8 · 02/11/2006 16:20

Wouldn't have had much choice about my Mum being there at the birth. My subconscious obviously finds her so inhibiting that my labour stopped when she arrived and didn't start again until 6 hours later she left. 1 hour after that I was suddenly 5 centimetres and gave birth 4 hours later. They say your body knows when you don't feel safe and I don't think I'd have given birth for days if she had been there! I love my Mum but she does tend to think her opinion is the only way to go and I struggle to deal with that;o)

mygirllolipop · 02/11/2006 16:41

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 16:42

I would have loved to have had my mum there.

She always knocks some sense into me.

oxocube · 02/11/2006 17:26

my mum was with us for home birth of dc3 along with dh. It felt nice and natural. In fact, she cut the cord as dh is v squeamish about such things. Then she woke up our other 2 kids and brought them in to see their new brother. It was pretty special actually.

ProfYaffle · 02/11/2006 17:30

Never. My Mum would be chuffed to bits to be asked but in reality she's not good in a crisis, flaps endlessly and would need looking after herself. She also had a really traumatic birth with me so I think it would bring back memories for her and I don't think she would cope very well.

MrsWaggsnapps · 02/11/2006 18:23

I had a slow start to labour and my contractions only really started when my mum walked through the door

lapsedrunner · 02/11/2006 19:35

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