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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

My bits hurt :(

34 replies

millysimmons · 30/10/2006 16:46

I had a forceps delivery on the 7th october, lots of stitches & bad piles. Stitches feel OKish at moment, piles are giving me hell but my bits feels like they've done ten rounds with mike tyson. Can anyone let me know how long I can expect to feel like this? at times I feel like I'm walking like a cowboy, othertimes it feels OK.
The MW & HV think I should be thinking about sex but at the moment nothing is further from my mind....or should I say I'd like to be able to but just scared, al most like loosing your virginity again!!is this normal?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

belgo · 30/10/2006 16:50

You have a three week old baby and your HV and MW think that you should be thinking about sex?! Took me at least three months before I could even think about it!

lulumama · 30/10/2006 16:51

erm..why do they think you should be thinking about sex!! not even a month since you delivered!!! arnica is good....and warm baths,,,take it easy as you can and sit on a rubber ring if neccesary......

eat plenty of fruit & veg and dried fruit and drink lots of water to ensure you are not constipated too

dont; feel pressured to resume marital relations...get yourself healed...

i had a couple of stitches and took a good 4 -5 weeks before fanjo felt even remotely back to normal

and then waited until i had 6 week check & a coil in place before resuming normal service!!

donl;t hurry this....you need to recuperate and wait until you are pysically & mentally ready for this....when your bits feel better..you will feel more in the mood

belgo · 30/10/2006 16:56

Lulumama's absolutely right - you need to give yourself time to recover. It took me about 4-6 weeks to recover after giving birth, it's hard to remember exactly.

taylormama · 30/10/2006 17:30

i swear to god most HVs are bonkers. Why should you be thinking about sex????!!!!!! It took my bits and bobs a good 6 - 7 weeks to feel ok (i had a lot of stiches)- 10 drops of lavender oil and half a cup of milk in each bath is a great healer ... also have the water warm not hot.

marjean · 30/10/2006 19:22

OK - I had a small tear, no stitches and have only thought about doing the deed 5 months on! My HV gave gave me information on contraception a couple of weeks after birth - I think it's just standard procedure. It may not feel like it now, but it will get better - lots of rest, baths and comfy cotton underwear helps.

SoupDragon · 30/10/2006 19:33

You've just had a pair of salad servers shoved up your fanjo and a baby pulled out of it and they think you should be thinking about sex???

It's difficult to say when you should be feeling "normal" again. TBH, you just think one day "Oh, I've not thought about my delicate nether regions for a while, they must be healed!"

Tinkerboo · 30/10/2006 19:37

I remember the HV giving me info on contraception and thinkning 'are you mad, do you ever think I'm having sex again??' I eventually did, but it was 3/4 months later. Apart from a fanjo swollen like a babboons bottom and piles (which were the worst pain ever!) there was so much else to take priority over sex, and sleep deprivation is not an aphrodisiac(?)

Tinkerboo · 30/10/2006 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tinkerboo · 30/10/2006 19:37

Greensleeves · 30/10/2006 19:38

You'll know when you're ready - when it doesn't hurt any more, and you don't feel scared any more, and you want to think about sex again.

ed that women are still receiving this sort of lunatic advice from "professionals". It's a fucking scandal. Pardon my French but it makes me so .

Oh, and congratulations, and well done for getting through such a difficult delivery!

Sophiev73 · 30/10/2006 19:39

Shudder at the thought of sex after 3 weeks... I had a forceps etc for my ds1 and I think the earliest we even thought about it was a couple of months. You will be feeling dodgy for as long as it takes really - no hard and fast rules - I was enthroned on that rubber ring, stinking of lavender and popping arnica for about 6 weeks though I think. It really is awful - my recovery after a c/s second time round was a walk in the park, compared... Take your time and IGNORE!!!

moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:42

I read this and thought "Yes I had a baby around that date and I still feel a bit wary"

Then I realised that I had a baby on that date LAST year

Definitely give yourself a few months

facebovvered · 30/10/2006 19:44

Hey, I had forceps and suction with my dd, and I was badly bruised and stitched. dd was 4 weeks and I was totally drunk (3 glasses of wine ) when we finally managed sex. It was bloody sore, I was uptight and unable to relax, I won't lie to you, sex was sore from then right up until I had my ds 3 yrs later, this time I was stitched differently and now sex is fantastic!!!! A cup of milk and a haldful of salt in every bath worked wonders for me, and arnica was pure bliss for the bruising! Good Luck, tell your HV and MW to piss off... how would they know when you feel ready!

mamijacacalys · 30/10/2006 20:07

Once again find myself agreeing totally with lulumama. Also Greenleeves.

Had epi/forceps with DS 4 yrs ago and 3rd degree tear with DD in July which was stitched in theatre. Was sore but as I have posted elsewhere on mnet, I would far prefer to be stitched properly and able to use the loo OK a few months down the line rather than semi-incontinent like some of my friends who had minor tears who weren't touched (and they are still weeing themselves years on). So bear in mind that there is short-term pain for long-term gain etc

Just keep drinking loads, bathing etc, and it will all improve. 4 months on from delivering DD I can say that everything is back to normal with DH in the intimacy dept!!

elibumbum · 30/10/2006 21:28

When the Dr asked at the 6 week check up what contraception I was thinking about all I could do was laugh and point at DS! Don't feel pressured to rush it.

VoodooBanana · 30/10/2006 21:32

we tried to have sex at 8wks. bad mistake. agonising.

we tried again at 4mths and couldnt do it properly

I had 3rd degree tear and ended up being stitched twice, so do not be worried about sex yet!!!!!!! My bits still hurt!

kittythescarygoblin · 30/10/2006 22:11

OMG milly, I can't believe that has been suggested to you, how awful and how stupid. I didn't want any of that until about 6 months after all of mine and even then I was anxious that it would hurt. You set your own pace and agenda

MoosMa · 30/10/2006 22:29

Haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to add my little bit. I had ventouse and sooooooooo many stitches with DD1, I think we just about managed sex after 10 weeks, but it wasn't enjoyable straight away. I found I was scared it would hurt which made me tense which made it hurt.

When you do do the deed, make sure you're relaxed and warm and dh isn't in a hurry and have plenty of KY handy!!

Original poster

millysimmons · 31/10/2006 12:07

Thanks girls, feel better now & not such prude! HV mentioned it again today at clinic! Asking what contraception I was using- liked the word using!! By this stage couldnt be bothered to even reply as she'd called my son a porker cause hes gaining weight well- cheeky cow.
We'll take our time & are not going to be rushed into anything.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 31/10/2006 12:09

Milly, next time you go, take a large pair of salad servers and suggest your HV shoves them up her fanjo and pulls out a baby and see how "up for it" she feels. Sheesh.

ginmummy · 31/10/2006 12:18

millysimmons - some health visitors are worth their weight in gold and others are just plain crap. I think yours is the latter.

Sex after childbirth is a matter of choice and no one, especially a health visitor, should be telling you that you should be at it 3 weeks after a forceps delivery. Broach the subject yes, normally done with a cursory mention of contraception, but she should leave it at that.

As for your ds being called a porker, well, I can understand a jocular comment at how well he's doing and how he's putting weight on nicely but to call a baby a 'porker' is a tad unprofessional unless you know the person very, very well.

Are you sure your health visitor isn't the one from Eastenders - the one who thinks Billy and Honey's baby should be locked up in a zoo??

dizietsma · 31/10/2006 13:01

Good God! I had a small unstitched 2nd degree vaginal tear and I waited until 4 months. I thought I was being quick, too! Took almost a year to feel normal again. You HV and midwife are joking, surely?

Myrtle1 · 31/10/2006 14:56

I had a 2nd degree labia tear and 3rd degree tear. The 2nd degree one was soo sore and painful for about 3 weeks post birth. I did find that taking arnica tablets seemed to work wonders though and not sitting down for too long.

shhhh · 01/11/2006 15:27

SEX..!!! Tbh sex was the last thing on my mind weeks after the delivery of dd...(Sorry if tmi) It took me almost a week (due to stitches) to have a poo after the birth... I honestly felt like my innerds would fall out .!! HONESTLY.!!!! I remember calling my mw at around 9pm telling her I so wanted to go but was scared.Think dh even cheered when I finally went. LOL..!!

Like others have said, relax and it will all happen in good time.

shhhh · 01/11/2006 15:31

btw I know exactly how you feel about comments made about your dc..DD was 9lb 4oz at birth and loads commented on "what a big girl she was". . I thought ffs she's only a newborn and already is being given a complex.People are like it now and tbh I DON'T think she is big. Average on the chart, in 12-18 months clothes and only 17 months..Suppse some people can't help making comments but I know exactly how you feel.

Ignore them..I DO..!!

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